Will young Aspie son come out of his own little world....

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Gusmom2006
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14 Jul 2009, 3:13 pm

Will young Aspie son come out of his own little world? ( I mean this in the most loving way :) )

I have a question for parents with Aspie kids. My son is 3 1/2 and has been diagnosed with Asperger's, I know he is young to be diagnosed, but I have no doubt that he is. He is in a special ed class for 3 hrs, 5 days a week. He gets speech 5 days a week, OT 3 days and PT 2 days. He met all of his talking milestones to age 2. In fact he met all milestones until age 2. This surfaced just about a year ago.

My son is in his own world most of the time, he will often laugh at nothing at all. He will talk to me when he wants or needs something, usually in a complete sentence, not always. He will also answer you if you show and ask him any color, pictures or shapes. He is very smart and has a good memory, he can hear a children's song once and sing it back to you. But, if I ask him a question about anything else, such as "What did you do at school today?" and then I will list a couple of things I know he did in school, he will look out in space like he doesn't know what I am saying. I also see how my 2 year old has started talking to me about anything and everything she sees and hears and before she was two and he has never done that. He does not socially talk to me or anyone else at all, which is his delay and I understand that. I also understand my kids are two different people and my 2 year old is more social than some other kids. But people keep telling me that he will come out of this little world and talk to me one day, and I guess I am impatient and just so worried about him. If any of you have had this experience and can share when your children started to interact socially at all, that would be very helpful to me. Other children do not exist in his world, unless I ask him to look at someone and say hello. He never plays with the other children in school. When people come over (even people he sees everyday like my mom and dad) and enter the room or house, he almost never reacts, he will surprise us and sometimes say hello, but very rare. When my husband comes home from work, my daughter will run and give him a hug, my son almost never does. He will scream mommy, and run and hug me when I pick him up from school.

One thing that he has shown a lot of improvement in is eye contact. But everything else is slow. I realize he is still very young.

I hope I have given enough background info on him, please feel free to ask me about him. I don't belong to any support groups and it seems this might be a question other people who have children similar to this can answer or share their experience with me so I can get an idea. I have posted on here a couple of times and everyone seems to be helpful.

Thank you very much.



Rainbow-Squirrel
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14 Jul 2009, 3:20 pm

Gusmom2006 wrote:
Will young Aspie son come out of his own little world?


His own little world is probably all that matters, it's his identity, purpose and meaning. IMHO.



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14 Jul 2009, 4:41 pm

If he has the diagnosis of Aspergers, then the professionals expect him to be able to interact in some way, it seems to me.

Every AS child is different; my son has always been quite social, actually - a sensory seeker with people, if you will. One thing that seems to happen with AS is that you take the natural personality of the child and ramp it up exponentially, and that is who they are. There is very little in the middle. So, most likely, your son may always prefer his own company and being focused on his own thoughts. But as he gets older and learns more, he will have ways to express those thoughts and you will start to see what his world is like, and it will probably be pretty cool. He'll learn to interact and you'll have the chance to know who he is. Make sure you are open to it, that he knows you want to share his world, and not just make him share your world.

I'll repeat what I read in a post by someone with AS, way early on when I was first trying to understand my son's AS diagnosis. The post was about staring at a favorite brick wall as a child. The person described sitting for hours starring at that wall. The person also described what he saw: people. Two bricks make the feet/legs, one brick the body, two bricks the upper body/arms, and one brick the head. He would then count the people on the wall. To the poster, the event was pure joy. He loved finding and counting the people on that brick wall.

So much of the modern world is confusing and overwhelming to our kids. They focus, instead, on something we don't even notice. But their minds are very much alive. And when they start to let you see into their world, you will be amazed at what they have to share. All the things that we are too busy to absorb.

I firmly believe that preschool kids need those special years to just be who they are, without the pressure to conform and learn all the norms. The best thing a parent can do is keep the child safe, happy, and surrounded by love and understanding. I worry sometimes about what all these therapies and hours away do to the kids; is it too much for them to handle? My son melts under pressure, but he thrives when given freedom to follow his interests. I don't have an answer there; during the preschool years we didn't know our child was AS; we just knew he was unique; so no one was trying to give him early intervention. And, well, speech wasn't an issue - as I said, he's one of those outgoing AS (which caused its own issues, lol - after all, he didn't grasp any of the social rules and conventions, he just threw himself out there).

