Son Asking for Social Security Number

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You nailed it!

This is why I think conventional families need to be abolished. Parents often have kids for narcissistic reasons. So when a child fails to meet their expectations, parents get angry, because in their minds, he deprived them of the ability to parade him in front of the community and say "I win! Mine is better than yours! Accept me as your superior!" Or even fulfill their illusion that good grades lead to success in the adult life. When in reality, former A-students drive for Uber Eats, delivering lunches to former C-students who are now upper managers.

So, let's say a child got a C on a math test. With conventional families, the child has no choice but to return to his prison, and deal with the uncontrolled wrath and retaliation of his parents. Like solitary confinement (grounding), loss of TV privileges, or whatever sadistic measure they can come up with. Or, as I fantasized while walking home from school, jump headfirst from a bridge into a shallow river with a rocky bottom. Or take a detour from the usual route home to a railroad crossing, and throw myself under a freight train. ANYTHING to avoid being punished, even death.

Now, consider how much better it would be with a Mutual Adoption Club. The child can take shelter with another family for a few days, until his parents' anger subsides. Or even move out of his parents' home entirely, and move in with a family who doesn't care about grades. (And may have a pet as an added bonus.) The parents, in turn, can take in a new child who gets straight A's effortlessly. In the end, the original child gets to live in a more peaceful home, and the new child lets his parents say "Mine is better than yours!" In the end, all four parties come out ahead: both children and both sets of parents.

Back on topic. The OP enjoys having their son under full, inescapable control, under a transparent pretext of "caring for his well-being". But the jig is up; aspie kids are smart enough to know the real truth. Their party will soon be over: once the son turns 18, I hope he reports his Social Security card stolen, and when he gets it back, moves away across the country and doesn't leave contact information.

Last edited by Aspie1 on 07 Dec 2019, 12:10 pm, edited 1 time in total.

It's not a conventional family, it's a family with parents with serious issues.

I could get anything from 1 (equivalent of F) to 6 (requires extracurricular knowledge/skills) and my parents never reacted with such intensity. They were interested if I had something to be good at and know enough or the rest to pass. I did, so they found it okay.

Maybe some day someone will be a parent....and get into a situation where a kid might sabotage his/her self, and might indirectly sabotage the parent.

What would you do if you know your kid is a victim of exploitation....and is naive enough to give his Social Security Number to someone?

This is not theory. This is real life. The kid is possibly in danger owing to his naïveté. And he’s stubborn to boot.

What would you do as a parent?

I feel like parents frequently want to live vicariously through their kids.

Many times, they act like jerks.

But many times, they genuinely love their kids and want them to do well.

If you ask me this question, then I honestly say: I don't know. You never know how you would behave on a sinking ship until you find yourself on one.
My kids are way too young for such dilemmas to come. They are currently in the stage of learning traffic safety and not trusting strangers, so in a year or so I could let them walk to school and back home on their own.

There was a boy with parents like that in my high school.
The day after finishing his school, he got into a mega-argument with his parents, which ended at 3am by him packing his things and moving to a friend.

Do you know what happened, ultimately?

Last time I heard of him, he was managing. He was living with his boyfriend (I suspect a big part of the argument was his sexual orientation), finished some business course, got a job. Probably he went no contact with his parents but I didn't ask.

I’m glad he is doing well.

Ironically, this shows that he was probably raised well.

I hope this family gets back together.

Many times, families do get back together.

Last edited by kraftiekortie on 07 Dec 2019, 1:04 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I was a kid once, too. And I did stupid kid things.

And I hated my mother, and thought she was unreasonable.

But when I thought about it, I knew my mother was unreasonable for my own good.

I hope the OP returns with another update.

I'd say parents love the IDEA of their kids, rather than their kids themselves. When parents initially have a kid, they have a certain preconceived notion what that kid will be like. For example, someone who obeys without question, has impeccable manners, and brings home perfect grades. So who they love, is the idealized figure they imagine, rather the short person living in their house.

So, a kid is born. First several years, the kid can coast on his cuteness alone, with or without meeting his parents' expectations. But sooner or later, by age 5 or 6, the kid outgrows his cute years. His cuteness (or lack thereof) is no longer enough to earn and keep his parents' love. He must now BUY it: with utmost obedience, impeccable manners, and perfect grades at all times. Basically, by meeting his parents' expectations without fail. If he fails to have to do that, he loses their love. That's when draconian punishments start pouring like water from a fire hose.

I kind of hope so too. On the other hand, I hope we impressed upon the OP that their treatment of their son is unacceptable. If they want power, let them get it in better ways: become a teacher, run for political office, or get into management at work. Not withhold his Social Security number, a life's necessity, for a cheap thrill.

It seems he does need his number. If you two argue every time you try to explain things to him, perhaps you might send him a good, clear article on why one doesn't share one's social security number, and maybe some information about scams.

Better to let your kid mess up his own life than to mess it up for him. If he messes up his own life, at least he can learn from *that*.

Copied to my Quote Book

Let me ask you all this and the OP this. Why should an employer hire your child and the rest of us? What makes any of us special amongst the other applicants who would apply? What value do any of us and your child bring to an organization?

Ya, I have computer smarts. I can program. But, the truth of the matter is this. So can others. Some just as good as me some even better. And, they're NTs who have better communication skills then myself and others here on wrongplanet. Better communication skills is defined by them since we're an extreme minority.

If you're a parent step out of the role of a parent for a moment and ignore the love you have for your autistic child for the given moment. Step into the role of a businessman and/or business owner of an organization. If you saw similar issues for a prospective candidate that you deal with on a constant basis for your child would you hire them especially if someone without those issues would be a lot more productive?

If you wouldn't, then why in the living f**k would insist your child be employed at all and play the whole competitive employment game at all? Wouldn't it make more sense to either save up for him with some kind of trust fund or start your own business and hire them yourself since you'd be able to manage their issues a lot better then any of these other employers could?

The truth of the manner is all of these employers are going to do the things that will benefit them. These employers are a business and their number 1 concern is to stay in business. Will your autistic child be an asset or a liability? That's what you need to think about?

The truth of the matter is:

Is that most parents can't afford to set up trust funds for their kids.