residential programs...

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Absolutely do not put anyone of any disability on in or around a residential facility.

It is one of the worst things to do and the end results are much worse than what happened in the beginning.

I wish I could elaborate further but I can't.

Just residential = a big no.

No one is asking one of the questions that is really important.

How are you coping ? Do you feel it is too much for you to have him at home ? Are you reaching the end of your tether ? Do you feel that you are not doing your best job as a parent because you have had enough ? " Do you feel his well being is compromised having him at home ?

If it is time out you need from your son, perhaps this could be organised in another way ? Is there a familiar and trusted relative that could spend some time with him. A family that might share his care for a few weeks etc.. Someone that could come in and help out at difficult times of day ?

One of the things that predicts good outcomes for children, is the mental health of the parents. If the parents are struggling and fighting depression etc themselves, then the outlook for the child is not so great.

Try to make a decision around this that will work for both your son and yourself. The child's well being is important, but so is caring for your own state of health, if you are not managing and are heading for a crisis .. then you are not going to be any good to him in that state either.

There are alternatives to residential care about, perhaps discussing and thinking about some of these may be a good idea. I cannot offer you any specifics on your particular area, since I am in another country. But I am sure there will be some options for you.

[/quote]If it is time out you need from your son...[quote]
***or your daughter ...

Thank you for all of the posts thus far...some VERY good points have been made.
I only wish some of you had been around to speak to/talk with/threaten(?) my mother when I was a kid . She began placing me in various institutes beginning at age twelve. My stress was so severe, my body actually began to shut down and ceased the production of HGH, leaving me today at the same height I was at 11. In other words, my psychological stress was extreme enough as to cause a concrete and permenant physical result.
To make matters worse, all of the placements were grossly inappropriate, ensuring that I would be held to impossible behavioral and social expectations and I would not recieve any support or assistance.
A brief rundown :
I turned 12 in Feb. while in 6th grade.
That summer, I went to boarding summer school at Harker School, San Jose(a prestigious private school for outstanding students)
7th grade, 12 yo - I started regular school at Harker as a 7day/wk boarder
5 months later, in Jan.(still 12) I was expelled for consistantly failing to adhere to dorm policy and rules.
2 weeks later(still 12) first suicide attempt(sleeping pills) landed me in psych hosp for a few weeks
2 months later, in March(then 13) she drove me to a state-run group home in Hayward for
'wards of the court'(?) and left me there on the porch with a duffel bag containing a few changes of clothes(she then lost custody of me for abandonment)
3 months later, (still 13) I was transferred by the state to a long-term care facility in San Anselmo(the group home had a max stay of 90 days-it was a short-term placement)
6 months later(still 13) my mother regained custody of me and flew me to New Mexico to live with a married couple she met in college and whom I didn't know until she could find a long-term placement
5/6 moths later(day after my 14th b-day)without warning, I had to pack my bags in the morning and that afternoon, she flew me to Cross Creek Manor in LaVerkin, Utah-a lock-down behavioral modification facility for girls owned and operated by WWASPS, the most notorious
'school/center' company in the U.S. There is no schooling, but there is... brainwashing/reprogramming seminars,
confrontational encounter groups,
regressive 'therapy',
no contact with family or outside world,
public verbal belittling, name calling, and demeaning
advancement in the level program is dependant on unanimous peer approval,
activities are restricted to crocheting,
any failure to follow directions exactly is "manipulative" and "insubordinate" and is punished,
lack of showing proper emotion or articulate properly or improper nonverbal language is labelled "dishonest", "holding back" "manipulative" "resistant" "defiant", etc.,
and I could go on and on...I developed SEVERE PTSD, insomnia, agoraphobia and even more anxiety
16 months later(then 15) she enrolled me in Dunn School in Los Olivos, Ca. I started in Sept.
6 months later(then 16) in terror of being kidnapped in the middle of the night and taken back to Cross Creek, I made an attempt to run away-which failed miserably-and when I was caught 12 hours later, I was sent immediately back to CC
4 months later(still 16)after extended period locked in solitary confinment 24/7(for weeks), I was transferred to Brightway psych hospital since I hadn't eaten, drank, or responded for 10 days straight
2 weeks later(16) CPS took temp custody of me and moved me to shelter for abused youth
1 month later(16) mother regained custody of me and moved me to...(alot is a blur and these placements may not be in correct order)...

