"My Son Has the Kind of Autism No One Talks About"
Secondly, the whole point of my post was to point out that parents need to be more involved with their children as they are growing up to help them learn how to interact with other people. When someone like my son is in the neighborhood, parents need to be very closely involved in helping their young children learn how to play together.
Thirdly, there are many many other things that can be done but a HuffPost blog has to be between 800 and 1000 words...so it's impossible to include everything you want to say.
Also, I believe that there are many, many faces of autism. It's just that those parents I'm around don't seem to be aware of those who are on the more severe end of the spectrum. They act all proud of themselves for accepting someone more high functioning but if they saw the other end they would (and do) run the other way. They aren't aware of autism in its entirety and that's the point I was trying to make. Maybe I'm missing something but I never see people being aware of those with severe needs. And if you read the comments on the HuffPost, people don't want to be. It makes me really sad.
Lastly, my son has High Functioning Autism and HuffPost changed the title when they published it, making it essentially untrue. My son no longer acts aggressively. He has friends. He goes to school. He goes to birthday parties and has friends over almost every weekend. He's wicked smart and loves to game and is super happy and I would never try to "cure" him because he is absolutely amazing just the way he is.
I have great respect for this forum and those who share on it. So I wanted to thank you for your views on my article and wanted you to know that it really was directed at parents and my hope that they will help their children learn how to accept each other.
Thanks
Bonnie Zampino
Thanks for posting.
While there were parts of your article that set me quickly on edge, there were other parts I thought were very well done. It is tough to get the right information out there, that makes people aware of all the range families with ASD can be involved with.
_________________
Mom to an amazing young adult AS son, plus an also amazing non-AS daughter. Most likely part of the "Broader Autism Phenotype" (some traits).
You are so right about this, but I'm not sure how much we can get people with no direct involvement to absorb. Hard enough to get people knowledgeable about the basics essential to life, much less all the nuances involved in a condition that doesn't exist in their own family. I think the most effective attitude anyone can have is to learn to accept people, all people, for who they are, and as you get to know them take a little time to understand where they come from.
_________________
Mom to an amazing young adult AS son, plus an also amazing non-AS daughter. Most likely part of the "Broader Autism Phenotype" (some traits).
I can see the authors perspective although the numbers seem inflated. This summer I took my 2.5 year old to an autism event barbecue. When I got there kids were patiently waiting for their turn in bounce houses, playing baseball and other games. My kid was the only one who kept running away into the woods, didn't care for games or bounce houses and would not sit at the picknick tables like other kids. Also after visiting pre k programs I noticed how many kids were verbal and fully aware. I understand that autism is a spectrum but kids should get the services that their condition deserves. However an autism diagnosis is a way for parents to get a host of services. Some of the lighter cases really are wasting taxpayer money and taking away services from more needy children. I think that autism should be separated into two different conditions. High and low functioning.
What would the parameters be for high and low functioning? I have a child who is 8, diagnosed with classic autism. He was considered nonverbal until right before age 7 when he started talking. His speech is more or less functional but still babbles like a toddler/infant at various points. He's not toilet trained. He works on grade-level(3rd)for some things such as reading and his comprehension isn't quite to par but he does well enough. However he can't tell you his address nor phone #. He can tell you his name though so yay for that. All I can say is my son's autistic, can't attest to his 'level' of autism because he is as all children are I suppose higher functioning in some areas and obviously below in others.
My point for rambling on is while it'd be nice to not have all people with autism under one, albeit large, umbrella how do we fit everyone into either high and/or low functioning?
Functioning can't be predicted at 2.5 if the only issue is autism, so it's hard to see how separating high and low functioning would do anything for you.
