Today is a down day, can I vent?

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I feel for him, it is great that you are getting so vigilant with getting everything straightened out for him!

I like how the therapist worded things! I was miss DXed BP too! Dispite being on meds for a year, they seemed to do little for my mood swings. I thought people on meds for BP it fhey had it, would indeed respond to treatment and angry outbursts unreasonable anxiety would drastically subside?

Have you made any more ground with the school? Maybe you need to just keep him home 4 / 5 days a week and see if they can send work home and he go in say 1 day a week to touch base?

My son is only 12 and 105 pounds soaking wet, but it is still too big to pick him up and carry him. Miricle of Mircles dispite a rough morning I got him out the door WITH his sister and on time! He was up until 11 last night pacing and doing a 100 "errands" around the house, crap like making sure the dog and cat had topped up food again, 100 drinks, then trips to the bathroom, too hot in his loft bed, to uncomfy on the futon. My husband lost it on him when I spilled the beans he did not go to school in the morning. It did get him to settle down and go to sleep, (he had been initailly told to go to bed a 9:00 so he was rounding up on 2 hours and histarics by the time DH lost it!) Still though, I was not comfortable with the manner in which he addressed it, it seemed to be a lot of old paterning to me. But what do you do? You can't let him stay up until midnight, you can't let him miss school everyday (and he ENJOYS IT once he is there, he never asks me anymore to not go back mid day and complains bitterly about what he missed!). It just seems like nothing short of a train wreck will get him to do what he is told!

I still don't like it, and would rather he was up all night and not going to school in the morning then engaging in his BS like that. I think part of it is we are so patterned that it takes yelling and screaming to get a response out of him, he does not know how to respond to less intimidating measures... It has to stop, and for the most part DH is on side, just after 2 hours of this long drawn out melodrama and it is becoming the norm at night followed with him missing school in the morning, I can understand his frustration, but who is the adult?

*sigh*.

More stuff to ponder, maybe we need family councelling, I think I am going to enroll in some COPE programs at my local hospital for ADHD, and oppositional behavior, they don't have one for burgerass...

I am struggling with the same things. DH is not always great with handling the kids and it makes it harder sometimes when they go off. Usually a meltdown by one of the kids leads to a meltdown by him and then we end up fighting about it and then the whole house is messed up.

Sometimes I feel like all I do is yell, because it is the only way to get their attention. Even just getting my little guy to answer to his name at times takes yelling, not angry yelling just loud and yelling over the guitar to get the other one, all this on top of the yelling that gets done to try and get them ti listen and we have the loudest house around. My neighbors must hate us,lol. It's so strange you talked about family counseling, I was just thinking of seeing if my son's therapist would help us with that too. I hope that once we get to understand this whole thing more things will settle down.

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It is interesting you should mention the name thing. I remember with my son, we used to have to call out to him 4-5 times, even at 7 and 8 years old to get his attention! You would say his name, and then at about 5 second intervals, you would say it again and again, every increasing in volume and pitch, one day listening to my sister call to him in this fasion it hit me! We where calling out to him like he was a dog and not a person! This really alarmed me, and I told my mother and sister that we could not do that anymore, he was a person for crying out loud! If we needed his attention, unless it was a dire emergancy, we needed to physically approach him, not just shout out to him!

I hate how all the fighting turns the whole house upside down. I hate how I know he must go off to school the next day thinking "all dad does is yell at me", I really think the key to this all is breaking the cycle we are in, and I am finding that as I improve, it is taking less to get a reaction out of him. I just need everyone in the house onside with this! We got sucked into a pattern where it took yelling to get things done, that is not normal, and should not be nessisary. It took years to get here, it is going to take more then a change of heart and a few months to get out of it!

It sounds like we are thinking in similar ways. That is what I have been saying, " I am sit and tired of yelling" it is gonna stop. My thought was, how can I get them to try and stop the tantrums if I am just coming across as throwing one too. It is so much harder when everyone is not doing the same thing, it makes me crazy. I do really good most days now, but then there comes along one of those days and I find myself screaming and yelling at them and I feel like such a failure. I usually try and just go in my room, sit on my bed and get myself back in control and then start the whole process over again. I am hoping that the more I can keep doing this the easier it will get.

My DH knows that what I am saying is right, but when he is in a mood forget it. Then he says things like,"you just let them get away with this or that" I try and pick what battles really are that important to disrupt the whole house over, so when my middle guy refuses to sleep anywhere but in the livingroom, alot of times I say "OK, but TV is off". He sees this as spoiling them, I see it as do I really need a battle that will result in him freaking out and waking up the two little ones that I have finally gotten to sleep, not on a school night.

