Help ! I think my child is possessed.

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Sorry, I don't think I was very clear. Allergies are not an excuse for acting on rage, definitely not, but they often trigger the emotion on a physiological level. For little kids it's harder to analyze their feelings, so they sometimes act in really stupid ways. Especially if their allergies are severe--I know my other reactions were, for example shellfish sent me into anaphalactic shock (did I spell that right?)

Oh, you're aspie too.

Wow... Isn't it pretty dangerous if you get so stressed?

My youngest is back on site now (after a few days at his grandmother's house). Hopefully we'll do a better job with him for the rest of the holidays.

Well you know, even normal children don't like being taped up for 15 minutes. He wasn't screaming cause the devil was trying to get out of him, he was screaming because you imprisoned him. Although I see you understand this now. I hadn't posted here, because at the time I thought I'd g on a litany about how ignorant you are for subjecting a child, to such beliefs and so forth. I see you understand it was wrong though, which I appreciate. There are many parents who wouldn't have seen that.

However, where did you get the idea that demons exsist? Are you highly religious? I mean, a child who has Autism behaves differently than other children. It seems to me blaming it on a demon, is a rather childish method of copping-out of dealing with him as he is. I just don't understand how someone can't see imprisoning a child as wrong.

Maybe it's cause since I was kept after school in 3rd grade, and thought I'd never go home again, I've been absolutely terrified of being trapped. Even to where I would refuse to go to after school detention, claiming it was akin to holding someone hostage against their will. Your child already has enough to deal with. Having to also deal with perhaps a future diagnoses of PTSD, because the person he was supposed to be able to trust, taped him to a bed for 15 minutes. Which is forever to a child, who tends not to have a real concept of time.

I know, you must feel like I'm guilt-tripping you, and I realize I am guilt tripping you. Just that from my perspective as someone with a Autism spectrum diagnoses, I know that I have a hyper-sensitive amygalda. It's the part of your brain that reacts with a fight or flight emergency response. So to someone who's NT, something like detention would seem lame, but they have to do it. With someone like me, I'd feel I was being held against my will, and might not go home again. Yes, it's paranoid, but that's how I thought before the medication.

I just want you to realize that most people would hear someone taping their child to a bed, and think child abuse. Not, that poor man's child is possessed by a demon. Welcome to the 22nd century.

The title of the post wasn't meant to be taken as literally as that.

I understand that it was wrong. I also understand that it was probably the safest thing we could do in the circumstances but No, I wouldn't do it again.

He wasn't taped down either - I never would tape him in a lying down position - that is particularly dangerous. Like I said, I wouldn't do it again anyway.

I'm not sure if you have children (I'm sorry but I don't have a lot of respect for parenting advice given by non-parents) - but at the time I was in a place where I would gladly have given that particular child away, as too much to cope with.

He's back on board now and we made it through Sunday together because I gave up trying to do anything (like housework) and concentrated on following him about. If he went to the toilet, I have him 3 minutes. After that, I went after him. Several times I caught him starting things but managed to gently head him off before he did the deed.

I also locked half of the doors in the house so that in order to get to the kitchen, he had to go past me and moved things around so that if he decided to wander during the night, he'd unavoidably make noise.

Today I'm at work. My wife will be home with him by herself - and she has other urgent things to do as part of moving house. I doubt she will be able to keep an eye on him all the time.

I think you're doing well
This may seem like a weird idea, but could you pack up at night? We once painted at night, to avoid too much trouble. What time does he keel over?

I know when I was younger I'd refuse to do anything if I was yelled at for not doing it. My reason was that I didn't like being yelled at, and if I did something after being yelled at, I was teaching people that all they'd have to do was yell if they wanted me to do something. And thats the last thing I wanted them thinking. It was basically that same philosphy for anything I was criticized/chastised for.

Gavin.....

"I truly regret the taping thing - I didn't know what else to do."

I know you do, we have all been there as desparete parents, but may I suggest that the next time you get in a position to where your going crazy, and it's the heat of the moment, just lock yourself in the bathroom? My kids have and been wild like yours have. When I am in the heat of the moment, I have just locked myself in the bathroom or something similar so I can breath, calm down and to just think about what I need to do that's more appropriate. If we give our children time out's, don't you think we (parents) need them too?

