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From what I've heard, even partents of the severely affected (ie needing 24 hour support) have a hard time finding services after they age out of the school system, so I'm not surprised the OP is not finding much help.

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I can understand that you have been through an extremely difficult time and that your situation feels impossible right now.

However, I would like to respectfully point out that the value of WrongPlanet's Parents' Discussion is the inclusion of feedback by adults on the spectrum. It is the sole reason I am here and not on some other autism forum for parents, I find that experience to be more valuable by far than any other resource out there - otherwise, I would have had no idea how to gain my son's perspective on things, nor find out what the real outcomes to different approaches have been.

For instance, you might ask littlelily613 what it is that her parents do that prevents the types of behavior you are having trouble with?

The main service I was thinking of was respite care.

One technique I use with my son that may be helpful to you: I go "on strike." I announce that I expect to see improvement in my son's willingness to share the responsibilities and until I do, I will do none of the work to take care of him. I have gone so far as to make myself a single-serve meal, take it to my room, and eat alone. This could extend to eating out instead of shopping, removing and storing away any dishware that wasn't cleaned and put away, etc.

It also strikes me that your problem is not really autism, but family dynamics. You might benefit from a visit to a family counselor. It isn't as though similar situations don't happen in NT households - a good counselor should be able to help you set boundaries and expectations that are reasonable for everyone involved (for instance, I think it's fair for you to call the kitchen off-limits after a certain time.)

We are all armchair-quarterbacking here in an attempt to help - but the truth is, an anonymous forum is not really the best place to get an intervention.

Your strike "on strike" method would pose a problem with me because unless I was told specifics as to what responsibilities I'm supposed to share I would not know how to share the responsibilities. Telling me to share in the responsibilities more to me is to vague.

a. What would be my tasks?
b. When would you want them to be done?
c. How often?

Do you understand where I am coming from?

I didn't go into specifics, but in cases where I used this technique, we are talking about my son refusing to do tasks he is aware are his responsibility, and I do check to make sure he understands before I do this.

Perhaps I should delete this thread. Most of the responders are offended that I've brought a bit of reality into their lala land of "little child with AS". Maybe it's too much for you all to consider any of this. Maybe your mind has to make me a bad person because this would NEVER happen to you, you're a good person. (?) And maybe you just assume your child will grow up fine and all of these issues will be gone and things will be happy and rosey. I hope so.