I just want to understand what is going on in his head...

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Can anyone offer me some insights on this? This is probably a silly question, or just generally unanswerable - but I am new, I do not have AS, my son has been recently diagnosed, and my husband at least shows many of the characteristics I have read here, but is definitely not one to do any introspection. I'd love to understand little things like, why does he just run and run (aimlessly) for long periods of time? Is he thinking about something? Is it soothing? He's 5 and language and speech delayed, so when I ask him, I don't often get really coherent answers... Why doesn't he make eye contact? What makes it hard? Or does he just not think about doing it? Does he prefer his own little quiet world? Why will he have an emotional meltdown over his train falling off its tracks? Why does he speak incessantly about his baby brother's feet? My son is very sweet and sensitive, why on th other hand does he not understand that it is not "fun" to try your hardest to get mom mad? (He really does get in these moods where he will do EVERYTHING he can to make me mad - he even admits it and has said it is fun). Can someone describe to me the "whys" behind some of this? In the past, when he won't stop a meltdown over somethign minor, I've sent him to his room until he can get himself under control - am I punishing uncontrollable behavior? How can I make his life easier? How can I help to give him good self esteem? How do I try and not get frustrated with him? I feel so totally like a parent in need of training...

Probably a stim I pace all day for that reason, it's soothing.


Eye contact physically hurts and doesn't come naturally.


Very attached to objects, seeing objects as people. Obsessions with odd things.


Maybe he just wants to get a reaction from you and doesn't understand fully that it's a bad one?

every kid is different these are just likely answers.

Unless his room is horrible, that's a good place for him to get himself back. Cuts down on extraneous stimuli but I'm sure he has things he likes in there that he can calm down with.

5yo, language delayed, and they STILL diagnosed him as AS!? WOW!

The running is probably soothing.

Eye contact is not considered mecessary, often not considered/desired. Personally, I just hate it. SOME find it PAINFUL!

He probably DOES prefer his world.

He may just want things to be PERFECT, and gets stressed out when it isn't.

I have NO idea about the feet.

He is probably NOT trying to make you mad. Autistic people have sensitivities, etc... that nobody else seems to understand.

Meltdowns AREN'T necessarily under his control. AGAIN, that has to do with the sensitivities I spoke of.

Try to consider his needs, and he will probably be happier.

Eye contact is invasive in your personal space. It is anxiety causing. You get that fight or flight reaction and allot of adrenaline going when someone insisit on getting eye contact. Then you get angry becasue someone is invading your personal space. It is like someone belittliing you, looking at you naked. (It makes you feel extreemly exposed ). Even when I am at the dentist, and getting 50 % nitrious oxide/50 % oxygen, and I am not caring what the heck my dentist is doing to my teeth, If I accidentally make eyecontact( even with sunglasses on), I will panic and the adrenaline gets pumping and then none of the sedating part of the nitrouos oxide or novacanine work and I start to feel the pain from the sound or the feel of the drillling. ( Nitrous oxide( laughing gas) is supposed to make you not have a care in the world, so the dentist can get work done on your teeth). It works great as long as you aren't extreemly stressed.

Welcome to the site. I hope you find the information that you are looking for.

In the future you may want to space out your post and add some spaces between the questions so it is easier to read. But it isnt a big deal. So, here are your answers:

Many people find exercise to be enjoyable. I had a friend in high school who ran cross country. I never understood why he liked just running around, but he said that he enjoyed it. It could be that your son simply enjoys the feeling of running. After all, exercising does release endorphins into your system. I know that I pace back and forth whenever I am thinking about something. I just seem to think better while I am moving. Also, most 5 years do have a lot of energy that they need to burn off somehow. Overall there are many reasons to move around, so it is hard to give you an exact answer. But if he enjoys it, and it isnt causing any problems then I say dont worry about it. Too many people panic over strange things that their kids do. As long as it isnt causing a problem, let the child be himself, even if that means he is running around aimlessly. I wouldnt let him go run a dangerous street, but letting him go for a spin around the back yard for a few hours isnt going to hurt anything.