"Looking at it all now, I can see the problems more clearly. We're starting a knockdown and rebuild project and are packing to move. That, together with the holiday (change of routine) are probably upsetting both boys."

I have to tell ya, that everytime we had a major change in routine, a new baby in the house, a new move, kids starting a new schedule of school that they had to learn, ie going to school (pre-school or kindy) monday thru friday and having sat and sun off, then going off again to school monday thru friday etc.... My boys FREAKED OUT!! ! And then they really freaked when we had 3 weeks of christmas off and they just couldn't handle the change. Same with other holidays especially easter vacation, and gawd summer was a nightmare!! !

It just happens until they learn the schedule of vacations years later. Ask me to move now and I will bite your head off lol. I will NEVER move again lol.

My 11 yr old will still freak out pulling up to school. He curls himself up in a ball, in the back seat, crys and says "Todays monday, everything has changed" over and over again.

Listen Gavin, It's so hard, especially if your an aspie yourself. I think you are pretty wonderful for asking for help because it means you have a warm heart, care about your kids and you just want to do the right thing.

Just remember, hitting and yelling only makes YOU feel better at the moment. It makes your kids hurt and confused and doesn't teach them the difference between right and wrong. There have been studies about this. And I know about this, cuz I am NOT perfect!

Just like NT kids, they want to be understood, like we all do.

But I do want to add that you don't want to go that direction, you just got desparate because you just don't know what else to do (except what your parents probably did at the time, we always learn from what our parents knew how to do ya know?)

Good luck, hug your kids, and tell them that you love them no matter what they do . You will get thru this, like I have.

Lainie

Thanks a lot Lainie, that's good advice and I might just lock myself up for a bit next time.

I don't have any advice. My son seems to be coming out of his dangerous behavior phase. I never found any way of fixing his behavior, I just had to ride it out.

I just wanted to say that it sounds like you and your wife are really supportive of each other as parents, based on what you've said... so kudos on that. Also, I hope you won't be too hard on yourself for the mistakes you might make from time to time. Children are very resilient.

Just want to give you a hug {{{Gavin}}}

Sylvia de-stresses


*knock, knock*
"Mooomm!! ! I really need to get in there!"

********************

Seriously, I hope the rest of the holidays go well for you and all your family, Gavin.

Dangerous? No, but it sucks to be so stressed.

I got home from work today and was dreading contact but it seems that his little holiday has helped us all to de-stress. My older son is having his "holiday" at the moment (and therefore isn't teasing his younger brother all the time).

I've really enjoyed the last few hours at home with him.

I had/have much the same attitude. If asked nicely, I was/am very obliging nearly all the time, but if spoken to rudely, I start to dig the heels in.

I'm not a shouter by nature, though my partner is. It's one of those areas where we just have to agree to disagree. We have a rule that says that the person applying discipline has to be supported (even if we don't agree with it). What that often means is that I sometimes jump in as early as I can so that I have control of the discipline - that way I can teach without shouting etc,.

It doesn't always work though because often my calmer methods aren't seen as "discipline" and that means that my partner will jump in and take over. Whenever possible, I take the child from the room or out of the situation to avoid this.

Personally, I tend to always dig my heels in when shouted at or when forced to do something "right-now". I assume my kids are the same and so try to avoid doing that to them.

The only thing really guaranteed to get me riled up is when I'm asked to do something I'm obviously already doing. (eg: If I pick up the washing basket and head to the door, then my wife sees me and says "can you hang out the washing"). We had lots of disagreements about that in the early days but it happens less often now.

Parenting is really difficult and while there are a lot of books about it, I have a lot of trouble generalizing from them to a specific situation. (ie: If the situation isn't quite the same as what is described in the book, I often don't apply the book's solution or don't modify it correctly).

when my daughter was younger id say it was like she was possessed by the devil, she used to get bottles of shampoo and and other things and empty the bottle from bathroom all the way doen the hall, then the stairs and into the kitchen.. she was forever stealing things from the cupboard.. this even included chicken/beef stock cubes, to top it she threw my 13 week pup out a 2nd story window.. (