"outing" a kid on facebook????

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Taking this back to the OP's question: I do post about autism on my FB page, but I don't connect it to anyone in my family (except, perhaps, me. I'd own it, if somebody asked.) For instance, I follow GRASP and sometimes repost their posts, etc.

The problem is, you can't really separate the child's experience from the parent's experience. I don't tell my son's peers, although he did decide to tell them himself. I did tell the adults whom I am close to. I do talk about it here, and I suppose if somebody really wanted to be an incredible a-hole, they could track me down and out him from here. I would not be able to be a good parent if I couldn't talk about my experience as a parent. Yes, FB not really an appropriate place. I'd even rather find some way to do WP without leaving an I-trail, but I can't. There it is.

Basically, though, if we're on the autism spectrum, we are on it. I don't consider it something to be ashamed of or something to hide, and neither does DS. In fact, the other day a friend asked him to imagine what the world would be like if he wasn't AS, and he was truly horrified and said so - he knows that while some of his weaknesses come from the spectrum, so do most of his strengths - and he's able to articulate that.

I think that is the best way to counteract the stigma of being different - just be different, and don't try to hide it.

my daughter is 2 and on the spectrum but I haven't really put it on facebook and I tend to put everything on facebook but that is mainly because I am fed up with all the "she's too young, she probably doesn't have it" she has Probable Autism and as she gets older she gets that little bit MORE autistic if that makes sense?
Sometimes I would like to tell everyone and say ohh she's autistic just so people can understand why she's the way she is, I feel people label her as stupid because she's almost 3 and still isn't talking yet, or doing "normal" things she should be doing by now
I also feel not saying shes Aspie could seem like I'm ashamed of the fact she is?
I'm not! but you know some people may put it all over facebook to show they aren't ashamed of their child for being a bit different, hope this makes sense.

It's a very neurotypical thing to do. Have concerns, tell everyone, reach out for support.

I don't know about the parent, but I pity the child. Social media are dangerous tools. I avoid them.

I don't think it's an NT thing to do. Do autistic parents not reach out for support when they have a child with autism? Do they not share it with others? I am sure there are NT parents out there that don't post about their autistic kids online and I have seen autistic parents post videos of their autistic kids on youtube. Seen an autistic parent mention her kids in her blog and one of them is also on the spectrum. I don't think my mother mentions anymore I have autism because I am an adult now and it's no one's business. She could have told that one rude lady yesterday because of the way she was treating me but I don't think she told her because it's not her business. She just decided she wouldn't buy from her and thought of her as a weird strange lady. Instead I overheard her talking about it to my dad saying she is not buying from her and she didn't like how she treated me and she was like "what's wrong with her?" and my dad suggested I probably asked too many questions and she didn't like it. Then she had the nerve to ask my mother after I went outside "Will she get lost?" when I said I was going out to the car. She acted like I was mental or something or I should say ret*d, excuse me, intellectual impaired person.

I think it's more of a parent thing. Parents talk about their NT kids too all the time too and "brag about what they did or have accomplished or what problems they have been having. Even autistic parents will talk about their kids rather they are special needs or not. I have even seen some on here talk about their autistic kids. NT trait they have? I think not. Just a parent thing.

For those worrid about it getting attached to their child BECAUSE they posted on facebook about it, don't. IT's already attached to your child. The second you got that piece of paper from the doctor and started applying for services and maybe doing an IEP, it's permanent and any employer can find out about it. How? They can compel you to release your medical records to them as a condition of your employment. I had to sign my rights away for my job and many jobs are quite the same.

Also for those saying that posting on here is different from facebook, it isn't as different as you would like to. Although the average joe can't figure out who you are, anyone worth their salt with computers (ie a hacker or a hacker PI) can link these posts and your user ID to your IP or device and therefore to your facebook and to you, so unless you are always ona library computer from which you do nothing else ever, you aren't as protected as you think you are. So sure *I* can't figure out who you are, but if someone really wanted to snoop, it would be no problem.

I am quite aware that there is no "total" privacy on Facebook, or anywhere, but there is "effective" privacy, keeping enough private for the vast majority of people to not have access to it. Absent living as a hermit, you can't get to the level of "total" privacy, so why bother? I am interested in keeping the effective privacy, and won't worry about the total, because it simply isn't available. My son is well versed in the on-line world, and would think me nuts to try to create total protection for any of us.

Did you miss this part of my original post?

But all they are looking is evidence of indiscretion. They can't discriminate based on beliefs, activities, or the like; that would be against the law. If they were going to use any of the information against you, it would have to specifically indicate an inability to fulfill the requirements of the job with discretion.

Personally, I wouldn't want to work for someone asking for that information. I'll happily open the page for them, but I won't leave them with a password; I would consider it insecure to do so, and would expect them to respect my position. If they can't, we aren't compatible, and may as well know it now.

Regardless, this thread shouldn't be a debate about privacy from Facebook. Most parents who post about their children's special needs on a Facebook page are assuming there is no privacy; they are generally hoping to either help others or receive help by going out with it. Not everyone knows about places like Wrong Planet; for many, reaching out through something like Facebook is the only way they know to fill a need. And parents of unique children do NEED to be able to talk about the issues and triumphs they face with their children, and some level of sharing DOES benefit the children.

While my son doesn't want to be a public figure like Alex (the owner of this site), he IS content having his teachers, advisers and close friends - and my close friends - know about his diagnosis. It is part of who he is, and part of what our family life entails. I am circumspect the vast majority of the time, but sometimes talking about it is appropriate. What you won't see is my son's name or identifying information here, even though I am aware the industrious readers could probably find us if they really wanted to; that is true pretty much everywhere in life, same as how an industrious thief will steal your iPad from your locked home and break through your passwords. You can't devise your life in perfect shield; the cost isn't worth it.

