*§*AS-Parent Support Group*§*

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Hello, I'm back.

Golly this thread is dead; 12 days and only one post.

I love travelling. If I had enough money ( to do it safely and comfortably, especially peaceful hotel rooms ! !! ! ) I would travel half of every year or more. Trains. Watching people, people who don't know you, and have nothing to do with you. Meeting people for just the few days or so that I can manage. Exploring, working out where things are, using public transport systems in towns and cities, chilling out, moving on.

Trying out new foods. No routine apart from leisurely sit-down cigarette breaks. Mmmmmmmmm!

So, it was good. And am wishing could have carried on. Here, home in our village since mid-afternoon, seems terribly small suddenly; the internet the biggest thing.

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welcome back ouinon!

yes, i know this thread has gone very quiet recently

good to hear you had a nice break though

personally ive been in a bit of a slump for what seems like forever. its been a struggle to find the energy to get excited about doing anything outside of going to work

i know its just one of the depressive episodes i get and it will pass eventually

I've only recently figured out that the whole list of issues I've had since childhood and that have definitely affected my parenting might be because I'm an aspie. I'm 51 with 4 kids: ds1 30 (I have 4 grandchildren and a dil from him), dd2 28, ds2 17, and Kayli 6. I'm just going to use her name.

Where do I start? My first two kids were born 2.5 years apart in my younger years when I had no clue about AS or anything else for that matter. I hadn't come close to healing my own childhood wounds. Two kids plus one husband who might as well have been another kid drove me nuts. I need my recharge time. I didn't get it. X didn't get the idea that I needed a break from people. Talk about sensory overload. I cannot handle children fighting. I can't handle men with fragile egos either. I left. Unfortunately, I left the kids with the ex. Honestly, I was afraid that one day I'd snap and maybe hurt them. I wouldn't but it took a lot of self control that was slipping fast.

DS2 came along. He's a great kid with developmental delay mostly in the speech department. I was handling him fairly well but lost it after cancer (ok now), and two teenagers dumped on my doorstep who didn't get along with their stepfather. I left. Ex took custody of DS who was 3. He had way too much power on his side to fight it.

Kayli is my miracle kid. Ex was supposed to be sterile. Wrong. But I'm not sorry. Of all my kids Kayli is the most like me. For some reason she doesn't trigger the get the heck away from me response much. Maybe because I've worked since she was 2 weeks old while her dad who is even more aspie than I am took care of her. Then again, she's fairly self contained. She's fine for me. I don't play with toys or games with her. Instead we toss around "what if" concepts. She can sit through dinner in a good restaurant but can't sit still at school. She gets concepts that are really advanced for her age but can't read or count. She's great with adults but has no clue with kids. She's painfully aware of being different. I really think she's on the spectrum somewhere but the only official diagnosis we have is ADHD, which doesn't fit her really.

I don't know. An aspie mom with an aspie (or something) kid navigating the school system (US). This ought to be interesting. Her IEP meeting is coming up soon I hope.

My take:
There is nothing "wrong" with Kayli. She's different, but that's ok. If she needs some help learning to read and all that, fine. If she never learns that's fine too. There are other ways to get info in and out. 0People with dyslexia get along just fine with accommodations. She needs some help with social skills, but heaven help them if she's made to feel wrong or bad. Heaven help them too if they don't protect her from the bullies.

Hi Magique welcome to WP and this thread (although its bit dead at moment )

Hi Guys

Still having a hard time as usual.

Does anyone one have any advice on how to stop your parent being overbearing and bullying you. I want to try and cut the influence of my mother over my life but i dont know how, I feel that if I cut her off completely, that my kids will resent me as they might want to see her. But she is such a shame /blame parent and punnishes me emotionally if dont do exactly as she says, that I dont know how to get her off my back without cutting her off entirely.

any advice wellcome

Do not drop this thread topic

Lotusblossum, a really good guy to talk to here is gbollard. He often posts in the Parents forum, or you could do a Search for him. he has this Asperger Website with lots of good advice on marriage, Aspergers, and parenting.

Good luck with Mom. I am not good myself in these areas. My mother hated kids and would just as soon as get me to abort all three of mine to spare her the trouble. I am glad I do not have anything more to do with her or my extended family (I have heard nothing from them since Mom died four years ago).

