My 3 yo got away and took a walk in the street!

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Thanks so much for all your replies. I am going to try some of your suggestions.

MMJMOM - the Jump, jump, jump...Stop sign, how does it work. Should he jump 3 times and then stop, when he encounters the sign at the door? I like the idea of eventually moving it to the gate, and even making a travel size one to take with us when we to to other people's homes. I would print it and laminate it.

League_Girl - I love the bug on a winshield example. Hopefully I can use it on him next year when he will hopefully be more verbal. About how old where you when it made sense?

DW_a_mom - I wish I could find the right words or tone to lecture him to get him to understand.

Washi - I am going to watch him to see if he is doing it for attention (though I think he might already feel like I am ALWAYS watching him). He is a liitle funny when it comes to attention though. He actually will demand it. If he is showing me something (without calling my name first so I don't know it's me he is talking to) he will raise his voice or place is face close to my face to get my attention. That's much easier than wandering off.

momsparky - my son is the same way. If I say "Bye" he is perfectly okay with it and his off on his merry way. The only time he gets upset when I say bye is if I am leaving him in the house or yard. Then he wants to go with me. He definetly doesn't understand his limited freedom, it's either all or nothing, meaning, he wants total freedom when he is not holding my hand, but will follow me politely if we walk and I hold his hand.

Regarding a social story, we are just at the stage where I am prompting him to tell me the picture he likes the best in one of our short books we read. There is still limited comprehension for the books we read.

My son has a lot of potential and he is a bright, happy, lovable little boy, but his communication delays make explaining abstract things, like danger, very difficult. That's why I like the idea of a Stop sign or the bug on a windshield since that is something he can see. He seems to be a visual learner.

This is way out there, but I was talking to DH and my brother about acting out a "car accident" for my son. Basically, DH would let the car roll and "hit" my brother and my brother would pretend cry. Do you think we are crazy for even thinking this? Do you think this would somehow make my son terrified of cars, road, etc Or should we just try and wait for his language and maturity to develop.

Not sure if this would work, it would really not show the true effect of getting hit by a car. Someone could also get really injured messing around like this... personally I'd skip it.

Momofthree, social stories don't have to be verbal; there are many visual social stories out there, for instance, this one:

http://merrilewis.wordpress.com/2010/12 ... s-streets/
or
http://www.do2learn.com/games/safetygam ... safety.htm

The following aren't as good, but you get the idea:

http://keepyourchildsafe.org/aspwpadmin ... loring.PDF
http://www.do2learn.com/games/songs/str ... nyard.html
http://www.do2learn.com/games/songs/mal ... tysong.htm
http://www.machkovich.com/Cory/AutismRe ... yHouse.pdf

Hadn't seen that - but beyond what Wreck-Gar says, there is a good possibility that your son would take this much more literally, and think that being hit by a car means you cry, get up, and are fine. He may not even understand crying. There's an awful lot of variables to control for here even beyond the ones you mentioned. I wouldn't illustrate something this way.

Forgot to mention Sesame Street videos: here's one
http://www.sesamestreet.org/video_playe ... 52ab3e4656

And therein lies the rub! My parents succeeded at keeping me safe, but at what cost? When they were yelling at me, with the "you could have been killed" and stuff, all I could think was: "if I actually was killed, I'd have people love me and say nice things about me, rather suffer from listening to being yelled at and told what a horrible person I am". Sad and kind of sick, but true: even as a little kid, I already viewed getting killed by a speeding vehicle as "less dangerous", and by extension less scary, than being punished by my parents. Don't know if that's an AS thing or my parents went overboard and made their punishments seem scarier than death.

Momsparky is onto something here: an aspie child can interpret a statement "hit by a car" literally. As in, actually hit by a car, where it's not much different than an average adult getting shoved on the ground by a WWF wrestler. Painful and/or shocking, but not deadly. Perhaps a better choice of words would be "seriously injured". Most kids find death to be too abstract of a concept to think it applies to them, but they do understand the concept of injury. So the wording "seriously injured" wouldn't sound too far-fetched. And hence, scare them straight just enough to keep them safe. But hopefully, not enough to make death seem better than punishment.

