Help ! I think my child is possessed.

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Have you considered it could be allergic? When I was really little I had terrible reactions that culminated in me punching out my mother and driving our car into a neighbor's house. (I was six.) As soon as my allergies were treated, the behavior stopped entirely...some people have reactions that seem also psychotic, though it can also manifest as depression. Rage reactions tend to result from foods like peanuts and apples, and also from mold.

But is it rages, actually, or being really busy with things autistic kids do?
How old is he?

At this point, you need to take a big breath.
If you and your wife are both at home, one of you should look after your son, the other can do practical jobs/look after the other kids.
Make a name tag with your sons name or picture, and pin it on the adult with responsibility for you son. This will make it clear for him, but also for you and your wife, who is responsible (we did this - it felt silly at first, but it worked!)
The adult in charge should make a program for your son, I would use pictograms or another visual system. Or draw!It sounds like your son might need very detailed visual instructions.

It seems you son is fascinated by water - he is using the toilet and the sink. Perhaps you should work on more acceptable water activities. One of the activities on the program could be more organized water play. Another drawing. Another a set walk. Do the same work every day until your son is used to it. Maybe he coul get a treat at the end of the work.


It would freak me out if my kids were wandering around at night - have you considered putting locks on the doors? We had this done, and it was helpful in many situations. You could lock the kitchen and bathroom doors at night.

Punishment NEVER taught my son a thing. Structure, visualisation (pictograms) and social stories helped his behavior. Reward, too.
We only punish my autistic child for one thing: hitting. This means 5 minutes in his room. This is to preserve the sense of justice in our household, for our other kids, but also so that we can keep our cool, which is important.

I hope this advice is helpfull. We needed advice like this to deal with my son.

He's only 4 and the only time he rages is when he's in timeout. Every other time he seems to sneak out and do things in a planned manner. Some of the things he does must take hours to do undetected, so he obviously knows when he's being naughty. Often when we walk into his room, he quickly hides the evidence of his latest efforts.




I've always tried to keep us functioning together, which means that if my wife doesn't feel like getting out of bed until late, we're stuck in the house until she gets up. Probably I should be taking them down to the park instead.



I'm glad you pointed that out. I wouldn't have noticed the connection without assistance. I'll look for alternate water things. Another favourite activity of his is to secretly tip the dog's water out. Since I only ever go outside during the week to feed her (and it's dark), I don't always notice. Summers are really hot here, so it's not good for the dog.



The only punishment that has ever been effective with my boys is rewarding the other kid. ie: Saying "If you don't get your pyjamas on, then your brother will be having ice cream for dessert but you won't".

It looks like it's mostly boiling down to structure. I've tried to impose structure a few times but my NT wife resists it - she's a spontaneous person but as an aspie, I need structure.

forget the allergy causing rage--I think that's preposterous!

Look how many toxins and allergens people were exposed to before we became so environmental friendly? There's certainly more rage today than in the days gone by.

Rage is a primal reaction. It is a learned behavior-- a self-indulgent attention getter. I have no patience for rage. It is an unnessary, sickening part of our society. When people are bitter, unhappy, or spoiled, they feel a sense of entitlement, that the world owes them something--hence the road rage, office rage, school rage--it's rampant.

I would never blame rage on AS. There is not enough substantial evidence to support that a child with Aspergers is suceptible to violent rages. Again, kids mimic and learn how to behave to get the biggest reaction. I would unlearn it fast. Take the audience away. Rages belong away from all viewers. If the person wants to rage, fine. Do it on your own time, in your own space, and go to it.

Check your own behavior. If you're "smacking" and shouting at your child, AS or not, this child will mimic your behavior and behave the same way. Or, you increase the changes that the child will have free floating anxiety and outbursts.

I find it ironic that parents are complaining about their kids and rages, ready to blame it on an autism spectrum disorder, ready to medicate, but they don't stop to look at their own behavior. What is the child witnessing at home? I do agree that kids with aspergers/autism know how to mimic exceptionally well.

How does a child have so much time, unattended, to destroy and get into so much mischief? He sounds bored. I know what my son is doing all the time--I have to admit. I've just learned to keep an eye out if things are too quiet.

I would stop the smacking and shouting and attend to his needs--get him out of the house for some quality time at the library, museum, park etc.

equinn

He's not copying me... I'm usually very quiet....



