School program cancelled for next year
(DW is right, and my son is the posterchild for it: he had no supports at all and spent a significant amount of time in various offices (principal, social worker) not to mention all the time his teachers had to spend getting him out of the bathroom, solving disputes, etc. Last year we loaded up on supports and he did fine, no more wasted effort or classroom time - and now we've removed most of them because he doesn't need them any more.)
At any rate, the strategy against budget issues is to remind the district, subtly, that lawsuits are more expensive than appropriate supports - and that they are charged to provide appropriate supports by law.
The way to start is by making sure THEY know you know the law - you don't need a lawyer, you just need to send an email copying everyone along the hierarchy (so, starting with your child's direct service workers, then the school's administration, then the SPED supervisor, then the superintendent.) Make a polite statement that you are concerned that this change in programming will not provide your child the free and appropriate education (FAPE) he is entitled under the Individuals with Disabilities Education Act (IDEA) and the Americans with Disabilities Act (ADA.) If you can get a group of parents together to express this concern, that will be even better.
Thanks, I will make immediate use of this excellent advice!
btbnnyr, a major issue for my son is the dysgraphia. He can solve equations quite rapidly in his mind, but writing the steps to solution down is slow, painful and takes excessive space. If he doesn't have some help with that, bad things frustration mounts and eventually boils over. This ends in ripped up papers, screaming and banging his head against the wall. For language and history he has a keyboard to write with -- a tiny, dumb laptop device. It makes a huge difference. They do a lot of work on Chromebooks now, so that is a big help. They have not figured out a workable system for math, though. If writing was not such a huge effort, he probably would need far fewer supports.
I do appreciate what you are saying. I had to "sink or swim" when I was a kid and I learned enough toughness and drive to get to a situation where I have a job and have kept it for a decade and a half. I wish I had known what was going on in me when I had a hard time in college. It bothers me that I never got my degree. I am thinking about going back now and finishing it. I am taking a Coursera class from Dr Peggy Mason at the University of Chicago called Understanding the Brain: The Neurobiology of Everyday Life and I am loving every minute of it. Learning this way has given me confidence that I can go back to school and finally get that degree. I am hoping that this will also help my son see by example what can be done.
I really appreciate your posts in this thread. I value your perspective and experience and thank you for sharing them in this way.
btbnnyr
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Joined: 18 May 2011
Gender: Female
Posts: 7,359
Location: Lost Angleles Carmen Santiago
Yeah, I know kids with dysgraphia and dyspraxia who type well, but can't write, and I think that schools shouldn't force children to write, because they'll be mostly typing when they're in the adult world.
Have you looked into math programs for typing math symbols? There is an opportunity to create this kind of program for students, if there are no available ones. But I don't know if it is even necessary. My world revolves around math, but I never write anything down, because I program everything or if I need to show the math, I can use LaTeX.
_________________
Drain and plane and grain and blain your brain, and then again,
Propane and butane out of the gas main, your blain shall sustain!
Math is one big reason to keep working on the hands and the disgraphia, and there are other reasons, too. My son touch types very well, but several people have now said that they felt the school district should NOT have stopped OT just because he could type, and have asked him to seriously consider engaging OT on his own, now that he is almost legally an adult. A lot of kids coming up now with disgraphia ARE learning to write through OT, and while typing is probably always going to be primary for a disgraphic kid, not being able to write is, simply, a real handicap. Computers and keyboards break. Application forms are not always available in a pdf format, or easy to scan. In schools like my son's the only calendar for tracking homework is paper, and my son can't read his own writing. Despite the prevalence of computers and communication devices, they are not "always" available. My son can't draw (despite an amazing artistic eye), he has started to dislike math because of the writing element, he can't run the machinery they use in his applied engineering class (although most work is done on a 3D printer, they still expect them to be able to cut), and so on. These are real frustrations for him that learning to type has not been able to solve. I didn't push because I fell for the "oh, well, writing isn't needed anymore" line, but I actually regret that. I think my son could have learned to write, even if he would never have preferred it.
Does your son get OT services Adamantium?