I remember my teacher in second grade inviting a guest speaker to talk about safety rules. He (the guest speaker) gave a very thoughtful speech. He said something like this: "When you run into the street, you risk hurting innocent people. Let's say you run into the street, and there's a moving car. That driver is smart; he knows better than to keep going and risk hitting you. So he will swerve to avoid doing that. But by swerving, he's putting himself in danger. He can hit a tree, a mailbox, or someone else's car. You will not be hurt, because he swerved to avoid you. But by not thinking about your actions, you're creating a lot of trouble for an innocent person who wanted nothing more than to avoid hurting you." That made a lot more impression on me than all my parents' punishments put together. I was wrongfully punished more times than I could count, so the "making an innocent person suffer when he doesn't deserve it" angle worked exponentially more effectively than any punishment my parents could dish out, because it appealed to AS logic, albeit unintentionally, rather than the pure fear of being punished,

I don't think anyone here is suggesting screaming at kids as the solution. Are you a parent?

Momof three,

What I would do to teach the Stop Sign, would be to first make a game of it. What directions can he follow or what can he imitate? Can he "jump" on command? Can he clap hands on command? Can he hi five on command? If it is Hi five, I would say to him, "high five!" and do it, and maybe do it again, and one more...then pull up the STOP sign and say, "STOP", and FREEZE and really exaggerate your freeze motion, like stop in mid High five or something. I would keep practicing that witl all different commands, anything that he is already able to do, and when you feel he has a great handle on STOP sign, then move it to a door, or the gate, etc...and teach that. Before you put it on the door or gate, I would show him you exiting thru the door, and then put the stop sign up and then attempt to leave and say "STOP" and freeze.

It might take a while for him to get it, or he may catch on real quick! And of course when you do move it to the door or gate, make sure it is eye level to him!

Aspie 1,

recently my NT 3yo ran out in the middle of a fairly busy parking lot. I was gettting ready to leave a kiddie play place, and one of my sons freinds opened the door and she took off. I RAN after her SCREAMING her name and STOP, repeatedly until I got close enough and grabbed her. LUCKILY no cars were coming or pulling out. I was so scared and too far to reach her until she was already off the curb and far enough for a car to have hit her. So while she was running, I was SCREAMING. What else coudl I have done? She was too far to hear me if I were talking calm, and to be honest, I was panicked and WANTED her to be scared of my scream and STOP before she got hurt. It is just dumb luck that a car wasnt coming thru or backing out of a spot. Now, I didnt yell once i had her, but I did tell her how scared I was and how she could have gotten very hurt. Sometimes when a parent is SO MORTIFIED that their child will get killed in front of their eyes, they yell! It happened to my freind the other day whose son ran across the street without looking after getting ice cream from teh ice cream man. She yelled and held onto him and told him basically what your parents told you. Its just natural. You are so shocked at what just could have happened, and so angry that they endangered themselves. We are only human and maybe that isnt the right thing to do, but sometimes we slip up! Not sure what relationship you had with your parents, or of they screamed and humiliated you for every move you made, but to me it isnt horrible for a parent to YELL if their child is racing in the middle of a street. Unless you are close enough to grab and prevent them, your yell is all that you have to potentially stop a tragedy! BTDT!

Aspie1, Are you saying that you'd have preferred to have been hit by a car and killed than to have to listen to you frantic parents shouting at you? Maybe your parents were more extreme in their punishment than the parents on here, which has caused you to speak like this, in this discussion. The parents here aren't doing anything out of the ordinary. Or perhaps you have a hard time associating the screaming/punishment with the misadventure. My daughter has a hard time with this too, but most kids don't and she's improving as well. Screaming, to stop your child doing something that might get them killed, is a natural reaction. It usually has the effect of saving a life and preventing a driver becoming traumatised and no-one should be criticised for that.

Even apes scream at their children and pound the ground with their fists, when they see them about to do something dangerous, like pick up a snake. I doubt they are psychologically damaging them. They're doing the right thing, to protect their offspring.

