my beautiful son

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hi. i cant believe the support here.

i took matthew to the doctor a year and a half ago, aged 11. his school was worried about his behaviour and suggested maybe some medication would help. i had guessed he was depressed but didnt know the extent of it. he was badly bullied in a previous school for 4 years and had said on a few occasions he wished he was dead. i was extremely worried and disturbed by this, but people told me that most kids say those things.

the doctor said that he would be reluctant to put such a young child on anti-depressants and came to the conclusion that he was suffering from some kind of a post traumatic stress disorder from the years of bullying.

we spoke to a play therapist and he went to her for the next 2 years. it made a difference, but now in secondary school he's being bullied and isolated again. i can see the signs all over again and the feelings of wishing he was dead are starting to surface. like your son, matthew is struggling anyway now that he's reaching 13 and puberty and i've read so much about teens taking their own lives in these desperate situations and i'm just so worried about it.

he's such a sensitive boy with a lovely caring nature and i know in my heart that he could easily go down the road of deep depression and suicide. doctors are reluctant to medicate children over here. maybe i should speak to his play therapist. what would you suggest?

i would have him evaluated for depression. my son started on depression meds when he was 13. he currently takes wellbutrin... you need to take any suicidal statements seriously.

I suppose you either have to start over with another doctor, or take him back to the first guy for a re-evaluation. If the school recommended medication in the first place maybe they can help you find another doctor. In the States a general practioner would usually send you to a psychiatrist to get anti-depressants for children. (For what it's worth, my kid takes fluvoxamine) Maybe someone from Ireland can help here with more info?

There is a thread on here that might help you.

http://www.wrongplanet.net/postt8797.html

That's for resources.

Flower,
am have an autistic teenage cousin in Tallaght/Dublin,and it took him most of his life to get a name for his difficulties,his mum didn't even know he was autistic,because of the lack of awareness in Ireland.
He has been special schooled all of his life,has a social worker and sees specialists but never got diagnosed with anything.


What about setting up an ASD support group,for parents and people with ASD?

kingdom of rats, i think setting up a group is a great idea. i'm originally from tallaght myself!, but now live near howth. as far as i know there aren't any groups that regularly meet. you get a diagnosis and are basically left to fend for yourselves. i am studying to be a special needs assistant, specialising in AS, and want to, eventually, set up a school or support group for the kids on the spectrum. my husband is an actor and he would love to set up a social skills drama group. my son was diagnosed when he was 11. he's now 13 and he still doesn't have a special needs assistant. his school has 150 pupils that need an assistant. the government gave them funding for 2.

i'm not sure how to go about setting up a support group. has anyone out there done it and can you give me some ideas?

Hi flower. Reading your post my heart goes out to your son. I'm 27 now but suffered exactly like your son did for most of my school life. I can count the happy moments of school on the fingers of one hand, and the effects of the bullying I experienced lasted well into adult life for me.

Obviously, as other people have said, you need to address his feelings of depression. I have no experience of medication but have been very depressed at times and know its no fun. This, and ensuring he reaches his potential in education, needs to be a priority.

I want to reassure you as well that there is hope. For a start having a diagnosis will help your son understand himself a lot better. I only discovered I have AS a few weeks ago, but even before this I have gained a degree, held down jobs and long term relationships and have a number of very good friends. People say 'kids can be cruel' and its a vast understatement, but please don't assume that your son will always be treated the way he is being treated now. He needs to know this as well. There are many environments where he will shine in the adult world. A lot of people say AS is a disability, but I personally see it as a gift, albeit one that caused me a lot of problems before I learned how to use it to my advantage. There are probably a lot of people here who would agree, and who also live lives far more fulfilling than the majority of the population. Be there for your son and encourage his talents to their full.

I'd also like to share a theory I have that your son might appreciate too. Its about the times in people's lives that they reach their peak. Generally, I believe its better to peak later in life (which most people with AS do). Most of the people who were the 'top kid' in the playground have never grown out of it and are unemployed or cleaning toilets for a living now. The ones who were losers at school have generally made something of themselves.

Hope this helps.

I applaud you for wanting to help your son. I wish that my parents took me that seriously in High School and gotten me the help that I needed, when I was first feeling suicidal.

(((Ciara and Son)))

I went through bullying when I was in school, too. There were a couple of very large, very scary kids who waited for me in the halls between classes. However, I did have some friends and I had a favorite cat who helped me through a lot of difficult times when I was growing up. I wouldn't be exaggerating when I say that Samantha saved my life and enhanced it. A favorite pet does wonders to help a lonely AS person.

hi tybald, 9catmom and cockney rebel. i am sorry i didn't get back to you all sooner - have been unwell over the weekend. i am having a little cry as i'm writing this to you. i am so overwhelmed by the support and caring that you're all showing to me and my son. they are also tears for the horrible treatment that you have had to endure. none of you deserve that. my son doesn't deserve that. you and he are all wonderful, caring, intelligent human beings who have so much to offer this world. it upsets me so much when i think about what he's been through and what the adult world will hold for him. bully kids turn into bully adults. as a parent i feel so helpless that i can't protect him forever. i'm a bit low at the moment so i'm in a negative mood. don't take any notice!

thank you all so, so much for your kind words of support. i'll check in again later.

thanks, morning after. i know life gets better, and its kind words like yours that help it on its way. feeling a bit better already. matthew (my son) and i are watching edward scissorhands - for the 100th time. just one of his obsessions. luckily for me, he has good taste in obsessions!! he seems a bit down this evening also. he's got school tomorrow, that's probably the reason.

i think i'll show him all these messages. maybe it will help him to see that he's nowhere near alone and the positivity in each message.

thank you again from the bottom of my heart.
ciara.