I think you are doing the right thing. You need to keep working on your husband. Letting him sleep in the living room? That seems like a small thing to me, you are right, why would you turn the whole house upside down over that? My daughter slept in our bed until she was 4, most mornings she is still found at our feet, my younger one is in our bed much less. I actually used the living room as a "transition" room for my daughter! She felt closer to us sleeping in a chair! (I think it did not send off the same cue that she was by herself because usually people are in the living room).

Perhaps you need to tell your husband that if he throws a tantrum and wakes up the house, he is on his own for getting everyone back to bed, you are going out for a nightcap!

This morning I have sent my son off to school to fail a math test. I nearly did not send him, but after his normal moaning and groaning, he actually got moving, so knowing he has more to do this morning then just a test, I thought it would be best if he went. He now has in his IEP the right to rewrite tests, so he can make it up, I warned him he is not prepared, just to do the best he can.

Last week his math teacher was not in on Thursday, the last day he has math. He does the grade 5 work for math (his is in grade 6, but it is a split 5/6 class). This is great, because at the beginning of the year they had him doing grade 3! Anyway, she was not in, and his alternate teachers where confused as to what he was supposed tobe doing, so they had him do nothing while the grade 5's did this big math thing! I was so pissed, because apparently his teacher left no notes as to what he was supposed to do, and the grade 6's where working on something other then math, I think french, so they sent him to french.

In addition, he missed so much with the arm and refusal to go in this unit, and was not filled in. ON May 2nd I adressed with his teacher that he "could be doing" the decimal to fraction conversions I saw the other kids doing. She told me he was, and I am like, No... He isn't, so she said she would assign the work, she never did. I know they also worked on improper fractions which he did not do. I know he can do it, but did not get it sorted out thinking we had more time in the unit, working with other stuff with him. Anyway, Monday he comes home with a "I have a test" announcement, no guidelines over what is going to be on it for me! So this throws me into a tailspin (again) I don't have a clue what she expects him to know for the test, and he needs a lot of prep anyway. I need weekends to study with him, weekdays are just too big a mess, especially with my mother in town! So I think I'll touch base with her on Tuesday, but my son refuses to go to school for her class, my hands are tied up, I think Ok then, Wednesday, last minute I find out they have a 1/2 day, again he does not see her. So here we are, Thursday and he is in no way ready for the test!

I wanted to work on him yesterday, But I got into a huge fight with my mother in the morning. (Similar to the stuff we where talking about, how to get our kids to do things, picking battles, apporaches to parenting) I should have kept my mouth shut becuase she takes the whole "you guys are mean to your kids, your husband in particular won't let issues go, he just keeps repeating himself over and over again!) This was really rich for me, because she just about had me jump out of windows when I was younger for this very same thing and I told her such! I said, "well mom, I remember you doing just that when I was younger, it is hard to parent, and in the heat of a moment sometimes things are said that perhaps should not be, we are working on it and on alternatives to get away from this, because you are right, it is not helpful, you used to make me feel very bad when you did this, and I don't want to do it to my children". Well, she comes undone, threatens to storm out of the house, and never come back! I am like "you do what you need to do" so I get an earful about how hateful I am and all this other crap! I had to leave to pick up my daughter so I told her fine, do what you need to do".

I go to get my youngest ready because I have to pick up my daughter at school in 5 minutes, and she tells me I can leave him if I want her to stay. I told her I did not say I wanted her to go, that was her decision, and that it would be very much appreciated if I could leave my youngest and pick up my daughter. She agrees, the thing blows over.

Anyway, I have the kids home all afternoon, I have to get some stuff done in the basement, at 4:00 I come up to work on math with my son, and I hear my mother ask him if he wants to watch a movie. I let her know I need to do work with him, he has a test tommorow and she litterally flips a hand in my face and tells me "let him watch the movie, I promised him all afternoon, do your work later!" So what do I do? Now it is going to turn into a scene if I insist on his working, and he is going to be uncoperative knowing he has his grandmothers support to not do it! By 6:30 the movie is still playing, I can see my son is exhausted, my husband comes home and we need to go out to buy new tires. NOw, I could have stayed home and just worked on math, but looking at my sons tired eyes, I knew it would not do much good anyway, so, we did not get any studying done. I am just so mad I feel like I could spit nails. I am so so so GLAD she is out of my hair for another year as of Thursday next week, this is why we can't live closer then 2000 miles apart!