Is this spoilt of aspergers im at a loss

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I'll add here that this whole discussion reminds me a lot of when my son was in preschool. The preschool director had the gall to tell me that my son's behavior so extreme she literally feared for my daughter, an infant at the time. At her request, we entered family counseling. After a year of counseling and 3 observations by 3 different teams of professionals the results were delivered: there was nothing wrong with us or my son. The ways my son had reacted were perfectly normal for the stresses he encountered. It was the preschool that was unable to handle things appropriately, that had structural problems harmful to my child, and that was causing him additional stress. I opened up myself and my family as far as possible because this woman was accusing us. I didn't believe her but, heck, I was a first time mom, and I had no comparison, so I took her recommendations for professional assistance and followed up on them. And she was WRONG. There is no excuse for the expense and stress she caused me, that she caused us. So, yes, I AM sensitive to much of what you have posted here. Not because I don't care about the welfare of the dog, but because I KNOW that aggression from a child doesn't mean he is a horrible creative, and because I care one heck of a lot more about the welfare of the family as a whole than one animal member of it. You can't pull all the issues apart and pound on one; it has to be looked at as a whole. What benefits the whole will ALSO benefit the pet.

Yes, if my son was a monster and beat our dog every day I would remove the dog. He isnt and the dog isnt beat lol. Oh get off your high horse and stop preaching, I think everybody gets your drift. Have a lovely day.

That was for Stray Ana. I understand you are passionate about animals, but you are on a foum for as parents, you have no children with as, have not been diagnsosed yourself. Im left wondering why you are here. If you are bored im sure you could go on animal welfare websites and pick holes in peoples posts there. Just a thought. and I think we all understand your point Violet Yoshi, you have banged on about it enough.

I have had some very helpful replies here regarding my son (who is not a monster and im a bit annoyed to say the least that has been implied, rather ignorant of you I must say). On that note, Im leaving this post here and taking the helpful replies with me.

I'd like to re-ask this again as it seems to have been lost in the posts. You do seem to be under a great amount of stress and if you're having a hard time dealing with it, it's usually best to go to a professional to get help. This is a place for support, but support does not mean that we are professionals. And while many people have the utmost respect for those around them, this does not mean they can replace good therapy.

A side note: Being on this sub-forum does not mean that you are a parent of a child with AS. Being on this site does not mean you have been diagnosed with AS. And for the latter, this is a site for support if you even suspect you have AS. In adults and older teens, sometimes they do not have the opportunity of having a diagnosis for years.

As parents we know our AS children are going to obsess. This is in no way condoning this, but it is something we know to be true. Now take that same AS child and raise them without knowing they have AS, those obsessions are going to be the same, except intensify. I find it unreasonable to assume these people, who probably have AS, but undiagnosed, to drop it. It is not within AS social understanding to drop a dead horse if they have not been taught that. I even have this problem at times (as shown by this post in particular).

So please stop assuming what they do is intentional against you. They just feel passionate about the subject. If you were to kindly explain that this is not normal behavior from your son, and that you have taken steps to alleviate the problem, this would most likely be enough. Both sides are just as much at fault in this, but eventually, someone has to be the better 'man' and take the high road and apologize. (And by the way, I don't feel like it's my duty to do this since I'm neither the beater or the beated.)

How old is your son? Mine is 10 and he can be very hyper at times. Sometimes, he's aggressive. Mostly, he's verbally aggressive. I got him to stop hitting people (but, it wasn't easy).

People might disagree with me, but for his over-the-top verbal outburts...I blow a whistle. He hates the sound of a whistle. He doesn't get into a panic over the sound. He just really hates it. When I blow the whistle, he knows it was for verbal aggression and he actually calms down very quickly.

I don't use the whistle unless he's doing a dangerous behavior. If he says random or odd things in a normal tone of voice, that's fine. But, if he starts screaming at people, it's dangerous for him.

You need to define dangerous behaviors and rid him of those. To punish him, it works best if you don't have to raise your voice. I wouldn't kick the legos b/c he will think the destruction of other people's property is a powerful tool. He will mimic it.

I didn't read this as a deliberate thing, more an automatic reaction born of stress and frustration.

I will second the idea that raised voices doesn't work. My wife uses raised voices with our kids quite a bit and the problem is that you can only have your voice raised for so long... after that, there's no way to "up the ante".

IMHO, my quiet discipline is more effective (though my wife doesn't always think so).

Two things that I do...

