Will no longer stay in bed at night

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Hi. I'm 16 years old. My brother as Asperger's. I know that this is a parents forum but I've been trying to find somewhere to post something for so long this morning and I just thought... Well, I guess I thought you might be able to shed more light on the matter than someone my own age.

My brother is 19. We've never had any help really. It's like where we live people don't even know what asperger's is. We don't have any money so we can't afford any help and there's just the 3 of us, me, my brother and my mum. My dad is of the useless a**hole variety and does nothing for my brother whatsoever. When my brother was diagnosed his attitude to the whole thing was "why me?" so I guess that should give you some idea of what he's like.

ANYWAY

A few months ago my brother started getting anxious at night. He started getting up several times a night and complaining that he felt ill all the time. In the end, he said that he had suddenly got scared of the dark and needed the light on. We got him a night light thing. After that, for a while it stopped. He started up again recently though, and is now getting up at least 5 times most nights. Everytime he gets up he goes into my mum's room and wakes her up.
I know it probably sounds all "well poor you. deal with it the rest of us have to." it's just.. my mum has to work all the time. All the time. She's taken on more work than she can handle because she doesn't get payed enough and we don't have any money. She has stress issues anyway and she just needs sleep.

I suppose I just wanted to know if anyone else has had this problem. Like... what did you do? And did you ever find out exactly why it started? It's just so strange because he doesn't have an anxious disposition. He never has.

Thing is, I know if we go to the doctor they'll just say medicate him but.. we don't really want to do that. He's already on stuff already because he's epileptic and it just doesn't seem that great for him to be taking anything else.

I just don't know what to do. We have anyone else.

Any advice would be really gratefully received.

Thank you.

Lydia.

Hi there and welcome to Wrong Planet.

Don't worry about not being a parent as there are other siblings or friends who post on here. I don't have any particular advice for you, but I wanted to welcome you and to say that I can understand how difficult and stressful it must be for your mother to have her sleep interupted like this.

It won't be good for your brother either as he isn't getting good quality sleep and it does seem that something has changed if he has started doing this at his age.

I wonder if something has happened in the past few months which is causing him to be stressed and anxious.

You are understandably keen to stay away from additional meds for your brother, but I do know that others on here have had success with Melatonin, which is a naturally occuring hormone which seems to be low in people with Asperger's. It is taken about half an hour before bedtime and seems to be very helpful for many. You'd need to check with a doctor, but hopefully it wouldn't interfere with his other meds.

Aside from medication, I've read about people who find it helpful to have "white noise" played in their bedroom at night. For some, the noise of a fan can be soothing and help them sleep. It all depends on the individual.

Some others find herbal drinks good or scented oils in the bedroom can help them sleep.

I'm sorry I can't be of more help, but I'm sure that other members with more experience will have other and better suggestions for you.

This definately isn't something any of you should have to "deal with" as it's having a detrimental effect on all of you. I'm sure that someone will have a solution which is right for your brother.

Could your brother's stress be related to the fact that your dad has been acting like a jerk? Maybe counseling could help him.

What a wonderful sister/daughter you are. I truly hope that you will find a solution to your problem.

Has he tried an 'Epsom' salt bath? It can really help to relax and sleep better. Or even an epsom salt foot soak, for about 20 mins. You can buy epsom salt in any pharmacy / drug store.

Have his current seizure medications changed? Or has anything changed in his life, to bring about this anxiety?

You sure have found the right place here on WP for advice, I wish you and your family all the best xx

A lot of people with Aspergers seem to suffer from insomnia and other sleep issues. It will take some experimenting to figure out what works for the one unique person, but some of the things I've heard others have success with include melatonin, weighted blankets (these can be googled on the internet), and soothing evening routines.

Beyond that, perhaps your brother would be more comfortable sharing a room, on the condition that he NOT wake up the other person; he might find the presence comforting. I know that sounds odds when discussing a 19 year old, but its what we do to soothe young children with nighttime fears, and what is really all that different about people as they grow up? Both my kids will still crawl into our bed if they wake up scared.

The next thing is to find a soothing activity for him to have on hand should he wake up in the middle of the night. Perhaps a book with a book light, or a small DVD player, ear phones, and a favorite movie. He would be given these with the understanding that he is NOT to wake up other family members.

Otherwise, though, I have to admit its a tough one. If you search on the general forum, you'll find threads about sleep issues, with different posters discussing some of the things that have helped them. Unfortunately, however, it can be quite chronic.

You're a good sister to want to help your brother and your family. It will take patience, I'm afraid. But, often, just having a sense of what the issue is can be half the battle.

Hi, I'm fairly new to Asperger's and this forum but I thought I'd post my experience.

My dd is only six but has never slept through the night, She wakes several times in the night.

