*§*AS-Parent Support Group*§*

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You know... I just realized i get overly happy when people think the same way as me. Im not used to people agreeing or even trying to hear me out most of the time. They seem to think my opinions are too black and white, or my questions weird or whatever. I love this place, its great to feel... Hmm... Accepted i guess

There are very few fora on the webwhere I "fit." And most of those I "fit" because I have the same interest as the others on that particular forum. On WrongPlanet, I "fit" because I am ME. That feels so good.

Pops

thats good news then. i'd be devastated if i lost access.



yeah mine does same. i understand she doesn't want to be around me but i find it frustrating to manage with the kids on my own. example: my cooking skills are non-existent so if i have to prepare meals its quick + simple or i cheat and order takeaway,



i seriously hope for you that she doesn't entertain that idea. i'd like to think it would be a tough case to prove if AS was her only weapon in a legal fight over access but im not a lawyer so can only guess.

same here. i enjoy everyones comment on here too

none of us have all the answers so by sharing our experiences i think theres a good possibility someone else can learn from it. and its a lot more relevant to me than anywhere else on WP so its first place i check for new posts when i visit

lol yes i noticed same about the postings on here.

ditto about the discussions in "Love and Dating", none of them are relevant to me either it seems, <sigh> i just wish i knew about the whole AS thing years ago

i guess the concern is the fragmentation that occurs when creating too many forums?

There were a lot of good reasons I left for about a year very shortly after that forum was created. I won't go into that painful part of WP history.

(Going off to do more searching for Apatura...)

Well... Seems me and my bf are leaving eachother. Makes me relieved that a bad relationship is at its end, but im terrified of the custody battle that probably will begin soon. We just cant agree on our daughter. Its sad, and terribly scary. To me, shes really the only thing apart from my cat that i really love. I dont know what i will do if i end up only being able to see her one day a week and every other weekend. I cant stand the idea.

Ill just take stuff as it comes, but man... This is not fun

its a bit of a well-used-line but... is there a close friend or someone else who can mediate between you both so you can reach an amicable resolution?

Not really, we dont have any close friends. Just family. And my side supports me, and his side supports him. I feel like im in the middle of a battle field. I hope the family counselor we are seeing can help us in some way. Because i dont know what else to do.

I think it is still unusual to give main-custody to the father. Unless the mother displays dangerous or unloving behaviour, and it doesn't sound like you do at all.

While she is so little ( 1 year old) I doubt they would separate her from you for more than single days at a time to be with her father. Especially as it sounds as if you will be able to refer to your mother as additional/supplementary child-care support.

It sounds horrible. I feel awful just facing hassle from the Academic Inspection about my son's schooling, not about whether he can stay with me, and I know how scared/tense I'm feeling. I know what you mean about "her being the only thing you love". I feel like that about my son.

The papa and I talked about our leaving again today, and it is looking very "real" now. Sometime in the next 12 months. There are more and more reasons to split. This time he didn't get all upset/excited, and recognised that it did seem as if my moving to the UK with our son might be best.

We got the photos for the passport. They are so demanding now, the right degree of close up , hair out of the face etc; it took 2 sessions, 3 tries in each, before the machine declared the photo "conform", ( up to passport standard) . Will get official counter-signature next week from the solicitor who handled our house purchase here.

I keep reminding myself that children are happier in a peaceful single-parent environment than with two parents who row all the time. Good luck, samantca.

Thanks ouinon

I feel sorry for you as well. Situations like these are not easy to handle, no matter what. It creates even more tension for me, cause i need to know whats gonna happen. If i dont, i normally freak out. And i have done so a few times the past couple of weeks.

I dont think he will be able to take her from me, im more scared that we will have an arrangement where she stays with me half the time, then with her father half the time. I doubt thats any good, i cant imagine having to move every other week myself

I hope the counselor we are gonna meet with can shed some light on the subject for the both of us, and that we are able to work something out that works for our daughter. She is my main concern.

Eeek. Those passport photos sounded horrible. I hate having my picture taken, and its even worse if some unknown person is doing it. And i can never look straight into the camera. Luckily, passport shots isnt something you have to do all the time.