Here's an example of what happened to me. I locked my front door, and when I turned round, I saw my daughter heading down to the bottom of our driveway, whilst my neighbour was pulling out of her's, which converges with our's (we're at the top of a cul-de-sac). I screamed her name (it's the natural thing to do when you see an accident about to happen). The effect was that my daughter stopped in her tracks and my neighbour slammed on her brakes. Had I not done that, she would have kept on going and my neighbour would have ran over her, possibly killing her - many lives torn apart by that.

My daughter is now 6 1/2 and finally the road safety training (which has involved a little shouting) has finally sunk in. She's not traumatised and is proud that Mummy now lets her walk ahead, as I know she'll stop at the kerbs.

I think Aspie1 might be talking about scolding/lecturing...a far cry from a gut reaction if your kid suddenly bolts in front of a car.

I hear ya, but I think it is a far reach to think that after wittnessing your child almost get killed or place themselves in extreme danger, that any parent will have a clear head and NOT yell or react harshly. It would be fair to say that lecturing 3 days later, yelling and screaming that you could have been killed isnt the correct way to go. But if that happened as they scooped him up out of the street, Id say most parents would have reacted similar. I chose not to yell at my 3yo once I had her, but who knows what I would have said if this was a repeat offense and I was at my wits end.

I think the bigger pic is somehow keeping the child safe, rather how we react when we find our small children in the middle of a road. Containing them, hovering, locking doors and gates, teaching small skills to lead up to the ultimate goal... whatever needs to be done until that child can show self control and know dangers of cars and streets, or dangers of wandring off and getting lost or kidnapped.

Just wanted to point out: not every kid has or had the benefit of parents who have appropriate tools and are doing their best. I value the input of adult Aspies without children highly, because I think they have a better take on my son's experience than anyone else. That being said, it's important to remember that their experience may well be colored by parents who were not as tuned-in to their children as most of the posters here.

It's really hard not to scream at a child when they scare you, but I think the take-away is that when you are calm, take the time to explain that you are concerned for their safety and while you didn't mean to scream, they scared you by _________________ action. Admittedly, with everything involving kids on the spectrum, it's very, very difficult to ride the line between doing too much for them and doing too little.

Brilliant! He can follow some requests, as long as the sentence is short (maybe up to 5 or 6 words). I think he would love that game. Off to print up thoses signs!

Wreck-Gar - You are right. It goes against my better judgement. I am just feeling a little desperate right now.

momsparky - Thanks so much!! I had no idea that they had this. I am going to start working with him using thses videos.

Mummy_of_Peanut - My heart goes out to you. I can imagine how scary that must have been. When you think of what could have gone wrong, it is so scary and painful. I would rather my son be alive and think I was over protective, than the alternative.

Probably an ASD thing because people on the spectrum tend to have difficulty with tone of voice. Screaming does mean angry but that isn't always the case because it depends on the situation. If it involves danger, then it's easy for lot of people to assume the person was scared. People also scream when scared. Most kids would know their parents were scared so they screamed at them. I don't know if kids under age six understand this yet. Also the fact that kids with autism have a hard time with sense of danger so it would make sense why they wouldn't even guess their parent was scared. You did say you views getting killed by a vehicle less dangerous and less scary. To most people, that is very dangerous and very scary because no one wants to lose their child or see them get hurt.

I don't know how your parents did it when they screamed at you but I was never told I was a bad person for running out in traffic or for taking off. Instead mom would tell me what could have happened to me after. It may have been the way they did it or it could have been both of you meaning it was your autism giving you difficulty with the situation and it was your parents going overboard with it meaning telling you how bad and horrible you are rather than just telling you you could have gotten killed and died or end up in a wheelchair for life and you would never be able to walk again. But it does seem like now you now understand why they yelled at you and what their intentions were but back then you didn't understand but now you do.

I really do wish everyone understood how hard it is to not scream when you are scared. Both my ex's seemed to have this issue and not understand so I told him so what would he do if his son was running out in traffic? Would he not scream at him because not yelling at him would not get his attention and he sure wouldn't stop. Also my first ex said to calmly tell people but I told him how can you calmly tell people if there is danger and he said it can startle them and make the situation worse. But honestly I react to screaming when there is danger because it gets my attention. A nice tone of voice won't alert me. Even my last ex said just tell them in your normal tone of voice don't run out in the traffic and boy did that flabbergast me because I have never seen this before. And I would expect a parent to understand because I am sure his own kid had done something dangerous where he could be killed or hurt himself.