_________________
Mom to an amazing young adult AS son, plus an also amazing non-AS daughter. Most likely part of the "Broader Autism Phenotype" (some traits).
btbnnyr
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Joined: 18 May 2011
Gender: Female
Posts: 7,359
Location: Lost Angleles Carmen Santiago
Maybe pushing more and accommodating less is helpful in learning to write, as it was for me in learning to speak for communication. My mind still doesn't work well with language, but if I had people often speaking for me instead of me speaking for myself and being pushed to do so by my parents, then I wouldn't have learned to speak as well as I do now, which is still not as well as intellectual peers, but OK.
Maybe things like application forms should be made more accessible for people with this disability, and technologies may be able to help with math like the math program that I am now thinking of making.
_________________
Drain and plane and grain and blain your brain, and then again,
Propane and butane out of the gas main, your blain shall sustain!
On the writing I wouldn't say pushing more, but supporting more. Pushing is saying "do it anyway." Supporting is saying "I know this is difficult, so we will provide this help, and then we think you will be able to do it." There is no doubt that even with supports my son had to work twice as hard as any other child to learn to put ideas onto paper. Without supports he would have given up completely, it was that painful for him to write. What we would have liked to see is continued help with the physical issues after he had mastered the ability to put ideas onto paper via typing. That would not have been pushing him, but pushing the school to keep providing OT. Or pushing ourselves to provide OT privately.
We do consider our son a huge success story on the issue of writing, despite that regret. We all were in unchartered waters back then, without a road map in place for handling disgraphia, and without that word even being used at the time (in our school district, at least; it doesn't mean others might not have been more advanced). Somehow we found our way to the process that seems to be commonly used today. And my son loves to write now, he composes book chapters and mini-plays for personal entertainment, a concept that was unfathomable when he was 9. There definitely was a win in there, and he worked hard to get there. Just, well, as his mom, I see the ball that got dropped and wish I had caught them all. This isn't about push v. accommodate, really, but understanding where all the balls in the air are.
_________________
Mom to an amazing young adult AS son, plus an also amazing non-AS daughter. Most likely part of the "Broader Autism Phenotype" (some traits).
Thanks for writing about dysgraphia. DS has poor handwriting and spelling, and sometimes holds his wrist when writing. The OT tested his fine motor skills and said there's no problem there, so perhaps dysgraphia explains it. He also has a hard time tying his shoes, even though he knows how to do it.
He had OT but they gave up, saying he didn't need to improve his handwriting because he would have a chrome book and keyboard. I had them put OT for manual dexterity back in the IEP at our recent meeting.
He can't tie his shoes either.
I like your juggling image, DW--that is what it is like.
But it's a team activity where you are keeping some of the balls in the air and the school is catching some of them and keeping them going.
Unfortunately, I suck at team sports and group activity.
Adamantium, I think that's an important point - OT for writing isn't just about writing. Writing may be the deficit that shows up, it's more than likely not the only one - and that's a good way to frame it in a SPED meeting.
DS has excellent fine motor skills (can assemble legos like a boss,) but struggles with motor planning - he's conquered that and is able to write but he never qualified for OT, being in the area where even private practitioners noticed the deficit but said that he wouldn't really benefit from therapy. He also has proprioperception problems, again not enough to qualify for therapy. He has overcome his difficulties with writing to the point that he actually prefers pencil or pen and paper to typing, and can write in a way that's appropriate to his age.
We do a lot of stuff on our own to address these deficits: tai chi has been helpful (for me, too) for proprioperception, where DS has improved considerably. Drawing and art has been helpful for the motor planning issues - we're trying to find a cartooning class for him as he excels at that, and it would be easier for him to work on the planning part. Sometimes if you can't get therapy, you have to invent it on your own. (We're also doing an improv comedy class instead of social skills, which DS is angry about doing.)
I am more suggesting that having too much daily support can prevent or delay development of skills and self-confidence which then further helps development of new skills throughout life, but parents and teachers should teach the skills instead of leaving the child to figure things all out for themselves by sink or swim. I see some threads here about the balance of pushing vs. protecting, and I would say a good balance range is 70-90 pushing, 10-30 protecting, depending on the child, but pushing should be greater than protecting, if advancing in skills and independence is the goal.