It's possible the other children you are seeing are way beyond where your child is, though you may just be seeing one aspect, but how much more you will give to your child if you watch and try to see what match of services and providers is working for other kids and what do you feel could reach and help your child? That needs to be your single minded focus IMO if you want your child to make the most possible progress, not jealousy of other children who seem to be doing well. And you write you are visiting programs....if the children are receiving good supports and comfortable in familiar surroundings with familiar people they are at their best and my thought would be that maybe where the children appear higher functioning it is because the school is doing the best job. I don't know whether you can tell that much from a visit as far as whet here kids doing well means they are serving the wrong children.....perhaps they are just good programs!
No child is a waste of money IMO I wish you did not feel this way.
Even though my son isn't autistic, he still couldn't wait in long lines and would get impatient and not want to wait. He still got an IEP because he was having that issue in class and other issues so now he has a teacher that comes in each day for him and they work with him and he has gotten better.
I think services should be available to all children who need it. I don't think services should only be available to kids with certain conditions, it should be available for any kid that needs it.
_________________
Son: Diagnosed w/anxiety and ADHD. Also academic delayed and ASD lv 1.
Daughter: NT, no diagnoses. Possibly OCD. Is very private about herself.
My son is verbal and would be able (most days) to wait in line for a bouncy house. Games are hit and miss. But, your judgement from the outside is not necessarily the whole picture. My child does not pick up on social cues, which causes all sorts of issues (including bullying, rejection and depression). He does not understand how to have a two way conversation as NT kids do, and he has a host of sensory issues and trouble regulating his emotions. If he did not receive services, I would fear that he would be suicidal later on. Services are not only there for children who have more profound needs. My other son has learning issues and gets services, which he needs. He, on sight and in conversation, seems completely capable and neurotypical. Services being offered to kids with more mild issues than your son are not taking away services from your son, they are just also being offered to kids with different needs. Especially in New York (where it says you live). There are many services available for all in New York. It is not easy to get services in New York City, and parents often have to fight for them- but that is not because there are not enough. That has more to do with the state trying to save money on services, which you mentioned concerns you.
"In 1938, an Austrian pediatrician named Hans Asperger gave the first public talk on autism in history. Asperger was speaking to an audience of Nazis, and he feared that his patients — children who fell onto what we now call the autism spectrum — were in danger of being sent to Nazi extermination camps.
As Asperger spoke, he highlighted his "most promising" patients, a notion that would stick with the autistic spectrum for decades to come.
"That is where the idea of so-called high-functioning versus low-functioning autistic people comes from really — it comes from Asperger's attempt to save the lives of the children in his clinic," science writer Steve Silberman tells Fresh Air's Terry Gross." From NPR article on the book NeuroTribes
The problem is, we DO need diagnostic differentiation to address differences in intervention across the spectrum - and highly verbal children need a significantly different type of intervention than nonverbal or language-impaired children (and adults, for that matter.) Typically, language has been the defining feature of "functioning," but other than that the label is kind of stupid for all the reasons listed by the OP's article and more (plenty of non-language impaired kids have problematic behaviors.)
There is also a separate measure of "functioning" that is used generally across the field of disability; the World Health Organization uses the ICF http://www.who.int/classifications/icf/ ... t.pdf?ua=1 In that case, IMO, it's silly to divide autism into "high" and "low" functioning when we're really talking about degrees of impairment in a global sense - the fact that autism is the cause is kind of secondary.
At the end of the day, we're supposed to be helping everyone in the world be their best selves, or at least meet a minimum standard of quality of life, right? I struggle with these classifications for that reason.
What would the parameters be for high and low functioning? I have a child who is 8, diagnosed with classic autism. He was considered nonverbal until right before age 7 when he started talking. His speech is more or less functional but still babbles like a toddler/infant at various points. He's not toilet trained. He works on grade-level(3rd)for some things such as reading and his comprehension isn't quite to par but he does well enough. However he can't tell you his address nor phone #. He can tell you his name though so yay for that. All I can say is my son's autistic, can't attest to his 'level' of autism because he is as all children are I suppose higher functioning in some areas and obviously below in others.
My point for rambling on is while it'd be nice to not have all people with autism under one, albeit large, umbrella how do we fit everyone into either high and/or low functioning?
