Son Asking for Social Security Number

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Employers are human, and sometimes they are idiots. In this case, the smart thing to do would have been to immediately hire Goldfish permanently. The other workers would still be angry at him, but he would have the reward for his out of the box thinking.

To me, the lesson is NOT to give up on thinking outside of the box. My question to anyone taking home that lesson is "what do you want?" To spend a life working one week assignments, or to have the chance for someone to see you can do something more and put that talent to better use? Successful people will tell you that life is ALL risk, and that avoiding risk ensures you will never get anywhere. I have noticed that the full on Aspies in my family are much more afraid of risk than the NTs, and I can understand that. For someone who is ASD every interaction with the world involves much more risk than it does for an NT, and once you've been beaten down so many times over the small things, why would you feel comfortable risking the big things? I've noticed with my son that the more the little things are managed, the easier it becomes for him to take risks with the big things. Taking risks has to be calculated, of course: you have to understand how to present it with the largest chance for success. In your story, for example, did Goldfish make any deals upfront to benefit from the efficiency, or simply implement it? A deal could have and should have been made up front: "I have an idea that will allow us to complete this in one day, but you have to promise you will keep the crew on for the full week and find other things for us to do if my idea works." The company would have countered with something like "if we don't like the results, will you and the crew work an extra day for free to fix it?" Risk and leverage. That is how the world of business works, but understanding the "game" isn't easy. Honestly, I'm not fond of risk and rarely "play." The difference is I don't blame the companies, I understand where I fit in best and look for opportunities that will maximize the talents I do bring to the table with a level of risk that fits my comfort level. If you never accept any risk, however, you are the one holding yourself back. I've done it to myself often enough to know the truth of it. The difference is I got sick of it and learned to break the box as necessary.

DW, he just simply did it. And, it wasn't GF but an older relative of his I believe. He simply took the initative like he was expected to do and preached from the bully pulpit.

And, I didn't know that's how the business world works and how they played. No one explained it to me and no one will explain it to me to this day. You're the first to do so.

But, I think it is unreasonable to expect autistic folks to know and be able to play this sort of game without any sort of instruction and guidance from others. In other words, are they willing to be our Henry Higgins from My Fair Lady?

And, let's say I do this risk and something goes wrong. Am I going to be punished? If I am then I'm not doing it.

And, if I don't and I simply do as I'm told and this shows lack of initiative anyway and again I'm punished for simply doing the duty of my job why would I encourage any autistic child to go into this? Why wouldn't I encourage parents simply claim them as to disabled to be employed and save up for them like they would for someone who is profoundly disabled?? Or, the parent could start a business and hire their autistic child where the parent would be able to serve the autistic child's needs better then the employer who won't get, has no obligation to get it and only has his business's interest at heart.

Damned if you do and damned if you don't.

Well, I am working late and don't have time to do this but right now answering you is more appealing than the project I need to finish so here goes.

First, some questions from one of your earlier posts:



Life is full of risk, but you can reduce that risk by making yourself valuable to your employer. I am valuable to my employer because no one else in the company does what I do was well as I do it. I am not irreplaceable, but I would be very expensive to replace. As long as that equation holds up I can feel pretty secure in my job. I pay a lot of attention to that equation.



The best response is to say "it wasn't the right fit." When pressed, you can also say "there were some personality conflicts." If they want more detail, it is acceptable to say that you don't believe that level of detail would be applicable to the new situation. You can also always say "I learned a lot and I think I know enough now to choose a better fit." None of that should be lying. If you can't talk about an old job without showing in words or tone that you still carry negative baggage about it, you aren't ready for a new job. Work through the baggage before interviewing.



This depends a lot on the type of position you are in. If you are hired to be a cog in a machine, be careful about how and when you share your ideas. You might, for example, send an email after hours to your direct boss indicating that you've got some ideas that you think might improve the process, and are wondering if they would like to set up a time to discuss the ideas. Meanwhile, continue doing what you've been asked to do.

With the exception of immediate safety issues, I would suggest you do not bring up problems until you've developed some ideas for solutions. There simply is no point.

When I started in this job, there were many things I felt they were doing wrong. Some I just needed to get used to their process for. Those needed to be kept to myself. Some I could find law proving my position. Those I brought up gently, starting by asking the owner what he wanted me to do when I saw positions taken that I disagreed with. We agreed that outside of a few exceptions I would keep list, and that list would get reviewed when our deadline was past. I had to prove myself on quite a few of those.

If you've been told to add up 2 and 2 and get 5, simply following instructions would be foolish. That is a time to push back. Note that the best way to push back is to ask questions, not state "your wrong." "Is there an additional step you want me to take before getting to 5?" "I'm confused as to what you want me to do it since if I simply add 2 and 2 I would not normally get 5." And so on.

