Is this spoilt of aspergers im at a loss

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Mumto2
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26 Nov 2008, 4:32 pm

Hi he is on Ritalin, he is on 12.5mg per day, he started about 6 weeks ago and has been doing really well. It took a couple of weeks for it to kick in but he has improved a great deal with regards to concentration, hyperactivity etc. The last few days I think have been my fault as Ive not been the most patient person. I made a point of staying calm today and he has had a really good day, so my mood is definitely affecting him. Im really going to make a huge effort not to let him pick up on my day to day stresses.

ImMelody
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26 Nov 2008, 4:37 pm

Mum, are you on any medications or going to therapy? I think if you're having to make a huge effort to not show the stress, then you might need to find ways of alleviating that stress instead. Proactive, not reactive. It's also okay to let our children know that our days are stressful. Keeping your stress hidden can lead to much worse things, ie heart problems, ulcers, and mental problems. Just my two cents.

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gbollard
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26 Nov 2008, 4:44 pm

My 8 year old is on Ritalin.

We had him on one Ritalin 15 in the morning and one Ritalin 10 at lunchtime but he was a little too quiet.

We've dropped it back to one Ritalin 10 in the morning and one Ritalin 10 at lunchtime. He's less "controllable" but more himself.

The dosage changes with weight, so if you child gains or loses weight the dose may need to be adjusted a little. There are other factors involved too, so that may account for the differences in your son's dosage compared to mine.

Have you tried Ritalin yourself? If not, have a read of this;
http://life-with-aspergers.blogspot.com/2008/05/what-does-ritalin-really-feel-like.html

I figured that if it was safe enough to give to my son, then it would also be safe enough for me to test. I've reported my findings and I find myself re-reading it at times to get a feel for what he's going through.

For some reason, family stress seems to rub off very easily onto aspie children. They don't tell you that they're stressed but their behavior goes off. It's difficult when in the thick of things but you need to do a frequent "check" on stresses around the home. It might help to mark on the calendar (not necessarily in words), particularly stressful (for you) days or particularly "naughty" days (for your son). You might notice a correlation - eg: if you don't medicate on Weekends, you might notice that Mondays and Tuesdays are considerably worse than the rest of the week.

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Stray-Ana
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26 Nov 2008, 5:50 pm

Mumto2 wrote:

Stray Ana, do you have an as kid? im just curious thats all, thanks.

Hi, no I don't. I don't have kids.

I don't even have an official diagnosis for myself so I guess that leaves me with no right to say anything. However I have had many meltdowns - outbursts and tantrum and still do...I own dogs as an adult and they mean the world to me - as an adult I have to control myself as much as I can to make sure the dogs are not that affected. They are so sensitive. I would write more about meltdowns as an adult and pets but it it would possibly bore you. As a child there were no issues with family pets but if there had of been then, just as I would do what was best for the pets now, my Mom would have had to then...If yours was a one of incident and it wont happen again then good...

People can disagree that is fine but the end result could be that a child gets bitten and the dog gets to die / put to sleep through no fault of it's own...

DW_a_mom: The above line is what matters most. Feelings can come second.

so regardless of if the dog is currently or even happy most of the time, that was all I wanted to say. It only takes one time for an accident to happen.

I wouldn't have even mentioned anything more but the other guy posted about this http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_Qb-X-glOJAE/S ... juries.jpg

I didn't want to cause a riot and have tried my best to be polite as I can.

violet_yoshi
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26 Nov 2008, 10:02 pm

gbollard wrote:

People. This thread was posted about Mum2 and her issues. I cited the dog example to show that she's not alone in her children's behaviour. We're dealing with it. We have dealt with it. Move on. Mum2 has obviously also dealt with her version of it. Please stop posting useless negatives and talk to mum2 about her original post.

If we all had time machines, maybe we could go back and fix it - but we can't - so please stop wasting everyone's time.

Your right, caring about that dog's life at the mercy of her son is useless. That is what you're saying right? You want to post about how your children abuse animals, so you can feel less alone in having to deal with that monsterous behavior? Then you should have done it in PM, if you wanted to avoid people outside of the situation, who took sympathy on the defenseless animal.

