Direct Criticism and Brutal Honesty

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Ok, the question how can you directly criticise people in a brutally honest fashion without htem jumping on the bandwagon of "He thinks I am an idiot".

And why can't people just flat out say the truth

Grass is green, it's too bad you want it to be purple, grass is green, so live with it.

In my high school days, I was called "oppositionally defiant", because I made it a habit to direct criticise my teachers. Apparently they had such a need for ego aqnd social status that all praise was welcome, inflating their egos, and all criticism deflated their egos.


Anyway, how would you directly criticise someone being brutally honest?

Did you mean for this to be in parents' discussion? What specifically is your question? Sorry, I am just a bit confused.

When I was in high school I had a teacher get realy upset with me for corecting him for a big mistake he make while giving a speech about greek gods. It was a earth science class and he was trying to tell us that Vulcain was the god of fire and the sun. When I told him he was only partly right the guy went nuts yelling at him he even called my mother. I'm a NT and had no idea how to handle this. Sometimes saddly you just have to sit and realize that alot of your teachers aren't all there cracked up to be. So try and do what I did do your work, keep your head down and try to understand the world is full of jerks and sometimes they are your boss/teacher.

The short answer, you can't. Especially if the person is in a position of authority (teacher, boss, parent). Even if your criticisms are completely valid and given in a neutral way, they are likely to be perceived as insults and you could end up being reprimanded for behaving inappropriately.

The question to ask yourself is whether or not the criticism needs to be given. Is the person harming someone else or themselves with their behaviour? Or is the false information they are putting out misleading someone in a harmful way? If the answer is no, and whatever you think they are doing wrong is just annoying, I would just let it go. You will likely just cause more problems for yourself by pointing out their mistakes. But if you do need to give a criticism, to try to prevent some sort of harm, try to figure out the gentlest, least offensive way to do it. Take the person aside privately. Include something you do like about or agree with the person on in the conversation, as well as the criticism. Stay calm. Even so, they may still get angry at you. No one likes to be criticized and it is generally considered socially inappropriate to criticize your "superiors" even when they deserve it.

FYI I had a problem with the exact same thing in high school and earned myself many detentions for arguing with teachers. I understand now that I would have been better off trying to stay on the teachers "good sides". It would have been in my own best interest to keep my mouth shut and just get on with my work.

By the way, if I have a problem with someone I tell them straight out.

I have no problem with people giving me direct criticism and being brutally honest, I welcome it..

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dP3hg7XY7SU[/youtube]

An important lesson in life.

If you create it, you deal with it. If you empowered yourself, you better be responsible with it. If you don't, then sit back relax and enjoy.

Most of the time, what you say is truth is actually a matter of perception. If you are pretty strong in a certain area and perceive someone as "stupid" or "not as smart," there is likely someone who views you the same way.

You may have read my posting regarding my son, Nate. It does upset and hurt me. I am poor in that area and he was being honest in his perception of my skills. Do I think I have a deficit in that area, absolutely. YET, there are people who are even lower than me in that area. If I perceive them as "stupid" that is truly not fair - they may view me as good in that area although others perceive me as poor. This is why I believe it is perception and not necessarily truth. My son is very gifted in the nonverbal/visual spatial doman but there are people even more gifted than him. If they call him stupid, that again, is a matter of perception.

I don't believe it is a matter of ego for some teachers as everyone is so different. You can't really generalize, although that is often human nature to do so. In addition, people have their own areas of knowledge and sometimes you may have a greater area of knowledge in that area. Yet, there are some kids who are on a more basic level so the way the teachers taught that information may have been at their level. Again, saying it is about ego is merely a matter of perception that has been overgeneralized across a specific group of people whether the group is NT's or Teachers. That is the same as people generalizing and coming up with assumptions about people of a particular race, gender or individuals on the spectrum. Does that make sense.

Why do I think people need to learn how to "tame" that criticism. Sure, you may hurt that person or make them ticked off, but it can also hinder your ability to keep a stable job and network. That is what it boils down to. If you don't care about that, I believe it ends up "hurting" you as for finding a stable job thus having money to live - unless you work at home in a job that requires very little interaction with others (that is so hard to find).

I agree with Annotated Alice. I sometimes blurt out corrections, but in general it's best to keep your criticisms to yourself. Unless you want everyone to resent you.
And be careful on the rare occasion when someone asks you for an opinion. Say it as nicely as you can while pointing out also as much positive as you can.

I can completely understand it happening when someone seeks an opinion (not fact). If they don't want your opinion, they shouldn't ask. If they are offended, they put themselves in that position. I beleive it is important to do it as politely as possible, but some are just better than others at doing that. It sometimes is hard to do

For example I know I am disorganized, self-righteous and emotional at times. People always say that to me, but the reality I don't care because I know. THanks for telling me that...

So what social status has to do with criticism?

The best way to correct a teacher is to use an "I statement" and quote an external source. For instance, if a teacher says that Neptune was the god of darkness, you can say: "I read in another mythology book that he's the god of oceans. How does that fit into the equation?" In this case, you're not criticizing a teacher, who an authority figure. You're simply asking him to reconcile two conflicting statements. And that's what a teacher is often required to do as a part of his job.

If you absolutely must correct a teacher, don't do it publicly in front of class. Instead, go up to him after most people leave, and point it out individually one-on-one. It'll result in a lot less embarrassment for the teacher and no consequences for you.

I remember a teacher suggesting the PH of a persons mouth was 4, she had got the stomach and mouth mixed up (probably wasn't concentrating too much).

I asked her, "but wouldn't that mean our tongues would burn away?".

I have no idea if it was the best thing to do, but in person, instead of stating someone is wrong, i'll usually ask them a question that will reveal the error of their statement. It means they are always in control and they are in the position to correct themselves.

wow Tales Of Mere Existence i used to go to ingredientx.com years ago. I've alway been a fan.

*Shrugs* Why should you care what others think of you? You're always going to be hated no matter what you do.

May as well earn it in my eyes.

At school and at home I criticise freely but I do so because I know my opinion does not matter, ultimately. They can choose to take or ignore the criticism, doesn't bother me.

Wow.... just wow. That's not at all true. You might not be homecoming king/queen. But it doesn't make you hated. There are all of places in the world were your ablity to point out whats wroung with something is more then needed, it's vital to the well being of others. Being able to see a solve things that the rest of us miss is a gift. If everyone was the same we'd still be in the darkages. I agree with natesmom that say that learning tack is a good idea so you are able to get a job. Alot of times it's not what you said but how and when you said it.