Where can I get behavioral help for my Aspie son?

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Its not a monstrosity to tell the truth. Theres absolutely nothing wrong with me telling her that what shes crying about is unrational and unreasonable. And if anything, those who are siding with her are heartless monsters, not me.

Im merely stating that you cant EXPECT a 5 year old to NOT THROW TEMPERTANTRUMS. ESPECIALLY Not an AUTISTIC ONE. WHY CANT YOU SEE THAT? WHY IS EVERYONE ATTACKING ME FOR THAT? Why cant you read what is being said and actually see it for what it is. This woman is not willing to accept her child as he is so she went on an AS FORUM asking how to change him.

Its unbelievable that you would call me a heartless monster for standing up for a defenseless autistic child. This mother is complaining she has a son. Thats what it is, he's unruly, he wont accept change. NO, NO 5 year olds do, and certainly not a 5 yr old with AS. Learn and understand what she is doing is wrong. THIS is not how you train an aspie to better behave, by going online and sharing your dirty laundry with the world. Complaining about how an AS kid reacts to situations, HE'S CLUELESS at this age. He's a child and she is an adult, she should know better!

I'll be surprised if he grows up with little or NO aniomosity towards her at this rate. God forbid the child could read this site and see how his mother looks down on him! She's said a few lines here and there to "show her love for her son" everything else has been how HE WONT CHANGE, and HE'S DRIVING ME NUTS. Are you all kidding me? Since when is it ok to defend the able and discard the disable as unworthy for defense?
YOU TELL ME THAT, YOU HEARTLESS MONSTERS!

No 5 year old should ever mutter the words "nobody likes me, I should just leave". He's not a parrot, he can feel that his mother has a SERIOUS problem with him being who he is. Thats why he keeps having meltdowns. Because no one wants to look through his eyes and realize he's a confused young child who needs help, not confrontation. Compassion not condemnation for what he does. He should be commended for his appreciation for his things, not disregarded as a troublesome problem child. He should be appreciated for what he wants to help with, not degragaded because his mother doesnt understand him.

You take me as you will, but I wont stand for someone trying to call me a monster for standing up for the one without a voice here, THE SON!

I did nothing to abuse you, and yet you abuse me immediately.

I was called into this thread by a concerned member. And I will not tolerate any more abusive behaviour from you just because I am doing my job, which is to moderate. You have heard of the phrase, 'moderation, in all things'?

I did not call you a heartless monster, I just said that your choice of attitude and words make you appear to be one. Please change your attitude, before I change my assessment of you.

As for the son having no voice, do you think he is able to, at five years old and with AS, able to express, truly, what he says? I had to live in ignorance for the first 16 years of my life.

As to your earlier assertion that being trained in the military makes your respond to an attack with an attack, that is no excuse for your attitude. You are not in the army now. You are on a website. And you must abide by that website's rules.

Yeah, you're right. I was simply trying to be kind. I was tested over 20 YEARS later, and they EVEN seemed to almost give me a test for AS. By that I mean my memory of it sounds VERY much like what some speak of when they talk about the story completion, IQ tests, etc....



SAME HERE! Autistic wasn't even offered as a choice, but then only ADHD really was, and my mother didn't work with handicapped people, but otherwise we were the same here.



I know that. If you look at even my first post, I was simply saying I thought you overreacted. I even said something to geesmom(In fact I think it was at least 3 times), that we have heard about LOTS of bad parents.



NOW we start to really differ. I believe he MIGHT be like me, and understand the problem, but have little choice.



It's a pity it can't sound a bit more reasonable.



We agree there.(Not that that is what SHOULD be, but rather that is what is happening)

BTW, for what it is worth, I am NOT the one that called Quatermass to this thread!

Nor should they be named.

Quartermass,

I know! I think we ALL understand. I just wanted to make it clear it was someone else.

Emoal6,

I don't even know if I should say this because Quartermass is watching here, but get a load of the post I wrote in:

"Sports programs and me pulling my hair out. (aspy kid)"

Someone there is basically torturing her daughter under the guise of "trying to help". I tried to tone down down my response, but it is still pretty bad. Quartermass, I hope you keep it up because it is the truth and tries to convey the emotion, etc...

I only mention that to show I DO understand and am not all pandering.

MAYBE parents will listen to what I have to say as a person affected by this that tries to understand BOTH sides, and really provide help.

I AM NOT complaining that I have a son. How dare you! You are the most despicable person I have ever met online - a cruel and sadistic person who is obsessed with me, my 5 year old son and your mother. It's really starting to give me the creeps.

You really just need to stop.



My son and I have a wonderful relationship. How would you know? Are you stalking him or something?