I hope everything works out for you, and that you and your son will be happy in London. I sure feel a whole lot better being away from the father. I realize now that most of my problems came because we really cant communicate. Might be cause im AS, might be cause he is an idiot. Im really not sure. But i do know that im 50 times as smart as he is (and im not saying this to brag or anything, he just doesnt know anything about most things.) Which annoys me. He doesnt read or check up on facts either, and everytime someone tells him that something is this or that way he believes it. Without even bothering to check for answers himself. I dont get that. Like if his mother tells him that the best way to raise our daughter is to let her scream to fall asleep, he thinks thats a good idea. Just like that. Why cant he think for himself? Argh.

Me too !

Me neither. I can't see how anyone can think that that is a good idea/solution. There is a family near here, ( with the mother of whom I thought i was going to be able to be friends but as so often seems to happen after first couple of meets it all became a morass of misunderstandings and now we don't speak to each other) , her son goes every other week to live with his papa, which the mother says she likes cos she gets time alone, well, with her new guy, but I think it must be very hard on the child. Switching home styles constantly.


The UK, but almost certainly not London. It's very hard to live there without money. Thank you for best wishes though.


It's funny but that is one of my pet irritations with the papa too. Like part of his brain just isn't switched on, or as if data is simply not as important as agreeing with whoever is most authoritative in the area. As if content of speech simply doesn't matter. I still don't understand it. The trouble is that the only experience that I have of doing that is when have been trying to fit into groups by agreeing with everybody. And I really do not want to start doing that again. But is that what most people do? Try to fit in the whole time, ... but not find it a problem? ! !

PS: I am so looking forward to not having to teach/help my son learn what would be necessary if stayed in France, ( whether we carried on with a corr course or did pure homeschooling with inspections), which is their fantastically anachronistic, unwieldy and complicated verb conjugation and word "agreements" systems. Roman/latin. Argh!

I was just wondering how people, AS that we are, came to have children?

I posted about this a bit on another thread somewhere. But although I pretty much understand how it happened, it was still a near miss of never being a parent, I had never wanted children at all.

A combination of CBT ( cognitive behavioural therapy, over the previous two years, which had persuaded me that I could be "anything", if I "did the work"! ), a long hot summer camping, and working on organic farms etc, ( sun, exercise, lots of fresh fruit and salad), after a long hot winter-summer in S. Africa eating lots of fruit and meat, and being 35 and having totally gone off almost all forms of contraceptive, and the first real lust I had ever experienced in my life, with a man on the rebound from the relationship that he had left his wife and children for 5 years before, and desperate for female company, meant that I had lots of sex, didn't use contraception, got pregnant very fast, didn't want to take morning after pill, thought ( insanely, CBT'ly) that motherhood would be easy, and was encouraged in all of this by the guy.

A sort of snowball effect. Avalanche more like.

Who else? Went from no way to yes please, or fell into it, or can't understand why they did it?

Procreationism topic

Good topic, ouinon. For me it was rather selfish reasons. I had my first because I needed a reason for living. Then, eighteen years later I had my second because my oldest daughter, who was 17 when I got pregnant with her brother, stated she did not want children of her own. In order to have a grandchild, I would need to make another child. Then I had my last (a girl, now 13), in case my son might be a while getting his significant other pregnant. He said he did not rule out kids (hope, hope). My youngest loves kids so that I know at some point (before she is 40) she will have kids and the lineage will continue. My brother, sister and two male cousins also decided to be childfree. (My paternal grandfather's line has stopped with my youngest child. My mother's oldest brother had no kids and her younger brother had two sons, my only two male cousins. My maternal grandmother was an only child and so was my father. I do not know the other relatives.)

good topic. im none of the above really. it just seemed the natural thing to do at that stage of the relationship really. having kids was a step towards 'growing up'

yes i agree. i think the circumstances have to heavily favour the father to win full custody. i shouldn't worry it - just adds to the stress!

a family counselor sounds like a good idea - good luck