Something I've noticed about this forum

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EarthCalling, the "Inquisition" was kind of a hyperbole. When you were in the midst of all that arguing with the school, it seemed that no one would bend. We always fear we'll have to get "legal" with the schools. Sorry, what they say if you have to explain jokes, they're not that funny in the first place.

I was telling my husband that I feared starting a row on this forum. It's very predictable that people will want to be on one side of an argument rather than addressing the points brought up. It's natural. I brought up my complaints because I've been reading various posts elsewhere that say the same thing. Some Aspies get very upset when they read our threads and take it as a collective offense. I'm in both camps so I get insulted when I read about "bad Aspie" and "rotten parents". I noticed some are trying to start an Aspie Parents forum and that hurts me. There are a lot of Aspie parents here already and I'd hate to see us further split up.

I think it's okay to question your parenting, if it means you're going to move forward and not dwell on the "shouldawouldcoulda". It doesn't take much to work up into a cry over the past. (especially if you've had too much coffee and everyone else is asleep) But it doesn't help much in the scheme of things. I question everything and whenever I feel defensive over something somebody says, I have to stop and look inward and say, "is this anger or guilt?"

No way EarthCalling. I find your advice extremely helpful!

And I also find people asking for advice then disappearing irritating.

They don't always dissappear, just float under the radar PMing those they feel can help them.

i find the disappearing act very disconcerting......i mostly find it worrisome because so many folks come here complaining about their children...we give advice, and then hear nothing more.

I think some posters leave after reading the responses to their questions because some of the reply's are harshly accusatory and attack them personally (or seem to). Parents come here in desperation, looking for help and validation and when they get further blame, they run in the other direction. If they can't be understood here, of all places, where can they? There's enough of that in their life already. I know I've cringed reading some of the responses. I've also been accused of the same but tried to go back to correct any misunderstandings. Just the nature of the forums, unfortunately.

Maybe we should all ask ourselves before submitting a post:
Is this helpful?
Do I have any real personal experience with this issue?
Is this supportive?
Is this respectful?

The other problem is that AS issues are complex and affect everyone differently. Your aspie is not my aspie. I try to post to issues I've personally dealt with and make suggestions based on what worked for me. I don't respond at all to questions that I have no experience with.

Now I just have to follow my own advice.

Excellent sugestions and observations, Goku. Not that I'm ever guilty of any of these infractions Seriously, sound advice, I will try to follow it except when I' really irritated or feeling especially "Senior".

We'll give you the AARP discount - no worries!

I think that sometimes parents ask advice and disappear for a few reasons. One is sometimes they don't want to accept the answers that they have been given, especially if they are new to the whole AS world. They don't want to face it. I think another reason is that sometimes when faced with the truth, they become very overwhelmed and unfortunately retreat. I can tell you I had some of these feelings but felt that my kids were worth getting past them and staying here to learn was the way to help them.

Sometimes parents just plain have other things in their lives that interrupt their ability to get back onto WrongPlanet and check on answers to their questions. It may be as simple as that. There are times when I can check WrongPlanet five times a day, and then five or six days will go by, and I've been dealing with the school, and birthdays, and church, and work, and making sure my kids have friends to come over, and just life in general. By the time I get back onto WrongPlanet, I've either forgotten that I asked a question, or I'm having a senior moment and can't even FIND the thread where I asked a question!

Kris

I am very on board with Kris. I am very knew to AS and this website. Sometimes I need to just vent, and I may not use logical explanations of my sons behaviour, because I am caught up in the emotion of what has just happened.

I have had an epiphany moment recently (most of you are probably way ahead of me on this one): Education is the key. I have to educate my son about social skills, why he is "different," how to explain his feelings, etc. I have to educate my family that my son does not do certain things b/c he is a "bad child." I have to educate myself about everything-how to respect my son's differences, how to educate the educators, family, friends ,etc.

And I came here in hopes of getting some education and support.

I can read and read the various books out there, but relating it to real life is easier for me.

Yes, I ask questions, I get advice, I am SO grateful for the advice I get, and I probably offend people by the way I phrase things, or b/c I don't give enough updates. But I am also reading old threads, so I don't post a lot. I am tryng not to ask questions that have already been asked. I am here almost everyday, but I am so new to this. I feel like the advice giving is better coming from those who have been around longer.

So today I have been educated. I need to think before I post and you all DO care about the outcomes.

I'll try to slow down come my employment

Don't slow down, Kilroy, out of 2,000 questions there's bound to be a few I would have asked, you are saving me time. I type real slow. Besides, employment is overated.

yeah but it gives me money and a sence of worth in the world

Kilroy, you have a mind that is worth getting Aquainted with.

You could get a job as a professional chat room person because:

1. You give great advice.
2. You are very funny
3. I've found you very supportive of my family in our various posts

Is there such a job? Let's lateral think here. I don't know enough about computes to know what possibilities there are.

Kilroy, are you thinking of working in computing? It seems like it's something you love.

Can you work from home? That also sounds like it would suit you (but I could be wrong)

Smelena

Thanks for clarifying that. Some people have become rather hostile with me (I think due mostly to a gross misunderstanding) and I was just not sure what you where saying! I agree about the whole "inquisition" thing, and the fear factor. It is not just the schools that I fear, and I know other parents of "difficult explosive children" fear that I have touched base with. It is the schools, nosy neighbours, CAS, the police, really just about everyone who gives you the "look" or identifies you as a bad parent because your son 10 years old screaming about washing his hair so loud they can hear him out on the street! (Just one of many out of hand meltdowns from past experience!)

I remember a couple years ago, now I don't know if this child has AS or not, but a report went out that a man tried to abduct an older boy near an area school. All of Ontario heard about it and all us parents where shocked and horrified that some creep would be so brazen as to try and abduct a boy 200 meters from a school in broad daylight, with all these other parents and kids around on their way to school too!

Turned out the boy was not being abducted, the man was his father, and he was carrying the boy TOO school, not away from it. You see, the boy could not find his regular sneakers that morning, and was refusing to go to school. One thing lead to another and I suppose the father decided come hell or high-water he was going to school, forced a pair of different shoes on him, and was bringing him to school! The outcome was he was initially charged with abduction! I am not saying I would ever do that to a child so obviously in distress, but I think it just shows how many parents really just at the end of the day, don't know what to do. A lot of supposed "experts" would have sided with him...

I don't have a problem with parents who seem to not know what they are talking about or having unreasonable expectations of their children when they arrive on a forum like this desperate for information. They are looking for answers and often have been sent in 49 different directions and told to parent using 49 different methods by 49 different people often with 49 different labels for their children everything from being "not that bright" or "spoiled brat" to ADHD and AS. They don't know what to do, that is why they are here! I find the ones who don't want to learn or seem to "run away" very disappointing and frustrating. Of course, others you know that it is because they just got busy with something else (I don't like it, but I suppose it is understandable) or there are others, who you know they really have their own problems, (like multiple children with differences) and just don't have the time to fully participate.

I find it frustrating how some people seem to take offence at those who say that people with AS are "disabled" or "have life long difficulties" or "limited potential". They seem to see AS as being "nothing wrong". But then there are others who take offence if you seem to indicate the opposite suggesting that a child with AS can grow to live a normal happy productive life! *sigh*. I suppose you just can't please everyone.

I thought a website filled with people with AS, would be at least one safe refuge for those dealing with AS, or (family members) to hang out and get advice for life’s frustrations!