Looking other people in the eyes just doesnt some naturally to me. It seems like a silly thing to do, and unless I make a conscious effort to do so, I forget and wind up looking at whatever else I am thinking about. It isnt as though I find it problematic, I just dont do it automatically like most people. When I have to force it (for sake of being polite), that takes a bit of effort on my part. And of course any effort I spend on forcing eye contact is effort I can't spend on other things like talking. So, I generally talk better when I am not looking at people. Its not as though other people are distracting, it just that I have to split my concentration 2 ways in order to look in somebody's eye and talk to them simultaneously.


Most likely. If you haven't done so already, you may want to set up a little safe zone for your son. Just a small area where he can go and be by himself with nobody invading his privacy. Auties need time to unwind and relax after being around people. It isnt as though we are misanthropic, we just have difficulty relaxing and unwinding when other people are around.


In order to explain this, you have to understand what a meltdown is. Allow me to explain it as simply as possible. In a brain the nerve cells send signals to other nerve cells. The nerve cells then process this information, and then send it along to other neurons. That is the human thought process. For example, when the train derails, the brain sends out frustration signals. This is a couple hundred nerve cells firing.

In a normal person, this signal is processed, and quickly dies out. Simply put, the frustration signal may be 300 (making this number up) electrical impulses. The first set of nerve cells receive this, and send out 200 signals. The next set of cells receive this and send out 120 signals, then the next set of nerve cells gives out 80 signals, then 50 signals, etc. etc. As you can see, for normal people, this signal dies out quickly. Thus the total extent of the frustration is limited. Only a small portion of the brain is affected by this signal because it dies out before it can spread very far. This allows the child to still maintain control of their cognitive functions, and devise a solution (putting the train back on the tracks).

In an autistic person, the brain cells are much more closely connected. Autistic people have larger brains, with more connections between the cells, and also higher neurotransmitter levels. All that adds up to say that signals dont get lost easily. So in the same scenario, the frustration signal may be 300 electrical impulses. The cells receive this, and send out 290 signals. The next set of cells receive this and send out 280 signals, then the next set of nerve cells gives out 290 signals, then 275 signals, etc. etc. As you can see, the frustration signal does not die out quickly. It spreads throughout the entire brain, and quickly overwhelms the person's cognitive functions. When an autistic person has a severe meltdown, their brain is being overwhelmed by a very strong signal, and because the autistic brain is so overdeveloped and well connected, this signal takes a very long time to die down. This is why something as simple as a train falling over will cause major meltdowns. Obviously, the brain is much more complicated then I am explaining here, but I think you get the basic idea.

During this time, the person cannot think rationally because there is too much electrical signals being processed. It would be like trying to make a cell phone call in the middle of a rock concert, there is simply too much clutter to hear your cell phone clearly. So when your son is in the middle of a melt down, he is effectively unconscious. Best to treat him like he is sleep walking, his eyes may be open, and he may be responsive, but nobody is home. The only solution once the meltdown has started is to reduce the amount of incoming signals, and wait it out. Take your son to a dark, quiet room, and then wait for him to work it out of his system. The signal will die out eventually.

Keep in mind that this IS NOT and never should be punishment. Tell your son ahead of time that you are setting up a special calming place for him were he can go if he is feeling frustrated and overwhelmed. This place is his own private area where he can relax and calm down, and you will not bother him. If you do go with time outs (not my preferred method for a number of reasons) then this place where your son goes to calm down should not be his time out area. He should have his own little sanctuary to relax. This should be someplace he wants to go when he is overwhelmed, not something you drag him to by force.

Your best bet is to try and reduce the amount of anxiety and stress he is under because these are what cause the meltdown in the first place. Keep in mind, that as your son ages, and his brain develops more, he will learn more self control and be able to handle himself better. But at such a young age, meltdowns like these over simple things are to be expected. Until then, it is best to just take him to a safe spot where he can calm down privately. I can assure you that these meltdowns are harder on him then they are on you. It isnt very fun watching your body collapse in tears crying while you try desperately to hold it together. So he has plenty of motivation to reduce the meltdowns as much as possible without you punishing him for them.