Did you really think you'd post about animal abuse and expect people to sympathize with the monster child who preys on animals?

violet_yoshi
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26 Nov 2008, 10:14 pm

Stray-Ana wrote:

Mumto2 wrote:

Stray Ana, do you have an as kid? im just curious thats all, thanks.

Hi, no I don't. I don't have kids.

Oh I can't wait. Does this mean there's now going to be a fast reaction of "Your not a parent, nah nah nah!" towards a non parent who's opinion differs from your own? That's usually happens when a parent is confronted with a reality about their child, they want to hide from. So they circle themselves with other parents, to oust the non-parent, so they can all tell each other "It's okay" and go on with their lovely fantasy that their child is good as gold.

It's simple. Remove the dog, your son has shown a pattern of behavior involving an abuse of an animal, intentional or not, it is serious. I really don't want to have to contact the ASPCA and involve them in this, but I will. A animal shouldn't have to suffer, cause delusional mommy wants to hide away in the baby bubble, from the fact her precious hurts others.

violet_yoshi
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26 Nov 2008, 10:23 pm

Mumto2 wrote:

Stray-Ana wrote:

Ok, so if people don't mention their dog it wont be commented on. I have nothing else to say about it, but if people want to add what their child did to the dog then I can comment, yes? Why take offence - if you only want good comments then maybe say so in the title. I wasn't even being mean - just concerned about the dogs when people think that what happens to them isn't such a big deal. There will be loads of people to offer sympathy over the rest of your situation. I just chose to mention the dog. Then someone else added about their dog! So if people don't want to have a comment on their dog then don't mention it!

I have not taken offence as you are entitled to your opinion. I think the dog thing is getting taken a bit far now though. I come on here for support from other parents etc so I wouldnt think its the place to get narky with people. I really appreciate any support if Im feeling particularly crappy, I didnt ask for opinions about my dog at all so all Im saying is if you are really that concernd why not start a new thread regarding kids and pets.l

You brought up the aspect of your son abusing your dog. Did you think people were going to just sit back and let that slide?

violet_yoshi
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26 Nov 2008, 10:26 pm

Mumto2 wrote:

oh for lords sake he doesnt do it all the time, I give up, are you people so bored you just want to pick holes in peoples threads, you may have as but it does not give you the right to have a massive chip on your shoulder like the world owes you. My dog is on the sofa snoring blissfuly, I love it and would not tolerate it being abused on a daily basis, this was once, it was a sh** day and I posted about it. I wont bother anymore, not here - hardly a place for support. Now go and find another person to pick holes in, I feel sorry for you that you have nothing more fulfilling to do.

If your son beat his sister, would you say "Oh for Lords sake, he doesn't do it all the time." If your son tortured other children in the neighborhood, would you say "Oh for lords sake he doesn't do it all the time." He did it, it shows a psychopathy associated with being a sociopath. You can sit back and wait for your son to become the next Jeffrey Dahmer if you want, the rest of us are trying to see that doesn't happen.

violet_yoshi
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26 Nov 2008, 10:27 pm

DW_a_mom wrote:

OK, the tangent ...

The problem, as I see it, is that pointing out the behavior may be animal abuse accomplishes nothing. Absolutely nothing. Which makes it a hold your tongue moment. I've read many posts from parents where I've noticed something that really worries me, but before I post to it, I give a LOT of thought to what my words may or may not accomplish. If expressing myself just antagonizes the poster, I won't have their ear, and I will accomplish zero. I don't always get it right, but it IS something I consider. More often than not, I skip over parts that leave me a little unsettled, if there are any. In this case, you aren't going to talk a family into giving up their pet, or even into acknowledging that was has happened crosses a line, but you may be able to get at the root of what has caused the inappropriate aggression to the pet. But when you hammer on the former you end up giving no help at all to the later, and haven't helped the family OR the animal.

Yes, we should ALL be free to voice our opinions, but there IS a time and a place, and voicing opinion for the sake of voicing it should be weighed against your own goals, and if voicing will help or hurt those goals.

In my personal opinion, a mom who has indicated that her family is under a lot of stress, and that SHE is under a lot of stress, is not an appropriate target for a rant on how the pet is treated. She needs LESS stress, not more. Deal with the stress first. Worry about the rest on another day. If you really worry about the pet in the home, the tactful suggestion would have been "with so much to worry about, perhaps having the pet stay with a friend or relative for a while would help." Which, it seems, was the solution the other poster in this thread with pet worries found on his own.