Also, another thing that I noticed here is avoidance of meltdowns by parents, but often, it is good for autistic kid to have some meltdowns, as that is just one of the ways to let things out, then move on in life. At non-profit with lower functioning kids, the teachers let the kids have mini-meltdowns when first seeing material that was unfamiliar or changed, then after the mini-meltdown was over (this was emotional response to change), the kids seemed to be fine with the thing that had caused the meltdown in the first place. But not trying the new material was not an option, unless the teachers agreed that the new material was not very good or the learning value was not very high.
In the parents forum, I like to suggest alternative ways to look at things from the perspective of someone who benefitted from these ways, and they might not be applicable to Adamantium's son, but might be useful for someone else reading.
So I have been talking with my wife about this.
What is interesting to me is that I hear this comment about meltdowns as: Meltdowns can be a therapeutic release -- you get through a huge surge of debilitating feeling, then you come out the other said and get on with it. My wife hears something else, something like "Meldowns are not real, they are manipulative. We have to stop letting hime get away with it." This seems crazy to me. He is not being manipulative, he is freaking out, losing control. He is not calculating anything. My wife is usually right about things, but I don't think she understands this.
When I read your sentence aloud, it seemed to me that the idea that you expressed and that I wanted to share was: let the meltdowns happen and then continue. What she heard was: suppress the meltdowns with threats.
It can't be that I miscommunicated the language: I read your paragraph directly off the screen.
I think sometimes she doesn't see what is happening in him at all. But then I doubt my own judgment.
It's all so complicated!
They tried a few times to reduce our OT b/c my son's handwriting was supposedly "better than many kids who got no OT." Aside from me snarkily telling them I wasn't in a position to advocate for other people's children--I would always bring up life skills like shoe tying, snap snapping and buttoning. They try to limit OT to handwriting, but legally they need to help with any fine motor skills that are related to life skills.
One of the few good things about their dopey dress code was that in later grades they have a belt requirement, and I would constantly bring that up. They have since raised the age for belts, but back when I started complaining about it, it was a fourth grade dress code requirement. He was no way on target for being able to go to the bathroom at school or change for gym with a belt. They take their little dress code very seriously. So aside from me caring about him standing out, I knew they were not going to effusively promise an exemption.
I am more suggesting that having too much daily support can prevent or delay development of skills and self-confidence which then further helps development of new skills throughout life, but parents and teachers should teach the skills instead of leaving the child to figure things all out for themselves by sink or swim. I see some threads here about the balance of pushing vs. protecting, and I would say a good balance range is 70-90 pushing, 10-30 protecting, depending on the child, but pushing should be greater than protecting, if advancing in skills and independence is the goal.
Also, another thing that I noticed here is avoidance of meltdowns by parents, but often, it is good for autistic kid to have some meltdowns, as that is just one of the ways to let things out, then move on in life. At non-profit with lower functioning kids, the teachers let the kids have mini-meltdowns when first seeing material that was unfamiliar or changed, then after the mini-meltdown was over (this was emotional response to change), the kids seemed to be fine with the thing that had caused the meltdown in the first place. But not trying the new material was not an option, unless the teachers agreed that the new material was not very good or the learning value was not very high.
In the parents forum, I like to suggest alternative ways to look at things from the perspective of someone who benefitted from these ways, and they might not be applicable to Adamantium's son, but might be useful for someone else reading.
So I have been talking with my wife about this.
What is interesting to me is that I hear this comment about meltdowns as: Meltdowns can be a therapeutic release -- you get through a huge surge of debilitating feeling, then you come out the other said and get on with it. My wife hears something else, something like "Meldowns are not real, they are manipulative. We have to stop letting hime get away with it." This seems crazy to me. He is not being manipulative, he is freaking out, losing control. He is not calculating anything. My wife is usually right about things, but I don't think she understands this.
When I read your sentence aloud, it seemed to me that the idea that you expressed and that I wanted to share was: let the meltdowns happen and then continue. What she heard was: suppress the meltdowns with threats.
It can't be that I miscommunicated the language: I read your paragraph directly off the screen.