He has received services since he was 13 months old, because I advocated and fought for it. I only went back to work when he was 3 years old and that's when he went to a special education school that turned out to be ill-matched for his needs, IMO.

He's NOT disabled, thank you very much. Even on the Aspergers spectrum, he's highly functional. I know him better than you so stop pretending you know him better than his own mother and father (again, high on the creepy scale). I'm sorry to disappoint you, but I'm not going to defend myself to you -- a nasty, cruel, ignorant person who displaces their own issues on me. I am not you surrogate mother!! !! Stop treating me with the contempt you have for your own mother already.



Again, my son is not disregarded and if you knew him, you'd know that he does parrot his pre-teen, Drama Queen brother who barks "Nobody likes me, you wish I would leave" with a coy smile when we take away his Wii for a day. Then they both laugh, "G" after seeing his brother do it. His brother also loves to teach him swears because "G" will go around and say them. They both go to their room for that, especially because "G" doesn't do it in public, so he knows those words are naughty. So cut the children's services bull. You are way outta your league here assuming that you know my son so well. Every Aspergers child is an individual, not a highly predictable text book page. He has his own personality and I'm not going to let YOU take that from him. You are indirectly disparaging him by appointing yourself his "voice". He has a wonderful father and husband already and we work as a team to do everything to give our children opportunities that we didn't have. (I have ADD myself and my husband, although not formally diagnosed, likely has Aspergers himself.)

"G" is testing his boundaries like any other preschooler, it's true, but he's also very smart and we have been able to get through some of his newly created rituals and reason through it. He's NOT mentally disabled, he does understand a great deal and has come a long, long way. For example, for the first time the other day, he went into our health club children's room by himself. I would never ask him to do this if he wasn't okay with it, but we have talked about it for a year and finally he said, "Okay mom. I will make friends there." He went and he was absolutely fine - even said he had fun with the other kids. His Aspergers traits came through when he asked how he knows if another kid is his friend or not. We talked about it extensively. I was so proud of him! These are my feelings and I own them - NOT YOU!

Moderator: Thank you for stepping in. I don't believe in censorship, but I'm hoping you will at least consider locking this thread or deleting it. I don't deserve this abuse and all these personal attacks. I am appalled that people act this way towards a mother who was looking for advice about melt downs and am astonished anybody would say such horrible things about me when they don't even know me. I will make sure to tell other mothers with children on the ASD to steer clear of this site altogether. Obviously not the site's fault, but it's been taken over by some people that would rather throw around personal attacks than be productive members of this "community". No thanks.

Dont worry, im not coming back to this thread because its obvious that its not ok to tell the truth to people. Its not ok to tell a mother of 5 year old she's expecting to much. Its not ok to call her on her bluffs. Its not ok, thats fine.

But anyone who believes this child said "you all hate me, I should just leave" because he's a parrot, or a pinnochio, is ignorant. This kid has more frustraition than you could possibly garner in your entire life, geesmom, at the ripe age of 5. And you just wanna stop the noise.

Dont worry, my mouths shut now. But geesmom, we'll see in 10 years who was right!

Hi Geesmom,

I'm sorry you came here for help and got pounced on.

My sons were also incredibly challenging around that 5 year mark (I have twins, both recently dxed with Asperger's). My husband and I often found ourselves taking stock and realizing that whatever we were doing just wasn't working and having to try a different approach. Having a written schedule that is quite detailed might help with some of the meltdowns. If your sons knows exactly what to expect next, he may relax a little? It also might be worthwhile to investigate any sensory things that could be bothering him (uncomfortable clothing, new lights, ticking clock etc.). Or he may need more time alone to unwind, or one on one with you or your husband? My boys often need separate time because they really get on each others nerves after awhile. In my family we tend to all do best in a regular routine, where each of us gets plenty of quiet alone time.

That being said, at the age of 8, one of my sons is still very unpredictable and explosive. Something that he tolerated one day, can set him off another, and if one thing bothers him it has a domino effect and can ruin the whole day. We have definitely had to adjust our expectations of him to accept the fact that he will at times have meltdowns, and just can't help it. When he is calm we try to talk to him about more socially appropriate ways to express his feelings, and about strategies for eliminating some of the problems that cause him to go into overload in the first place (i.e. covering his ears if something is loud, or asking us politely to stop talking to him if he feels he's had enough). I see him very slowly learning to be more aware of his own needs and boundaries, and the times when we do see him reacting to a difficult situation without "losing it" we really praise and reward him (later on when he is calm). But it is a very, very slow uphill battle for him and us, and he struggles, we struggle, we have good days and days where it feels like we're all blundering around in the dark without a clue! So I hear you on the frustration! And being frustrated does NOT make you a bad parent in anyway.

