I need help with school

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I am so, so, sorry that they made you feel this way.

FWIW, in case this is driving some of your upset - many of the Moms in my support group are completely NT and they still cry at IEP meetings.

It is too much to ask a parent who is already worried about their child to sit through a meeting where the other people have degrees in what they are doing - but whose main focus is sadly the budget, and yes their degrees address that, too - and you are a beginner.

It's such a big problem that some states even have free advocacy built in at the State Board of Education. Even if you can't find a SPED advocate (best choice) bring somebody with you to the meeting, preferably someone who knows you and your child but is not related to you. If you are using any outside service providers like OTs, speech therapists, therapists or social workers, they are the next-best choice; they will probably charge you but they can help.

Reading your posts makes me feel less alone, thank you. It is hard to word, it is just, we had come to an understanding, I thought. And every rational statement that I made in the meeting I got the same response. They see no academic problem therefore while I could demand a CSE meeting, their belief is that they are already doing all they can do, it is up to me to take her for outside "counseling" because she is a capable student with her current IEP supports (I half expected they'd announce she didn't need those anymore but they didn't say that).

Maybe they are right. I don't even know anymore.

Mostly I am disappointed in myself for not understanding they would manipulate, and not tabling the meeting when they started that. And I am disappointed that, again, I did not even realize kind words and caring faces and tones may mean they care, but not about logic or what I think or say and certainly not what my child wants. I should not have trusted them that they wanted a discussion.

I wrote the minutes, but when I showed them to someone, she said they need to be organized differently. It is very slow to edit and writing to make sense to people is very hard.

One tiny sliver that is good: my daughter came home today and said the teacher that was the most negative....was nice, explained the homework between classes to her, and checked in on her several times whether my daughter was understanding. And the sped teacher worked with her today!! I am afraid still. Very afraid, and overwhelmed and tired, and one of the hard parts that I don't know how to handle is that I know they won't want to be wrong, but if they feel bad for what they were doing and correct it, it's likely she'll still need more....,I don't know how to present that. And I may be able to get a private eval done I can afford, if it recommends more, I don't know how to get past that they will not want to back down. What am I to say how would I present new information to them? Because if they want to claim there is no educational impact, they can do that, or at least they have been doing that, and I don't know what to do how to present so it isn't "I told you she needs more. See? Look at this!!" The need to be on top...:it really it is beyond me my brain can't relate I don't know how to push back. The advocate I used in the past she is not there anymore. I will keep looking but if anyone has advice about the not cornering them to get them to give in if that is possible please tell me what your thoughts are. I know I'm ranking. I am sorry. Trying to be organized feeling upset has exhausted me!

I know I am being naive, and everyone's advice is very good and I am trying to follow.

This is confusing. They yelled at me and told me I am wrong and they have done all they can and all she needs from them. Anything else, that's up to me. But they think she needs outside help. Her learning disability is under control, she is doing well supposedly. But, my daughter says they have corrected many of the bad things they were doing.

Do you mean they only temporarily feel guilty and will revert to ignoring her very soon? That I must not trust them to see their better behavior works and continue it? I think this sounds like it makes sense. But is this what people think? How they operate?

It may not be that they felt guilty. it may be they are trying to keep you from taking further action. I think they hope, if you see improvement from them, you will not push your luck and try to get on their bad side.

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Thank you all. I still don't get it, but what I don't understand is that they act by manipulating, and they expect the same from me, no matter how well they know me they still believe I'm like any other parent and they should manipulate me and I will try to manipulate them. I don't understand what to do with that it is too weird to me.

But I understand that I am writing notes and sending them and that she will have an assessment done and if they don't want to I need to hire someone to make that happen or pay for the proper assessment myself because her needs are I feel being swept under the rug and I feel that's not fair to her so I need to find or hire someone to push back on them to change their behavior.

I hope I can do his. But you have all given me really clear information what to do and how to do it and I'm really grateful to you for reading and posting and I think for caring. So thank you all very much

I finished the minutes. I tried really hard not to say things that would make anyone feel bad mostly because I am afraid of the consequences and just to write out the most important fact as far as the negatives which to me is that I asked them to take the issue back to the CSE and they said no. I worked really hard and it took hours and hours but it is done. I think that I asked is probably the thing that matters, not every nit picky complaint about how unreasonable and irrational they are.

I am so very tired. No luck looking for an advocate yet but I have called the agency that I was recommended to call for help twice and hopefully hear back tomorrow.

Thank you Hismom.

It's hard, for everyone I know, but I've always been taught to try as hard as I can to go along and try not to be too obviously weird or different. And now I have this even more stylized dance to accomplish that requires sticking out by saying no, disagreeing, not going along.

Just.....wow!!

I am afraid that did not certify mail. I know I should have. I was afraid of starting a war and don't have any ammunition yet. Other stuff happened that I couldn't focus and did not feel secure doing this. So I sent the email but not the certified

My day was taken over by something else.

This morning my ASD child's teacher called me after she approached my child to recommend she should stop using her accommodations, they cause a loss of instructional time, she should get used to not having them.....my child did not want this and had to be sent out of the classroom but would I agree teacher is right please she is concerned about my child's future.

I said I believe she wants them, I understand this creates these concerns, and I think she should have the accommodations that are in place. They need to stay. I thought I said that.

Then I got an email from my daughters case manager..... teacher reached out to tell her I wanted my daughter to stop using her accommodations. Could case manager set this in motion please. Case manager suggests daughter needs support.

Then I couldn't stand to email and called and they didn't want to let me talk to a human being with authority and I heard my voice starting to rise and then I said ok ok Can you transfer me to special Ed administration and by then
I was sounding more hysterical explaining to the secretary I wanted to talk to someone and then she let me and the lady seemed important enough that I want to think she can fix this but the teacher is really committed to helping my child and I've always been taught to see both sides so this is really hard.....saying no, the psychologist said she should have this. Like how do I know. And I think of teachers as experts .....of course I am saying no to teacher I just am telling you all I feel confused by teacher who clearly cares and believes she is right and who am I to say expert is wrong.... and now both my kids schools think I'm some overly protective overly demanding unreasonable nothing to storm over and squash

Anyway I think I've managed to kill the teachers idea temporarily.....I am afraid she'll keep at it again and again though. I don't want her agitating my child. What do others do here?

I am very lucky. I feed my children and have enough to feed myself. I can pay for clothing. I have insurance that helps pay for what they need and am generally able to find enough for what I want them to have.

I am so fortunate. And so many are really suffering horribly. So I am not going to complain more and have nothing to feel sorry for myself about.

But still. Sometimes......does anyone else feel like they will start screaming? And never stop?

And unfortunately.....just lose my voice and get a sore throat. Right now though I just want to scream, you know what I mean anyone?