Autistic neighbor

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Tangent about the special bus:

We were entitled to the special bus, but opted out---not because we don't feel "entitled." Our reason was that we would not necessarily trust the aide on the bus to look after my son properly, and prevent bullying based on the school district's general lack of protections, as well as social stigma that we were hoping to avoid. I hope my neighbors did not silently give me kudos for this because if I thought it was the right thing for my son, I would have availed myself of that or any other service I was "entitled" to, if I thought it would be helpful.

Most of us have to fight to get the things our kid are "entitled" to, (and need) so if this was an attempt to persuade people that the parents expect too much, it was a pretty bad example. They were obviously not doing it to save gas, or a trip to the school, so they probably had a good reason that is not the neighbors' concern.

I, too, wonder whether this is some kind of troll post, or exaggeration, or validation-seeking.

My advice (if you weren't already moving) would be to build a privacy fence around your backyard, and keep your front door and front-facing windows shut and locked. Let the parents know you'll be calling the police every time the kid shows up at your house, and that you will not be going outside to engage with him.
Finally, (and I realize this idea may be controversial) I would use an air horn to drive him away. Most autistic people hate loud noises, so I can't imagine him wanting to come back if you do that.
Look, I'm a very-probably autistic adult with an autistic child, and there is no way I'd put up with a naked kid busting into my house for one minute. No one should have to endure that.

I would start taking pictures of all the damage he does and taking videos to show the police and CPS. I would also get a lawyer and see if you can sue for slander.

Take this advice as a grain of salt here, you can put them online for everyone to see to draw media attention so everyone will see how serious this is. You might be called a narcissist and all and people might say you are causing the kid to behave this way because of idiots refusing to believe how bad a kid can be and what severe damage they can cause despite their young age. You can even write to Dr. Phil to get on the show to defend yourselves so the whole world can see it and maybe the family will end up on the show too. Maybe the family will get "free" help offered by Dr. Phil and his foundation. So the positive spin would be you got this family help and their son.

You want her to put someone else's naked, disabled child on the internet?
I don't think the OP wants to spend the next 20 years in prison.

If you can't see his penis and he is doing other things to their yard and house than running naked.

This site needs some blessing.

We can't post photos of an underage child. And we have taken photos of the damage and written to them about it. The dad is an officer. Three investigations before something got some about it. There were times when while on duty he would park for fifteen to twenty min out front of our home. My kids were terrified. There is only so much you can do.
We got a lawyer. But unless we had the money to continue with a law suit it is futile. At 350 dollars an hr we can't afford it.
Dr Phil. I wrote to them. They felt the autism world would defend them no matter what. And they would never agree to go on the show
We once asked for a mediation and they said only if it was thru a mediator with the police dept. Really? With people the dad works with? Nope. But an independent mediator whom neither party knew was a blatant no from them.
Let me ask you this? If you couldn't obviously cope with your situation and it was impacting another family what steps would you consider? My thing is that no matter how bad your situation you have no right to impact another's life. It's not like it was just simply his noise. We couldn't even legally sell unless we disclosed it to potential buyers. Really, let's be honest nobody is moving in to that. Now that we can sell and not disclose it we r trying.

1000 visits in 8 years is truly excessive, and I don't blame you for posting about it.
You are correct that you shouldn't be expected to put up with this significant disruption and damage.
The situation is made more difficult by the fact that the father of this boy is a police officer.
I guess the only thing now is to move on, and it is good that you are moving away.
Hopefully you can cut ties with this whole neighborhood, and your children can feel safe in a new neighborhood.
I don't know why the other posters here are quite unsympathetic towards you and think you are a troll.
I can understand your perspective, as I think it would be as bad or worse for me to be frequently disrupted by this boy for so long.

Do you have any idea why he is fixated on your house? Even though it has been three years, it is unlikely that his interest would have disappeared. Honestly, I think the fog horn is a good idea. He'll hate that.

Androbot01
We think its because I was so nice to him when we moved here. I went out of my way for them. He goes nowhere else. Although he did go to the woods before we moved in. Police dogs were looking for him many times. And he made it to the lake once. He can't swim. that could have been such a disaster.

Ok, is that the real question. You want to know how inconsiderate your neighbors are in comparison to other parents of autistic children?

That does not seem like a useful query. We aren't your neighbors, and our challenges may or may not be less than theirs. We don't know their full situation and honestly, you don't either. You know how it impacts you (which you have every right to care about---when it involves an unwanted person on your property) and whatever probably incomplete answers you have gotten to off-topic queries like about the school bus.

I am really uncomfortable judging the parents, especially when I don't know their full deal. I don't know how much help they have access to. You can judge them all you want. You can move. They have the same situation, regardless.

Again, I am not saying I would want other people's kids on my property uninvited. Believe me, I would not. You have solved that problem, albeit with what sounds like a lot of difficulty. You are moving. So what are you actually seeking at this point?

If you are trying to restore your reputation in the neighborhood, honestly the best advice is probably not to talk about this other family at all. (Not that navigating social issues is a strength of mine) It sounds like the neighbors have already sided with the other family, when presented with it as an either/or choice. Trying to convince them otherwise is going to be like telling a Cowboys fan he ought to like the Giants. If you think it is important to make a go of it b/c you don't think you can move quickly enough, then I would just try to avoid the topic. If you come off like a nice person that is your best chance and does your advocacy for you. If they shun you, then just concentrate on the sale of your home. Anything else is just going to dig you in deeper, I think.

Edited for literacy.

Last edited by ASDMommyASDKid on 14 Jul 2015, 2:05 pm, edited 2 times in total.

The woods are behind your house? I can see this being a massive draw for him. How old is he now? He will probably be just as interested as a teenager. Hopefully he now understands that you can't break into people's houses.

He is currently 18. And we once thought it was our big screen TV that was the draw so they suggested we give it to them. Umm no. Buy one. We got rid of it in the end, but it didn't decrease the visits at all.

This thread is depressing because everyone thinks this is okay and have sided with them and the father is an officer and nothing is being done. It makes me so angry and I think this gives autism a bad name that we are all psychos and out to torment people and can get away with it and people will blame the victim because we're autistic so the victims are the bad guys. I think it's a form of abliesm so accept any bad behavior in someone because of a disability and treat the victims as the bad guys. One of the things that is so messed up in our society.

So he would have been 15 when the visits stopped then. I suspect it was made clear to him that his behaviour could have consequences. The police may not have done anything, but I'm sure the Dad was embarrassed.

A few quick questions to Youaretheissue:

1) Have you filled out the disclosure form on the sale of your house yet?

2) How old is the kid today?

3) How long has it been since the last time he trespassed?

4) Do you have access to pepper spray or any other non-lethal self-defense system?

5) Do you have access to a vuvuzela or portable air horn?

6) Which state do you live in?