Page 2 of 2 [ 27 posts ]  Go to page Previous  1, 2

Adamantium
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 6 Feb 2013
Age: 1025
Gender: Female
Posts: 5,863
Location: Erehwon

09 Sep 2015, 9:31 am

nickthecoder wrote:
Because of the court case I cant speak to anyone else about this so this forum is really my only outlet for my feelings right now.


If there is a legal bar to your talking with others about this, is there any chance that Reece's mother knows about this place and could use this against you?



nickthecoder
Butterfly
Butterfly

Joined: 2 Sep 2015
Age: 45
Posts: 15
Location: Leicester, UK

09 Sep 2015, 9:39 am

There is not a bar on me talking about it and I have not used anything that could identify me or the other parties involved and I am sure that she would not visit a website like this and also I have not said anything that could be perceived threatening. But I guess you are correct the internet is an open forum so I should probably not talk about it here anymore



ASDMommyASDKid
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 27 Oct 2011
Gender: Female
Posts: 3,666

09 Sep 2015, 9:51 am

nickthecoder wrote:
My Son was born before we broke up the last time I saw him was when he had just turned 2 years old, when I was there he was happy, responsive and talking with seemingly good social skills. I have heard that the first signs of autism set in when they are around that age I know one person who's child stopped talking overnight. I am sorry for not being completely clear or asking a question that probably cant be answered I am so cut up with guilt and probably not thinking right. Clearly I will love him and care for him no matter what his condition it does not even come into the love I have for him at all, its just I went through hell in my younger years and the thought of him going through that actually makes me want to throw up. Because of the court case I cant speak to anyone else about this so this forum is really my only outlet for my feelings right now.


I am confused. Do you know for a fact that your child is autistic or are you assuming he must be showing signs by now due to you being the father and his age?

You can be autistic and have an NT child, just like NTs can have autistic ones. In addition, not all autism shows up at 2. In some kids, you can see signs much earlier. (Mine was "unusual" right away.) Some do not show signs until the demands of school and social rules become harder. Some don't figure it out until they become adults. I would make zero assumptions based on pure guesswork that is based on your own autism/functionality.

I would focus on contacting experts/lawyers who can help you---focusing on your own health, so you aome off as the capable person you are, and perhaps arranging for supervised visitation if that is an option while the rest is sorted out. It seems odd to me that your ex can withhold any and all contact, but that is a thing to discuss with your solicitor and other experts.



nickthecoder
Butterfly
Butterfly

Joined: 2 Sep 2015
Age: 45
Posts: 15
Location: Leicester, UK

09 Sep 2015, 10:05 am

I was told by social services that he was autistic, but they did not supply any details apart from that.



ASDMommyASDKid
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 27 Oct 2011
Gender: Female
Posts: 3,666

09 Sep 2015, 1:10 pm

I see. OK that is clearer. Sorry, sometimes my reading comprehension fails me.

I don't know the laws in Britain, but I don't understand why they can not only refuse supervised visitation and also withhold information. Even if your were deemed as incompetent to take care of your son unsupervised, I would think you would be entitled to information about your son, at the very least.

Does your solicitor tell you if he can help you on getting better information and maybe supervised visitation while you wait for the process to unfold?



maglevsky
Sea Gull
Sea Gull

User avatar

Joined: 23 Nov 2014
Age: 52
Gender: Male
Posts: 216

09 Sep 2015, 1:49 pm

Quote:
There is not a bar on me talking about it and I have not used anything that could identify me or the other parties involved and I am sure that she would not visit a website like this and also I have not said anything that could be perceived threatening. But I guess you are correct the internet is an open forum so I should probably not talk about it here anymore

On the contrary. If I knew you IRL I would recommend you check out WP for info and support. I just really hope that Nick is not your real name and that none of the other names you've mentioned are their real names!


_________________
Father of 2 children diagnosed with ASD, and 2 more who have not been evaluated.


DW_a_mom
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 22 Feb 2008
Gender: Female
Posts: 13,689
Location: Northern California

09 Sep 2015, 2:39 pm

nickthecoder wrote:
I was told by social services that he was autistic, but they did not supply any details apart from that.


I think you should use this to your advantage: autistic parents are often much better at connecting with their autistic children than NT parents. I don't know if you can find professional articles on that, but there are anecdotal stories here.


_________________
Mom to an amazing young adult AS son, plus an also amazing non-AS daughter. Most likely part of the "Broader Autism Phenotype" (some traits).


momsparky
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 26 Jul 2010
Gender: Female
Posts: 3,772

09 Sep 2015, 2:50 pm

As for "functioning levels," that can be a pretty plastic thing - Steve' Silberman's new book goes into it.

What I have seen in many autistic children in all kinds of places, is that there is usually some kind of forward development. There are rare instances of regression, but those are generally followed by gradual development (and there is question about what defines regression anyway)

The end point is anybody's guess.



maglevsky
Sea Gull
Sea Gull

User avatar

Joined: 23 Nov 2014
Age: 52
Gender: Male
Posts: 216

10 Sep 2015, 3:41 am

Quote:
I think you should use this to your advantage: autistic parents are often much better at connecting with their autistic children than NT parents. I don't know if you can find professional articles on that, but there are anecdotal stories here.

I agree, but be careful so it doesn't backfire. Non-autistic professionals may see it as an attack on their ego / authority etc. Also, those with a "curebie" mindset might argue that your son should be exposed only to people who, by being NT, will "pull him away" from autism so to speak.


_________________
Father of 2 children diagnosed with ASD, and 2 more who have not been evaluated.


nickthecoder
Butterfly
Butterfly

Joined: 2 Sep 2015
Age: 45
Posts: 15
Location: Leicester, UK

10 Sep 2015, 7:55 am

I have spoke to my solicitor and they are going to try and get me more information about his condition, I am sure I will have access eventually but I have to wait until they have completed their procedure and as they are underfunded its not as quick as I would like. What is really bothering me is not knowing my sons condition and also having to wait for an unknown period both to find out and get access. As a lot of people on here will know not having a time scale or a plan can really be hard to deal with. I am starting to come to the conclusion is that maybe they have not dismissed my ability but they do have to investigate everything for the welfare of the child just like they would do with any other case where accusations have been made. It is stupid of me to assume that they should know I would not do anything to hurt him because they do not know me and other people out there do hurt children. Oh and yes the names mentioning including my username and profile details are aliases I never put my real name anywhere on-line except for my banking.

I do thank you all for your words of support and advice but I am starting to see things in a more positive light, I think the shock of the whole thing put me off balance for a day or two. Please if any of you guys ever need support or help you can rely on me as an on-line friend :) this is becoming a place I feel at home at with lots of nice people that actually care.



momsparky
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 26 Jul 2010
Gender: Female
Posts: 3,772

10 Sep 2015, 10:00 pm

So glad to read things are looking more positive! I hope all continues to go well, keep us updated!