My Son Just Violently Attacked Me

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It's never too early to teach them who is boss or to break them.

Sounds violent

It is. Let them know they'll never win. They try to hurt you, you hurt them harder, and in ways which really matter in the long run. Make sure they become aware as early as possible of what will cripple the most their prospects of succeeding in life, so they have a motivation to take care themselves to avoid them, and keep them under constant threat of forcibly leading them astray yourself, though never acknowledging it.

As a bonus, this will rid you of the typical struggles when they're teenagers, since they won't have much in the way of a social life or peer pressure, and they won't dream of dating. They'll need to burn all their time between studying, in the hope of enjoying some mysterious, distant future time, and doing whatever you tell them to.

^I assume that was sarcasm^

Wrong assumption.

You were serious?

That didn't work with my brother, you know. The only thing that would have worked would have gotten my parents thrown in jail for murder.

And I think I'm beginning to see why we tend not to agree on a lot of things on here.

I think there are other ways to discipline kids than abusing them. There are time outs, privileges taken away, leaving places sooner, going to bed early, and being consistent. My mom used extreme threats with me and they worked like a charm because I would always shape up. But I think it was the last resort she would do because she didn't do it often but I do remember what they were. Being threatened to have to walk home, threatened to get spanked until my skin bleeds, threatened to have my book order ripped up and I won't get any books if I didn't do my homework, and one time my mom threatened to pack up all my stuff and I won't have anything to play with.

How did it affect your brother kamiyu910?

My (older by 18 months) brother didn't care about anything, so even threats didn't work on him and he frustrated my mom to the point she would beat him (though she was never really strong so it didn't do much...). She once broke my clipboard over his head in frustration. Growing up, I was terrified of messing up because I saw what happened to my brother, but when I look back now, I think that because he would just push them and push them to the point of losing it, I didn't need to worry about myself. I never got beat.

There was one time my brother full on leaped onto dad because dad turned the computer monitor off wrong or something and they got into a fight that ended with my very tall and broad dad sitting on my scrawny teenager brother... and my brother still trying to kill my dad...

Now though, my brother says that our parents did the best they could and he doesn't blame them for anything. We had no idea about autism until he was already in his twenties. We're all on fairly good terms, no one holds grudges, though I did snap at my brother the other night because he was being cranky and I did bring up crap from the past... and then we just went on like nothing happened. We understand each other a lot better now, I think... and know how we are when we're tired. I really wish we'd been able to have help growing up.

Did they really try it? I seriously doubt they did.



That makes no sense at all. You don't need to commit any real crime (I know disciplining children is becoming a crime in itself, but that's another regrettable story). A bit of spanking and slapping, like everyone used to go through, is fine, but, other than that, the one resorting to the authorities should be you, not them. Of course, in a really free world, there wouldn't be a state sticking its nose into people's private lives, so it'd have to be replaced by someone professionally trained to discipline unruly teenagers by force, hired privately.

The point is you have too keep the upper hand at all times. You've had a lot of time to get ready for any fight before your children were even born. It's irresponsible to have children if you're too weak to discipline them.



Really? Can you please enlighten me?

The concept of abuse is subjective. Calling your parents abusive is insulting them, and you have no moral right to insult someone you owe everything to and who could always have brought you up worse. Besides, if you think they're abusive, you'd better leave their house at the very minute you turn 18, empty-handed, without asking anything from them and never go back there, since they're such bad people. Otherwise, you should be eternally grateful for everything they gave you.



My parents taught me early "privileges" cost money, money they had to earn with their hard work, and I hadn't done anything to deserve them, so I got already as a little boy into the habit of not asking them for anything unless I thought it was really necessary. Therefore, the only privileges they could have taken away from me were the most basic ones---making me spend whole days doing what they told me to without eating or drinking, perhaps. But they didn't do it, so they were very kind.

Grounding and similar measures to deprive you of social contact outside the family become moot when you're already isolated. In fact, they could have punished me by forcing me to pathetically try to socialize, having no idea how to and only managing to piss off the other children and get rightfully bullied.

What do you mean by being consistent?



I remember similar things, except the last one. I've always liked reading, but I never developed a habit of doing it regularly past my early childhood because it looked like an undeserved luxury to me. So, as a teenager, the only books they could have taken away from me were the ones I got as birthday presents, which I seldom read anyway, and textbooks. In fact, study itself began to feel like a guilty luxury to me, too, but it was the only one they weren't likely to completely suppress, so I made it my refuge. There was constant pressure for me to neglect it, which really terrified me.



That's probably the essence of punishment: to make you waste your time, by being unable to do anything interesting or worthwhile with it. You only have so much time in your life, which you'll never get back. Wasting your time is wasting your life. My parents often let me stay for hours and hours standing or sitting just outside the house, with noöne around, trying to no avail to figure out what I could do or tell them so they'd forgive me and let me go somewhere else and do something. I often had no idea why they were angry in the first place, but it wasn't their fault that they didn't know I had such a poisonous mental disorder.

So it's all good in the end. Where's the problem?

I don't believe what's written in some of these posts is necessarily intended literally. Still, way too much moral relativism going on is what I think.

An average of at least (almost certainly an underestimate) 4 children die in the United States each day from abuse or neglect. The parent typically may be depressed and overwhelmed. The child may be be difficult in some way (for example fussy, has a disability, sick etc).

Children are people. They love and respect because that's what they are taught (through loving compassion and wise guidance). Children who turn into loving, responsible, wise adults who were beaten learned goodness somewhere but NOT from being neglected, mistreated, disrespected or abused.

Again, children are human beings and not objects. And adults who were beaten as children and turn out ok do so in spite of, not as a result of, being hurt, spanked, mistreated, yelled at, abused or neglected, not because of negative adult behavior (or peer bullying).

Moral relativism is a fancy way to say there are people who don't accept your morals as absolute, because they disagree with them. Only tyranny can enforce any kind of moral absolutism, or the illusion of it. Free people have their own opinions and always will.

i think the answer to unruly children is an electroconvulsive aversion therapy that i would like to design. it would entail placing electrodes in the pain centres of their brains that are hooked to an implanted battery that is controlled wirelessly by an electrode placed in my brain, and it's circuit would be closed merely by a disturbance of my brainwaves associated with "satisfaction", and as such, whenever my displeasure is incurred, they feel it in the most subjective way possible.

that would teach them how to live the way i think they should. rapidly.

This thread blows my mind.

I don't understand what would motivate you to post that stuff here, spiderpig.

Is there anything in the OP that suggests this worried, hurting mom needs to "break" her child?

What we had described was behavior that was out of character, but you propose that the parent assume the role of a dictator who must crush the child into submission. That is not a good approach to parenting and it is not going to be useful to the person who posted here.

Actually, I don't know how to read your posts--they seem to be both a complaint about how your parents treated you and a big F-- You to the OP and everyone tying to actually deal with this problem in a constructive, helpful way. I don't really understand what you are trying to say or why you are trying to say it, but whatever it is, it doesn't seem to be about NathansMommy or Nathan or how to deal with his violent outbursts.

And while I was writing this b9 chimed in with some science-fiction horror.

Is there something about the OP that I missed that is calling for this kind of response? Fnord's "call the cops" seemed about as helpful, if less baroque. Why are people responding this way?

I don't understand what is happening here.