Where can I get behavioral help for my Aspie son?

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Yeah, I am contrite, deleted the other post, and earlier posts here were positive, etc... I just ask for understanding of parents. YOU brought the child into the world, and YOU should try your best to see they get a decent break. That means, among other things, that if they are obviously in pain that you should recognize that.

Luckily, the OP here IS doing that. If someone does that, I will be friendly and TRY to help.

Frankly, I am starting to wonder if emoal6, and that mother in the other thread, are one and the same. I should start checking join dates. 8-(

Geesmom,

I promised you a decent response and I'm sorry it's taken the better part of a week to get around to providing one but here goes.

Your Son has Aspergers.
You already know this but just to reiterate a couple of things about the condition.
- Resistance to Change
- Need for Rituals
- Poor Short Term Memory
- Outbursts and low social skills

These are normal for aspies.
So, unfortunately for you, your son is behaving "normally" - well, within reason.

I'm not going to say - "so live with it", because obviously you can't and you shouldn't but I am going to say that you need to take some steps to reduce the issues it creates for you.

There are a few approaches and you should be doing all of them.

1. Get yourself some counselling - You have to live with a lot and need some self-calming techniques.
2. Take some regular breaks - leave your husband or parents with the kids and go out for a while.
3. Start to "Box in" the unwanted behaviour - this, I'll explain later.
4. Take notice and reward good behaviour.
5. Don't accept bad behviour - I'll explain this too.
6. Offer sympathy - he's having a hard time too... eg: be really sympathetic if a toy breaks. Hug him etc... talk about replacements etc (sometimes), but don't rush to replace immediately. After all, life throws disappointments all the time. If you replace things constantly he will never learn.


Explaining: Start to "Box in" the unwanted behaviour
Remove scheduling issues by having a timetable on the wall. For example, there may be a dog-feeding card that he has to get and give to you before a certain time to be able to feed the dog.
Have a shelf or box where all of the stuffed animals must be placed when he's getting out of bed. This will stop them getting lost.
Have an old-news box for putting things once they're dealt with. Rule: You can't have a fit over anything in the "old news" box.



Explaining: Don't accept bad behviour
Shouting must be done in his room - nowhere else in the house. He will need an outlet, this is it.
Hitting is completely unacceptable. Do not tolerate it at all - stop the hitting while he's still young enough for you to control. DONT HIT BACK - This doesn't work. Instead, either remove a toy or exclude him from a reward that his brother gets (eg: candy). Make it clear that if he hits again, another toy will be taken etc...
Whenever possible, try to explain punishment and give ONE chance. Do not waver (ie: don't say... I'll give you one more chance... )
Make rewards and punishments immediate - not last week, not end of the day but NOW. If you're out shopping, there's not a lot you can do but you need to tell him at the shops - ok... now you've lost your transformer toy for one day. I'll take it away as soon as we get home.
Encourage reconciliation - Don't give him removed rewards for saying sorry (eg: if you took a toy away, he shouldn't get it back simply because he said sorry). There should be a set time for these things. Instead, if he says sorry; respond with a hug and not with negative criticsm (ie: don't say "but you really annoyed mummy" - he's saying sorry now).


Sorry for the long post, I was trying to cover all of your bases.

You're doing a good job, so don't accept criticsm from people here. Children are difficult.

natesmom- very well put

This is genius!! !! This idea will be very helpful to my family. Your whole post was full of great info, gbollard. I also like the part about not accepting bad behaviour. I think it was Temple Grandin in a lecture I watched on youtube who said something to the effect of autism isn't an excuse for bad behaviour (i.e. hitting). It's good to remember that even though it may take longer to teach, it is possible and necessary to keep consistently and patiently working towards good manners/socially acceptable behaviours. Sometimes it just seems like such an uphill battle!

And natesmom, I thought you were "right on the money" with your post.

Update time...

First of all, thanks to all of the people who had good intentions to help and not just berrate me. I really appreciate it.

I actually took one the advice of one of the first responses I received here. "G" wrote on the bathroom door the other day, perfectly clear I might add, "Do not enter. Do not come in here. Never."

I asked him to clean it and he said no at first and then was trying to clean it half-hazardly. I couldn't get it off so I wrote on one of his toys. I actually think it clicked for him. I could see in his eyes, although he was ticked - he asked why I did that and I said because you wrote on my stuff, I wanted you to see how it felt and why it's not nice to write on people's things. I was shocked, he didn't cry, he didn't throw a tantrum he just thought about it, pondering it, and went to onto wipe his toy down. Most of it came off and I felt he had a new appreciation for what he had done.

He has also been getting more sleep lately, which has helped. We also took him to the doctor who prescribed some antibiotics for a cold he's had for about 4 weeks now. I've also noticed that he has made such huge social leaps lately, that he sometimes has meltdowns in order to process new information and stresses he encounters during the day. For example, he's now answering strangers questions (families and neighbors we encounter on our walks) when they ask him things - how old are you? What's your name? What school do you go to? What's your dog's name?

With new milestones, it's almost like he doesn't know how to deal with the progress and has a hard time after he's been expected to keep it together for a stressful situation.

I think I am getting it more.

I have also found a facility that offers OT and I'm going to get him in that again.

His brother has been gone this week and "G's" actually been loving all the one-on-one attention. Plus he's been sleeping so much better in his brother's bed (full size vs. his twin), I just might have to move him up to a full size bed. Crazy as it sounds, it may be something that has been making him so tired. Maybe he's a full size bed type of preschooler.

I'm also going to print out some of other suggestions that have been made here. gbollard, you ROCK! That was great advice. I always find myself not knowing what to do when crisis arises (could be part of my own ADHD), and having these tools in my pocket will certainly go a long way.

Thanks all!