I just want to cry

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sands: In my experience, children with autism are very caring, though they may express it differently. I think much of the time, when autistic children are seen as uncaring, people are just looking for a cookie-cutter type of emotional expression, so yes, I agree with you. It's funny you mention it. The night I began this thread, my son must have sensed I was down. He doesn't talk and he isn't the most affectionate little guy, but he kept looking at me, making a giggly noise and running over to hug me patting my back and squeezing me tight. Nothing quite like making it all worthwhile, huh? Hehe.

Tortuga: wow, you are busy! My son doesn't have a speech therapist yet, the earliest we could get his evaluation through early intervention was January 11th. I'm anxiously awaiting it because I think it will do a world of good. In the mean time I am working very regularly with him on sign language, and he has learned an incredible amount in a very short amount of time. I can imagine, just by the amount of time it requires of me to teach both of my kids (and myself) sign language how much work homeschooling must be. It takes a very dedicated parent to do that.

Smelena, Beenthere and laplantain, you all are so kind Thank you!

Scramjet: thanks Actually, my husband is pretty awesome when it comes to me getting free time. In the evenings he sometimes takes over entirely so I can unwind: including diaper duty, reading to the kids, playing blocks with them and even making dinner. He's a great guy. He has also never refused me if I say I need to just go out for a while (usually just grocery shopping alone or for a drive) to escape the noise level. He always says, "Go ahead, I've got the kids." I just miss being with him. It's like we have to manage our children in shifts sometimes (much of the time?) and between that, the noise level, the stress level and the lack of a babysitter I can truly trust...we don't get much time together and I just miss him.

equinn: Indeed it is not always easy. Fortunately we agree most of the time on discipline. When we have disagreements, it can be volatile in terms of hurt feelings and easily-injured egos - likely a direct result of already feeling pressured. On the club thing, yeah, I have considered joining the Y or a fitness center just so I have a reason to go out of the house for some time to myself each week. I think it would help. I feel bad spending money on it though.

The only different thing I have ever found in a special needs child is they love you unconditionally. I always tell people I've learned a lot more from them than they could ever learn from me. They taught me that NORMAL is just a stupid word in the dictionary. I've been feeling a little down lately and I finally figured it out. I have been off from school for the last two weeks and I haven't been around the kids. If I had been at school with a bad mood they would of come up with a zillion things to make me feel better.