I suspect when my first ex didn't react to screaming the same way lot of people react when someone screams at them in fear because he said it can make the situation worse because the screaming scared them so if you are in the car and they are about to hit another car, screaming at them would scare them so they actually crash the car than slamming on their breaks. But it always bugs me when people expect someone to have full control over their feelings when dangerous situations come. So he be projecting himself onto others about screaming in fear. I suspect he also had aspie traits and he did score between aspie and NT on the RDOS test. But god I am aspie and I do not have this issue.


I do remember the time I was in the car and I was talking to him and I looked both ways before crossing the road and my ex started to say "Watch it" and it didn't do anything for me because he didn't scream it at me. It was just in his normal tone of voice. Then he started to say it quicker and fast and if it weren't for the car all of a sudden showing up out of my blind spot, I would have probably been hit but if he would have shouted it, I would have stopped sooner and then I would have seen the car and then knew what that was about. But good thing I was also watching the road or else I would not have stopped in time. So my ex was lucky I was paying attention to the road than being distracted and zoned out like my dad often does because his tone of voice did nothing for me until I saw the car all of a sudden. All I am going to wonder is why is he saying that or not really take notice about him saying it. I would hear it but it wouldn't register in my mind so I would not react to it.

You can try this http://www.mypreciouskid.com/child-locator.html this goes on your child and emits an alarm if you can not see them. I used these http://www.mypreciouskid.com/wireless-door-alarm.html they are alarms for the doors but if other people live in the house you need to stress to them that if they turn it off they need to have someone in the house to turn them back on. Also if you live in the US you can get the alarms in Home Depot.....we had an incident sort of like the Dora thing only my daughter was going to the Ni Hao Kai Lan Lady Bug Festival. She also took off on us not long ago and took her bike down the street, thankfully I put ID necklaces on my kids and a nice lady brought her back, I was in the shower and we did not expect my daughter to go out as she had not done that in over a year, my husband was working on his grant proposal and my son was staring at the TV so they did not notice.....not as vigilant as I am, but my husband is more vigilant now. My daughter knows to take her necklace off before bed and hang it up but my son who is older and has Asperger's lost two of them (he needs one too, he got lost with his grandparents at the zoo and freaked out so much that he couldnt say his last name) fortunately my daughter found one of them ( the most expensive one) and he is very careful with it because I told him I would not be able to buy him any more battle tops until he did not hang them and put them on in the morning. They never liked the bracelets and I dont like them wearing the necklaces to bed.....I tend to worry a lot but I dont want to make my kids too paranoid so I dont tell my kids the crazy stories my Mom used to tell me because some of them just made me more terrified and there are better ways to explain things but I guess she got the job done!

Also service dogs are wonderful in more ways than one for Autistic kids, if they like animals. Sometimes they can help with things like anxiety and depression. Problem is that they are VERY expensive and you have to raise the money yourself. I have found some that are less expensive and help you raise the money. Its something you would have to look into in your area. Im looking into getting a service dog for me because I have a few chronic diseases and I am not able to walk very well and only for short distances, it would be nice to have a dog to help me up and to help me in case I start to fall. We are training my Bichon mix to walk while being tethered to my daughter as if she sees something in the street or has a meltdown she does not think and will run into the street.....we are having her pull and try to go toward the street and teaching Nico (our dog) to pull her back.....he will do anything for a treat .

My husband had to grab me once and yell stop because I wasnt paying attention and almost walked out in front of a car as well!

Is this common with all 3-year-olds? Or more common with those diagnosed on the autism spectrum.

My 3-year-old absolutely LOVES running...and he loves to see if I'm chasing him. He's laughing the entire time as well.

Sometimes I entertain him, and try to have fun with it. But other times, I just don't want to run after him all the time.

I'm not sure if this is 'kid' thing that all kids do at that age, or a characteric on the autism spectrum?