What I also believe is that our kids are growing up in a great time to be AS. Your son will have so much support and so many opportunties that, hopefully, will allow him to grow up free from the missunderstanding that so many before had to endure, and will allow him to be happy with himself and his life. Will you ever have as big a part in that as you would have dreamed of? That, I cannot promise. But when you know your child is happy and working towards independence (even if it is in his own time and slower by a few years than "normal") I think you'll be proud as a parent, and content that you are doing right by him.

And, just FYI, little boys (AS or NT) rarely share what they did at school. Or seem to remember it. Apparently quite universal; I have no idea why.


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14 Jul 2009, 5:15 pm

DW_a_mom wrote:
I'll repeat what I read in a post by someone with AS, way early on when I was first trying to understand my son's AS diagnosis. The post was about staring at a favorite brick wall as a child. The person described sitting for hours starring at that wall. The person also described what he saw: people. Two bricks make the feet/legs, one brick the body, two bricks the upper body/arms, and one brick the head. He would then count the people on the wall. To the poster, the event was pure joy. He loved finding and counting the people on that brick wall.

So much of the modern world is confusing and overwhelming to our kids. They focus, instead, on something we don't even notice. But their minds are very much alive. And when they start to let you see into their world, you will be amazed at what they have to share. All the things that we are too busy to absorb.

I firmly believe that preschool kids need those special years to just be who they are, without the pressure to conform and learn all the norms. The best thing a parent can do is keep the child safe, happy, and surrounded by love and understanding.



:thumright: Agree 100%. Had not heard the brick wall story before, but had many similar experiences as a child. Still do. I think it's that 'obsessed with patterns and parts of things' inclination.



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14 Jul 2009, 6:15 pm

Gusmom2006 wrote:
Will young Aspie son come out of his own little world? ( I mean this in the most loving way :) )

I have a question for parents with Aspie kids. My son is 3 1/2 and has been diagnosed with Asperger's, I know he is young to be diagnosed, but I have no doubt that he is. He is in a special ed class for 3 hrs, 5 days a week. He gets speech 5 days a week, OT 3 days and PT 2 days. He met all of his talking milestones to age 2. In fact he met all milestones until age 2. This surfaced just about a year ago.


AS people ARE supposed to generally meet or beat the basic milestones.

Gusmom2006 wrote:
My son is in his own world most of the time, he will often laugh at nothing at all.


WOW, same with me! How do YOU know it is nothing?

Gusmom2006 wrote:
He will talk to me when he wants or needs something, usually in a complete sentence, not always.


OK, GOOD!

Gusmom2006 wrote:
He will also answer you if you show and ask him any color, pictures or shapes. He is very smart and has a good memory, he can hear a children's song once and sing it back to you. But, if I ask him a question about anything else, such as "What did you do at school today?" and then I will list a couple of things I know he did in school, he will look out in space like he doesn't know what I am saying.


I was the same way, but would probably be SICK of answering stupid questions like "what color is this?". Maybe you should ask him stuff that is more involved and varied.


Gusmom2006 wrote:
I also see how my 2 year old has started talking to me about anything and everything she sees and hears and before she was two and he has never done that. He does not socially talk to me or anyone else at all, which is his delay and I understand that. I also understand my kids are two different people and my 2 year old is more social than some other kids.


Girls tend to talk more. she probably connects with you better also.

Gusmom2006 wrote:
But people keep telling me that he will come out of this little world and talk to me one day, and I guess I am impatient and just so worried about him.


If he has something to say, it sounds like he does! LATER, he will have more to talk about.

Gusmom2006 wrote:
If any of you have had this experience and can share when your children started to interact socially at all, that would be very helpful to me. Other children do not exist in his world, unless I ask him to look at someone and say hello. He never plays with the other children in school. When people come over (even people he sees everyday like my mom and dad) and enter the room or house, he almost never reacts, he will surprise us and sometimes say hello, but very rare. When my husband comes home from work, my daughter will run and give him a hug, my son almost never does. He will scream mommy, and run and hug me when I pick him up from school.