As much as pets deserve loving homes, people are not perfect, and the unanticipated happens in homes. We aren't perfect with our kids, and few are perfect with their pets. A parent who cares enough to ask questions and seek help isn't the one I worry about.

And, no, we don't have a pet at our house. I don't think I can handle the extra work and stress.

It only accomplishes nothing, when confronting a parent who would rather let a helpless creature suffer, than endure the pain of crawling outside of their fantasy world regarding their child, and realize that they have a very serious problem here.

DW_a_mom
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26 Nov 2008, 10:38 pm

violet_yoshi wrote:

Mumto2 wrote:

This is a little extreme. Kids DO beat up their sisters and they get consequences for it. They DO hit kids at school and get consequences for it. And they will probably do it again someday, and also get a consequence for it. Eventually, with enough consequences and a dose of simple growing up, they learn to control their behavior. We parents do NOT take these lightly, but we also know what is within the range of NORMAL and what is not. Not at kids do it, thankfully, but enough do to call it within the range of "normal." Kids act out when they are under stress or unable to cope. Address the underlying issues AND make it clear the behavior is unacceptable, and the bad behavior stops. It is ABSOLUTELY IMPOSSIBLE to tell from a series of posts on a message board if a child's aggressive behavior has exceeded the range of normal. This comparison is TOTALLY, TOTALLY out of line.

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violet_yoshi
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26 Nov 2008, 10:40 pm

DW_a_mom wrote:

violet_yoshi wrote:

Mumto2 wrote:

I see. Alright then. I guess some kids are just born terrors and grow out of it.

DW_a_mom
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26 Nov 2008, 10:44 pm

violet_yoshi wrote:

Exactly where does the parent indicate that she finds the behavior acceptable? The description was included as part of a series of evidence of behavior problems she is WORRIED about. She isn't ignoring it. Yes, she got defensive when she felt people were piling against her, but that is probably more an indication of her current overall mood and testiness than an indication she doesn't care about the welfare of the animal. She WANTS to stop it. What she couldn't handle was being told she shouldn't have the pet. On the later part, I have no clue, but neither does anyone else here - we're just reading posts on a message board, we don't have the full story.

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DW_a_mom
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26 Nov 2008, 10:47 pm

Stray-Ana wrote:

People can disagree that is fine but the end result could be that a child gets bitten and the dog gets to die / put to sleep through no fault of it's own...

DW_a_mom: The above line is what matters most. Feelings can come second.

You have a VERY valid point here. Dogs have protective instincts, and they have sharp teeth. The situation can be the equivalent of playing with fire, and it is in EVERYONE'S best interest to understand that, and deal with it. It's just that this very valid point is easily lost in all the other rhetoric and misunderstanding that has consumed this thread.

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DW_a_mom
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26 Nov 2008, 10:51 pm

violet_yoshi wrote:

I see. Alright then. I guess some kids are just born terrors and grow out of it.

That a child may act instinctively in the only way they know during a time of upset and emotional overload does not make them "born terrors" and as a parent I find that use of terminology inappropriate. I'm not talking about bully's here; I'm talking about kids acting inappropriately aggressively in intense situations they are unable to handle. And I did NOT suggest sitting around waiting for them to "grow out of it." It takes insight and education, guidance and discipline.

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violet_yoshi
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26 Nov 2008, 10:56 pm

Well that's how the dog has learned to see him. Like I said, I don't care what the reason, there is no excuse for an animal to be harmed.

DW_a_mom
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26 Nov 2008, 11:34 pm

violet_yoshi wrote:

Well that's how the dog has learned to see him. Like I said, I don't care what the reason, there is no excuse for an animal to be harmed.

Then I guess that no one who hopes to ever have kids should keep a pet. But ... I've known of adults who have done the same thing. Not to condone it, but to note that if you take pets out of the hands of everyone who has ever harmed their pet in any way, you won't have a lot of pet owners left. You can only ask that people do their best, and understand that it's not "OK" to hurt the pet, and certainly not intentionally. The dad I once found out had told his son it was OK to kick the dog because it's only a dog ... THAT I think is someone who shouldn't have a dog. Lord knows why he does.

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