No one taught me any of this growing up, either. My father was an immigrant used to a different system, and ASD (we believe) to boot. But he was crazy smart and honorable, so people respected him. Still, there was a lot he never really understood and grumbled about, not to mention his outdated assumptions about how women should be. I had a pretty rough start to my career as a result. My first job turned out to be a seasonal hire, where one of two people was going to be let go at the end of the season. They never told me that, however. They just called me in at the end of the season and told me they were letting me go because I wasn't assertive enough. Well, dang, I thought: I certainly know how to be assertive, I just thought I wasn't supposed to be. My second job wasn't fond at all of me being assertive, but while they grumbled, they also kept me. I didn't like them any more than they liked me, so once my confidence was back up I went and landed my third job, which was the real start of my career. The rest has been mostly trial and error, with the help of a mentors along the way.

I have had many off and on mentors through out my career, although I never had one person who took me under their wing full time. When I was let go from my first job, my direct supervisor took me out to lunch and gave me her honest opinion about my skills ... and ranted about what idiots the owners were being in not picking me over the other guy. That was a two hour conversation that had a huge impact. So many times different people have pulled me aside and suggested we talk. Sometimes their suggestions seemed silly or superficial, sometimes they felt very on-point. Always be open to advice. There are a lot of people in a work place that want to help the next generation move up and get stronger. Who to trust can be a tough one, but always appear to respect the advice, then be careful before acting on it in case you've had the misfortune of being taken under the wing of someone who actually wants to sabotage you (honestly, I don't think that has ever happened to me, but I've heard stories - super rare, but you have to be aware of the possibility). I think finding a mentor is extra important for someone with ASD. My son has had many people willing to act as mentors so far in his life. He didn't always realize he was getting help, but he often was.

In my area there is a charity that works with ASD students and adults to, among other things, help them find their fit in life and jobs.

No one can promise that if you take a risk it won't go wrong. One trick is to gather 6 months worth of living expenses as soon as possible so that you will never feel that you are financially glued to a job. It's a huge boost to performance if you know that you can survive getting fired or let go. Of course its depressing and upsetting when you do get fired or let go, but then you pick up the pieces and move on. Being scared is no way to do your best at any job, in my experience.

Well, I should get back to my work. These are just my opinions, ideas that have worked for me. Very off topic for the thread, but everyone deserves to have people willing to try and help by sharing a little bit of what they've learned. As always sift through it and figure out what can, or cannot, work for you as a unique individual.

Another thing, it seem though that you who espouse critical thinking and creativity as the wave of the future does not use it yourself. No attempt to understand my reasoning or questioning of my assumptions.

I never said I wouldn't be honest. I never said I won't think out of the box. I never said I won't be a critical thinker.

And, I did say that about loyalty and I stand by that. Can I expect loyalty from them if the s**t hits the fan? Or can I expect that they will do what benefits them even if it hurts my own interests? I'm loyal to myself, my spouse and family. They have my back, employers do not.

And, what I will say about honesty, thinking out of the box, and critical thinking is this. If it is not in my best interest to do these things I'm not going to do so. Doesn't mean I will steal from them. Doesn't mean I won't respect their rules or be polite. Doesn't mean I will commit vandalism or commit sexual harassment.

It means if they send me an email Friday evening and want me to come in on the weekends I'll pretend I never received it if I have other plans.

If a boss asks me whether I think something is a good idea or not even if I think it is not I will say "I will think about it" and never really do while doing other work he wants me to do.

If I see someone else stealing or wasting time well "my name is ben it and I ain't in it." If my boss asks "I will say I've been concentrating on meeting my deadlines so I didn't notice" even if I did.

http://www.criticalthinking.org/pages/d ... inking/766

Critical thinking is the intellectually disciplined process of actively and skillfully conceptualizing, applying, analyzing, synthesizing, and/or evaluating information gathered from, or generated by, observation, experience, reflection, reasoning, or communication, as a guide to belief and action. In its exemplary form, it is based on universal intellectual values that transcend subject matter divisions: clarity, accuracy, precision, consistency, relevance, sound evidence, good reasons, depth, breadth, and fairness.

Based upon my analyzing, observation, experience, reflection, reasoning, communication by others and other people's experiences what I say about employers is the truth. The things employers demand from us we can't expect from them. Knowing this, loyalty, honesty, critical thinking and out of the box thinking may not always be in my best interest. Knowing what I deal with when it comes to employers I questioned my assumptions of being loyal, honest, critical thinking and out of the box thinking when it comes to them. If telling the truth will get me fired I'm not telling the truth.

Be that as it may... I still say it feels deeply enjoyable to make your kid take a nap when he's not tired, make him eat the oatmeal he hates, refuse to buy a package of dried squid for $2.79 while buying yourself coffee for $5.99, refuse to get a pet even though it'll make his home life less lonely, and know that other family members will be on my side and his therapist will mock and gaslight him, when he confides to them. If all this isn't empowering and satisfying, then my name is Barrack Obama.

