Sometimes I just would love my mom to fark off.

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Yep, that is the phrase I always heard.

"You're nineteen you should know better"....I'm now in my twenties and still can't seem to do right in their eyes.

I wish age would be just a number but lot of people don't see it that way.

It's very predictable my friend. Somethings still stay the same.

OK- general rule for anyone wanting to be treated as an adult......

Leave a space how you found it.

If you go to the kitchen for a snack - look around, are there dishes in the sink, are there crumbs all over the table? Make and have your snack and then look around again. Are there dishes in the sink, crumbs on the table? IS ANYTHING different? If so, put it back how it was.

Now to take it to the step beyond expected to helpful.... Put things away that you didn't touch. Say there were dishes in the sink, clean all of them not just yours.

This rule applies to all common areas. If you're not sure how - its ok to ask, but this rule is general enough that this is the one they're probably referring to when they say.... You should know better by now.

My aspie son leaves a trail everywhere he goes, he even forgets to put the ice cream container back. I know this rule may take a while for him. But, if he ever wants to live on his own and have a partner, roomate or even rent a room - this is a very basic start.

Also, this is not considered a chore. This is the minimum.

How am I suppose to know that when they don't do it themselves?

That's just a little silly.

Well my friend, follow Kailuamom's advice and do it anyway. I'm about to clean our kitchen right now.

Adults aren't prefect, and some are slobs, but, by and large, adult kids doing the same can make an acceptable house into an overwhelming mess for everyone super fast. And, mommy does not need to play maid to adults.

Leaving food out causes it to spoil. Ice cream left out melts. I don't know you were in the kitchen at 3 and I may not be back until 7. By that time much of what got left out has to be tossed. Throwing away food = throwing away money = frustrated parent.

I don't like to see spit trails from someone else's tooth brushing when I go to use the bathroom sink. I don't expect to see someone else's pee (forgetting to flush) or to fall into the toilet (forgetting to put the seat down).

If you get chocolate all over the table when eating a snack, clean the table.

I like the kitchen cuboard doors to be closed after use, so I don't bang my head on them.

Dirty clothes belong in a designated place and not on the floor by the shower or bath, or even the floor of a bedroom. Dirty socks don't belong at the foot of the sofa where you took them off; they STINK and it's a sure fire to way to make sure one sneaks below the sofa and gets "lost."

Unfinished food left anywhere that isn't the refrigerator (if saving for later) or the garbage is asking for a science experiment to develop. I know what lots of different foods look like after hiding in the sofa cushions for a month. That is knowledge none of us should have.

SEE what trail you are leaving as you eat / sleep / do personal care or otherwise move around the house and mitigate it.

It's hard because when kids are little they really don't know, and I realize that my 13 year old AS son is completely oblivious despite being told multiple hundreds of times, but imagine cleaning night and day and always knowing exactly where your son has been because of unintended trail he leaves behind. It's frustrating. And we TELL him: LOOK at the spit you left in the sink. Clean it this way. LOOK at the toilet; you forgot to flush; please do it now. LOOK at the newspaper and the chocolate marks; can you please remember to check your fingers before picking something up after eating? I don't ask him to do chores, but it would be super duper nice if he could be a lot less of a destructive tornado. Right now I'll deal, but when he's an adult? He'll have to do 1000 times better.

Everything else but one thing you do have a point. Why don't you just look at the toilet before you sit on the toilet and make sure the seat is down?

I am giggling at DW's list, grateful that she lives on the other side of the country and can't see the messy sinks, open cupboards, and dirty dishes at my house! I do clean my house for guests, though...and every so often for sanitation purposes as well, but probably less often and less thoroughly than a more NT home.

I'm also giggling about the toilet seat comment, which my brother used to make to me. Guess which one of us is happily married, and which one is still single? Sometimes things just aren't logical or fair.

I never understood the toilet seat thing. I even wonder why is it that men are expected to put it down and women don't have to do squat. So I thought why not have women put the toilet seat up while the men have to put it down? That way it's fair.

One thing I can think of is when the toilet seat is up, it looks disgusting because it gets dirty in between and you can see it when it's up. Maybe that is why?