Last edited by sartresue on 06 Sep 2008, 3:55 pm, edited 1 time in total.

My parents were not bullying as such but their opinions were so strongly held, ( and so intolerant, condescending, and dismissive of different ones), and so powerfully expressed, ( with frequent dogmatic refs to books which said ... etc) that I did find it useful, almost essential, for as long as I did not have enough confidence in my own way of doing things, to distance myself. At one point I even felt it was necessary for my mental health.

But things are better now. The break has done us both good, so long as I am careful not to put myself in positions where my parents' way of life has too much effect on mine, eg; no longer staying with them/in their house when visiting them, but rent a caravan at campsite 5 miles away as we did last year.

Good luck.

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Thanks SartreSue and Ouinon

I think mother /daughter relationships are so difficult. I think they are no win situations.

I think moving further away is probably the answer as at the mo she comes round every day!

thanks again

Welcome back lotusblossom

ugh, the thought of having either of my parents around daily sounds awful. i havent spoken to my father for years & i couldn't care less either cause i find him quite patronising + such

anyway, i guess moving away would be ideal but i think your right, cutting off contact with your kids is probably last resort i reckon. have you tried hiding behind the sofa when she comes around? sorry i got nothing helpful to offer right now

Thanks Drybones

I think my mum would go nuts if I hid from her lol.

Its so tricky trying to find a kind but assertive way to deal with not wanting to see people very often, as people take it as rejection if you dont want to see them and become angry.

Hi Guys

Ive had such a crappy time at the CAMHS today, they are so rude and mean.

I just dont see why they think I would want to let them have anything to do with my kids when they are so rude to me. If I annoy them so much they are obviously not suited to work with autistic people! Why are these rubbish people so lacking in logic and insite. Im just so tired of them being crap. Even though I now have an autism diagnoses for my daughter they are denying she has it and still saying her problems are caused by my bad parenting. They just make me so cross. Me and my children love each other and i dont understand why they want to turn us against each other and give us more crap to deal with. If they cant help or be nice why dont they just let us not come anymore. Im sick of it.

rant over, appologies all

What is the CAMHS? What are they trying to do? Or supposed to be doing?

I'm facing a social services meeting tomorrow about our reasons for homeschooling, and to argue/prove that it is not harmful in any way for my son's psychological health and integration in society. That also feels like unwarranted interference. And it's scary too.

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Ouinon, CAMHS is social services combined with mental health for kids. They are trying to stop me home schooling and think all my daughters probs are caused by me, they continually imply that Im personality disordered and got muchausens bi proxy. They are so annoying.

Good luck with social services tomorrow. I hate them so much. Print out some stuff on how successful home school is to give them and if they are difficult this time make sure you take a advocate/witness with you next time. good luck ((hugs))

ugh, sounds awful to have to deal with these people

is it anyone person who is being like this or is it the organisation as a whole?

dont you have a legal right to home school in the UK?

That sounds awful. What attracted their attention to you, so to speak? I thought that the UK was more relaxed than France about homeschooling. Grim. I hope you manage to convince them that your daughter is currently doing better, and happier, at home than she would be at school. Good luck!


Thank you. We went, and after all the anxiety it turned out to be a mere formality, the guy was super sympathetic, and didn't seem to have any problem at all with the concept of homeschooling. So we were out in 10 minutes. What a relief. Except that it went so fast and so well that I am having trouble believing that that was really it!! !

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Im so glad it went well Ouinon, what a relief!


It is ok to home school in the UK but the CAMHS think that I shouldnt home school. They dont like me and are very prejudiced about my AS and my unconventionality. I dont think they can stop me homeschooling, they can just b***h at me about it.

I asked my doctor for help with my eldest daughter to get a diagnoses for her and he refered me to the CAMHS team. They have not helped and did not even give her a diagnoses as I had to get that privately as the CAMHS said she didnt have it. I am going to see the private doctor again in october and she is lovely so I think I will just beg and borrow money and see her and avioid going back to CAMHS. I dont think CAMHS will have the resourses to come after me if I avoid them.