My HFA Son ALWAYS wears the SAME THING?

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blondeambition
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22 Mar 2012, 3:32 pm

Sweetleaf wrote:

blondeambition wrote:

My four-year-old Aspie with OCD has the same issue. What helped? Use of a "shirt schedule," Prozac for anxiety, and work with an ABA therapist on this and other issues.

He used to have to wear a yellow shirt every single day. (We have a whole drawer full of them). He also wanted to wear his yellow raincoat all of the time. (We have two identical ones, which are too small and which have holes in them from where he chewed on the sleeves).

If he has a lot of other rigid, strange fixations and rituals, you may be looking at an OCD situation. Prozac has been around a long time and is very successful with OCD. OCD is a severe anxiety disorder that usually requires medication for significant improvement and help from a psychologist or ABA therapist for optimal outcome.

I don't know I've heard some pretty bad things about ABA though maybe it depends on the specific one or whatever, and prozac is actually less safe for children then adults......but it can work to help some I suppose, so lots of caution has to be used with such things.

An ABA therapist is basically just someone with an M.A. in psychology or education and specialized training in autism. My kids' therapist comes to our house, so I pretty much know what goes on. My kids do a whole lot of speech therapy and academic work with me, as well as behavior stuff. However, I need a break sometimes, and she is really better at some of the most difficult behavior issues.

I also do video modeling and social story picture books in order to teach my kids correct behaviors, but sometimes they are very resistant to changing the way that they do things.

The Prozac has been a major blessing for my kids, who both have severe anxiety issues. My older son would not be able to function in a regular classroom at school without it, and daycare for my younger son without meds was a disaster due to his anxiety issues. (I haven't tried daycare again with him, but I will try part-time daycare again in the fall). From what I have read, Prozac's risks are pretty minimal, and since both of my kiddos are pretty impaired and cannot really function well in a mainstream environment without medication, I feel like it is what I have to do. Maybe if I only had one child with mild issues, more help from my husband, my husband had good mental health himself, I had more resources, etc., life without meds would be possible. However, I've got to play the hand that I've been dealt, and medication is what is best for my kids. (By the way, I know where you are coming from; I was on a whole lot of meds for seizure disorder for eight years until I had surgery, and I hated it. I would never use medication on my kids for my own convenience; I only use it to help them.)

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24 Mar 2012, 2:31 am

connysmom wrote:

Hi all.... I would love some insight so I can understand my son.

He is 8 years old and fully mainstreamed. For several years, he has been VERY specific about what he will wear. If allowed, he will wear a solid red shirt every single day. No printing, no buttons, no nothing. In warm weather, it's a t-shirt. In cool weather, it is a turtleneck or long-sleve t-shirt.

For a while, we were able to use a "shirt schedule", which allowed him to wear the red shirt 2-3x a week, but another color the other days. For a while, he agreed to royal blue and orange. But then last year, he would ONLY wear red or royal blue. This past winter, he would ONLY wear red or white. But at least we had 2.

Now that it's spring and we're moving back to t-shirts, he refuses to wear anything but solid red t-shirts. They are all the exact same brand/style. He won't wear anything else. This morning when there were no more clean red shirts, he would not go to school without red, and wound up taking one out of the hamper.

The only insight I have in to why he only wants certain shirts comes when he is required to wear his "class t-shirt" at school. He insists on wearing his jacket all day so "no one will see it". He seems to not want attention drawn to himself.

In any case, as a 3rd grader, I am concerned about his peers noticing that he is wearing the exact same thing every day, and possibly teasing him.

Any suggestions? Do you think this will lead to teasing? Should I push him to add another color back? If so, any ideas of how? Any insight in to why he may be so restrictive in what he will wear?

Thanks so much!

My 6 yr old HFA daughter will only wear a shirt if it has stripes.

Sweetleaf
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24 Mar 2012, 2:37 am

blondeambition wrote:

Sweetleaf wrote:

blondeambition wrote:

An ABA therapist is basically just someone with an M.A. in psychology or education and specialized training in autism. My kids' therapist comes to our house, so I pretty much know what goes on. My kids do a whole lot of speech therapy and academic work with me, as well as behavior stuff. However, I need a break sometimes, and she is really better at some of the most difficult behavior issues.

I also do video modeling and social story picture books in order to teach my kids correct behaviors, but sometimes they are very resistant to changing the way that they do things.

correct or non-autistic? the bad things I've heard is it tries to push autistic kids to function exactly like neurotypicals which isen't always the best thing but to each their own I suppose. I guess my main concern is how the issues are approached, for instance a lot of issues people with autism have are not really simple behavior that can just be punished away, but maybe this ABA you speak of just uses positive reinforcement to try and teach more or less nessisary skills and such...I would just hate a kid to learn every move they make is wrong because its not normal for instance.

