won't touch his penis

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Wow, a nurse? My son was born in a field and I just threw him in a potato sack and brought him home.

Yes, you're right. Thanks for clarifying that.


I don't think one would have to "force it back" in order to clean it.



Wow, that's just ridiculous. When my son was born, circumcision was not covered by medic-care anymore (nor could I afford it). It used to be free because they thought circumcision was a medical need until they realized this wasn't true. Either way, I thought it was barbaric. My son was already born with a brain injury and the thought of having his "penis" cut, was just not on the agenda for me. I was told that in my son's generation, more parents are/will be opting out of this procedure - as it's not necessary. Unless there was a repeated infection I didn't need to worry. Thank goodness. I was advised to prevent infections and did the best I could without interfering too much. I later taught my son how to do so himself. I don't think he'd force anything back.. and come to think of it, he can barely wash his neck properly - let alone take care of this business.. and hasn't had an infection yet.

I am APPALLED by the IGNORANT UNHELPFUL JERKS on this thread like the idiot above. What are you implying!?? Like she's asking about this out of ALL the issues with an autistic child!?? YES!! ! This is a HUGE issue!! My son won't let me touch his penis at all and I have been told for YEARS by doctors that you MUST clean his foreskin for him if he is uncircumsized. That is can lead to adhesions and infections and even had a DR tell me I should circumsize him at 7 years old because he will be too ret*d to clean himself and care for himself when he is older basically. I AM FREAKING OUT BECAUSE MY SON IS CRYING AND THROWING A FIT AND GRABBING AT HIS PENIS RIGHT NOW AND HE CAN'T TELL ME WHAT IS WRONG!! ! I don't know if he is just grabbing it for comfort or does it hurt!!??
I am disgusted by ignorant closed-minded assh9les like the people blurting out stupid, accusatory, thoughtless answers when moms like me and the original poster NEED ANSWERS!! ! I need to know is my son going to be alright even if I can't clean his penis??? He won't let me and never did let me. IT'S A REAL CONCERN PEOPLE!! IF YOU CAN'T BE MATURE ENOUGH TO HELP SOMEONE WITH A VALID CONCERN SHUT YOUR STUPID MOUTH!! !! !

Yes, my guess is that it is a sensory issue. Shame that we can't know these things before making decisions on things like circumcision, or we might decide differently. Sigh.

I will confess, I just had to open the thread because reading your title all I could think of was, "oh I wish we had that problem! I couldn't keep my son's hands OUT of his pants!" But, of course, it isn't that simple, is it, and I was, as you were, taught that it was crucial to pull the skin back to get things washed and prevent infection. Since my son has been fine all these years I won't revisit that, but I think in your case weighing the conflicting medical information and coming to the conclusion such a step might be safely skipped would definitely make life more comfortable in your family.

Unfortunately, there are likely to be many ways the skin sensitivities will end up making life difficult. To some degree they may mitigate as your child matures, since many sensory issues do, but there really is no way to know. And there often are phases as your child grows up where they get much worse. I am relieved to be on the other side of my son's worst issues, but I won't deny there were some very difficult years there. Be ready for it all to get worse (maybe ages 5-10?) before it gets better (hopefully after puberty; sorry, I didn't write it all down).

Overall, I find it important to honor sensory issues. To the extent you need to push on them a little, find the most sensitive route. Be prepared to experiment and to include your child in the choice of experiments. Some hygiene chores just have to be done, but you want to develop a trust with your child that shows you are aware of the true pain it causes him and also doing your best to avoid it. As I said, this isn't the only issue you are going to encounter.

Best of luck to you and your family.

Last edited by DW_a_mom on 04 Aug 2015, 4:11 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I don't think she meant to write nearly as judgmentally as you are taking it.

It can be difficult for all of us to understand just how sensitive and important an issue is for someone else, if we've never had it ourselves. That doesn't mean we can't all be sympathetic once we know. In an ASD forum, people tend to be blunt and go with their natural reactions.

My first reaction to the post title was to want to laugh, as in "wish we could all be so lucky!" Does that make me a bad person? No, it makes me a person who has had a difference experience. Obviously, reading the full post made me aware of what the actual issue was, and then of course I no longer found it in the least bit funny. But sometimes you have to be patient with the rest of us while we catch up to your point of view.

I am sorry this has been such a difficult issue for you, and that you felt it was belittled by anyone here. Clearly, it has caused you pain and for that I am sorry.

I hope the advice in the thread will be helpful for you, as well, although I am worried that your son might have an actual infection. Have you visited a doctor to rule that out, or do you think the visit would be too traumatic?

I would think that for the same reasons a child doesn't like to be touched, he may also find the natural sensitivity in that region painful instead of inviting. In which case I would have no idea what to do. But I would rule out a medical issue, if possible, first. If there is no infection, I think it is clear that doing a circumcision at this age would be no help at all. If there have been a string of infections, I would get a variety of medical opinions before making a decision on what to do.

I am sorry that your situation has reached such a critical level.

I think it's a sensory issue that any kid could have, but could certainly be amplified by being on the spectrum. I would recommend 1) you decide whether or not you think you have to continue to retract his foreskin to clean him. Clearly, it's a matter of some debate, and as a loving mother you will do you own research and decide what you believe. 2) Let it go. He's very young now. If you decide that cleaning it in that way is the right way to go, then continue what you're doing - do it quickly then leave it alone. And maybe don't do it every day. It's not your job to "get him used to it", especially considering the body part in question. If you feel like it's necessary, do it the least amount you need to. You'll be able to have a real conversation about it with him when he's older, and maybe he'll be able to tell you the deal.

Disclaimer: my boys are Jewish and circumcised, but I was also given care instructions that included cleaning their penises thoroughly. Finally, one boy hated it, so I didn't do it very often, and now at 4, I never do unless I see lint or something hanging out down there.