I believe my 6 yr old autistic son was wrongfully suspended

Post Reply New Topic

I have to concur with the main sentiment here.

I think it is really unfortunate that your friend advised you to take such action before there was ever an issue. Yes, if your kid is getting sent home repeatedly, you have an issue to deal with and you will want documentation. But I agree that this time it sounds like the school was trying to cut you and your kid some slack and you threw it back in their face. I hope that as you read the responses here that you can imagine how this made them feel. I know me, personally, if I am trying to do someone a favor by bending the rules and then they act as if I am trying to get over or get away with something, it does not leave me with warm fuzzy feelings.

There are a lot of parents out there who have had horrible experiences with schools and school personnel. The horror stories will make you want to arrive to your kid's school with a lawyer every day. We, as parents, want nothing more than to protect our kids and I think those of us with kids on the spectrum are even more vigilant. This leaves us ripe for misinterpretation and potentially exaggerated sensitivity. The horror stories (which are truly horrible, I am not minimizing them) ingrain this even further, and sometimes I think we set ourselves up for a self-fulfilling prophesy of a negative relationship with our kids' schools.

I have two kids on the spectrum. I have always approached their schools and their teachers with the assumption that they wanted to help my kids. Even when people advised me to be on guard because the school would be out to do them wrong.

But I have always given the benefit of the doubt. I have acknowledged that my kid is not the only kid in their class. I have written behavior plans, sent them to school with "owners manuals," and did everything I could do to help the school and teachers be effective. There are many "tricks" I have learned over the years of parenting them that I readily share with their teachers. I don't think they should have to figure it out on their own. And sometimes they see things in my kids at school that I don't see. And they give me tips, too. I do think I am in a better-than-average school district, and my kids are treated very well and their teachers are genuinely invested in their success. Even so, I would like to think that the fact that they--the teachers--are treated with respect has helped. We are partners.

If I were in your shoes, I would call the principal and say "It has occurred to me that I may have pushed your hand with that suspension. I am sorry. I am new to this and only want what is best for my son, and was only going on something someone else had told me. Can we start over? I'd love to come in and meet with you and his teacher to smooth things over and get back on the right foot."
'
Then do the coffee and donut thing. It looks like you are the one who set the ball in motion that damaged this relationship, so instead of sitting back and saying it is irrevocably damaged, I think the better strategy is to take ownership and work to fix it. Good luck.