Someone Marry Barry, Aspergers and Aspartners

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Hi all, sorry didn't read through all of this but I watched the trailer...I didn't read ASD at all from the character. He's oozing charisma, but he's also very self-absorbed, which makes him occasionally socially clueless. Those are all fine traits for a character in a comedy, but they really don't describe ASD. I don't get the impression that they were actually trying to portray ASD either. Although people with ASD can have social deficits like that character, they're usually trying to understand social situations and just unable to do so (unlike that character, who fails because he isn't trying). I won't get into the whole Aspartners thing again, but as others have said - those people have some problems, they're a small minority and they should be ignored.

If anyone is interested in a good movie about an ASD romantic relationship, you should check out Adam: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1185836/

I second what BuyerBeware said. I visited ASPartners a while back and noticed women trying to pick up men who came there for support. It was obvious and desperate, as well as disgusting considering that the men were still in committed relationships. One man was saying how he loved his wife and just wanted some help communicating with her, and the ASPartner women were telling him to give up and leave her, and offering their phone numbers! Crazy witches.

I am not really surprised. They seem to try way too hard to always say how nice they are.


BuyerBeware, that is really awful.

They are like nazis. They all hate aspies and act like we are psychopaths or something and out to get them.

As someone who does participate in the ASPartners forum I can say a couple of things:

1. Yes, there are some people there who are unbalanced who see Aspies as evil and suspect they're hiding under every rock waiting to do malice (I exaggerate, but not much). That's not healthy and I try to avoid engaging with those people. I also firmly believe it's really unhelpful to those who want to stay with their partners and those with kids on the spectrum.
2. I still find it a very helpful group to be a part of because many of the women (and the rare man) share many of the frustrations and experiences that I'm going through.
3. My husband is abusive and I firmly believe he is on the AS. I came here to learn about it. I find a number of people who are helpful but also a number who are apologists for common Aspie behaviour than can be moderated or worked around if people want to be in a successful partnership. Some of his abusive behaviour is related to AS (the meltdowns - which are frightening and abusive and stressful to tiptoe around and try to avoid). Some of it isn't. But the AS affects the whole relationship because he's unable to provide support to me when I need it and he's unable to see how his behaviour is affecting me our son and our marriage.
4. I haven't personally seen pickup behaviours, not saying it's not there - and I believe that people who claim they saw this are telling the truth. But calling us all skanks, crazy and comparing us to Nazis isn't dissimilar to the behaviour you're complaining about.
5. Saying that 'you married the guy' doesn't cut it. At the beginning of our relationship I chose to be with my husband because of a whole variety of other factors that made sense at the time. I fell in love. I was his 'special interest' and it was intensely flattering. I ignored red flags. Not only am I no longer his special interest (apparently I'm not nearly as interesting as Dungeons and Dragons) but the relationship changed dramatically after I had a child. It put stress on him that he can't handle and he's reacted badly - abusively.

All I can say is, I wish I saw more people there with your attitude. If I/we had, it might have turned out to be a viable resource for learning how to deal with some of our issues (and a place where he could vent some frustration to other people who Get It).

That is not, of course, to say that ASPartners is useless for everyone, shouldn't exist, blah-blah-blah. I'm sure it's very useful as a restorative tool for someone who's been kicked around by a JackAspie (see subheading your husband, who by all accounts is in a lot more trouble than just having Asperger's).

It is, however, to say that it's not a good tool for an Aspie (CubeDemon) looking for a candid, unfiltered, and/or unadulterated view on "what people REALLY think of me when they're not just being polite."

Always seemed like a cat sanctuary to me...

...but I guess that's OK. It seems as if the typical "I'm-hurt" behavior of NT women is to get together in a gang and speak cattily. This is, I imagine, why I do not enjoy "Ladies Night," have only two female friends, and do not care to 1) have both of them in the same place at the same time, or 2) make too many more.

If it makes you feel understood, salves your injuries, helps you deal with the day, and et cetera (especially while not harming anyone unless they choose to stick their nose where it doesn't belong), go for it. Glad it works.