He finally did the shopping on his own

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A few month ago I posted that I have a hard time getting my almost 14 year old son to buy things on his own, he just could not do it....

2 days ago he wanted to have more dominos , which he lines up to make a "chain reaction" and then video tapes it....

I knew he wanted them badly so I told him: " Sure you can have some more, but you have to buy them on your own. I will give you the money and you pay for them."

He readily agreed.

We went to Wal mart and I gave him the money and told him I am going to meet him later at the entrance of the store.

I went to the washroom, then payed for my stuff and there he was sitting on a bench with his bag of dominos all serious looking....

I fellt so much love for him seeing him sitting there with his little bag and I was so proud of him!

I just wanted to share this.

Yay for him!

yahu yay yay

That's awesome!

It is!
2 weeks ago he would not do it for somethging else.

I guess he wanted those dominos real bad

He knew I was not going to budge and he had to do some work to get them....

You do realize he probably has some anxiety issues that kept him from it previously, right? Aspies don't exactly have an easy time in school, and many of us become completely reclusive over the torment we go through.

Even today, I don't like stores because every time I look at someone I just remember what I've been through for being different. Making friends is challenging because anytime I look into someone's eyes I remember just how much cruelty even the kindest of people can inflict.

You should really stop trying to treat your kid like a human seal act, and instead try and figure out what bothers him so much about shopping alone. It's probably a cross-over from school torment. If he knew you were reacting like he was a dog that just learned to use the paper, he would probably make it a point NOT to go to the store in the future.

Right now I live independently, and have no problems socially, and I resent my parents for having pulled the human seal-act crap on me. I really don't care for talking to them because of it.

Well yes, it likely wasn't easy for him. But unfortunately, the necessary things in life arent always easy. For the most part it is a better idea to plan around the problem. For example, I do my grocery shopping from midnight to 1 am Sunday morning at a 24 hour Walmart. I then come home, unpack, and go sleep. It is much quieter, darker, and easier at that time. However that being said, not every store is open 24/7. There are some times when you need to use a store when it is busy. And it doesn't hurt to accomplish things at least once, so the next time may be easier.

However, in the future, if your son is having a problem, you may want to figure out alternative methods to fix it. There is nothing wrong with doing things in an unusual way as long as the necessary tasks get accomplished just as well.

My son does not experience any cruelty at school and as far as I know is well liked by students and teachers as well...

what would you have liked seeing me do?

Tell him "yeah sure I will buy you some dominos"....!?

He is about to turn 14 and this time he was ready.
I did not put him on the spot.
I asked him at home if he is going to buy them on his own and he said " o.k" immediately.
It was a good experience for him this time without pressure.

I am sorry that you have such bad memories and experiences, but every person is different and you should not make assumptions on others people personal circumstances.

I resent the fact that you imply that I think of him as a dog I need to train....

You should not let the bitterness you have toward your own parents affect every word you say, think ,write and put out there in the universe..

There are a lot of people out there who did not grow up in the best of circumstances and
blame their parents for everything that's going on in their live and then there are those people who don't (blame them)....

Who do you think is stronger and lives a more balanced live?

Thanks for your reply though, I guess from now on I be more careful on what I share around here and what not

Thank You Tracker I am right there with you
[quote]And it doesn't hurt to accomplish things at least once, so the next time may be easier.

Way to go. I disagree with a few posters here who thinks it's wrong to get your kid to buy things on his own because he needs to learn or how is he going to do it in the future when he is an adult and on his own? My mom used to make me order my own food when we go out and I was very shy in doing it. But then after while I got over it and now I don't feel uncomfortable when I order food. I just had to get used to it. She was not going to order my food for me so I had to do it. She help me if I struggled. She would stand right there when I do it and then she would order her own food. She did it only because she cared about me and she wanted me to be independant. What kind of parents would she be if she didn't have me order my own food? I think it's lousy parenting if you don't teach your kids or help them be independant. Not fair to the child is it.

I agree with spokane_Girl. We have to push our kids sometimes in order for them to grow in to indepent adults. Way to go on this mile stone!

Your Mom rocks, Spokane_Girl !

I am glad you feel that way about her!

We sometimes have to embrace our anxiety and do things that get us out of our comfort zone...

and your last sentence says it so perfectly:

" It is not fair to the child"
(to deny him the opportunity to personal grows)

Thank you so much CRD!

I am autistic, so is my wife, our 20 year old daughter finally ordered her own food at a restaurant by herself about 3 years ago, and I figure if we had not pushed she probably would still be stuck at home after school everyday. But now she is in college, has a small close knit group of friends, goes out without us on weekends and every thursday night her group of frineds get together, alternating houses. So well done, like I said I don't even think she would be going out without us if we had not finally pushed her a little.

I guess we have to do the "restaurant " one of these days again.

We never go in restaurants anymore, I mostly do not enjoy the meals and hate paying a huge amount of money for something I did not even like.

My son never ever touched the food in a restaurant.
Last year my daughter and I took him to a "Italian" place ( Canadian Cook) and he barely touched the food.
There was nothing Italian about the taste of the dish either so I can not blame him.
I ended up paying 70$ for something I could have done better myself.

We don't go to Mc Donald's and other fast food places either, we are Vegetarians and eat fairly healthy.
I sometimes wished to be back in Europe, they have great Italian Restaurants everywhere...

so this one is a little tricky for us...

my daughter is less spoiled she likes dining out and has no problem eating the food at the University.

It's a constant discussion around here, what to push and what not to push. Don't let the negative comments get to you; it is useful to know how the posters feel about things their own parents did, and their extension of that to others gives useful insight into how AS think, but each of us gets to decide for ourselves if it has any application to our unique situation. I don't want the parents here to hold back out of fear of what an AS might post, and as long as the AS aren't directly attacking the parents, I don't want them to feel they can't post their honest opinions, either. Both sides hopefully can keep it all in perspective.

It sounds like your son was ready for the nudge and, so, it was appropriate. Congratulations on one more step towards independence! Was he proud of himself? My son always is. And that is one way you know that you nudged correctly - your child's feelings about the accomplishment override the anxiety about having gone through the process.

As for restaurants - you'll know when the time is right. I think it's all complicated by the fact that you do eat well at home; when the restaurant food doesn't match up, which will be often, of course he'd rather not eat it. Continue to trust your instincts and accept that there will always be some risk involved. When you guess wrong, the wasted money can be considered part of the process, part of the cost of stepping outside the comfort zone, and part of learning what factors are involved.