Refusing to do schoolwork

Post Reply New Topic

One clue for me is that 'he keeps delaying and delaying". When I do this, it is a sign that I don't know where to start--I don't have a clear plan in mind as to how exactly I'm going to accomplish some task, so it seems totally overwhelming and gets avoided--and, yes, results in a meltdown if forced. Being told to do your homework might not be enough. It might be, "Put your name on this sheet. Then do the first problem. Then do the second problem." And "do the problem" in itself might not even be enough, because there are tiny steps in each problem that could become annoying all by themselves. With each new procedure there should be a list of steps to follow, in order, written down. It is much less overwhelming that way. Some kids have to literally be walked through step by step. And to complicate matters, verbal instructions can sometimes be confusing, so they need to be written down...

BTW, it's not uncommon to be deficient in one area of a subject, proficient in another: I am very good at algebra, despite lagging behind in arithmetic; very good at writing essays, average with stories, horrible at poetry...

Jimbeaux,

The issue, for a nine-year-old, is not generally whether he is academically able to handle the work, but whether, after a whole day of school, he is emotionally able to deal with the homework. For many kids, particularly Aspies, the answer is "no." School is very hard work for kids - lots of unwelcome sensory input, lots of social situations which can be difficult to deal with, lots of opportunities to "fail" at perfectionism ... When the kids get home, they need to unwind, relax, recover from a very difficult day. The work load that most nine-year-olds get as homework tends to increase to a level that is difficult for most kids - for Aspies it's unbearable. Remember, Aspies tend to be, on average, emotionally only about 2/3 their chronological age; therefore, the nine-year-old has the emotional reserves of a six-year-old. Add to that, the more you push, the more your Aspie will dig in his heels and you will never win. Telling a nine-year-old that there are always things in life that you aren't going to want to do is not going to persuade him to do his homework - it might make him tell you he wants to die. And as he says it, he means it. Homework is simply not that important.

At a more emotionally neutral time, find out what the problem is with the homework. Try to find out what can be done to help make it more manageable. For many Aspies, the homework should be modified, so that they do not feel like they are drowning under a workload they cannot handle. If he likes math, is he willing to do the math homework? If not, is there a reason - are the problems all the same type, are they boring? Let him do only half, like the odd or even numbers of a page of problems, instead of all the problems. If he has trouble with writing, alternative strategies need to be devised - use of a computer, a scribe if necessary, power point presentations instead of some essays, etc. If you talk to him about what the problems are, and he can tell you what he needs, you can work with the school to modify assignments to meet his needs. If he feels like people are trying to work to help him, instead of ganging up on him and telling him what to do without listening to him, you might get much better results.

First off, it isn't homework. That has its own issues, and mom has a good handle on that (I don't see him during the week usually).

The issue is with doing work in the classroom. He has a full time aide who helps him, who gives him more specific direction than other kids get, etc.

And yes, I understand that telling him there are things he just has to do isn't going to be like snapping one's fingers and he gets it. However, I am trying to start to modify his behavior in small ways so that when he is 18-ish and goes to college or gets a job, it won't be a complete shock to him.

We are also going against "bad programming". Mom lives with grandma, and when mom wanted Billy to do something, Billy would throw a fit if he didn't want to do it and Grandma would reinforce the notion that if Billy doesn't want to do something, Billy doesn't have to. Mom disagrees and mom is cast as the bad guy. At my place, that doesn't fly. And Grandma is finally starting to come around, btw, but the damage has been done.

Slowly but surely, his mom and I are trying to get some things through to him that will enable him to live an independent life. Doing what you don't want to is just part of life. And better he not be allowed to watch TV or play video games now than lose a job in the future.

You say that he is very good at maths. How is he with his other subjects?

It could be that he is resistant to doing the work because it is too easy and he doesn't see the point. Or maybe there are too many other distractions within the classroom which make it much harder for him to concentrate.

I have a kiddo that sometimes refuses to do school work. There are two issues. One is that sometimes she is just plain defiant and it has nothing to do with anything than just not wanting to do it. All kids have bad days. That gets handled differently than other issues.

The other times, she is just overwhelmed or has a hard time getting starting or understanding when she is supposed to end. So, if the task was to "fill up the paper with letter T's", it worked better to tell her to "write 10 letter T's neatly." That way she could figure out how to start and stop.

I do agree with others that just because you child is good in math doesn't mean that there aren't concepts they will have trouble grasping. I'm not sure you will know how to proceed until you know whether this is a behavior problem that needs to be dealt with limit setting, or whether there is a sensory/organizational/learning issue involved. You don't want to set limits when what the child needs is clarification/modifications and you certainly don't want to modify when limit setting is called for.

What does the aide think?

I'm really sorry, I haven't read the whole thread, just the original post (sorry, been to a party tonight, am a weeeeee bit drunk).


I didn't used to do homework at school either. I just didn't need to.

I was in the 'top sets' i.e. the top stream? Don't know which country you are in, or whether you understand that, but basically when they separate the year into separate groups based on ability, and I was in the top group.

But I didn't used to do homework, because I had an almost photographic memory. Even if I wasn't really paying attention, and I was sitting at the back of the physics class with the disruptive naughty students, I could still remember and visualise what had been written on the board and in the text books.

The teachers didn't quite know how to handle me. Because 'normal' pupils would make excuses: the dog ate my homework, I left my homework on the bus, my homework got put in the washing machine with my gym bag... But I didn't make those excuses. I was just a blunt, honest Aspie and I just used to tell the teachers: Nah, didn't do it, didn't do my homework. And that must have come across as very obnoxious and belligerent and disobedient behaviour. If I had been really crap and failed exams, I'm certain they would have come down on me like a ton of bricks, but I used to faff about, sit at the back of the class and chat to friends, not do my homework and *still* I would get the top grades, not just the top grades in my class, but because my 'stream/set' was the top 'stream/set' I would get the top grade of the whole year. Regularly. In maths, physics, biology, chemisty, French... all subjects I excelled at and scored the highest exam grade with absolute minimal effort.

I changed schools mid-way through high school. And my new physics teacher was crap. So I was bored. And I didn't pay attention and was disruptive. So I was chucked out of class. But when the exams came round, I still scored the highest grade out of the whole year. So they called in an educational assessor, to assess the physics teacher.

Basically, what I suspect, if your child is refusing to do homework... they've been there, done that, possibly have an almost photographic memory, don't need to do homework to 'consolidate' the classwork...

I might be wrong, of course.

But if it is the case that the semi-almost photographic memory comes into play, if the child is otherwise doing well at school... well maybe the homework needs to be more challenging? Maybe the child's abilities need to be re-assessed and maybe the child needs to be moved into a higher grade or 'gifted children' programme? Often, something like Asperger Syndrome can be assumed to be 'special needs' in a remedial sense, when in fact it's sometimes special needs in a 'gifted' sense. (one of my french teachers called my parents into school and told them to contact the national association for gifted children)