I hope you aren't completely turned off of WP, and I'm sorry your first experience here was such a negative one.

Geesmom, I have a 6 year old boy with AS. Please feel free to PM me if you wish. I'm sorry that your posts were met with such hostility.

geesmom- unfortunately, i don't think the moderators pay much attention to our little space on WP......with the trolls, i find it best to not even respond to them. they're only looking to get a rise out of you, and it seems they have. you know that you are trying to do the best for your child

back to the topic at hand: help for behaviors can be found in numerous locations. the child's doc could reccommend a therapist, you could ask the school to have your child seen by the school social worker, you can find out about family therapy ( so that you can cope better with the trials and tribulations of the asperger world), you can also check out your local autism society and see what information they can get you, you can get books and read- there's tons of them out there!

all of my suggestions have been employed with our family. in addition to my suggestions, we have also had our son put on meds.....i know not everyone is up for that, but it's helped to decrease son's anxiety level. having a decreased anxiety level helps us to communicate better. he's better able to listen, and we're more able to help him understand the topic du jour

hang in there.

DELETE BY 2ukenkerl, sorry?

Last edited by 2ukenkerl on 04 Jun 2008, 11:44 am, edited 1 time in total.

My advice is to prepare your son as much as possible for changes to routine and expect him to be upset if there are unexpected and unforeseen events because he is probably going to have some trouble with these things for the rest of his life.

Over time, he will develop coping mechanisms but it will take much time and patience and you need to be prepared for this. None of us can tell you that everything will be resolved overnight.
Where possible, avoid getting into arguments with him because Aspies can argue longer and louder than just about anybody else.

2ukenkerl - if we all really want to help the OP, then reaming her out for her inexperience is NOT going to help !.....She is a new poster & does not seem to have much experience with spectrum issues. I understand that people have concerns. We should be trying to provide positive advice-not knock her down .

I am REALLY sorry! There were two posters, and one(the OP here) is trying to REALLY help her son, The OTHER is practically torturing her daughter. THAT is why I wrote referring to a feminine gender, etc...

I really can't apologize more. Luckily, it was the first time I wrote such things in this thread, etc... Though I am certainly NOT apologizing for the other thread, I slipped up here, and was wrong. Sorry.

Actually, I personally thought that 2ukenkerl was helping the parent a lot!! It was the other poster that seem to be displacing his anger from his past experiences on to the OP and seemingly misreading the information and stating his opinion as "truth" It's one thing to state your opinion but it's another thing to go overboard. It got a little out of hand.


The OP is seriously asking for help that's all -ideas!! ! A lot of us whether or not we have kids on the spectrum or don't, come on to forums to get help - stating that we are at our "wits end" is so normal as a parent. We all get there regardless. Children don't come with a manual and we have to learn what works and what doesn't with each child. It makes it a little more difficult if the child is on the spectrum, has ADHD, sensory issues..... and so you have to learn about that also as much as possible.

People come on forums venting, explaining the situation and then hope that there are some ideas that other people can share. The best advice here is usually from other people on the spectrum. Some of you have provided some wonderful advice and information.

The problem occurs when people misread the "venting" as the poster think the poster is saying they are unhappy with their child and wish they didn't have a child on the spectrum (complete misreading the information). That is SO NOT TRUE! When you vent frustration, you are not saying that you wish you never had a child on the spectrum at all. It is merely venting. Sure, there are some other threads from parents where I wouldn't say this but in THIS CASE, this parent is trying. I really had to read and reread where some people came to the conclusion the mom was complaining. She is asking for HELP and is being so nice about it.

Why is it alright that if you are on the spectrum, it's alright to say that you are overwhelmed by certain things but if you are an NT parent with kids that are on the spectrum a and/or have other children who have special needs you get shot down? Can't NT's get overwhelmed, too?

I am starting to realize that when you vent on this forum, it brings back a lot of horrible memories for some people on the spectrum. I am truly sorry for that. If that happens, please help us understand why instead of bashing us. I can say that if it wasn't for 2ukenkerl helping me understand certain things, I wouldn't be at a certain level of understanding as I am right now. I believe that most of these parents are really trying to understand.

I wonder how this post will be interpreted. I will be awaiting for my "post bash"

Natesmum well put , I think you phrased your post extremely well .
As a mum of 3 sons 1 7yrs old dx AS the oldest 26yrs, never dx but after having my youngest can recognise many traits in him , & 4 grandchildren I'm still learning how to be a better parent everyday & at times feel so utterly overwhelmed with everything that you don't know where to turn. Having no close family, I find forums are the only chance I get to vent & work through my feelings & hope that other people find the same help.
Just like growing up isn't easy neither is being a parent regardless of NT or ASD kids, & we all need a little support & understanding sometimes .