Toddler Girl - Aspergers ! !!

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Just wondering about AS little girls. I have a dd age 2.5yrs, I dont have any real concerns about her. She is shy sometimes, flaps when excited or annoyed, and likes things to be a certain way sometimes. All these I know are normal for a toddler of her age.

Her language is great, she is clever, and has met her developmental milestones on time or before. She loves to play with her siblings and other kids. Her brother has AS, so I have been watching her development like a hawk from birth.

My question is this: Can I stop worrying now if she has AS or not? Certainly with my son I knew something was not right at this age, but I have read it can be different for girls. I am a worrier, and it would be nice to let one worry go!! !

Would I 'know' by now, or does it really only become obvious later in life? What are your experiences?

Thanks for reading xx

If it does turn out that she has AS, than you must love and accept her, just as she is, warts and all. There are doctors who will try to sell you snake oil, in the form of ABA and restrictive diets. The best cure is acceptance.

She sounds NT to me.
Wait and see what happens next.

Hi FD

AS is comparatively rare in girls. It sounds as if your daughter is NT from what you've said.

When I was that age, my mum would invite friends around to play with me but I preferred to play on my own dropping the coins into my cash-register over and over or doing my cat jigsaw over and over. I don't think AS kids are as sociable as your little one sounds to be. Also, my mum would try to get me to look at people and say hello to people but I didn't like to because I wasn't interested in other people hehe!

The other really obvious things to look for are whether it seems intuitive for your little one to make eye-contact and also whether she has a tendency to arrange things cus AS girls have a major tendency to arrange their toys rather than actually play with them!

There's an AS mum who has a really cool website about AS girls somewhere on WP but I can't remember where.

Even if your little one does have AS, she'll be fine. It's a mixed blessing not a curse! Sam x

What lovely replies, thank you all. I feel the worries lifting already.

I guess I dont really have anything that worries me about her development, doesnt seem to stop me worrying anyway!! ! I seem to be 'looking' for something, I have to stop doing that, drives my husband mad!!

I need to enjoy her more and stop searching. My son was diagnosed a year ago, I wonder is that still very fresh in my mind.

But I do love her completely, she is the cutest thing in the world and has been brilliant for my AS son, even if she drives him mad sometimes

Thanks for taking the time xx

FD, just so you know, I still second guess on my NT daughter, who is now 8. She's night and day from her AS brother, and most of the time I am convinced she isn't AS, but when life gets troubling I start to wonder if I've missread her ... I guess, identifying her as AS would be easier than trying to figure out her own unique issues, which she definitely has. But it isn't going to be that easy for me; her and I have even talked about it, and she agrees that while she may have an AS like trait or two, she really doesn't have the brain wiring of her brother, so whatever troubles her is totally different.

I'm afraid we worry about our kids no matter what label seems to fit. Not that I want to place your worry back on your shoulders - I think you can let go of that - but just because, well, it's how it is.

She FLAPS!? She doesn't sound NT to me! WHO CARES if she has AS!?!? If she feels ok, and you can't be sure she has AS, WHO SHOULD CARE!?!?

AS can manafest in girls very diffrently from boys, it makes diagnosis much harder especially since the steryotypes are written for boys.

2 is about the age that things were first noticed with me (why it took till 25 to get diagnosed is another story).

Apparently I was put in some sort of play group and the teacher noticed I wasn't interacting in a 'normal' way. Paediatrician said it was too early, but this was before ASD was know about widely and in a foreign country.

You should not have been worrying anyway.
Worry won't change things, only stress you out.
There are lots of people with aspergers who live healthy, productive, even brilliant lives.
Most of the best minds in history were aspie minds.

Focus on the positives.

2.5 is too young for a proper diagnosis and in any case, the condition usually presents quite differently in girls.

Forget it until she starts school. The teachers will let you know if there's anything wrong - and there will still be plenty of time for effective early intervention.

In the meantime, just relax and enjoy your time with your daughter before she grows up.