The Prozac has been a major blessing for my kids, who both have severe anxiety issues. My older son would not be able to function in a regular classroom at school without it, and daycare for my younger son without meds was a disaster due to his anxiety issues. (I haven't tried daycare again with him, but I will try part-time daycare again in the fall). From what I have read, Prozac's risks are pretty minimal, and since both of my kiddos are pretty impaired and cannot really function well in a mainstream environment without medication, I feel like it is what I have to do. Maybe if I only had one child with mild issues, more help from my husband, my husband had good mental health himself, I had more resources, etc., life without meds would be possible. However, I've got to play the hand that I've been dealt, and medication is what is best for my kids. (By the way, I know where you are coming from; I was on a whole lot of meds for seizure disorder for eight years until I had surgery, and I hated it. I would never use medication on my kids for my own convenience; I only use it to help them.)

If it helps then thats a good thing, its just important to remember any medication is going to have risks.

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24 Mar 2012, 10:10 am

aspie son used to do this when he was younger- his rational was "Arthur" fr PBS always wears 1 outfit! He is 15 and now wears other colors not just red- yet every shopping trip he still gravitates to red and I have to nudge to get any other options in his head! Getting coperation in the store and bringing things into his wardrobe that he never wore happened now and again It was worth it to get his brain to enjoy and experience other things Now he likes screen tees with witty sayings He will wear other things on request- with reluctance and a look that tells I'd better appreciate his suffering through a buttondown for a pic or such!
Pooh always has the red shirt- he would say- Arthur doesn't have to change- on and on with the characters to prove his point while still in preschool or early grade school

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24 Mar 2012, 10:20 am

I will never understand what is wrong with someone wanting to wear the same color...who cares? hell I'm 22 and I'm still picky about colors.

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Kailuamom
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24 Mar 2012, 10:59 am

connysmom wrote:

Excellent point!

As an aside, I saw a really cool elevator shirt online yesterday. Complete with an idiom (which is working on in therapy, and loves pointing out). Don't push my buttons, the shirt said. He loved it. But not to wear. This turned in to an interesting conversation:

Me: What would happen if you wore the shirt?
Him: People wouldn't notice me.
Me: What would happen if people noticed you?
Him: They would look at me, maybe for a long time.
Me: What would happen if they looked at you?
Him: I would feel uncomfortable.

It sounds like he just wants to fade in to the background. Not be noticed. It makes him feel uncomfortable.

I think this is a really important conversation, and it's where I think it would be good to reply:

Interesting, you don't want to be noticed. One of my concerns, is that if kids think you are wearing the same clothes everyday, they are more likely to notice you rather than less likely.

I think your son should get to choose what he wears, and should be given all the info he needs to make that choice. Your concern is valid, and I do think kids will notice and possibly tease for the perceived wearing the same thing. Btw - I don't know a single boy who would judge for dirty clothes, but they will notice someone wearing the same distinctive thing 100 times. Actually, I think that a black or white tee shirt would work, but not so much for the red.

Btw I have 2 boys 16 and 12. My 16 year old was wearing the same blue striped sweatshirt for a season and it was noticed. As a matter of fact he got a Christmas gift of a teddy bear wearing a similar shirt. The girl who gave it to him wasn't teasing, but it was clear that the shirt was noticed and people associated him with it.

Chronos
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25 Mar 2012, 2:00 am

connysmom wrote:

Any suggestions? Do you think this will lead to teasing? Should I push him to add another color back? If so, any ideas of how? Any insight in to why he may be so restrictive in what he will wear?

Thanks so much!

He is so restrictive in what he wears because that is the "normal" look for him and he's comfortable with it. I don't see a reason to force him to change it if doing so would cause unwarranted stress in his life.

I would tell him that most people don't wear the same color shirt every day and the other children might eventually tease him for doing so, and then let him make his own choice on the matter.

Concerning his worry that other people will notice him more if he changes his shirt, this is true amongst those who know him. If he changes his shirt color others who know him will take notice and will probably comment on it and that will likely make him feel uncomfortable.

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25 Mar 2012, 10:33 pm

DS has a preference for polar neck top in dark colours (grey, black and navy blue - from Target!) and cordaroy pants. Luckily, we have chilly winters and so this is doable in winter - summer is another story. This autumn he is a little more relaxed but definitely will not wear anything 'flashy'. He also hates jackets/coats and I really need to insist before he will wear one.

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27 Mar 2012, 12:06 pm

always wear the same thing almost regardless of weather...jeans and a t-shirt (I cycle between about 5) with flannel for colder weather. It is just comfortable.

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28 Mar 2012, 5:59 am

connysmom wrote:

EmmaUK12 wrote:

Have you asked him why he will only wear a red shirt?

