Is this spoilt of aspergers im at a loss

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Well I think then it's overly judgemental of people to assume because one person feels very strongly about something they would rather not hear, that everyone else who is for that same cause, will be just as insistent. I'm sorry for not backing down, that dog has no defense and no voice. I do feel that hurting an animal is like hurting a baby, and we all know if that child put a band around the midsection of their baby brother or sister, that would be seen as horrific and something would be done about it.

I also feel if the child is incapable of understanding what not to do in regards to the family pet, then the responsibility for that pet's safety falls onto the parent. I was wrong in blaming the son, it wasn't the son's fault. He shouldn't be having his mother put responsibilities onto the son, that he cannot handle. She was responsible for the dog, therefore she's the one who allowed the abuse to occur.

Also, I'm sorry if you really think this is just beating a dead horse. Explain to me how someone can post on a forum about their pet being harmed in such a way, and then act as if it's no big deal? Maybe it's cause I grew up in a house where pets were afforded the same respect and care as people, and most people don't grow up in houses like that. Does it really take someone like Jigsaw, having to put a person in the same situation for them to be able to empathize with their pet?

No one said the band wasn't a horrible incidence. That wasn't Mum2's child, however. The person who shared the story about the band also noted that the pet had been moved to a relatives house for now, for the safety of all. Something WAS done about it. I know this is an emotional issue for you, just be careful to keep the situations you are responding to clear. Could this be why we're at odds? That you are confused about what the OP's child has done to their pet?

Last edited by DW_a_mom on 30 Nov 2008, 2:30 am, edited 1 time in total.

I don't feel I said that. I have learned tons here from non-parents sharing how things are for them, how AS affects their lives, and more. I very much appreciate the presence of non-parents on this board, and I've enjoyed many of your posts as well. However, you aren't at this moment trying to offer insight into how things may be from a child's perspective, or insight into AS. Instead, it sounds like you are telling one mom that she's doing something wrong, period. And you've called pretty much any aggressive young child a future Jeffery Dahmer, which is just plain wrong. THAT, yes, we become deaf to. We have to.

Animal abuse isn't a normal outlet of agression for most boys. Most boys deal with their agression through physical activity, or other forms of competitiveness.

Also, I'm sure Jeffery Dahmer's dad would tell you, that he wishes to God he had noticed the signs, when Jeffery was a child. Are you going to tell me his grief over having a killer for a son, and his victims, isn't valid?

Excuse me? Thank you! I'm so glad it was for me. I feel special. You know what? I was actually polite to you but you can f--k off now...

Also don't ask me a question [re asking if I had kids] and say 'thanks' at the end of that question as if you mean well and then reply to my response with some disrespectful bullsh!t - don't be so fake. 'Have a lovely day', Oh f/k off!, Preaching?? The word exaggerate springs to mind!

You are deluded if you think I was on any sort of 'high horse'...And actually I wasn't aware I had accidently ventured into the parents only section of the forum, I just clicked a link on the front page of wrong planet without knowing which section it was included in - next time I will check that I have the essential requirements before I write a line or two so as not to offend - I would hate to p!ss anymore over sensitive people off and ruin there time spent with their 'head buried in the sand'...

...Speaking of time...No I'm not so bored as to want to talk to you, or at least 'you' as in how you put yourself across - I have a pretty high boredom fresh hold and it has never sank that low.

You mention the 'helpful replies'...What you mean is - the replies in which, what you wanted to hear was said. I actually think that pre warning you that sometimes dogs can be dogs and will bite if 'pushed to it' was the most helpful advice you could take with you, off this thread - it's the one piece, that if you work on it now, could prevent a really nasty situation.

...Your rude and a waste of my time - I hope no one has absolutely no sympathy for you at all if the day does come where your son gets bitten...I'm sure you will expect it though.

Sorry <<< used in the same way you used 'Thanks' and 'have a lovely day'...Yeah Sorry! it had to come to this but 'you get what you give' if you don't like it then don't 'give it'...Don't reply with some pathetic rebuttal, it will get you no where.

Last edited by Stray-Ana on 30 Nov 2008, 11:04 am, edited 1 time in total.

Thank you.

Fresh hold? I think you meant "threshold."

I did yes, thank you for your correction I typed in a hurry and shall pay better attention another time.

That's right, it wasn't her child. It was someone else's child, someone's puppy. Perhaps that never occured to you only human-focused parents.

Geez, we could go around forever. Of course I feel awful for the puppy! But how was the child supposed to know it was going to harm the puppy? That child was 5, and the reality is people put "things" around pets all the time (think collar). The parent was supposed to predict that the child would take the instruction not to put a rubber band around the dog's neck literally, and put it around the body instead? It's tragic, but it isn't saddest or criminal. Shoot, I have a scar on my forehead from my sister throwing a toy at me. This stuff HAPPENS. No one likes it, no one condons it, you just have to deal and move forward. At least the dog could be moved to a safer home until the child matures; I had to stay with my sister (who, thankfully, didn't do it again and has grown up into quite a nice and responsible adult). We are NOT just human focused; we ARE reality focused. You just aren't looking at this rationally anymore, I'm sorry, I believe that. It's good to be protective of pets who can't defend themselves, but a little pragmatism is in order as well.

