I need help with school

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Thank you everyone! It was a relief to hear from other parents and not be so alone as the school left me feeling.

Going in as calm as I can manage and saying complimentary things, listening nicely and asking for a meeting about her IEP: I am going to really try to focus and remember all these things!

I can't really see right now from crying.

I'm not sure I think they were screwing with me. I think they had a big meeting with everyone but the CSE chair to push outside counseling which my child will never generalize to use at school. And then toward the end said they could have just said nothing but they saw her struggling and wanted to help with an implicit threat not to communicate with me anymore since I am difficult, resistant to their advice and suggested the CSE could look at doing more.

I am heartbroken.

And I can't believe the threat at the end of not telling me things

How do they do this to people? Can they just stop telling me there's a problem? Two of the teachers I think maybe were embarrassed? I did not understand at the time I think now the meeting was to bully me? I was supposed to go along not cry and say I feel she gets upset as a direct result of issues about her learning disability? I am so mixed up by this behavior and so sad right now.

They do not want to ask for anything more from CSE. They did not refuse I could have insisted but I feel there is no point, CSE will not do anything the teachers say is not needed. And that's their position. They say nothing is needed get her outside counseling. Her grades are reportedly good. They are just informing me she shuts down because they care and I can get her the help they think she needs or do nothing. It's up to me.

What do I do??

I am in the US and the sped teacher did come but no other special Ed people. I think I am too tired to fight I can look for an advocate I am not up to being played with anymore. I trusted them to behave, not just care about her but follow the rules.

I have no energy anymore to do this. I know they will be upset if I being an advocate and angry and say they thought we had a good relationship and can anyone here tell me: how is it that these people ignore me and then they will be shocked and disappointed angry and hurt if I ask for help outside. That's not a lie, is it? I mean, I get that many times, they lie to me. But when they see me cry, as they say no, and then I ask for help and then they say how surprised they are......does it seem like that could be truthful? I feel very confused by all their manipulations.

Thank you Hismom. I think you are right, I will look for an advocate for her to help me with this, it is too hard to word things and know afterwards they were not communicating as they said, anything beyond "we want, do it".

I made a mistake listening as if they were. I wish people meant what they said. I know they mean well. I wish that I could trust what they would do.

I wish you everything well, Waterfalls. You've been very kind to me and to others, you really deserve some support.

Advocate or no advocate, I think you should not go alone to these meetings. It seems from your posts that you are simply outnumbered. When these people are professionals in their field, with their lingo and culture, this gets even worse.

Any supportive and calm person would be helpful in these circumstances. You can be totally upfront about this, you can tell them that you get really scared and confused at these meetings, and that you really need some emotional support.

It's in the nature of the teaching profession to be pulled in all directions by one's employer, various parents, different children's different needs and the need to have a private life separate from one's job. I wouldn't regard them as opponents, just very conflicted people. If you can make their job easier in some way, they may reward you with a bit more cooperation. That said, there will always be some boy who makes a big mess and gets all the resources. I think HisMom is right that you will have to make this a long campaign.

Waterfalls, I also think an advocate is going to be what you need right now. I think they are doing there best to confuse you or at least not explain things well, which is why you are having so much trouble explaining it to us and explaining it to us. It is not a matter of NT/Spectrum stuff either so much as they have their own language/jargon and based on personal experience talk in Double Speak. The last IEP meeting I had and I swear I was in Bizzarro World -- where words meant entirely different things.

Underwater: It is not necessarily that someone else is gobbling up the resources, either. They make everyone feel like -you- are the one taking, taking, taking from everyone else, even when you get very little. We have a boy that was making a mess of things, and I am assuming people assumed we got a ton of services. We didn't---and they were constantly trying to drop amounts of our paltry amount of services to even lower levels, even as our son was having increasing amounts of difficulties.

Could there have been some other child gobbling all the resources up? I doubt it--- I think they pulled this nonsense with everyone. I know for a fact they used some of the SPED budget for things that were available for all the students ---as they told me that is how they got their smart boards ---and they used it for inclusion aides that teachers used in multiple ways--not just for the SPED kids. If anything, where I live, they were raiding SPED's budget for general expenses.

Just wanted to wish you luck with all of this and "hugs"! ! It's hard to go through. I had such a hard time with my daughter's school.

She is 19 now and graduated last year, but the memories of the struggle for services are still fresh!
Probably like your daughter, she was never disruptive and a smart, sweet, quiet girl...but she still struggled mightily in certain areas!

I would really, really, recommend an advocate as others have. I found one through our local Learning Disability Assoc. and she was well worth the price! I feel like I'm fairly well educated, but the IEP process, meetings, etc...really were over my head as far as knowing the right questions to ask and pressing them on the right issues. The advocate was awesome with all that stuff as that was her job! I felt we were really supported.
So don't feel bad, you're not the only one that this is difficult for!! Best of luck!