Sometimes I just would love my mom to fark off.

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Specifically, in that usage, "dump" has a mildly negative connotation, even though the denotation - the literal meaning - is no different than "drop off". A similar situation exists with respect to the words "cheap" and "frugal". If you look up "connotation" and "denotation" you'll probably understand the whole issue better now. And yes, I guess it is kind of aspie to pay attention to the denotations and ignore the connotations of words.

And I can see why I needed a diagnoses

I probably do this all the time and not many people have the balls to tell me and when they do, I get upset. But I don't even know when I do it is the problem. I remember making a thread here not too long ago about if anyone has treated others the way they were treated and then find out they shouldn't have done it or what they said was an insult or mean. But sadly it didn't get many responses so I must be in the minority.

League_Girl, your father may be an aspie but he may be in denial. I do have a question. Why didn't your parents tell you the thing you said was rude? I'm going to give you a word of advice. Avoid talking to most people about how much money they make and how much they spend.

Aspie1968, I agree with some of the things you have said. Here is the thing. None of us are in any power or position to do anything about it. Sometimes, to rebel you must comform. This means you have to earn certain people's trust and respect. A lot of our answers to our questions that we are looking for may actually be on the internet. Before we aspies can change anything we need to have wealth and power. This is what happened in Japan. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Japan#Modern_era Japan was was in no position to resist Commodore Matthew Perry. Those in Japan realized they had to build up their wealth and power base. We need to do the same. It may take long time Aspie1968 but I believe it can be done.

i know it can be important to define concrete meanings for words, especially for someone who has a hard time with context and intonation, but many words, including those discussed here, have multiple meanings. urbandictionary is not a definitive source for definitions, as the entries are by readers who may or may not know what they are talking about. in this case, a "moocher" does not have to be someone who begs or actively seeks to get things from others, but rather someone who tags along for the ride free of charge, who receives benefit from another's labor without contributing. paraplegic individuls and the elderly are not generally considered moochers as they are not able bodied. but an able bodied adult living with relatives and not working or contributing in other ways can indeed be considered a moocher. heck even if they ARE working they could be considered a moocher if they arent contributing to the cost of the household. going to college, while doing something, isnt a direct contribution to the household costs, and therefore doesnt relieve one of having to contribute, either monetarily or with labor.

just a sec, your mom wasnt wrong. but these things are not facts, they are morals. a fact is something that is unarguably true, like the earth is round. sex before marriage being wrong is not unarguably true, it is a moral judgement. different people can hold different morals about the same thing. your mom may believe it is wrong while you believe it is acceptable. as parents, we try to teach our kids morals according to what we ourselves believe. thats what your mom was doing. when kids grow up, they choose for themselves what to believe. thats what you did. both moral judgements are valid and not wrong. morals are modes of conduct and yes, what is acceptable often does change over time, both in the social sense and what we personally believe. having children often causes us to change what we believe, or at least make us change what we teach our children to believe =) suddenly sex before marriage doesnt sound so good when you are discussing it with a 15 yr old son or, heaven forbid, daughter.

It is relevant to this thread because Aspie1968 completely misunderstood where the parents she or he was disagreeing with were coming from. 27 posts and acts like she or he can read our motives? Wrong.

I get really frustrated with the assumption that seems to underlie some posts that just because someone isn't AS, they get to coast through life and, therefore, any conflict or difficulty they have with an AS person must come from their not caring or not trying or not being patient enough. As if no one else has challenges, hurdles, or problems. Well, that just isn't true. Perhaps I'm a little sensitive at the moment, and not reading carefully enough, but when people write paragraphs like this to me and about me, I think I have every right to blow a gasket: Utterly and completely clueless. A nice little script to escape behind when someone says something you don't want to hear, but that doesn't make it true. Yet that is the lens. 6700 posts working with people here, including at least 50 discussing gentle ways to help an AS child transition gently into adulthood, and THAT is the lens someone wants to use.