1. Pick my battles... I decide... do I really care if he jumps on the trampoline with no clothes on? Sure, the neighbours will be shocked but otherwise... who cares? Then.. other times, when I feel that he's either in/a direct danger (playing on the road, throwing things, lashing out at life-forms rather than objects), or if he's inciting dangerous behaviour (shouting at Bikie Gangs out the window of the car). I'll be dogmatic about my discipline. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't.

2. Try to understand the situation - because sometimes a situation that looks bad to us is a response to my son's feelings. I learned that from WP about a year ago when I had big issues with my son's behaviour and someone pointed out that he was acting up because we were moving house. Now, I try to find the reasons (not excuses for) his behaviour.

So lets see, these are your points of defense against people who care for animals.

"Your not a parent!"

and, "I don't want to hear you, lalalala"

Which one of you is the child?

The tit for tat is going nowhere. Lets all take a look at ImMelody's post and give each other a little space of understanding.

I understand that some here are passionate about animals. I've tried not to belittle that, I hope, while also trying to point out that some reactions may not be appropriate given what we really do and don't know. There is nothing wrong with loving animals and wanting them well cared for, but it is impossible to know from a message board what the real balance is, and even the best of homes can result in injured animals. The best of homes can result in injured kids, too, just for some perspective.

And I understand that the OP hasn't always defended herself with much tact. But given that she started this thread noting how stressed out she was, exactly what does one expect? People who are stressed aren't going to use tact. When attacked, they lash back. You can't expect anything different, so if you keep attacking, you are basically baiting for a negative response back. Can't you see that?

Alright. Please. Peace.

I do understand that, I just am tired of the minute someone who's a non-parent says something a parent doesn't want to hear, they dismiss them as knowing nothing cause they don't have a child.

It's a defensive reaction. You may not realize it, but the whole world seems to know better than parents how to raise their kids, or at least that is how it comes off at times.

I understand it's a defensive reaction, but you are also loosing an opportunity to possibly help your kids by ignoring non-parents.

Not to mention that defensive action, is why people like me with Hyperacusis find it nearly impossible to explain their situation to parents with small children, without the parents attacking them. Perhaps it hasn't yet been realized that creating unecessary drama around small children, isn't the best thing for them either.

Oh and before anyone says "Well why don't you just stay at home then" I do, all the time. Wouldn't it be nice to live in a world where parents and non-parents could share ideas, without it constantly being a war?

One thing that is generally not understood by non-parents is the fact that we (the parents) were once just like them. We were the ones who said "oh,, my child won't be doing that" or "I'm going to spend more time with my child than those awful people" or "I'm never going to smack my child" or "my child won't be eating McDonalds".

The sad thing is that as you go though parenting, you find these rules needing to be broken little by little. You resist as best you can but somehow the rules always end up being shattered. For example; the McDonalds rule usually dies when the child goes to preschool or kindergarten and gets invited to several birthday parties at McDonalds. You try to get your child to eat healthy there but in the end, it's a case of either refusing to let your child go to the party with their friends or accepting the situation.

Parents fight these compromises all the way. We don't break the rules lightly but little by little we're whittled down. Eventually you realise that some of these "bad" things are better than the alternatives - in fact, many are actually better for the child.

The problem is, it is very very rare that anyone tells a parent something they don't know already. You assume they don't know it, but most often they do, which results in most approaches coming across as basically nagging, and makes it difficult for the rare instances of new information to be appreciated (what you described above would be new information to most parents, yes).

When we come on a place like this looking for insight, then that new information is perfect. But you kind of have to wait until a parent seems to be open to it.

Overall, our only defense in a world where everyone thinks they know it all better than us is to listen only to other parents because they've experienced and had to sort through the same overload. That concept you just can't understand unless you've been there, and it's easier to talk to someone who understands the overload and complexities.

I think that second part is where I got defensive. I am a parent, and when mum went on the offensive and asked if my AS meant the world owed me something, it seemed more like my AS status trumped my mommy status. I'm both AS and mommy, so on some level, I feel like I really understand both sides. Gavin, I'm sure it's the same for you.

Also, I felt like Mum unnecessarily attacked Ana. I will not, however, say she did not have cause to attack you, yoshi. But that's just me (and my need to point out things I *know* I shouldn't). I think that once you, yoshi, started, it left anyone who was taking up the same cause you were into her antagonists. When in fact, we were just looking out for the well-being of others.

So then it really is true, parents really do think they know everything, and that non-parents simply are useless. Perhaps you want to consider asking the mods to make this forum parents only, I mean strictly parents only. This way you can talk amongst yourselves, without any fear of the outside world or reality intruding on you. As for the parents who do appreciate input from younger Aspies, who might help them understand what their child is going through. I guess they'll have to go elsewhere.