How was the 5 year old child supposed to know? His mother was supposed to have taught him.

I'm not being reality focused? Would you be reality focused if someone hurt your child?

Hi I'm speaking for myself here - sometimes children don't know better - dogs certainly don't know better [although I think they are expected to more than children] The point I tried to make about Gavin's dog was that it was the parents fault for not spotting that band had been around that dog's body for a WEEK. Parents are only human also, I know this! But allowing a tight band to cut deep into anyone or anything and cause such pain for a week and not notice, is neglect at best [best, if you can call it that] and a horrific incident waiting to happen at worst...When I read Gavin's blog he says in his own words the dog was acting more terrified than usual - which equates to it being terrified on a regular basis - They let the dog stay with grandparents - I don't know if that was temporary, it sounded temporary but I hope it stays there till the kids do know different and the parents have more time so that sort of neglect doesn't happen again...

Gavin didn't have to much to say after - fair enough...But the other lady took what was being said about both cases and somehow made it all about her!

All she had to say was that she could see why people were worried about the situation and that she knew it was something to pay attention too and adjust - but instead, something that obviously was bad enough to include in a post SHE chose to make was all of a sudden non existent and she got over emotional and defensive.

What she didn't bother to understand was that by making the situation better for the dog she would be helping the situation with her child and her own stress levels - the dog is only 5 months old - the last thing it sounds like she needs is a problematic adult dog...She got mad because she wanted advice about the child only but doesn't care how it all connects. If by taking advice about the dog instead of getting b!tchy when it was mentioned meant that next time she will perhaps remove the dog as soon as the child has a meltdown or tantrum so that it can't get hit another time, then already that has made the situation that much better even if it is just in this one aspect - at least it would be one less thing going wrong = a good thing!!

Yes. Siblings hurt each other; this has happened. Didn't I just point that out?

OK, so the mother should have had the foresight, in your mind, to tell the child not to put a rubber band around the dog. As if she could have predicted THAT.

Hitting biting kicking ... that we do predict, and pro-actively teach against. But young kids are still learning. They lose control, and they do these things anyway. They hit a sibling; they hit a pet. And to further the teaching, we give consequences. Eventually they learn some self control, and the behavior ends. It's a process, and with different kids it takes different amounts of time to learn. Not to mention that the process can be made much more difficult by AS and it's related sensory issues and meltdowns (my son's aggression is always during melt-downs ... best strategy, keep him from having them).

The behavior is NOT OK, I'll repeat. But self-control and better ways to release anger/frustration can take a lifetime to learn. The process is not miraculously finished just because a child reaches a certain age. If it's taking too long, the parent could use some strategies, not criticism.

Last edited by DW_a_mom on 01 Dec 2008, 2:55 pm, edited 3 times in total.

Stray-Ana, she's stressed. The family is stressed. That is why her son acted out, and that is why she lashes out on the board. I'm not saying the reaction was appropriate, just that the best solution is to get at the underlying cause: the stress.

As for Gavin's dog, I think he feels horrible about the incident. Sometimes it takes a dramatic incident like that to realize that you really cannot manage everything going on in your home, and that something has to change. The options on what to change are often limited for a parent - you can't just make your child's autism go away, and you can't just quit your job to pay more attention - but the family DID make a change by moving the dog, and that seems to be the best they could do given everything involved. His story made me glad I've kept my foot down about not getting another pet (we had a cat that passed away from cancer when my son was 3 and my daughter was an infant). I'm having enough trouble doing my job as a parent already. But, geez, we get a lot of pressure on it from some of the extended family: "pets are so great for the kids; look at how they love our dog. Just do it, stop over thinking." Ugh. I know my limitations, and I don't want to be posting my sad story about a pet here. And THAT is the best I can do at the moment to protect animals.

She isn't the only one that is stressed. Sh-t I am stressed - Everybody is f**k!ng stressed!...She asked for some advice or whatever it is - I don't know if it was advice or just to share - some people covered one aspect other people covered another that wasn't welcome...but never mind - What you are saying is, if someone is stressed only say what they want to hear to make it better. I wish people would do that with me I wouldn't be half as irritated. I know you are trying to be the peacemaker or something but I know that my posts were reasonable [until she got personal] having a group hug and 'there there' only goes so far, it's good that there are people to do that - but balance is good right?

I'm leaving it now because it's just frustrating and she has moved on now anyway - time for us too also. I am only replying now because I did turn off notifications but they are still coming to my email and I can never back down when I care about something - I can admit my failures!? [not failures but I can't think of the right word...]

You do have a point, as has been proven on this thread there are adults and parents who still have to learn those skills.