Maybe other parents might not enjoy doing these things, but I sure would. That's one of the reasons I chose to never have kids, although the main reason is a strong aversion to human babies. (Puppies and kittens are awesome, though.) The temptation to use my kid to enjoy my power would be just too damn strong.

I already mentioned to the OP that they should give their son his Social Security number. By giving him an illusion of autonomy now, they can wield power in other ways for a lot longer, rather than risk losing him to the Armed Forces. I wanted to do the same thing, but I saw "Full Metal Jacket", and learned that boot camp wouldn't be much different than my home life.

If you really feel that way, then your decision not to have kids is great, deeply responsible and generally the right thing to do.

Your parents weren't that great, Aspie 1. And I'm really sorry for that.

My parents weren't all that great, either.

But there are some parents who are good. Your views on parents only reflect the "bad" parents. Many parents aren't as bad as all that.

There are some things that kids do-----that can be harmful for them and for other people. It is the parent's responsibility (sometimes legally) to make sure that they don't do these "harmful" things.

Just a few days ago, I watched a bunch of YouTube videos, where parents filmed their kids' reactions upon getting a puppy for Christmas. The kids cried tears of joy while cuddling the puppy, and the family did a group hug at the end.

While I do have clear memories of happy Christmases with my family, they weren't the same sappy "family moments", because a home without a pet is just four walls. Not to mention, the family pet takes the parents' laser focus off the child's behavior, grades, and what-have-you. Or maybe the videos were acted out: the puppy was at a friend's place and was briefly put in a box, the kids rubbed onions under their eyes off-camera, and the parents ad-libbed the scene.

I now volunteer at an animal shelter periodically. The staff lets me play with the animals for a while after my shift.

Cubedemon, it sounds like you have found some viable work-arounds for yourself. It's a start. To advance you most likely would need to give up a few so that you could be seen as contributing "more," but if your work-arounds help you stay sane and employed, I'm not doing to argue with them. As for the nature of employers ... there is no one size fits all description. I've become pretty picky who I work for. I would be interviewing them as much as they would be interviewing me.

Kraftie suggested I do a little side hustle while keeping my ssdi. I think I'd rather try to do that.

I actually think it would be better if you get a job.

But....if you don't feel ready for it....then the side hustle thing would tide you over, and give you some extra cash.

If you're on SSDI, you can make more without jeopardizing your benefits.

If you're on SSI, you can never make more than $1,200 a month gross. And you can make only $85 a month before they start deducting your benefits.

Let's just say I'm realizing somethings.

A. Employers first order of business is to stay in business.

B. Do I really want my livelyhood to be dependent upon them? No, I really don't. Not for me. Not for our children.

C. Employers set the rules and standards. They guard all the doors and have the keys.

D. In fact, employment is at-will.

E. Everything is slanted towards the employer. Honesty, Loyalty, etc is expected from me yet I can't expect these things to be reciprocated back. I can't look out for my own self-interest just like they can. If I do that I have a entitled mind according to some others out there.

F. I was the good student, the good boy, the angel who made A's and B's, went to school, followed the school rules and did the stuff everyone else demanded me and wanted me to do. I never really self-reflected and asked myself what do I want? I didn't want to go to college yet I went all b/c it was expected of me and everyone kept urging I go including my teachers or else I have no future. Yet, I became a doormat to everyone else's demands and neglected my own desires and needs including my parents.

G. What they don't tell you is it is possible that one may not have a future anyway no matter what one does.

H. I've done a lot of self-reflection over the years to see where it all went wrong and I realized one of the things I did wrong was not setting boundaries with people or in other words telling them no. And, that was either losing some friendship, monetary, etc. In other words, fear of the consequences.

I. When my wife and I have children do I want them to be slaves? Do I want them to be afraid to set boundaries and tell others no due to fear of consequences? Do I want others including employers and even ourselves to be in control of their livelyhoods? Or do I want them to be happy and setting their own boundaries while respecting other ppl's boundaries?

J. True power lies not in controlling others but being able to take charge of one's life. Being able to set boundaries against those who believe in controlling you for what they think is your own good or for their own ends. Employers will never look out for my future child but only themselves. To shape one's own destiny and to be in charge of one's life is true power. To being able to say no to everyone else's ideas and plans for one's life and to be able to flip the whole entire script.

With all of that. True power lies in being yourself and if one can control your own destiny and take charge of one's life then one can be the best self one can be and not following someone else's script including mine. It may be a bit to late for me but for my future children this is the ultimate gift I want them to have. This is why I am excited and enthusiastic about starting a business with my wife. Ya, it may be difficult but the sweet isn't as sweet without the bitter right?

Nothing wrong with starting your own business.

Exactly or doing a side hustle.

Control over one's life won't be 100% but it would be greater. But, with greater control comes greater responsibility, right?

I'm freelance because I hate the office environment, I don't like the social aspect of corporate work, and I don't deal well with authority and hierarchies.

Benjamin, I'm with you dude. I don't like the whole double think of it.

What do you freelance at?