I think language can be used for that distinction. If a child can speak and is potty trained they might still need services but that need is different. If you are a service provider such as a speech therapist which case would you rather have; verbal but having trouble understanding facial expressions or non verbal, kicking biting and screaming? It's not fair to stamp autism diagnosis on everyone across the board. I think high functioning verbal children need help but in a different way than more severe kids.
But I think it's not accurate to say language distinguishes "high functioning" from "more severe." Kids who can use language still sometimes express their frustration with kicking, biting and screaming, and highly verbal kids may be delayed in things like potty training.
Any communication impairment - even if it's just in the realm of pragmatics - can cause a child to be incredibly frustrated and act out.
The major difference is that in one group, you can teach them to use language as a communication tool because they have language, and in the other group, you need to offer them nonverbal communication tools and slowly build language as it is possible. So the theraputic approach needs to have a totaly different toolbox.
It really is a spectrum and some of our kids do not fit neatly into either category. My kid does not fit well, in either category. He is very verbal (and hyperlexic) has crazy splinter skills. He does advanced math but was tested as less than 1/10th of one percentile in social skills. His behavioral issues can be pretty bad when stressed, too. So where in a binary paradigm would he fit?
The whole reason they do an ADOS and all that other stuff is to test specific weaknesses and strengths. That is what the assistance should be based on, not by separating kids into binary categories. Verbal kids still need pragmatic speech and social skill training and a host of other things, but not all kids in that category need the same things. Non-verbal kids also need different things. Some may need help in some things that others don't. Some have issues swallowing or motor skills. Some don't.
Edited to add: I don't know if autism will ever be spread into meaningful categories. maybe if they find out specific separate genetic causes or something, but even then there may be severity differences.
Last edited by ASDMommyASDKid on 29 Sep 2015, 11:10 am, edited 1 time in total.
lostonearth35
Veteran
Joined: 5 Jan 2010
Age: 52
Gender: Female
Posts: 13,885
Location: On a planet where I don't belong.
Yeah, adults are never mentioned because to the extent people have empathy, that empathy is more easily accessed by children. Support services for adults are even worse than they are for kids for this reason.
I think it's a really big problem on many levels when people only want to recognize the most obvious not least being that children and adults with autism will continue to need some kind of support of some kind, and services are truly wasted if everything is yanked away once progress is made and the recipient loses what they've gained because of no longer getting any supports. I think probably it's almost always a mistake to push for perfect and normal rather than be satisfied with some differences and a little bit of need but able to manage, communicate, function, and be happy.
Not all difficulties are obvious. Sure, a few families take advantage, but I think that is quite rare. My son functions extremely well in interactive situations, but he has severe dysgraphia that made school work difficult. He also had trouble handling stress. Would you cut if off above or below him?
I appreciate that he qualifies for services, so that we can make the choice on what he needs. We've never been interested in accepting services we don't think he needs, and he isn't, either. He was going to skip letting his university even know about his ASD and dysgraphia until we found out that some professors do blue book tests, something he would really struggle with. All he needs is to be allowed to type; that is all he asks for.
While my son may have gotten by with less services, I consider the services (including teaching him to type) to have been an investment well spent. They are likely the difference between a child who is studying at a good school with good career prospects, versus a child destined to be unable to keep a job and enduring endless frustration. Investing in someone like my son pays off: he volunteers, he will pay taxes, he will contribute. The investment will return its cost to society and then some; I really do believe that.
Personally, I think it is important to avoid formulaic designations. Each child should be viewed uniquely. While that means results are not going to be consistent across the nation, at least you have some chance of getting the right answer for each unique child.
_________________
Mom to an amazing young adult AS son, plus an also amazing non-AS daughter. Most likely part of the "Broader Autism Phenotype" (some traits).
| Similar Topics | |
|---|---|
| Having Autism |
11 Jul 2026, 11:01 pm |
| Autism influencers on IG, X, TikTok, etc. |
15 Jul 2026, 3:36 am |