GEE, you just answered your question! Don't you realize that!? AS people tend to be kind of withdrawn. THAT is where autism gets its name, and the idea of social problems is mentioned at the BEGINNING AND END of the DSM description! They ALSO are usually adverse to touch, expecially things like touch. But he wants to make it CLEAR that he prefers YOU to the school. That is not at all surprising.

Gusmom2006 wrote:
One thing that he has shown a lot of improvement in is eye contact. But everything else is slow. I realize he is still very young.

I hope I have given enough background info on him, please feel free to ask me about him. I don't belong to any support groups and it seems this might be a question other people who have children similar to this can answer or share their experience with me so I can get an idea. I have posted on here a couple of times and everyone seems to be helpful.

Thank you very much.


In short, I think you are being like the average mother. They tend to not be to crazy about males in general ANYWAY, but AS is sometimes compared to being extreme male. I think it is clear that THIS is what they mean. It is simply less obvious with females.



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14 Jul 2009, 7:25 pm

I have no idea what you are worried about. I sometimes laugh out loud because of a funny memory or something I have thought of and would be offended if somebody told me I laughed at nothing. I used to laugh a lot while being nervous also.
I remember a co-op daycare I used when I was so sick with kidney failure. One of the mothers pointed out how my little guy was always playing by himself. I said, "So?" and she looked at me like I was crazy. Now I know I have asperger's. So does that particular son. He works as a programmer at a video game company and lives on his own responsibly. He was much like your son and (don't tell anybody please) also my favorite child. Well, him and the oldest.
Please stop worrying about a child who will believe you as he grows up and will miss out on a lot of trouble because he will likely take your advice.



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14 Jul 2009, 8:27 pm

My son, now 4 1/2, has AS and was similar and would not really engage in conversation other than to meet a need or want, especially with other children. He used to have a strong preference for adults, to the point that if we were going to someone's house for a playdate, he would be very excited to go see the other mommy or daddy, not so much the kid. I'm amazed at how much he has changed over the past year. He talks all the time now and loves playing with other children. All along we have been very gentle nudgers and try to teach him by example. If there was a certain social reaction that we were hoping he would display, we would display it ourselves almost to the point of exaggeration. If he was too scared or simply uninterested in playing on the playground, we would go play and enthusiastically encourage him to play. We would never force him, but he often needed extra encouragement. It's not that we want to mold him into something he's not, we just want him to have all of the doors open to him. Today, for example, we went to the playground and there was another little boy there. At first my son wanted to turn around and go home, but I told him that his little sister wanted to play so we had to stay. Then I asked him if he wanted to see if the little boy wanted to play with him. Then I had to think of things that they might have in common, etc., etc. etc. About 30 seconds after my son finally approached the little boy, they were running around and having a blast. Later at bedtime, I asked him what his favorite part of the day was, and he said it was playing with a new friend at the playground.

I know every kid (AS or not) is different, but I really do feel as though my son has come out of his shell. Some of it may simply be that there is a big difference between a 3 yo and a 4 yo, but I also think my son likes to do things on his time and when he's ready. My son gets services too, but only twice a week and his pre-k is 3 days/week for 2 1/2 hours. For him it seems to be just right. Maybe your son is a bit overwhelmed by all of the hours he spends at school and in therapy. AS kids can tend to shut down when things become too much. Just keep encouraging him to engage with others, but keep it light. Try to maintain an environment that is like a comfort zone for him. Maybe he really enjoys his own company and that's really not a bad thing! He may or may not become very social. Just keep on loving him and guiding him and try not to let him think that you are worried about him. The main thing is whether or not he is happy, and your preconceived notions of happiness may not apply to him.

I also agree with the fact that boys often don't need to talk a lot and asking a boy about his day at school is usually met with a one word response. They often just don't care. But keep asking him anyway so that he knows that you do :) .



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14 Jul 2009, 9:33 pm

This sounds so much like my own little guy when he was that age. If it helps at all, he is now 6 and won't stop talking about all of his observations of the world in general, what he did that day, what he liked or didn't like about it, etc. etc. I have some of my best and deepest conversations with my AS son...almost always more involved and interesting than those with most of the adults around me. His little mind blows me away---what a deep thinker. I'm willing to bet he thought that way at 3 1/2 and didn't have the words to tell about it yet.