I just want to comment on the whole "social" part. Children with Asperger's are not always antisocial by any means. Many of them want to have friends, and even seek out friendships. They can play with other kids, talk, and even look like they're having a great time. Especially in girls, the stereotypical comments that "aspies aren't social" are not always true.

My AS daughter plays with her siblings, and tries to play with other children as well. She loves babies, and loves talking to other people. HOW she goes about doing this is not always appropriate however, and at 2.5 it won't be easy to spot inappropriateness like that.


How close does she get to people? How is her play style with other children? (siblings don't count)

I don't think you should worry about it at all, because I don't view autism as something to worry about. Just love her either way and things will be fine.

I have Aspergers as well, and as a child I very much wanted friendships. I would seek out neighborhood kids to play with just like my own daughter does. The problems were HOW the friendships progressed, and HOW I tried to make friends. Not if I was social or not. That really has little to do with it.

Ok so I felt a little need to update.

On reading the other thread "could my daughter have aspergers aswell", something struck a chord with me.

My dd has NO imaginary play. She wont feed a doll or put her to bed. She wont pretend to make dinner in her kitchen. She wont pretend that for eg. a block is a car. She wont dress up, or play doctors or anything!!

If I set up a little play scene with her little people, she gets annoyed and walks off. If I even show her a dolls house etc. she actually gets annoyed and pushes it over, or walks off!!

She is very advanced in every area of her development, so why is she lagging behind so much in this area alone?

She ONLY plays with educational / learning toys, or LOVES to draw. But she just does not play with toys. It seems strange to be so advanced in her development, and not be advanced in this area too.

Is this a 'red flag' I wonder? She is so clever, and has good support at home, I am sure she will do well in life either way, but I suppose it might just change my parenting style a little to suit her better. I know a little girl this young, and clever, would never meet the critera for a diagnosis.........yet.

What do you guys think? xx

FD, I think this was the best advice for your situation:

I think that this is the best advice for all parents, under almost all circumstances:



Hope this helps

Thanks DenvrDave,

Where I live you are entitled to early intervention from age 2.5yrs - 5yrs. This includes all nesessary assessments, S&L therapy, OT etc. funded by the health service.

But once you reach 5yrs you are no longer entitled to this. It is up to the schools to provide this service. The schools (due to lack of funding!!) have no S&L or OT and they only approve one or two children, from the whole school a year, to see a state psychologist.

So basically you have to fund it all yourself privately. But the other benefit is if you are in the early intervention team they continue with follow up meetings, when you have started school.

So where everyone here jumps up and down to get into the system as early as possible, also with all this support your child gets the best start and chance in life.

But I think all the advice here is probably right, I would never know with my little girl untill she starts school, so I will continue to enjoy her (thankfully I never lost sight of that part).

You are all a great support, as always, thank you xx

I also agree with DDave and GBollard, or as they say here in the Mountains "If it ain't broke, don't fix it."

That said , I have a daughter with Asperger's and when she was a toddler it would have been Veeeeeery difficult to dx anything, her behaviors were very subtle and I didn't think she was anything but perhaps a reactive, sometimes difficult NT kid. She had fairly colorful tantrums, was a picky eater, preferred to dump toys onto the floor than play with them. She did flap a little, but I think that most little kids flap sometimes, and she did enjoy spinning around, but not obsessively. Normal developmentally in every way.
It wasn't until kindergarten, and really actually 3rd grade when it became quite clear she had some behaviors that set her apart. She is now 19 and clearly clearly Asperger's (And I wouldn't trade her for the world)
I believe strongly that girls, especially as kids, present differently. I think this aspect of dx is in it's early stages. I would love to have the link to the girls site!

Short version is that even if I had known when she was a toddler I don't think there would have been much I would have done differently. My daughter and son are like night and day in most ways, and they both have AS, didn't suspect son 'til 3rd grade either even after going through it with daughter.

Hope my rambling helps a little!

Ann

Oh and (sorry), wanted to add that I am so glad someone pointed out the social thing. Both of my Aspie kids are very social and outgoing. They just kinda suck at it!