Suspended from school

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The special ed teacher called today. She suggested we call the principal and although she said she didn't want to be a "go between", she would attend a conference. She basically isn't supportive of Pop's situation, stating that it's the principal's decision.
She is really disorganized. She defends the principal one moment, then later says that Pop would enjoy in school suspension (with his 1st grade teacher) and that it wasn't really a suspension.

There were other things that she said that are lies (agreements between us). Then she brought up Pop going back to his homeschool and being "resourced" (not Special Ed). That, despite that we've gone over the inherent problems with having a resource teacher oversee his IEP.

So, we're going to see if they'll back down on the suspension thing and then go from there.

This is just getting drawn out. We made an appointment for today at 2:30pm. We got an email last night saying the principal wouldn't make the 2:30 meeting but was available at 7:30am. We got the email at midnight and didn't have any time to respond (obviously). The email said that the 2:30 meeting was still on. So, we figured, we'd skip the principal (reluctantly) and keep the afternoon appointment.
I get a call about 20 minutes ago from the secretary that the principal was waiting for us and why didn't we show up at 7:30? I said that we didn't agree to 7:30am and that we didn't make the appointment. Then a few minutes later I get a call from the special ed teacher that the principal needs to be there and why don't we reschedule the meeting? So, we agreed to Monday.
So, again, this issue is being delayed-at the principal's convenience.

The whole problem we have with the school is about communication. When a child is accused or found guilty of something worthy of suspension, detention or worse-wouldn't the school call immediately? I'd expect them to call us in to talk about it right away. instead, they just want to make a decision and do it without any cooperation with the parents.

This is just a symptom of the larger problem of the lack of communication and likely lack of services provided to our son. This is what we're complaining about. I think they're planning on just making it a discipline/legal issue and dismiss our "big picture" concerns.

Well, we had the meeting today. It does look like Pop wrote on the wall. No concrete proof but the story coming from the principal was more sound than what was coming from the special ed teacher. She also described the paperwork difference between and out of school suspension and the alternative that he is dealing with. She was (professionally) nice and seemed genuinely interested in our side of the story.
When the principal wasn't around, the special ed teacher used strong body language to show that she wasn't interested, she wasn't happy and she didn't consider Pop her problem. She denied (again) ever agreeing to writing a regular progress report to explain her interventions with Pop (and whether they worked). When the principal was present, the special ed teacher changed her whole demeanor and "took the blame" for misunderstanding the concept behind the progress report.

She left the room and we went over a bit more about the situation and why this sudden disciplinary action alarmed us so much. We weren't opposed to Pop being punished or held accountable. We were alarmed that they just swifty dealt justice without asking for our cooperation. And that this goes hand in hand with our distrust with the whole situation with their communication. The principal basically decided to "mandate" the special ed teacher to write to us a set amount of times to maintain communication and ensure that Pop is receiving appropriate accomodations.

We believe we did expose the special ed teacher for her lack of scruples. Like the times we asked for sensory breaks and she said she didn't have time-no alternative or solution offered-or asking for communications and she only wrote questions instead of progress reports. Some of the "interventions" are common sense that the principal has even come up with when she has taken over the class. (Pop has a young, inexperienced general ed teacher that will lose control of the entire class)

So, all in all, we had a pleasant meeting with the principal and school psychologist. The special ed teacher, sadly, is now hostile to us. Again, it's wait-and-see.
BTW, Pop is now admitting to the scratching on the wall "by accident". The paint was really weak and my husband actually was able to scratch it with his keys. So, I'm going to remove his wooden pencils (which he isn't supposed to have anyways).

Nail their feet to the fire with an IEP, to keep this from happening again.

Require that a communications notebook come home with the child each day with a summary
of what happened that day. Put your comments in it and send it back each day. You will then
have the teachers comments in writing.

Eliminate the email.
Eliminate the phone calls.
Get everything in writing.

If they don't act in your sons best interest, you have enough to threaten, and carry through with legal action. That is sometimes needed to get their attention.

I would also suggest getting a copy of all your sons school records as a baseline, in case they accidently vanish, or get altered.

Actually, we nixed the daily communications logs. They weren't working. If you notice how Pop spends his day, he is mainly in the general ed environment, away from the special teacher, aides and classroom. The general ed teachers were unable to communicate his issues in a meaningful way (sometimes not at all). They weren't trained or required to handle his special needs anyways. The special ed teacher was often unaware of Pop's daily activities to provide daily communication.
The best mode of ensuring that Pop's IEP goals are being addressed and hopefully met, are thorough reports between the special ed teacher and ourselves. This would include incidental "intervention requests" from us or the general ed teacher. Then emails that explain the situation, the proposed intervention and the subsequent progress.
This was all carefully explained at a special meeting between my husband, the special ed teacher, the general ed teacher, the school psychologist and some administrator. So, there is no denying that there was an agreement and what that agreement meant.

The email is as good as paper because
a)we can print it
b)the dates are naturally included on it
c)we have the forwarding ability (to all involved parties and now the principal)

It's better in some senses because we can think before writing and do this at a more relaxed pace. The special ed teacher (despite being college-educated) is a very disorganized writer and poor speller. Her scribbles don't make sense. So, when she emails to us, it's her best example of writing and thinking. She still makes grave mechanical and content errors.

All Pop's needs and interventions are in an IEP. The communication is the only evidence we have that the IEP is being followed through. For us, threatening to complain to the Board, the principal and pulling him out gets their attention.
Threatening any more than that is futile imo, we don't have the legal means and we're not interested in forcing them to do something they can't do. I mean, if the teacher is truly incompetent (and it's looking like she is). Then how is legal action going to help my son?
If we permanently pull him out, we will file a discrimination complaint and attempt to force them to confess that they discriminate and/or they are incompetent. That's down the road and we're not there yet.

I hadn't thought about getting his records. Thanks!

If you request his records, be sure to ask for any communications between teachers and all observations. It turned out that there were observations of my son that I was never aware of until I requested complete school file.