Autistic people are fascinated by information. My guess is that it is due to our brains being so overdeveloped. As such, we love to find out all about a topic that we find interesting, and also share our interest with others. Your son seems to have taken an interest in his brother's feet. While I dont know what is so interesting about them, apparently your son thinks that they are fascinating, and he wants to share his fascination with somebody else. Once your son gets bored with that, he will find something else to be interested in. It might be a good idea to get a bunch of things you would like to see your son interested in, and run them by him. Obviously you cant force him to be fascinated by something, but he may think one of your suggestions is cool, and worth a further look. Also, at age 5, dont be too worried about the topic of his interest. One day, he will be able to use his passion for information to get him a good career. But most likely his interest will change before he decides his college major.

Also, if know why your son thinks feet are interesting, you could get him more information about it. Is he interested by the mechanics of the foot? All the little muscles, tendons, bones, etc.? If so, you could get him a book explaining all about basic biology. Obviously not a college textbook, but maybe a children's book talking about what bones are, how they are connected, etc.


It sounds like he is a mischievous young boy. I really dont think this is related to autism. Most (pretty sure all) young boys like to cause trouble for the sake of entertaining themselves once in a while. If you want to fix this, first explain why what he is doing is a bad thing. Tell him that it hurts you, and you dont like being hurt. Since he doesnt want to be hurt himself, he shouldn't hurt others. Give him alternatives, such as 'If you are bored, you can go play a game of ... but you are not allowed to annoy me to entertain yourself'. If he does it anyways, I would recommend a good stern warning and then following through. I.E. Your son is dumping all your stuff on the ground just to annoy you. You tell him 'stop doing that and help me pick it all back up. If you continue then your going to lose your dessert tonight'. If he continues, dont give him his dessert.

Personally I am a fan of the marble method for this sort of thing, but the choice is up to you.


Melt downs are unfortunately a part of life. As much as I hate to say this, your son will melt down, and while you can reduce the frequency, you wont be able to stop it completely any time soon. Learning to control his melt downs and prevent them from happening is something your son is going to need to do himself. And until he masters this, I am afraid they will keep happening. When they do happen, your best course of action is just to send him to a dark, quiet place where he can work it out of his system.

Keep in mind that a melt down is not a free pass to get away with whatever he wants. If he breaks the rules on purpose just to annoy you, then he doesnt get desert that night. Now if he has a meltdown, then you should not punish him for the meltdown. I.E. dont yell at him for the meltdown, or take away more stuff because he was screaming/crying. But he still doesnt get desert after dinner. Don't discipline the meltdown, but do discipline the inappropriate behaviors.



This, is a much longer post then I can give tonight. In fact this is a book. Unfortunately, I have to go sleep now, so I will try to get back to it later.

I recommend that you read the following book if you can find a copy of it in the library or selling cheap on ebay.....

"Children with Emerald Eyes: Histories of Extraordinary Boys and Girls" (by Mira Rothenberg)

I'm halfway through it (was barely able to drag myself away from it to go to work this morning) and it's a completely different and fascinating account of how Mira dealt with children who had severe and often tragic developmental delays and issues.....one thing she mentions that really struck a chord with me is how to each of those children, what they were doing "made sense to them" if not to anyone else.

So what your son is doing makes sense to him, but it might take a lot of patience and thinking outside the square before it ever makes sense to you. Often the most frustrating thing to an AS or HFA is when people constantly ask you "why?" you do anything, because either you don't have the speech ability to explain it, or when you try to explain they never understand anyway? You might find that if you relax and don't make a big deal of what he does then he will become more comfortable & relaxed too.

Good luck : )

Hi there, welcome to wrong planet.
The running around may appear aimless to you but it is actually very soothing and comforting. My thing was always spinning when I was little. I'd spin until I fell down dizzy then get right back up again to continue. My 5 year old son is also an aspie and he went through a phase of running. I think at this age they have so much excess energy just like any other child. As they get older, stims will probably become less energetic!

