my beautiful son

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my sons therapist has mentioned getting him re-assessed for non verbal learning disability (?). is that not the same as AS? is there any point in going through the whole thing again, for the same symptoms-just a different name? i dont know about nvld. does anyone have any thoughts on this? they would be very much appreciated. and thank you all for your help so far. you've all made a difference.

all she said was that there were more and more experts saying that AS should be called non verbal learning disability and move it away from autism. i don't see the point really. from what she was telling me, only the title will change. everything else is exactly the same. i don't see why changing the name will make a difference to him. he'll still have the same personal struggles and he'll still be fighting for his entitlements. have you heard of this?

i agree. she annoyed me a bit today. just leave him alone. i dont know if you've heard of the famous irish poet William Butler Yeats. he wrote a beautiful poem called "the stolen child". it captures the essence of autism and AS. its about a child who cant understand the world he's in and therefore is unable to understand his own mind or the minds of others. there are rumours that WB Yeats had AS. its a lovely poem and i recommend anyone connected to Autism to have a look.

"For he comes, the human child
To the waters and the wild
With a faery, hand in hand,
From a world more full of weeping than he can understand"

Forgive me if you've already shared this, but does your child have any accomodations at all?

matthew was diagnosed in a child guidance clinic by two child physcologists. they wrote in his report that he needed a special needs assistant, an iep and a laptop in school and be placed on a waiting list for a social skills drama group. he's still waiting for all of those.

he has help to a degree in school but only because i have insisted. he has help with maths because he has dyscalculia, he has an exemption from french and irish and they have moved his locker to a quite place to avoid the chaos and noise. he's allowed to leave school 10 mins early to avoid the crowds at the bus stop. there isnt much knowledge in the school system of AS, it seems to be down to the parents to educate the educaters! they are open to learning but it is very slow. i am in the process of doing up a report for each of his teachers, stating his strengths, weaknesses and what they should all be aware of and how to handle things. basically, i'm doing up my own mini iep. if i left it to them, he'll have left school by the time its done!

our government is the problem. there are 150 pupils in his school that need a special needs assistant. the government has given them funding for 2. so he has an sna for 1 hour twice a week to do social stories. as for the iep, i think they are just lazy. its too much trouble to set up meetings, and do follow-ups. they are getting better. they seem to be on top of the bullying situation which makes a huge difference to his day. like you say, i just have to be persistant and consistent. they'll be sick of me!

I don't know about Ireland, but I'm pretty sure that here NVLD is not a disability protected under our law. It very well might be that your school is trying to pull one over on you by having you accept a label that won't legally protect your son.

i wouldn't be surprised if that was the reason behind it. it's awful if it is! i hadn't heard of nvld before, so i read up a bit on it last night. it seems now that any new reports coming out on AS use nvld in the same sentence, like " a child with Asperger's, or, non verbal learning disability..." and i think they're trying to lean towards calling it nvld. i cant understand why. like you say, it sounds like a cop out. i'm pretty sure one of my little girls has AS too and i don't know if they're going to make it difficult to diagnose as AS. what do i do in that situation?

Have you thought about homeschooling?

i have thought long and hard about home schooling. there isn't much support in dublin for home schooling. he needs social contact to teach him the skills of social interaction, but at the same time, putting him in the social situations is resulting in bullying. am i doing more damage? whats the opinion of aspies who have been through the school system and were bullied all the way through it? how would you have felt being home schooled

I haven't had a chance to read all the responses, but I can tell you with absolute certainty...you are not the only one.

My 11-year old has been through the same kind of thing. It's a lot easier to be involved since he is younger.

Our school system has a "zero-tolerance" policy for bullying. It sounds good, but it takes a little work to make it work. Talk to your son's teachers, talk to his school administrators, talk, talk, talk.
Consult with any special education advocates, supporters, that may be available. Talk to attorneys that specialize in education law.

Please, get some counseling for your son. We had to face some suicidal thoughts during the course of our difficulties.

The situation is not hopeless.

My ex is now pretty sure he has AS, too. Explains a lot. I don't know what you can do for your husband, unless he is willing to explore areas that he needs to work on. I know how difficult my marriage was, and how our interactions are still. There are some books written by people, NT and AS, about their relationships. I think some of them have websites. I am just starting to think about going there.

I think it will help your son to know that you are trying to help, and that you love him. He is probably old enough to have a lot of input into decisions and solutions.

Bullying should never be accepted. For anyone.

You are all in our prayers.