Apparently official ettiquette is cover down, then both genders must do some lifting and, yes, the view is better when you walk into the room. Seat down views better than up, cover down views better than either.

As a practical matter, no guy who fogets to check the seat position before taking aim is going to fall in, while a woman who does so will.

And, yes, in our house we all know to look before sitting. But it look a while for the younger sister to learn, she was little after all, and having her wet and in tears from falling in was not fun.

Last edited by DW_a_mom on 29 Mar 2011, 9:16 pm, edited 2 times in total.

Did I leave the impression that our house is actually clean? Um, lol, not quite. No one can keep up with a tornado. I've mostly given up trying. But someone asked what "clean up after yourself" meant and I figured I could supply my wish list

It might be silly to you, but here's the thing. It's what's expected. Now you know. No more saying, I didn't know, that's a load of cr@a. Bottom line is the grown ups who put the food in the frige and pay for the clothes on the floor will not see you as an adult until this stuff happens.

In most cases, the kids move out and then figure it out. However, if you are still living with, well anyone, this is what being respectful of what they are giving you looks like.

Notice I didn't say and you need to enjoy or agree to it. But in most cases, you aren't going to be taken seriously when asserting adulthood until you master the basics.

I don't see the big deal for free room and board.

I'm not that messy.

And I was talking more when I was nineteen. I'm in my twenties now, but moved back in since my dad divorced and taking care of my younger brothers.

It was just hard when I was growing up because my mom expected age should teach me how to do things. And sadly, I had no role model actually doing it so I had no clue these were expected of me.

Now I do. But it was hard growing up.

edit: Also for the fact that I was afraid of doing chores, only knowing the very efforts I'd make would be meaningless. I could have worked an hour on the kitchen and it still wasn't clean enough for her even though everything in my eyes had been cleaned.

Judging and afraid to fail, I was afraid to do chores because every time I didn't do it right.

This is your opinion. Others may beg to differ.



That is commendable of you.



I know what you mean. I didn't really have a role model either.




I know what you mean my friend. The problem is clean is a subjective term. How clean something is is open to interpretation and someone's opinion. The thing is opinions are not facts. I want you to try these things and see what happens.

1. Do exactly what Kailuamom says. Don't argue with her and don't try to prove her wrong.
2. If you're not sure what to do with something then ask. If no one is there put a note that is visibly seen asking if there is anything that is supposed to be done with this. Print your name, sign your name, and date it. It should show others that you were at least concerned about about it.
3. This is my personal opinion but I think some parents are focused on punishment to much. Parents should be teaching as well. In fact, an archaic definition of the word discipline is "to teach." Lines of communication should always be open between both child and parent. The child needs to know what is expected of him or her. No vagueness and no matter of interpretation. Try this my friend. Before you start on anything ask your mother if she would be willing to inspect your work. Ask her for constructive feedback on your work. Ask her to show you what you did right and what you did wrong. Be aware, you're not entitled to an explanation or anything from her. Do not demand this or anything from her. Make sure you ask and use your asking voice which is soft spoken and humble. Make sure to use "I" statements and neither "you" or "global" statements. In fact, do research. Look up how to show respect and how to be humble. Research "I" statements as well.

In fact, I taught myself how to tie a tie by doing research. I looked at one of the youtube videos.

One finally thing,no matter how illogical an authority figure may seem or if they tell you to do something that is completely wrong do it there way anyway. Don't try to correct them. Don't argue with them. Don't try to prove your logic to them. It will not work. I have experience in this department and I know. Honestly, how do you truly know you have all of the information anyway. Another point is, you may have a boss who is similar to your mom. They control your paycheck and they control whether you continue to work with them or not. You will get bosses who are total jerks and total douchebags. Again, do exactly what they say when they say it no matter how much of a douchebag they are and how much douchebaggery they're showing. Sometimes, you may have to use some grace my friend meaning even if your correct on your point and it is logically sound you may just have to let it go.

It may be to late for me but I do not think it's to late for you.

In my opinon, all the woman has to do is look to see if the seat is up. I don't understand it. The woman has to see with her own eyes the seat is up.

This is to the guys that are on here. This is one of the things to not argue about. It's not worth the argument. Just go ahead and take that extra second to put the seat down.



Personally, I like to save on flushes so I can save money.