And ... although I obviously needed to let loose a bit, I really didn't post that to make this about me. I've said my piece as far as that need goes. I posted because I thought it was too easy for Aspie1968 to be sitting on her side of the computer screen seeing only one side of the equation. I thought she needed context for understanding why I would make the suggestions I make. Because I've lived life and I know safety nets fall away, and I also know parents have needs that kids can be stunningly blind to, and all of that has a place in this discussion.

My dad doesn't have any need for routine nor has any sensory issues. He doesn't stim either but he paces and taps his foot but he has ADHD. I don't think he'd meet the AS criteria but I don't doubt he has aspie traits and I suspect he learned in life based on what he kept telling me in my teens. "You learn as you get older" "You will keep learning" "You just have to learn to deal with things." I suspect these are the things he did so he passed it onto me. I didn't think I'd ever learn or get better but he was right. he even told me as a kid "Things get better as you get older." "Things will be better when you're an adult" and he was right. I wonder if that was based on him so he told it to me because it happened to him. Things my dad does like saying things without thinking or acting on impulse is all part of ADHD.


My family didn't really tell me because they were too excited and focused on my husband and I opening our gifts they didn't even think of the future and the possibility what can happen. I felt gypped and my husband had to tell me why they didn't say anything and my mom admitted it too and apologized for not telling me and said the reason why she didn't pull me aside was because she didn't want to upset me or stress me out and take 20 minutes of explaining. She just wanted me to enjoy myself and she didn't even think either nor thought about telling me after wards. Even telling me something is rude doesn't tell me a thing because I would want to know why it's rude so I know it's a fact not their bogus opinion. There has to be a reason behind it why it's rude. Like I know why it's rude to say to people "Did you get me anything?" "Why didn't you get us a gift?" because if you did that all the time, then people are going to feel you always expect them to get you stuff and that is all you are happy to see them for because you are always hoping for gifts. Then after a while they might not want to bother seeing you because you always expect them to get you something. If I can't figure out why it's so rude, then I don't think it is. There has to be logic why it's rude not just on someone's opinion. That's why as a small child I kept calling people fat because it didn't make sense why it was rude. it was their body shape and why was it rude to say they are fat? Is it rude to say someone has curly hair or brown eyes or blonde hair or is tall or short? That's why I didn't understand as a kid why it's so rude to say someone is fat. Then in my teens I figured out maybe it's rude because fat is bad and no one likes to be fat so they don't want to hear about how fat they are. So in that case I thought being told you're skinny should be rude too since it's also bad to be too thin. And it should be rude too because it's sure a double standard.

So is the OP mooching after all?


I'll just assume this is about word perception again between you and aspie1968.

Was I mooching off my aunt and uncle in 2007? I lived with them but I was working and paying them rent and I did had to wipe crumbs off the counter and cutting board when I was through, had to out my used dishes in the dishwasher or sink if the dishwasher was full, had to hang my towel up in the bathroom and not leave it lying around the home, let their dog out when she had to go and let her back in when she wanted in. Their house was always clean so there never needed to be any work and when they would do some yard work or housework, I never helped out. They never told me to.

Was I also mooching off my last ex? I was on SSI and had no job and I wasn't paying any rent because he didn't charge me any. I wanted a job but didn't know how to start because my car needed to be fixed and my ex didn't want me using his car and I didn't know how to use the public transportation. I did feel like a freeloader and my other ex. My mom acted like I wasn't doing anything but how could I if I was stuck. My ex didn't take me out to apply for work because how could I if I had no way of getting there? Plus he procrastinated working on my car. He told me it be lot of money to get it fixed if i took it to the shop so I thought I'd save money if he fixed it since he knew how to fix cars. But I did wash the dishes and clean the kitchen and organizing my things in his apartment to have it be clean. I was trying to be part of something because I wasn't working. We also used my food stamps to help get food since he didn't always have money for food.