Yes, I've asked him. He won't give an answer. He just kind of withdraws and groans at me. That's his standard response when he doesn't want to talk about something.

[u]That's my response when I've tried to explain to someone else and not been able to make my reasons / mind patterns / explination understood.... and I want to avoid the same frustration of explaining again.[/u]
I always wore blank shirts because I didnt want to make a social blunder (OMG why the heck are you wearing a Toronto Maple Leaf's Jersey? That team SUCKS) or be blacklisted by whatever person is near me (Why are you wearing a Led Zepplin shirt? They are so 20 years ago... Weren't you wearing a Beatles shirt yesterday? Stay away from me weirdo!).

And maybe some kid wearing an orange shirt got dissed for wearing orange within your son's hearing. Maybe he was singled out one day "hey you with the orange shirt, whats the answer?" - we tend to hold on to specific moments in weird ways, and when we try to explain it (at least verbally - at least ME) sometimes it doesn't come across making any sense to NTs.

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01 Apr 2012, 3:58 pm

I'm still like this at 24. But with me I really hate my clothes being washed as it takes away their shape and comfortableness. If I can wear my top for 5 years straight without it being washed once, I would love it. Sadly they don't last that long without being washed so every time I need a new one, I have to go through extreme meltdowns and periods of stretching my tops or simply taking them off (even in public) because they don't feel right on me.

I recently posted about how my top felt the other day. I'm still not used to how this other one now feels on me without the other one I'd had on for a very long time. All through my life I've had to wear blue things most of the time. I now love wearing bright colours such as yellow, orange, green and red purely because the colour feels right to look at. I also now wear a lot more red due to the fact it's pretty much my best friends favourite colour and I like to do things that relate to her.

I do sometimes wish that my mum or sisters (as they got older) had made me change clothes more so that at this age I wouldn't feel 'strange' or anything in my head and so it may have saved meltdowns.

As for being teased, I was by one nasty little girl. I had worn the same t shirt two days in a row when going out with her and some friends and she made a point of pointing it out that I'd worn the same shirt. It will typically be girls that'll tease about clothes. I've never had guy friends make a deal out of it.

People who know me and know what I'm about don't make a big deal about me not changing my clothes. That's all they are and I'd rather feel comfortable in something I 'have' to wear. Nobody should be made to wear things they're not comfortable in just for the sake of society and their opinions.

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blondeambition
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01 Apr 2012, 4:43 pm

NeXus_Blueliner wrote:

Have you every used Dryel drycleaning sheets? See video below:

http://dryel.com/how-it-works/

I used to home dryclean work clothes all of the time with them. I don't know if it is available in England.

Also, if you want clothes that are already broken-in upon purchase, you can buy used stuff at garage sales, resale shops, or online.

Maybe a whole lot of fabric softener, too, and dry fully in the dryer rather than hanging up things or lying things flat to dry while they are still damp. No starch or ironing, either, I would think.

I'm sure that you've already thought of these things. Just putting ideas out there for anyone who doesn't like that "just washed" or "new clothes" feel.

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02 Apr 2012, 7:03 am

I think teasing will be kept to a minimum as long as the shirts are washed & clean.

connysmom
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16 Jun 2012, 1:52 pm

Things went really well at school this year. My son decided he wanted to tell his 3rd grade class about his autism. I think that helped prevent the problems. Or at least I didn't hear about them.

Now it is summer, and he is still wearing ONLY red t-shirts. (They even have to be the same brand.) I could care less. But at his summer daycamp, he's now moved up to the 4-6th grade group. So he's the youngest.

And kids are making comments about him wearing red shirts every day. This is according to his therapists who were there.

Of course the mama bear in me wants to just go give those brats a piece of my mind, but that wouldn't be effective. I've sent an email to the director, asking how it will be addressed. Teasing kids is not in keeping with the mission of the organization where he goes to summer daycamp. And if I need to come in and talk to the group about autism, I will.

But my heart breaks for my kiddo. He doesn't want to go to daycamp. But there aren't many options when I have to work. Thankfully he's only at that particular daycamp a little this summer -- I also got him in to some science, math, and scout daycamps. But obviously he's now being more around those older kids who are at the age where they can be so cruel.

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16 Jun 2012, 2:21 pm

When I was that age I got teased a lot about many things but I didn't understand why I was teased. Maybe you should talk with him and explain why the other kids tease him about the red shirts. Explain that most people don't wear the same exact thing every day. Let him know that it's ok to wear it, but also that he can expect some others not to understand. Then let him make his own choices about that.

If he's insisting on only wearing red when the school year starts and it becomes a problem at school, you may have to just do away with the red stuff altogether for a while. But for now, I'd suggest explaining it to him.

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