PAS, Parental Alienation Syndrome

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You can only control so much. This sounds like it is completely out of your hands. I would either hire a lawyer, if you feel you are being treated unfairly, or get a legal advocate. Based on what I've read, following this post, you can't handle this alone.

You will not make her "come to her senses" so I'd stop trying. As little contact with possible is my recommendation. Even when you see child, it seems that you need to have minimal contact with her.

Protecting your son means putting all differences aside, avoiding conflict, and sheilding him from the conflict between you and your former spouse--as hard as this sounds.

You are spending way too much time on what she thinks, what she's doing, and it's harmful for you and your son's relationship.

Take action--get yourself a lawyer. Let the lawyer deal with your ex so you don't have to.

I would eliminate emotive reactions at this point. Ruminating and philosophizing gets you nowhere. It merely propogates a cycle of negativity and bitterness. Decide what you need, what your rights are, and then proceed forward.

equinn

I couldn't afford one myself--so I can relate. What about a legal advocate? These are free.

I just think it's difficult to try to do it all yourself, and so time consuming--but by all means do it if you think this is the only way.

Are you trying to get custody or just parental rights/visitation?

Who here has been alienated by a parent or opposing parent
or as a parent been alienated by their child, or the opposing parent
from the child? want to tell your story and how it made you and your child feel?

As a parent, I've had the opposite problem: I've had trouble getting my kids' father involved. He would often call to explain why he can't come take them for a visit, but wouldn't take the time to actually speak to them himself. They're young, but not so young that they couldn't understand that their father is on the other end of the line.

Things are improving, slowly, with constant encouragement and just a hint of (subtly) manipulative guilt-tripping. The main reason, of course, is that the kids have a right to have an involved father, but it's also because I can't handle this burden alone and the more I take on his responsibilities, the more he can play the victim and find an excuse to slowly drift out of their lives, blaming me and not himself. I purposefully act like I can't do everything, I ask his advice on matters I could easily handle myself and I just generally try to make him feel that his children are relying on him... because they are. I've seen so many women deal with apathetic ex-husbands by getting all tough and doing everything themselves, but this just feeds the cycle. The more she does, the more his role disappears and the more the child loses. I had no choice but to do it this way because where I live, the court system is corrupt and ineffective.

That said, as a child, my own parents' divorce was not so pretty. My father's bitterness towards my mother following their divorce had a strongly alienating effect on me. My older sister and I (we are five siblings) were the only two given the choice of who to live with. I suppose it's atypical, but we both chose to stay with my father. There were several reasons on my part (I don't know about her), but without going into it too deeply, my father never actively tried to turn us against our mother, so I don't imagine it was intentional, but his constant criticisms of her and sarcasm about anything remotely relating to her made me see her in a very negative light (I was 13) and I really had no interest in interacting with her at all. Even if she would call, I didn't really want to talk to her. If she came to pick us up, I felt like a stranger was walking onto our porch. It's really kind of creepy to remember. I can't imagine how much this must have added to her grief. To be fair, though, since reading this post, I've begun to question how much of this response also had to do with my AS (undiagnosed, but highly suspected - I only wonder if I have any comorbid conditions). I've always had this thing about not missing people and not even really thinking about people if they aren't with me. I don't get homesick, for instance.

After a few years I went to live with my mother. Even though she never did anything to turn me against my father (I can count on my fingers the only mildly negative comments she has made about him over the years, even though I think she's the one who got screwed over royally), I had the same feeling (or lack thereof) toward him. He just didn't cross my mind much.

I suppose I should really blame my father for what he did to my mother, but I realized a long time ago that my parents' marital problems, despite the huge effect they had on me, were really none of my business. Their divorce was just one of the many things in life that I have no control over, like where I was born and the color of my skin. I understand (maybe, some of) the reasons my father could not contain his bitterness and I don't hold it against him. Then again, there was never any actual full alienation or intentional attempts which, I suppose, are the stories you were looking for.

I am so sorry for what you are going through. I know about PAS, because my husband's ex-wife is an expert at that...Sadly, she thought hurting my husband and in return, creating chaos and anger in our house, would get her everythig she wanted...in the end, she's only hurting her own child...

Anyway, I don't know if you know, but go check out www.glennsacks.com, he has many different cases, etc...that that might help you with your issues...if not, at least there is at least great support from many other men going through this.

In addition, you can check out www.expertlaw.com, you can ask questions about anything law-related there and policemen/lawyers or others who know the laws will answer and direct you to the best places to get ready for the battles...

Good luck again...

At the end, one thing that I do know is that no matter what moms think, a BOY needs his DADDY more than anything else. It is one thing if an ex is violent, but I think that unfortunately, many times, women use this as an excuse...normally what happens is that the guy is not really violent except he's sick and tired of the woman and/or sick and tired of her putting the kids in the middle...and women push them to the edge...and of course, many dads actually believe in discipline and any discipline by a father is normally looked as abuse by mothers...especially, divorced mothers...

Again, I'm not saying there are no crazy dads out there...sadly, read the news...most cases that come out on the news are guys who hurt their kids/wife/ex-wife because the wife/ex-wife drove them to the edge...vs. there are hundreds of women who kill their children and everyone seems to feel sorry for them and being a single mom...many of course, single by choice.