Diagnosed 2 days ago

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My problems with getting and keeping a job: The only jobs I've managed to get are entry-level, part-time ones. I do have odd mannerisms and body language which probably puts people off at interviews. I've gotten fired from working in 2 fast-food places after 2 weeks and one after 2 months. The reason was that I was way too slow, I do have poor processing speed and I was clumsy and dropped a lot things and couldn't arrange things neatly for the customers. I have a specific learning disorder that makes it difficult for me to understand spatial relations. This means that cutting things in neat, strait lines or arranging things in a neat way is hard for me

I've also been fired from a retail job after a month because I made no sales.

I worked in a daycare for a year as a supply assistant but got three written warnings and then just stopped getting called in (I was a supply who was called in when others were away). Part of the problem here was sensory and I would hide in the bathroom to avoid the noise and chaos for long periods sometimes. Also, I had a huge altercation with a supervisor who was not following a rule of the center (taking the children out of the cribs when they cried) and I told her that she should. She said she never wanted to work with me again and I should tell the administration not to send me to her room. Another problem was that I would hyper-focus on one thing, like changing diapers and not notice another child being seriously hurt near me. The expectation was that I should mutli-task and be aware of and care for all the children in my immediate vicinity but I was so focused on the diaper changing that I didn't notice anything else. It is a little bit sad because I do love children and have a certain amount of nurturing, maternal instincts in-spite of the disorder.

Right now I have a part-time job shelving books in a library. I've been told that I must improve my speed at shelving, I must double it in the next three months. There's a six month probation period. I've also been reprimanded for talking to myself loudly while working. It's a library so quiet is expected but I talk out-loud to myself to help me focus and drown out the noise around me, I'm hyper-sensitive to noise. I had problems with the assignments , stapling and cutting things neatly, but was told that I didn't have to do those things anymore. I also have trouble with time-management. I get to work on time and come back from break on time as well but there is a schedule and one must move from one task to another at specific times or the whole schedule for the day is screwed-up. I get really hyper-focused on one task and go over-time, do not move to the next task when I'm supposed to. My accuracy at shelving and shelf-reading is 100%. I will see what happens. I would very much like to keep this job, I enjoy it when I'm not being evaluated closely (which makes me really nervous).

I already have a Bachelor's degree in Psychology but there are no specific jobs I can get with this. Now, I've gone back for my M.A in Library Science because that will give me a specific qualification, to be a librarian , and then perhaps I'll have more luck getting a job. I've never applied for disability , though most people think I'd qualify for it easily. My mum wants me to hold down a job if at all possible and can support me for the most part right now, so I'm still trying, at 29. I'm working on my degree one course at a time. Another disorder I have is Generalized Anxiety Disorder and I have panic attacks (feeling feint, heart-racing, hyperventilating etc.) and then become exhausted afterwards and also have issues with attention. Being in school full-time was too overwhelming for me, in terms of anxiety provoking sensory stimulation so I did a reduced course load in under-grad. For this degree, the only option for doing it part-time is one course at a time. It will take me five and a half years to complete this two year degree. The restriction has to do with the price structure at the university, there are fixed tuition costs for part-time and full-time students.

In elementary school, many letters were written home about me twirling string in front of my eyes and making noise to myself constantly during class and being in "my own little world". The phrase was actually used every year in my report cards from JK to grade 3. I was very inattentive and I would wander off. For gym, we had to play baseball outside in the school yard. I'd be standing at a base and I'd turn around, take off my coat and throw it down and then wander off away from my class with no warning. I had to be caught. I was evaluated for motor skills problems after the first week of JK because the teacher was concerned. My hearing was checked because I didn't listen or respond to my name but my hearing was normal. At lunch I threw out my sandwich everyday for years because the smell was awful to me . I never thought to ask my mum for something else for lunch. I was bullied mercilessness by the whole school, I was the school pariah. I would stay around the kids who teased me and respond in a way that the kids used as fodder to further bully me. At one point , I recited the class rules to other kids. I threw tantrums in school when my desk or box of supplies was moved, I wanted sameness. At lunch I ran away from the crowded room and had problems with it so I was put with younger kids to eat in their classroom. One day I started throwing out other kids' sandwiches, as I did with mine everyday, in that classroom and had to be removed.Until the middle of high school I was very inattentive and unmotivated and was socially unaware.

I have gotten a lot better. My dentist (who sees both children and adults with special needs) said "who would have thought you'd ever get two degrees" and I don't think the teachers and professionals who worked with me as a child would have thought that possible. Although I did speak close to on-time and spoke well and my verbal IQ was very high, even as a child, I had very serious, very noticeable problems back then, as described above.

Your son's traits don't seem severe, if he is less than two years old and already babbling, laughing with you, asking to be picked up, and noticing you when you come home.

If I were you, I would not lower your expectations for your son (it is easy for this to become self-fulfilling prophecy), obsess over each autistic trait in some weird clinical way that a lot of parents seem to do, or focus overly on social development at the expense of intellectual.

First of all, congratulations to you and your wife for being brave enough to seek a diagnosis this early. That took guts, and a deep love for and dedication to your baby boy. I have twin almost three year old boys on the autism spectrum. They were diagnosed at around the same age as your son. I know how hard it can be to admit there is a problem, then to accept it when your fears are confirmed. You did good, Dad.