As for the speech, maybe it's not that he can't. My son also had a speech delay but it was like he woke up one day and thought, "alrighty let's give this talking thing a shot!" He spoke because he decided he wanted to or maybe he began to realise that in order to get his questions answered, he'd need to communicate more. He has a very inquisitive mind and asks lots of questions now. Does your son speak more when he finds something interesting? You mentioned he speaks about his brother's feet a lot. Maybe that's his way of showing his interest and curiosity about his brother? Try and expand on it if you can and keep a conversation going.

The only other thing I'll say is that AS or not, he is a five year old child and still needs discipline. If he acts in a way that is inappropriate then he must suffer the consequences. Explain to him why it is wrong and how it makes you feel. One of my friends has a teenage brother with AS and his mother made waaaaay too many allowances for him. The end result is a spoiled brat with no respect for anyone or anything at all. He uses his AS as an excuse for everything and takes no responsibility for his own actions.

Tracker, as another NT parent of an AS child, I really appreciate your in-depth explanation of a meltdown. Your analogy of trying to make a phone call during a rock concert does help me see it from my daughter's point of view. Thanks.

First suggestion is to immerse yourself in learning more about the condition; there is a sense in your writing that you interpret things he does as choices, and that you will be able to grasp how his mind works... which, in all honest opinion, is about as likely as him understanding how yours works. The running may be a form of stimulation, it may be freeing (lack of external stimuli as he is 'engaged' in his activity), it may simply feel right. Don't try to form correlations based on how you see the world, because those will likely bring you more frustration than productive aid. Eye contact is challenging; I still work at it after years of practice doing so as a teacher and instructor. In some ways, it is like a terrifying "hidden-3D" picture when I look into someone's face - I can see bits, elements, but there is no context, no rhyme or reason, no sense to what I see. While I feel fortunate that I've been able to catalog expressions well enough to interact with others, it is daunting to be immersed in stream of input without any ability to sift or understand what is coming through. Consider it being on trial in a foreign country with no advocate and no translator... it can feel like very unstable ground. As for preference... that's a challenge. I knew that the world other people interacted within was different than the way I did, or how things seemed 'different' when I was involved. There has always been a desire to be involved and connected to other people, but it was a matter of learning how to do so while remaining myself. The train coming off the tracks is something that is a disruption of order, of routine, of familiarity... and it may be that he may be like some of those here on the spectrum who feel emotion intensely but have no understanding of outlet or appearance to others. The feet may be a special interest, something he is recognizing as shared between he and his sibling; it might just a form of verbal stimulation. And regarding making you mad... have you considered that he doesn't recognize that as being angry, or being a negative in the first place? The more you react, the more he sees -a- reaction (not knowing what it is) and continues to press the button (I keep picturing a sugar-loaded 7 year old in an elevator, hitting buttons) time and time again. Your solution? Quit reacting would be best, I think. Then the game is no longer available. One does not "stop" a meltdown, at least in my experience. When I am gripped in the state of utter turmoil and internal frenzy, there isn't an off button - I'm am absolutely lost and stuck there until it burns out. Giving him time isn't a bad thing, but it furthers the sense of isolation in some ways as well. I do not have a good suggestion for you here. Making his life easier is a balance of helping him learn while allowing him to develop, giving him the opportunity to find his gifts and strengths. Self-esteem comes from being accepted for who he is, by finding things that he can be proud of, by encouragement instead of punishment (please realize that I am not saying cater and pamper your child; just be aware that what seems reasonable to you may have no point of reference and seem an attack to him. Explain things in simple but direct and honest ways; if you give him choices, don't make them open-ended but give a list of options to constrain the situation. And take time for yourself, somehow, to allow yourself to calm down and be the parent it appears you want to be.


M.

I did not speak until I was about 6? But I don't have any difficulty with understanding language, nor any delay in language processing.

I speculate that it's because of my sensory integration disfunction? To hear myself was freaking me out so much that I avoided it as much as possible: I was able, but choose not to.

Later I got more used to it, to speak became a necessity and so by the time I was 7 I was talking without any apparent language delay, however I was using more formal language then other children. I still am