Pine Ridge Group Home near Salt Lake
2(?) months later(16) during home pass for the holidays, I ran away, and was caught 3 days later. Then I was moved to PR's sister group home with higher security
1 month later(16) staff walked in on me trying to hang myself and I was transferred to psych hosp
Copper Hills Youth center in Salt Lake
group home in No California(ran away with a boy and stayed on streets for first time for a few weeks)
group home in South California-kicked out for behavior disruptions
youth shelter for abandoned kids(mother refused to pick me up from group home)
Orange House Orphanage in OC, Ca.-later ran away, then...
the streets in San Fran(slept at homeless youth shelter)
second trip to Copper Hills(at 17)
then back to streets in SF(17.5 yrs old)
and that's it.
(Are you confused and exhausted after that? I certainly was!! !)
I wanted to begin this thread to seek out and warn any parents who either have a child in a center currently or are considering it. A placement outside of the home is developmentally disruptive to a normal, well-adjusted child, let alone a child with AS or various special needs. Furthermore, institutionalized child abuse is wide-spread. I have seen some of the worst. I have been there, done that.
Who's watching your child?
I know who was watching me...

PLEASE VISIT AND READ THESE WEBSITES ::
this one is really good > www.wwaspsinfo.net
www.isaccorp.org
www.antiwwasp.com
this one too > www.secretprisonsforteens.dk/US_Main.htm
this one has a section specifically for autism > CAICA
LIST OF CHILD DEATHS FROM THESE RESIDENTIAL "SCHOOLS":
PLEASE READ : in memorium

Nautilus, your story is heartbreaking.

I do hope that with the better information, resources and understanding available today, no one else will experience what you did.

But someone will.

Very sad.

Nautilus- I'm so sorry you had to deal with all of that......I do still believe, however, that residential is necessary in *some* cases. I think it's up to the parent to make an informed decision about where to place the child. I don't think there's anything wrong, as a parent, with saying: " I can't handle this. Let me find someone who can."
we persevered with our son. some days were so tremendously draining for him, for us, for all of us. We had to really weigh our options- not only did we have to consider what was best for him, but also what was best for the rest of the family-especially my daughter who was 7 at the time......All of his yelling, punching, and threatening were just too much sometimes. For goodness sake, we had to have him hospitalized on Christmas Eve for writing suicidal notes online- imagine my surprise when the cops & an ambulance show up at my door to take my son to the hospital......imagine having to explain to a 7 year old why her brother was home when she went to bed, but not home in the morning to open Christmas presents. She didn't even feel that she could open her presents from Santa until son & I came home..............son turned out to be ok- I went with him to the hospital & stayed with him overnight. he was released around 11 am on Christmas.
son has calmed down considerable in the passing years. therapy, the right meds & a change of schools really helped.

Nautilus,

You know from my previous posts in this thread I am in total sympathy with you and do not, in general, support the idea of institutionalizing kids on the spectrum. But I do wish you had been more upfront about your position when you started this thread. I felt a little tricked. I have limited time when I come on these forums, and I try to target perceived needs with that. Some days I have the luxury of more time, but most days I'm robbing from Peter to pay Paul and spend time here, and the day I came on this thread was one of those days I didn't have time for a theoretical discussion that wasn't going to immediately impact someone's life.

Nautilus it sounds like you have has a miserable time of it, no one should have to go through anything like that.

I would like to echo the others thoughts on this however.

I feel as though you were deceptive, and that is not a good way to try to influence the thoughts of others. Perhaps just telling your story would have been better.
Residential care is needed for some children and for some parents. It is impossible to say all residential care is bad and all parents can find some other way to cope. For some people they just run out of options.
There was a story in the news recently here.. of a mother who hung her daughter from her dressing gown cord and then jumped off a bridge and killed herself. He daughter was autistic.

Apparently the parent had desperately needed some time out from her daughter and was not coping at all, but nothing was offered to her.

In this situation residential care for a short period of time may have saved both that mother and daughter. Or at the least, having her daughter cared for by someone else for a while. I see a lot of the folks on here talking about how difficult life is, and my heart aches for them. It's one of the reasons I am here, to try to offer some help when I am able. But consider too that it is not just the ASD folks themselves that need a bit of understanding, but imho, there needs to be more understanding that for the parents of small children in particular it can be very tough initially. I know there are many parents suffer from depression for many years, while they manage in some very difficult situations and the focus is normally on the child, and not the family as a whole. The parents are ofte sidelined as far as care goes and their mental health overlooked. There is more than one person in a family, although one member may require a higher proportion of time and input, that does not discount the needs of the others. There is more of a trend to a family centred approach here in NZ which is great, I just hope it continues

There is never a one size fits all scenario.