What about when I lost my full time job in late 2008 so my husband ended up paying all the bills while I got to stay at home and do computer and live on unemployment and kept the apartment clean and would clean it when it needed it and my husband was fine with me not working. I didn't try as hard getting a job like I did in 2007 but yet whenever I would apply at places, no one called me for an interview. There was one place that almost hired me but the interview was only filling out a application and they were hiring anyone but what made me walk out on applying was them telling me how I'd be using my own gas money and how I would only be making money and getting paid by how many products I sell and I thought forget it because I wasn't going to risk losing my money if I don't sell enough and the fact they won't be paying for my gas and I wasn't going to work if I had to lose money trying to make money. I want to earn, not lose money and it was a risky job so I walked away. I decided I would rather mooch off my husband and keep getting money from unemployment than losing it.

What about if someone is going to school and works part time but they don't pay anything like rent to their parents or paying for food their parents buy but they only pay for their own stuff like their phone or car they own? I know lot of parents don't charge their kids rent if they are going to school. Some parents let their kids save money as they let them keep living at home so they can save up to get a place of their own, is that still mooching?

I don't really care if this is all considered mooching. Where do you draw the line for it to be considered mooching and when it's not? I do know it's not mooching if someone is a stay at home parent because they are taking care of the kids and the house while the spouse works to support their family and it's acceptable by society. In fact that used to be very common back in the days and now more both parents work these days to support themselves and their kids. But there are still mothers that don't work and they are stay at home momes and sometimes it's the dad that doesn't work and he takes care of the kids while the mother works. Now saying women shouldn't work and should stay home and be a housewife and taking care of the kids is considered sexist.

Sorry, I didn't mean to say it's irrelevant to this thread. It just sounded like you were in a tough situation right now and it might be worthwhile to get some support from others on this forum - heaven knows you've given enough support to others here in the past.

I do think you and Aspie1968 are talking past each other, but I don't really see any solution to that.

The issue with words like "mooching" that have negative connotations is that they are not just statements about objective facts, but also imply a value judgement.

If one says, "the original poster is mooching", they're saying not just that the original poster is receiving more than she's contributing to her situation, but also that she's a bad person for it.

So, is the original poster "mooching"? That depends on whether you think she's a bad person. Usually it's best to avoid making such value judgements - especially for someone about whom we don't know the full situation - so it's best to avoid words like "mooching" and their negative connotations. You can use them about yourself - it comes across as self denigrating humor - but using them about someone else is essentially an accusation, and tends to make discussions go downhill.

On the first, no worries. And thanks. But, funny thing, the way I use the internet for support is to try to give ... I need that sense of having value, of being able to make things right over a keyboard. It is really affirming when I actually help someone; that does more for me than a million cyber hugs or suggestions ever could. I did vent a bit on the job board when I first decided to go back to work, and that was helpful at the time, but now ... the biggest battles are all within my own head, and only I can sort them out.

On the last ... I agree, we're talking past each other. if I had the time to really go through those long posts with a fine tooth comb I could probably sort it out, but I don't HAVE that time, and frankly I'm jealous that at the moment this newbie poster does. You know, if someone has that much time, they can do their research to see what else I've written, instead of making negative assumptions about me. That is what I would have done, and I find it amazingly annoying that they did not. Fair or not fair, just how I feel at the moment.