Second, autism is not a death sentence. It is just a descriptor of how your boy's brain is likely wired, at best like being left-handed or right-handed, or left-brained or right-brained, in my opinion. We are all on the autism spectrum, every last human being on the planet. It's just a matter of degree. We all have physical ticks we use to calm ourselves down, we can become obsessive at times, basically, everything that an autistic person does, every person does to some degree.

Third, he is still your son. He is of you. Flesh and blood, spirit and all. When I really looked at my boys, everything they did, whether or not it could be labeled as "autistic" was something I could see in myself, my husband, or some family member. Don't let the label make you feel like he is somehow separate from you or dropped here from another planet. It's just that he demonstrates some of the traits that run in your family, or your wife's more strongly, or with less control. He's so young now, that he has time to learn so much, and thanks to your quick action, he will get the chance.

Okay, here is super specific advice:

1) ABA can be great. But, don't let them break his spirit. If your son has a favorite calming activity, like spinning, lining up things, etc, don't let them use it as a reward, or take it away as punishment, or try to stop him cold turkey. His brain needs it for whatever reason. Focus on extending the period of time that he can go without it so that he can build up his tolerance, but never use it as a carrot. Just my opinion, and it's worked really well for my little spinner. He only spins now when he's scared or anxious, and he can stop easily - I'm okay with that.

2) Don't lower your expectations for your child. He can accomplish whatever he wants in this world. Instead, focus on seeing him for who he is, and not who you wish he would be, and get him the right tools. Keep your standards about behavior and academic accomplishment, but adjust your approach based on who he is, not his label.

3) Send him to preschool for a couple of days a week. Ask ABA to accompany him for a part of the time that he's there (maybe 2 hours out of a 4 hour program). The rest, let him be with the other kids.

4) Do the things he likes with him. Even if it's spinning or lining up toys, or whatever his repetitive behavior might be. ABA will tell you not to do this. DEFINITELY DO. Autism is largely a social disorder, and the first building blocks of socialization are the relationships with the parents. Protect that relationship at all costs. Find him in his world. Meet him there. Make him know that you get it and that he is perfect just the way he is. The goal is to give him a strong basis of trust that he can use as a foundation to start exploring the world around him.

5) Don't expect him to be "normal". That doesn't mean that he can't be great! But, don't define his potential or his worth by milestone guidelines or other kids. I don't believe autism has a cure, but it doesn't limit what someone can accomplish. It just changes the way that they go about it. Accept that, and support your son with the appropriate, but don't try or expect to "cure" his autism. His path will probably different than your own. And if he were NT, you'd probably have to accept that at some point, too.

I could write a book about my opinions - ha! - but, I'll stop here. I really do think that if you can protect his self-esteem, you've won half the battle.

You sound like a great, pro-active dad. All my best to you and your family!

I fed my boys in front of the tv until they were around 26 months. They wouldn't eat solids until 14 months, and it was slow going getting them to really move away from a milk-based diet. With all of the therapy your son will get, he will actually be getting much more one on one developmental activity than the average NT kid. So, his 1-2 hours of TV a day while he's eating is still less tha the average amount that kids his age watch. In addition, his time away from the tv is filled with better quality activities. So watch eat and watch away, imo!

Limit it (you are doing that), but don't get rid of TV altogether. It's a calming thing (I don't understand it, as I am a TV hater, but it works for a lot of people) and even little kids need a way to relax themselves.

Don't get down about the statistics. Even the autism experts are feeling their way in the dark; there is still more that they need to realize that they don't know than there is that they're sure about.

pddtwinmom has some really great advice-- I wish I'd had it together well enough to say that.

I read a book I thought was GREAT. I recommend it to everyone. "How to Teach Life Skills to Kids With Autism or Aspergers," by Jennifer McIlwe Myers. She's been there and done that (she has Asperger's and her brother is "classically autistic") and she strikes a pretty good balance. If someone had to raise me again, I would want them to take her advice.

We used to have to put on what we called dinner shows for my son so that he would be able to finish a meal, lol. Thankfully, my husband is very funny, so we never had to use the TV.

I don't have an issue with limited TV watching, especially when it is in pursuit of a larger goal. What I will caution you to keep an eye open for, however, is when it might trip from being something calming into something agitating. I don't know when that happened for my son, but it did happen, and it took a while for any of us to realize it. The problem is going to be that until your son realizes it on his own, he will keep turning to it thinking it will calm him, and then not understand why he is feeling the opposite, and may meltdown when you try to turn it off. Hopefully, by keeping the amount of time limited, you can avoid this. We did have this problem with a few activities that were sensory seeking in nature; eventually they tripped (the basics that are internally driven like swinging and spinning and pacing don't seem to ever trip, thank goodness).

Thanks, Buyer! With two diagnosed within two months of each other, I had to get it together quickly or lose my mind. And I continue to be impressed by your posts! I lurk a lot more than I post, and your wisdom and advice have helped me immensely!

As for TV, if Bk's son gets all the services he should, his TV time will automatically be limited. If total tv time is just when he's eating, he will still be getting much less than the average toddler.

Edited for typos