Well, there's night time when we are all asleep, for a start....
Also, if you're doing homework with the other child....
Cooking dinner....
If he goes outside to play and he's not in sight the whole time...
When we're packing boxes to move house...
And... finally, because these things are "projects" to him.... he works on them in little stretches.



I agree with that, he probably is a bit bored and we haven't been going out much lately due to the need to pack the house up so we can move. He hardly gets smacked by me (or shouted at for that matter). I got a lot of crap advice from my mother-in-law over disciplining my first child. I've resisted smacking since I realized how bad that advice was - our younger son may have had a few slaps on the wrist but (from me) he's only had 2 smacks ever - and they did nothing anyway.

okay--misinterpreted your post.

mea culpa

We are moving here too--total mayem. Interestingly, my son is the packer and is initiating the packing, taping--I'm impressed.

He's the mover and shaker--he keeps me on my toes!

Maybe you're too quiet, then. Sometimes, I can be too laxidasical and seem unaffected by atrocious behavior just because I am this type of person.


equinn

I might try and get the kids to help though I'm not sure if that will increase their "moving anxiety" or not.



Well, I'm partially deaf anyway, so they really need to be raising a racket for me to notice. I've also tried to ignore things (eg: Swearing in my 7yo, not the 4yo) to prevent repeat behaviour but that doesn't seem to work.

Okay um...

1. Taping him to the bed is only going to make him freak out more. ASD kids don't handle confinement well. Some would call that abusive.

2. Antibiotics and medications should be kept in a cabinet he cannot reach or locked, if possible.

3. Throw out the sour milk.

4. You know what he does unsupervised. Don't leave him unsupervised. You don't have to trail him constantly, but make sure he's got something constructive to do and check on him periodically.

My son and daughter are both HFA. If you want a glimpse into what every day is like for me, read my post titled "I want to cry" in this forum. My daughter is typically pretty easy to handle, but she is loud and bouncy and WILL color on walls, cothing, furniture, carpet, etc. if she finds a pen, pencil, crayon, marker or anything else she can make a mark with if she is not being supervised. Writing utensils are kept inaccessible in a child-locked cupboard. She is not left alone.

As parents of children with autism, we have to go to greater lengths to keep our kids safe. We also have to dig down deep for patience, because they will test every ounce of patience you've got and some you didn't know you had besides. This is the hardest thing I've ever done. Some days I think I'm going to break. I've been under so much stress in the past few months that I've been experiencing migraines so severe they make me vomit, along with a myriad of other stress-related symptoms. This is affecting me on a very real physical level. But I know that they need me, and I've got to pull it together and keep going.

I did think that but was so stressed at the time that I was concerned with not hurting him. Obviously I won't be doing that again but the thing is that while he's been "naughty" for some time, he only turned truly evil in the last couple of weeks. We weren't prepared for the change.



This particular one needs to be kept in the fridge. All others are up high.


Didn't know it was sour... and I'm not too concerned about that one... it's probably yoghurt after all and may even counter the effects of the antibiotics. (wishful thinking).



I can see that you probably do it much harder than me but I'm Aspie myself which makes it very difficult too. I really can't get to the point of getting sick as then the depression will kick in big time and who knows what will happen.

It looks as if a few of you are forgetting gbollard also has AS himself. That generally means difficulty in shifting focus, keeping lots of different things going at once, and coping with challenging behaviour. I'm sure he is doing his best and that the taping incident was a reaction of desperation.

We aren't all perfect and yes, there are many other things that need doing in the household as well as keeping after the kids. If we lose our temper and shout because we're overwhelmed (not good, but human) we're bad parents.

If we are quiet and just want to do our own thing to recharge our batteries, we're mean parents because we don't play with our kids. It's like the Aesop fable about the boy and the donkey - nobody ended up being pleased.

Four year olds are notorious for being inquisitive and "into" everything but I don't know of too many who would get into quite as much as mischief as this little boy. Even an NT parent would find this behaviour hard to take, let alone one who has AS.

I wonder if he could start "prep" school this year? I think they take them in the year that they turn 5. That might help with the boredom. I don't believe kids should expect to be constantly entertained though. It's not up to the parents to always have to entertain them because they've got to learn that the parents have a life, too.

Thanks for the support Pandora,

He's already in preschool and would normally be there except for a few days. I'd normally be at work except for the nights and weekends. It probably was a case of too much exposure to him at a time when he was very bored (normally he's a bit tired after preschool).