At any rate, every kid is different, but chances are if you remain open to his way of being and you wait he will share his world with you one day. :)



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14 Jul 2009, 9:33 pm

Gusmom2006 wrote:
Will young Aspie son come out of his own little world? ( I mean this in the most loving way :) )
My son is in his own world most of the time, he will often laugh at nothing at all. He will talk to me when he wants or needs something, usually in a complete sentence, not always.


I am not a mother, but I am autistic, an Aspie. you suggest he is in his own little world, most of the time. But you have told me about his schooling, and his extra schooling and his play dates and his working with you with colors and such. That does not sound like he is in his own little world as much as you might think. Matter of fact, perhaps not being able to have any down time forces him into snatching it when he can and even to the point where he just has to ignore those he loves because his nature craves it.

I know I have to schedule things with down time. So much activity exhausts me because I have to think three times faster than others just to maintain the social pose of being 'normal'. I work full time to support myself, in an office, and I have to be 'on' all day long. When I come home I sometimes just sit in 'meditation' but actually I am just sitting and 'decompressing'. I cherish these times and schedule time for it.

Tony Attwood says he can 'cure' Asperger's Syndrome just by letting the child go into their rooms by themselves. Once the social is turned off, the pressure is off and relaxation works its wonderful magic on the soul and spirit.

just my 2 cents

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15 Jul 2009, 2:13 am

Gusmom, your description matched my son's behaviour at that age. It could have been written about my son! I too had to really dig deep to find out about his day at nursery.
He is 5 years old now and has come on in leaps and bounds. He's inquisitive, talkative and very affectionate. He had speech therapy once every fortnight but that was all. He just needed some time to figure things out for himself and a little patience. Your son is still very young and it sounds like you're a very loving and supportive parent. He'll get there when he's ready, don't worry :D



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15 Jul 2009, 8:27 am

Thank you all so very much for ALL of your replies!! ! I can't tell you how much I appreciate it! I love to hear everyone's stories. This is all so new, so the more I hear about it, the more educated I am.

For me, when we were gradually coming to the realization that my son has AS, it was very frightening, we knew nothing about it, all we knew was that our son was regressing before our very eyes and we had no idea where the bottom was. Since then, I have learned so much, and the more I read these stories from family members and Aspies themselves, the more I feel like everything is going to be okay.

I think we all have our days when we feel hopeless, I just want the very best for my son, I love him so much and want to know that he will eventually let me in. I am so interested on what's going on in that handsome head of his :D !



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15 Jul 2009, 8:58 am

Quote:
Will young Aspie son come out of his own little world....


maybe not. i never really did.

you may be a crucial part of his "own little world".

his "own little world" really does exist as clearly to him as your world appears to you.

the things he sees in his world are the things that you should take interest in if you want to feel him on an equal footing of emotion.

he would not continue to pay attention to things that are not of interest to him, so his "own little world" he is in, is full of what he believes in. that is why it is his sanctuary.

i know i have always been in a bubble and i can remember how i felt when i was young (and i still feel that way) and that is why i posted my uninvited reply.



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15 Jul 2009, 12:31 pm

number5 wrote:
Maybe your son is a bit overwhelmed by all of the hours he spends at school and in therapy. AS kids can tend to shut down when things become too much.


This is what worries me about all the emphasis today on early intervention. Knowing my child as I do, I can say that such intense therapy as is done today would have been too much for him. Could the benefits have outweighed the cost? I don't know and, honestly, I am glad we can't find out. I believe the cost would have been too high, I really do. He may be quirky (or, as the new neighbor kid called him to his mother, creepy :( ) but he is very comfortable with who he is and HAPPY. Isn't that what we really want? HAPPY kids? I've got that.


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19 Jul 2009, 3:04 am

When Im at work fetching baskets or doing put aways and walking to go do a price check, Im in my own little world daydreaming. :D

Sometimes I end up smiling as a result of something in that world.If a customer sees me, I say hi..and make it look like Im smiling at them and saying hi,


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19 Jul 2009, 9:48 am

I just wanted to say that our little guys are the same age w/ an Aspergers diagnosis. Mine is similar RE learning and memory.

And just like you mentioned, we are working on the spontaneous conversation. It is getting better and better.

I sense he is doing it to please me ... but I am OK with that.

I am very worried about how he will react to school!