We live in an area very accepting of ASD, true, and my son can spend his entire life here if he feels the need to.

I'm not sure what to make of the topic about the facebook and parents outing their children on it.
Do the parents have their facebook set to private so only friends/family see it?

Or are they the type to add hundreds of strangers and post publicly?

I deleted my facebook, i don't like how facebook spies on us in order to spam us with commercials that apply. It won't make me go on ebay more than i do.

I have a dislike of facebook so i would never put pictures of my children all over it. Doesn't matter if the are on the spectrum or not. There are way too many perverts on the internet nowadays. It's scary how many people state private things publically without a care in the world.

On a random note, i do notice a lot of people do put videos of their Autistic children on Youtube.com
I have watched various different youtube videos that have been put up. The best are the ones that are filmed well with a purpose i guess to educate or help out other parents.

A lot of the parents that do this seem to have kids that are on the lower functioning end of the spectrum sometimes.
Other times i can't tell where on the spectrum the child is.

I think that the parents just don't think ahead. Whatever we put on the web will stay there and follow forever.

Personally i would avoid posting pics, videos and talking about my children on the net.
If i were a phone person. i would use that instead.

Once something is on the net, it stays forever.

No. I'm more aware of that than you are. As I said, I've done the type of research that gave me an insight into what was possible. When I was very careful - and as my posts should suggest, I take that further than most - then analysed the information I'd given out and what someone could piece together from it, I scared myself. But there is a difference between putting information out there where someone would have to do at least a little work for it, and handing it to them on a silver platter.

The fact remains - although I agree that anyone who was determined could, say, identify any poster here, that would require a specific effort. And although medical records are hardly as private as some people like to imagine, again, they aren't wide open.

Facebook, in specific, and similar sites, are a completely different situation. There is no effective privacy at all on such sites. They wouldn't make money if they were designed that way. With the bots that are available now, it is easier to gather all data, including the "private" data, of everyone on Facebook, than it would be for me to identify a single poster here on WP. If I were to try to do that (which I'm not, by the way - having an idea how something is done is not the same as doing it), I'd actually have to work for the information, at least a little. (If there is a bot that would gather this for me with the click of a button, I'm not aware of it.) Facebook is different. The only limitations on gathering data from sites like that are twofold: first, they do try to keep people who aren't paying for the data out. But there's a tradeoff; effective security costs money, so as long as every script kiddie can't scrape away at will, they're not going to spend the money required to keep everyone one - especially in light of the second limitation. The data from a site like that is huge. You'd need a lot of storage space, processing power, and a pretty sophisticated database setup to collect it and make use of it. So individuals won't bother. But every corporation on the planet lives and dies by such data now - so all of them either have it, or will get their hands on it soon.

Facebook and Amazon are two of the worst threats to privacy today. Google isn't far behind. Put the data from those three sources together, and you'd have a database that would make the Nazis (and Nazi Germany was the world's first Information Age society {using Hollerith/IBM punch card machines} - something to think about) die of joy. Credit monitoring agencies, credit card companies, and the like are not too far behind, but even they aren't up to that level. I do agree that we have less privacy than we think we do, but those are the three worst threats in the United States. (Although I don't claim to know as much about this, I suspect even the Chinese government does not keep as much data about most of their citisens as any of the sites I named, for example.) And differences in how much or little privacy we have can make a real, practical difference in our lives.

As an example, I mentioned the Nazis set up the world's first Information Age society. That was what enabled them to be so efficient at rounding up "undersirables". In Holland, where that system worked, 75% of the Jews living there died - despite fairly active resistance efforts by the Dutch, and many who hid Jews and aided them to escape. In France, where a Resistance member sabotaged that system, only 25% of the Jews living there died. No, we don't live in Nazi Germany - but no one can predict what the future will bring, and there are real reasons, especially for groups which have already been singled out, to consider doing all they can to avoid becoming low hanging fruit.

I wonder if the same people who post private information on Facebook would feel comfortable posting all their contact information on WrongPlanet.

All of us signed up with an email address that we own. We are dependent on the people who run this forum for our privacy.

I made the decision to potentially trade some privacy here in order to get the help and answers my son and our family needed. My son would never forgive me if what I've written here were ever connected with him directly, and I do think about that often. That being said, it is entirely possible that if I hadn't asked for help here, our situation could be significantly more tragic than a violation of privacy.

We have to weigh the costs and benefits of being trusting. This is true in all relationships, online or offline.

I agree with what you say. IMHO, one way to do this is doing a cost/benefit analysis and possibly a risk analysis. By what I have read of your posts I think you did the right thing and you're an excellent mother. I can tell you love him a lot and care about your son a lot. You are willing to go to hell and high water for your son. I can tell that about you.

Thank you, cubedemon! I'm trying - and you bet I'd go through it!

Why does it seem to be that the worst perpetrators of oversharing are parents? Whether it's talking about their infant son's diaper rash, their daughter's soccer game, a fight their kid had at school, sex or toilet-related things, parents seem to feel the need to tell everybody everything. They even take/send naked "tub pictures" of their kids. Do they not comprehend the concept of child porn?! Why on earth would you send a naked picture of a child to anyone (not to mention take one to begin with)?!?! Way to set up your sproglings for future humiliation.

That's why I used the word "posting". If you were to post your contact information on here, then everyone could view it. I don't see much difference in that and posting on Facebook.

In theory, you can blank out your personal information on FB just as you do here, and you can limit access to your posts to the general public on FB, which you can't do here. The information is still there, and accessible to those who know how to access it.

The "privacy" issues mentioned abovethread are real, but they pertain to the FB corporation, just as our email address is in the hands of WrongPlanet.

I trust WP more than I trust FB, that's for sure.