Parenting and Power

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DW_a_mom, thanks for being understanding where I'm coming from.

The adults in my life didn't actually turn me off having a family. As a child, I viewed having children as chance to be able to exert power over them. But the notion of having my wife telling me what to do pretty much canceled out any benefits of having kids, lol. I'm still keeping the option of marriage and children open, but I have no plans to do that for at least ten years. (However, on dating sites, I put "undecided" or "maybe" for questions about having kids; marketing, you know.)

As for bedtime, I always thought that 9:00pm was too early for me. But that was probably because I had chronic insomnia as a child, and laid wide awake, bored out of my mind for hours. My parents tried giving me valerian root, but that didn't do squat. So it wasn't so much the bedtime, it was the boredom associated with it.

My son has insomnia, too. Actualy, so do I. I remember hearing every word of the 11 O'Clock news that my parents watched while I was trying to sleep. And THAT made it worse, because news isn't exactly happy thoughts.

My son reads in bed about half an hour before the lights go out. It seems to help a lot. He's pretty on board with his bedtime, except those nights he crawled in late and finds himself in the middle of cliff hanger when I tell him he really, really needs to put the book down, of course.

Too funny about the marketing for dating.

Ouinon, my son read a book that I bet you would enjoy .... I think it's called The Giver and the author is Lois Lowry or something like that. It's a pretty strong commentary against conformity. It's a kids book, but a thoughtful one. Maybe a good assignment to do with your son in a few years.

If your son has insomnia, I strongly recommend giving him melatonin. If someone gave me a bottle of it when I was a child, my eyes would have lit up as if someone gave me a giant box of candy, a free puppy, and a Nintendo console, all at the same time. Melatonin comes as tablets, gel capsules, and liquid. It works wonderfully; it's a shame I didn't discover it until I was 22. I grew out of my chronic insomnia around age 14 or so, but it's so nice knowing it's available.

One caveat: melatonin can give you intense dreams. Because it makes you fall asleep faster than usual, the REM sleep phrase gets longer, leaving more time for dreaming. In my case, the dreams I get after taking melatonin are usually pleasant, such as fun interactions with people, or something resembling a video game setting. Occasionally, there are dreams that leaves me wondering "WTF?", but nothing truly frightening.

However, if your son has any nightmare problems, then be careful with the melatonin you give him. Then again, since falling asleep faster will eliminate the unpleasant factors (such as boredom) your son associates with bedtime, the nightmares might be less likely to happen.