I think sometimes she doesn't see what is happening in him at all. But then I doubt my own judgment.
It's all so complicated!
I am going to take a shot at this and say your wife is probably conflating meltdowns with tantrums. Has she read Tracker's ASD guide?
There is a difference between tantrums (manipulative) and meltdowns.
My main concern about meltdowns is that I am not sure that they are actually good for the brain if they are too intense and too frequent. You can't be in a situation where kids are never challenged; but if you have a kid who constantly melts down, some scaffolding is in order.
The problem with meltdowns is that they are disruptive so school won't put up with them, will try to extinguish them and then often by doing so, create worse behaviors than what they were attempting to extinguish. I am not saying you allow a kid to disrupt other kids learning, but the approach is usually not very thoughtful. The schools won't (in my experience) even tolerate the little, one-off quick and done shrieks, when something is unexpected.
I am off on tangents, again, but maybe if she understood the difference between a meltdown and a tantrum that would help. If she thinks you are excusing any type of disruption or are denying that tantrums do exist for some kids it might undermine your credibility.
Edited for syntax
Last edited by ASDMommyASDKid on 23 May 2014, 3:06 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Also, another thing that I noticed here is avoidance of meltdowns by parents, but often, it is good for autistic kid to have some meltdowns, as that is just one of the ways to let things out, then move on in life. At non-profit with lower functioning kids, the teachers let the kids have mini-meltdowns when first seeing material that was unfamiliar or changed, then after the mini-meltdown was over (this was emotional response to change), the kids seemed to be fine with the thing that had caused the meltdown in the first place. But not trying the new material was not an option, unless the teachers agreed that the new material was not very good or the learning value was not very high.
.
So I have been talking with my wife about this.
What is interesting to me is that I hear this comment about meltdowns as: Meltdowns can be a therapeutic release -- you get through a huge surge of debilitating feeling, then you come out the other said and get on with it. My wife hears something else, something like "Meldowns are not real, they are manipulative. We have to stop letting hime get away with it." This seems crazy to me. He is not being manipulative, he is freaking out, losing control. He is not calculating anything. My wife is usually right about things, but I don't think she understands this.
When I read your sentence aloud, it seemed to me that the idea that you expressed and that I wanted to share was: let the meltdowns happen and then continue. What she heard was: suppress the meltdowns with threats.
It can't be that I miscommunicated the language: I read your paragraph directly off the screen.
I think sometimes she doesn't see what is happening in him at all. But then I doubt my own judgment.
It's all so complicated!
Your wife might find the book Lost at School very helpful. It does a great job of explaining and illustrating the idea that kids have meltdowns due to skill deficits rather than in order to manipulate.
One more here who thinks your wife has got it wrong. Pretty simple test, really (albeit imperfect): if a child is melting down about not getting ice cream for example, see what happens if you go ahead and give them the ice cream. If it was a tantrum, the tears will instantly dry and a look of satisfaction will arise. If it is a meltdown the child will continue to struggle to pull himself out of it. The ice cream was not the problem, just the straw that broke the camel's back.
Be patient but insistent on this issue with your wife. It can be very, very hard to let go of what everyone around you has been telling you, and the conventional wisdom has long been that such acts are tantrums. You get it from other parents, from your family, from EVERYONE. Your mind has a difficult time accepting that somehow they are all wrong.
But they are.
The book mentioned in an earlier post is available for free download at ASDStuff.com . Tracker explains meltdowns very well. If you want to stop them, you have to understand them.
Is it possible that sometimes a tantrum gets mixed in and confuses things? Yes. But I would err on the side of caution here, and, well, handling a tantrum as a meltdown isn't going to get the child what he wants most of the time, anyway.
_________________
Mom to an amazing young adult AS son, plus an also amazing non-AS daughter. Most likely part of the "Broader Autism Phenotype" (some traits).
So we just heard from the new hire, a person we know who has been on the Child Study Team for years.
She found out at the same time we did and is rushing to design the new program. There are no other staff.
It is sounding like it was purely a cost-saving measure by the district. I guess it's time to work that IEP and hold them accountable and if it doesn't work, make them pay for something that will.
I don't feel ready for this!
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