I had our older son a lot more often due to my wife having bad PND for the first 2 years. As a result he and I have a much closer relationship. Our older son was also able to concentrate on things (eg: watch TV or Draw for a while) at age 4. Our younger son won't/can't concentrate without supervision (and even then he will wander). He can't be left for a moment - and as an aspie, that's difficult because I'm forever fighting the need to go somewhere to calm down.

I know the taping thing was bad. I posted it here despite the fact that I could get into trouble for it (I'm very easily identifiable) because I knew it was wrong and because I wanted help with it. I'm very grateful for the suggestions people have raised and feel like I have a better chance of coping next time. Believe me, I'll be trying pretty much everything that has been suggested.

Yes, I don't know how you cope. I wouldn't be able to cope with the same thing. It would cause a nervous breakdown in short order.

I also feel that you are doing the best you can in difficult circumstances, Gavin. There is no "one-size-fits-all" strategy. You deal with situations as and when they occur. You try to take the course that will cause the least harm, and you try to take into account the needs of all the people in the household, not just the one who plays up the most.

As in the classic scenario where the child is chucking a massive tantrum in the supermarket, and there is a collective intake of breath as the onlookers wait to see what the parent is going to do. No matter what you do, it is certain that at least 50% will disapprove.

It takes courage to get through times like these. I hope that once you move house, and the school year starts, that everything will settle down for you.

I've been away for a while and just read through the posts on this thread. Gavin, I think you are doing an admirable job in a challenging situation. I can understand the battle of fighting the urge to take time out at the very time you need to be fully present - tough stuff.

Some great posts from Katrine, Pandora, Smelena, Samsplanet, Equinn and Juliette.

Observations from my own experience with HFA/ASD issues

- confinement always made/makes me worse

- any change in routine, like moving house, still really disrupts me - even as an adult trying to use CBT strategies etc to work things out

- As a kid I used to be a bit of a demon with 'escaping' and 'wandering' - it was just one of my things. Still need to do it as an adult if I feel confined

- also used to swallow things just for the heck of it

- would take things apart ie radios, actually anything at all

The only things that seemed to work for my parents in managing me was exercise, exercise, exercise (especially activities that used my whole body, strength etc), followed by as much reading as possible. Nothing else worked until I was old enough to be allowed to wander through the bush for hours, take long bike rides, and as an adult, long car trips.

The need to run, or to take things apart, is not rational, but it is definitely a 'driven'-ness. Don't always understand it now, but have learned that it is better to manage and steer the behaviour rather than try to suppress it - all hell breaks loose then - not pretty in a 40-something year old.

Structure:
We have had the same issues about structure at our place. my husband is very spontaneous/chaotic.
This is one of the reasons the "name tag" wored so well: it was a visual prompt for my husband and I

Get your wife up! Or at least plan, so that she knows it's OK to sleep in for an hour Saturday, and you can sleep in Sunday. But if you're in charge, make a plan for Saturday morning, and stick to it! Every Saturday.
(Actually I think I would give my husband a cup of coffee and say "get up, I'm going to the park with the 4-year-old, look after the other kid")

Honestly I know these things are easier said than done, but if the outcome is a less devilish child, and parents who aren't burned out, it is worth it.

Being sneaking:
You said
"He's only 4 and the only time he rages is when he's in timeout. Every other time he seems to sneak out and do things in a planned manner. Some of the things he does must take hours to do undetected, so he obviously knows when he's being naughty. Often when we walk into his room, he quickly hides the evidence of his latest efforts."

My son realised the connection between a behaviour and a response, but it didn't seem to teach him a thing. At four, he would hit and then take himself of to his room. But he didn't understand why hitting was wrong, and he didn't stop doing it until he was in a less stressful, more structured enviroment.

Over all: my life was hell when my son was 3 or 4! Apart from a bad period a year ago, my son is much easier now than he was as a preschooler. So hang in there!

Equinn: rage is NOT a mere learned behaviour!
My son has epilepsy, and unfortunately it effects the limbic system. That's rage!
Lots of kids, especially ADHD/autistic kids, have very low frustration levels, and normal parenting just doesn't do it! Lucky for you your kids aren't like this. Implying avoiding rage is just a matter of good parenting, or even worse, that it is caused by violent parents, is out of order. It's like saying kids are autististic because of refridgerator mothers!

I wish it were a choice. I'm an aspie too.

My son is going off the wall lately too, and I know it's hard. Hopefully things get better soon for both of us eh? Hang in there.