Now that she's old enough to verbalize she tells me she has very scary dreams. Her dreams are extremely vivid-almost REAL to her and they don't subside like NT dreams. Weeks later, she still has the "pictures" stuck in her head. I don't know if this could be the cause but it might be related. When I voiced concerns about this to my dd's neuropsych she stated aspie's can have very, very vivid dreams that feel real to them. Maybe your brother is having "images" while he sleeps that are disturbing to him? All I can do when my dd wakes in the night is soothe her the best I can and talk her through it, reminding her that dreams aren't real, that they are only images in her bran that can't hurt her.

Good luck and good for you for wanting to help your mum!

There are times, when due to stress over school and work and paying my rent and vehicle insurance, that I can't sleep.I know this isn't exactly the best way to go, but for me, I keep a bottle of rye whiskey in the freezer. Usually after a few shots I catch a buzz and fall fast asleep.Has your mom considered putting a lock on her door and some earphones so she can't be disturbed?

As far as not being able to afford treatment, isn't there medicaid or something in the US? Im not sure.Im in Canada, whereby most of our heath care is free.If your mom found a good paying job in Canada, would she be willing to relocate and get free treatment for your brother up here.Do you have any relatives in Canada you can send your brother to so he can be treated?

I hung Christmas lights (the small fairy lights, non flashing) in my son's room. That seems to work well for him.

I had awful problems sleeping when I was in my teens, the only way I could sleep for awhile was to have the TV in my room on all night with the volume set on low, I still sleep with it on all night when I'm sick. I set it to one of those infomercial or home shopping channels, the continuous "drone" seems to work better than anything else I've tried.

You might also try a radio set on low, might help.

Good luck.

Thank you.

No, it sounds like it could be good though. I'll mention it to my mum.

I'm not sure. That last few months have been kinda stressful but it's difficult to know how much he picks up on. I've tried asking him if something is bothering him a few times but he always says he's fine and won't let me go any further on the subject. He's always like that when he doesn't feel like talking about something though so I don't know if that means there is something he's not telling.

I really don't know if something's wrong. The last few months have been quite stressful but I don't know how much of it he's aware of. Like, my mum tries to keep it away from him and stuff. Whenever we ask him what started it off he just says that he doesn't know, and won't speak about it any further. He doesn't like talking about it at all, I think he gets a bit embarrassed.

We might have to find out about the Melatonin if it keeps on as bad as it has been this week. We're just sort of hoping he'll calm down and start staying in bed again.

Thanks [:

Oh, I'm actually in England. Most of my brother's health care is free but when he comes to stuff to do with his asperger's the doctor doesn't seem to know anything. We've gone about issues around when he gets angry before and the doctor literally just shrugged at us. There's a place in Wales where we can take him and have a consultation and stuff but that does cost :-/.

Thanks

Hello Barneyrulz!

Could it be a "guy thing" that makes your brother uncomfortable to sleep?
Does he have a man who he can talk to?
Ask questions, get answers.

Or are you and your mother the only ones he can talk to?

I never did get the idea of a "guy thing" such as this. I DOUBT that is a problem.

Now two females in the place, with no males, COULD cause a problem. Lydia, Make sure that you and your mother don't spendd TOO much time together and away from your brother, say too many things against males in general, or too many denigrating things against your brother. He would want to feel like part of the family and somewhat respected.

Have you asked HIM if he has any concerns? If you followed the advice I listed above, in the past, he SHOULD be willing to be rather candid with you. Maybe his mother is waking him up. Does he always wake up about the same time? Is he drinking(anything) more than he used to, or closer to bedtime? Has his diet changed? Have his studies changed?

Barneyrulz, be aware that if there is stress in the family, your brother most likely feels it. I don't believe in withholding information, as that allows the imagination to run wild into things that are not the problem at all, but that can be quite scary. If he hasn't been given at least a brief and simple run down on what is stressing your mother, he should be.

Doctors generally don't, unfortunately. Or at least, it's not something your GP will know a great deal about. It's not an everyday health or mental health issue to them.

It may be possible to get a referral to a specialist via the NHS. You could also try talking to your local council - social services or the education department will probably have resources for finding you an educational psychologist, and onward referrals.

You can also look at the National Autistic Society website, http://www.nas.org.uk, or ring their helpline on 0845 070 4004. They will have resources, local organisations, and other people who can give you information and advice.

And keep coming back here. Lots of people here who'll give you all the support we can

2ukenkerl, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to be disrespectful.

The idea is that sometimes, it's easier for a boy to talk to a man as it is for a girl to talk to a woman.
For example, I never talked to my father nor my brothers of certain things which are typically feminine. That would have been irrelevant. But I could talk to them about other things.

And the man can be an uncle, a doctor, a family's friend or whatever. What is important is having the trusting of the young man and the good answers to help him with the changes. 19 is not always an easy age to live. The last year of childhood and teens.

And if the last months have been stressful, whatever the reasons, maybe this young man feels the urge and the pressure of doing something but nobody knows what since he doesn't want to say to his little sister nor his mother.