I've been noticing lately how even a word can change a whole meaning of the post or what you say because people focus on that one word and ignore the rest. They don't make any connections to see the user meant nothing bad by the word. It's like they focus on the word and miss the overall picture. It also looks like to me they take what I say out of context and it is really really annoying I am feeling I am starting to lose my cool with them. So I say things like "if you would have read my post correctly" and I did a comeback at Babycenter by saying "WTF, I didn't imply anything" because I said "That's why I don't drive far for an item" when someone made a post about how she drove 50 minutes to buy a breast pump from someone for a good price she was selling on Craigslist. Well someone read my reply and said comments like that were annoying, the "I told you so" and "I am so smart" and then said WTF. It made me mad she read it that way because I did not say that or even think it when I said it so that is not what I meant nor implied so I got snotty with her back by doing that comeback by saying WTF back. Then I thought later one it would have been even better if I told her to go back to school and learn how to read better. But I left it the way it is without editing my response. That is how fed up I am with people for not reading things the way I have it and instead they put words in my mouth which pisses me off. So I am getting less nicer about it. So I keep thinking of funny comebacks to say to them to blow off steam. Maybe that will show them so they will quit it. But is it possible I may have said something in it that changed the meaning of my sentence or did I really imply "I told you so" or "I am so smart?" or was the woman just stupid?

Like the time I told the mother on Yahoo Answers it's a good thing she checked the place out first before dumping her kids off there. Because dump has a negative meaning to it, she probably took it as I was saying she is trying to get rid of them and I am against day cares because she doesn't want her kids around at all when I meant it was good she checked the place out first before taking them there and leaving them there. If I said drop instead, she may have taken it as I meant what I said than taking it out of context because of that one word. And this was speculated to me what she might have thought I was saying when I asked if drop and dump meant the same thing because I was worried I may have done it again like I did with the word cheap. I can remember someone telling me here "look on the bright side, at least you didn't say it on the first day of work to a bunch of working moms." But yet when people use negative words to me, I seem to miss it because to me it's just a word so I don't even notice. It's like I focus on the overall picture and miss the detail, a word. I see the word but I don't focus on it.

My 13 year old son has figured out that life goes a lot easier for him if he sticks to classic, Webster dictionary, English. It comes off as unique, but it doesn't offend. He uses no slang at all. "Dumping" kids is slang, because you don't literally "dump" them, so he would never use the expression. It does save a lot of confusion and isn't a bad way for someone with AS to approach the issue of language. He's had a few people ask him if he thinks he's better than everyone, the way he talks, and his answer is that no, he doesn't, it's just that he finds slang confusing. They find that answer acceptable, and everyone moves on.

There still can be issues with context, and different meanings in different situations, but he's pretty good at asking for clarification or making a mental note and asking me later. It is incredibly confusing, I think, the way people use language in everyday conversation, and I've seen it cause problems for NT's, too.

DW_A_Mom is here out of the kindness of her heart. She doesn't have to do anything for us whatsoever. She is struggling herself with a number of issues in her personal life. She still manages to come here, answer our questions, and to put up with us. She needs to be appreciated. Don't argue with what she says. All she is doing is giving the parents point of view. I appreciate you DW_A_Mom and all the hard work you've done on wrongplanet. Let's give her a round of applause and a token of our appreciation.

In fact, let's appreciate the parents who do decide to stay here and help us out. Let's see if we can help these parents out of the kindess of our hearts and expect nothing from them. None of us are owed anything by anyone but I would love for people to help each other out of the kindness of their hearts. DW_A_MOM if I can help you in anyway I will try to.

You just made my day That more than qualifies.

This place has helped my life with my son immensely. You all have given a lot. It's very much a world of give and take.

Aspie1968, I am worried that my getting frustrated may be discouraging you from posting or continuing the conversation. That I do NOT want. I am sorry I went off too strong; in my old life I would not have done that. But, you know, we're all human. We vent, we apologize, and we move on. Deal?

DW I suspected you had a lot going on in life because I remember you saying your husband was quitting and you were going to be working 80 hours a week since he couldn't handle his work anymore. So that is why I didn't bother arguing with you in PM because I figured you'd have no time for that and it take you away from your family.


Is drop slang also? After all you don't literally drop them. I think your son's idea of using words is brilliant and also trying to ask what something means to make sure he understood it correctly. But since NTs have the same thing happen to them too what has happened to me, that's why I don't really blame it on AS because it happens to none spectrum people also but I wonder what is the difference and when does it become part of AS? Someone once told me on here there is no difference and we all make that mistake.