Over protective parents of people with aspergers

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Sometimes overprotective parents are anxious about outcomes that might befall their offspring, such as acting inappropriately and getting shot by the police. Although the adult offspring may resent this, at least the parent is well-intended.

But I have to say, sometimes an overprotective parent, especially a mother, may be exploiting their child because mom is afraid of being alone in her old age, or needs a helper with various chores, etc. This is an abusive situation and can never be healthy for the child. This is sometimes seen with AS cases, but it exists even when there is no disability or neurodiverse considerations at all.

There was an article recently on CNN about overprotective parents in general, not just some overprotective parents of autistic kids. There was focus on parents not letting their kids make mistakes and fail. I think failing is one of the best ways to learn things.

There are always articles about overprotective parents, particularly in American media. Independence is a cultural value here and we support our cultural values with stories, even if they aren't really representative.

Remember all those "afterschool specials" about the overprotective Moms in the 1970s where the kid couldn't even play baseball/walk down the street/go to school because the mother was afraid?

I don't deny that controlling parents are a real and bad thing - mine were. (I don't like the word "overprotective" because the line between appropriately protecting a child and making a mistake and going too far is thin, and any given choice on any given day could be either.) I think, however, that abusive parents look very different from parents doing their best and making mistakes, and we shouldn't confuse the two.

Much of the rhetoric about "overprotective" parents in the media centers around kids going to college, and doesn't account for the fact that more children are going to college than ever before (including more kids with "invisible" disabilities) and that college is significantly more expensive than before. Parents are understandably frustrated with allowing a child to "fail" when they have mortgaged their house in order for that child to get an education.

Where did you go?

My dad's place. They recently split up at the time.

I'm fortunate in that my parents weren't overprotective as they allowed me to do things on my own, and make mistakes so I could learn from them. I had a couple of friends who had helicopter parents, and in both cases, they've never been able to adjust to adult life because they weren't allowed to do anything to become independent. One of them is also on the autism spectrum, and his mom even has gone as far as to select his roommates, and has a binder for every year of school, including what little college he was allowed to take. When I last saw that friend, it was obvious he was on some psychiatric drug because he had that look of someone who was over medicated.

I understand from what i read here that feeling overprotected bothers some people

I wish I had had a little more protection so I could trust people or the world a bit more.

As adults we are responsible for ourselves and it's a waste for me to stay stuck being angry about what was, rather than doing my best to compensate. I have to think the same is true for people who feel they were overprotected. Focusing on how things were harmful seems to me a way of abdicating personal responsibility. It may be valid and it may be fair. But I think it just continues the problem. If you've not been allowed independence, or allowed too much, eventually you decide how to exercise it as best you can.

Therefore this thread does not make fundamental sense to me. I can see whew people are coming from. But if one wants not to be kept dependent, surely railing against the wrongs done by others is not a path toward changing this?

Some people are glad they were not overprotected.

For others, It is valid to vent about being too overprotected or not protected enough.

You may not be using that argument if the thread was complaining about not being protected, waterfalls.

I would say same thing in both threads, that I am glad I was not overprotected.

Sometimes my tendency to overprotect comes from my own anxiety and desire to control the environment ( although not diagnosed I have many features in common and am unlikey to be NT) I do realize it is potentially damaging and contain it but at the expense of great personal angst I think however it is very important not to stifle

I'm not sure what you are saying here.

I usually prefer to call the type of thing people seem to be talking about by other terms like overly restrictive. To me the term overprotective seems like it's sugarcoating something that isn't protection at all. If someone is invalidating or restricting I would call it that and at those times when someone (not my parents) has done what I think other people would call being overprotective I tend to think of what they've done as ignoring or patronizing.

My mum has always encouraged me to be independent, and has always pushed me when I needed it to step out in the world and do things on my own. I am grateful she didn't try to shelter me and baby me because of my issues, instead she worked hard to make me independent and confident and for that I am so grateful.
Now I'm at university with a scholarship and have a career I'm working towards and am confident and independent, and I'm planning on starting my own business!
Remember parents nurture does just as much as nature, treat your child like a baby they will grow into a baby.
My mum rocks! seriously, don't limit your children, help them grow and thrive

I'd guess generally parents are worried or concerned about how their aspie child would do in the world.
Since theirs cut backs on help and support out their too, theirs no support network for us and plus we have more of a struggle just like those with other learning difficulties compared to the NT. NT are struggling in this world as it is, it's harder for someone like us.

Mind you saying that, with a bit of help and support, many of us can lead relatively normal lives.
For others, whom are more severe not so much, so their needs are much greater then ours for help.

Either way, parents want the best for us but it can make us feel somewhat smothered.

It's finding the balance of having help from our parents and also being encouraged and helped into making our own way in society.

There's little question overprotective parenting harms the children; however, parents have every right to do it anyway, and it doesn't make much sense to try to stop them. Their house, their money, their pains, their struggles, their genes, their rules; certainly not the government's. Humans are free animals living in the wild under the law of the jungle, subject to natural selection---we're not cattle for a farmer to breed according to their taste, so noöne has any business telling us which opportunities to give our children or which ones to deny them so only the strong have a chance.

I am not sure what you are saying, Spiderpig.

I don't think anyone is saying to pass laws against being over-protective. I don't think you could do it effectively, as it is very subjective as to what is necessary in terms of rules and supervision and what is over-protective for any given child.

It is a judgement call, and you can do damage by under-protecting, and under-supervising your child also. The world is not a kind place, especially for kids on the spectrum. There are laws against neglect, but I think when it comes to kids with atypical abilities, again, it is a tougher thing to ascertain, and again, I don't think anyone is advocating criminalizing bad guesses.

Most of us do the best we can. I am not saying parents never pull the "might makes right" bit. but I think most of us try to do what is best for our individual kids based on what we think is best for their needs and abilities.

Obviously your perspective is different, I am presuming due to your own experiences and observations, but I also think you are projecting b/c of them. Most of the parents who are on this board, are trying to learn and do what is best for the child. This is not a martyrdom or power trip parenting kind of board.

If the world isn't kind to kids on the spectrum, maybe it's because, ceteris paribus, we spectrumites aren't welcome to it. Like someone said about the challenges faced by ethnic minorities, if you are to succeed, you have to be twice as good to achieve the same result. So be twice as strong and then you can live as an autistic.

I feel spoiling a child and overprotecting a child are VERY closely related----and, I agree with those, here, who feel that a parent is doing their kid NO favors, being overprotective. I feel it hinders their growth, maturity, independence, knowledge----it's just a HORRIBLE thing to do to a kid. Don't get me wrong, I feel I understand why parents do it (to ease their OWN fears / anxiety / whatever); but, they should think more about the KID!