Does anyone use "time out" for tantrums?

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Yes this is the biggest problem. Just as there are many children on the spectrum there are also many undiagnosed adults.......................many of them teachers!! So if you have a teacher on the spectrum with little or no empathy PLUS a child possibly or deffo on the spectrum, it is like lighting fireworks in a box!

We have to educate folk that gentleness and soft tone of voice is what is needed, kindness is crucial. No one is having a great time least of all the kid or adult in the middle of a brain wipe out. Not only that but the conciousness that one is actually having a meltdown is the cruellest blow to deal with...........you know you are in it, but you can't get out of it. Like having an operation and the anaesthetic doesn't work, you can't tell anyone as you are paralysed but you feel, see and hear everything. How awful must that be? And the situation is no different for meltdowns, sometimes the embarrasement is enough to make you feel like you want a hole to swallow you up.

So to everyone out there, I IMPLORE you to think twice before you shout or get upset with someone in the middle of a meltdown, they can't help it. Its a brain thing. Thanks.

What would you do if you were at an outing with your children, including your AS child and he had a meltdown and refused to leave or go where you wanted him to go? Let's add this to the mix, you have two younger children -- one an infant and another a toddler (both at NT)? Let's say you were in the grocery store or some other shopping environment and your AS child runs away from you periodically and checks back with you only upon his volition. Would you simply give up the shopping trip and find another time to go when you don't have to cart around all the kids?

That's fine. But what if that behavior continued until that child was an adolescent? How would you handle it? That child then would probably already be dictating where and when the family goes out for anything.

See video article on CNN about ASD teen who had an ABA intervention paid for by CNN. There are families like this one out there that do not have the financial resources or extended family support to help in a situation like this.

I don't believe in isolating a child, but I do believe in removing a child physically from a situation that would potentially harm him or her or others around. That doesn't mean any type of corporeal punishment, but something or someone would have to intervene to help that child begin to calm he or she down.

One can be gentle, but firm. And consistent.

And as a human being, I find being consistent very hard. So opposite from my AS child who is quite fixed in certain routines.

It really is hard at times and it sounds like you are really doing it tough Mainon...

Do you have support with professionals who can suggest what you could do in these type situations?

I know how difficult it can be at times... I'm constantly coming up with positive and new ideas to suit situations... ideas that work for a while then I have to find something else...

I do tend to avoid the shopping centres when I have the kids on my own because I know its difficult... But i make a point of going with DH on the odd weekend, so that DS can get used to it as you say, and that way hubby is there as my backup.

Every child is unique, I hope you find solutions to situations that will help you all in a positive way.

With my circumstances I sometimes HAVE to shop with the children for things that I can't really do without. If I'm running out to do the grocery shopping I have to get it done and I've basically waited until the cupboards are bare.

I go in to get what I need and leave as quickly as possible, but that being said, I have stood at the checkout counter with 2 walking children a screaming toddler in my arms and a baby screaming in the baby carrier. I normally hum for them one of my children was calmed by it, but other than that I just say we are leaving soon in a calm voice over and over again and almost done.

I can't just leave the store without the food because we wouldn't have had anything to eat otherwise and I couldn't afford child care or gas to come back out.

My situation is somewhat better now, I actually have food money and with giant eagle i get gas for almost free. (I don't know how I fed a family of 6 on about 60 bucks or fewer a month... God provided is all I can think.)

Thank you all for your sound advice. I agree with all of you that our AS children need more than just punitive consequences to their inappropriate behavior. My son on the other hand for a long time was given most anything he wanted because of his autism. Adults would do things for him instead of having him ask for it. Then when he was denied, he would scream, lie down on the floor and/or try to take the thing he was denied. It was hard to "tow the line" at that point because I just wasn't sure what to do and felt helpless for a long time. His father passed away when he was 6 months old and so I was left to raise him with the help of his grandparents. But his stepdad now is like the autism whisperer but more importantly, he "tows the line" and stands firm, which helped my son learn quickly the things he should and shouldn't do.

He's improved and seems to understand a lot better as he's gotten older and become the big brother. He's actually quite helpful. But again, there are times when his attention goes elsewhere and sometimes it's in a dangerous situation like crossing the street and my arms are full with other children.

One of my biggest wishes is for my son to be included in normal everyday activity as much as possible. He shouldn't be kept at home just because he may meltdown once in while. Other people should be compassionate with him and "know" based on his behavior that he faces challenges most others do not. It is hard to include him when you're balancing managing younger children, so our public outings are fairly limited.

But overall, I think our family quality time is excellent and I couldn't ask for better. That in and of itself will teach my son the important values in life.

I did want to mention that finding professional help is costly, like ABA therapy. Our insurance won't cover it. Hopefully things will change in the coming year as there is a new bill being passed in our state to require insurance companies to cover this.

I was hoping to hear from parents who've had older non-verbal ASD children with challenging behavior that was able to help their child without medication.

Thanks again.

Jeez. There's a reason I almost never venture into the parent's forum.
1. "I don't have any children..." Then why in the world would you think you can respond?
2. " tantrum slingin' 8 yo might just want attention" umm, tantrums in people OTS are different from NT kids. What you see as a "tantrum" is a symptom of sensory overload, and a cue that the parent might want to see why the kid is overloaded, and remove the nervous system irritants (Like judgemental people in the area). Take a poll among the people here with AS - do any of us want public attention?