living in the city -- good for an Aspie teenager?

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This is all purely hypothetical, but I imagine my husband will continue to seriously think about the following:

My husband works in the city, and recently we went to a movie about fifteen minutes away by bus from his work. This is a newly developed area, with a gorgeous cinema, lots of shops and restaurants, right by the river. It is gorgeous. Today I was looking at the available flats above the shops that are being leased, and realized that we could afford them. We have often talked about down-sizing after our son is in college (five years away). Then we began to wonder about what it would be like for him to skip the typical high-school situation, and do cyber school and live with us in the city?

I've been thinking of the advantages that might be --

1) Opt out of the typical high school trauma for our aspie teenagers -- living on the outside of cliques, trying to socialize and not being able to do well, having to do gym and feeling badly because they aren't athletc, etc.

2) cyber school is not perfect, but we could tweek the program so that there's more emphasis on what my son likes, less emphasis on what is useless education

3) Possibly a more positive social atmosphere by living in the city and dealing with neighborhood people. Brief positive interactions with adults at shops, theatres, neighbors, etc. I lived for over a year with my parents in London, and there were constant interactions with people that we knew locally that were positive, especially with the shops and groceries that we frequented.

4) The stimulation of city life might get him to concentrate on things other than a computer

There would be disadvantages as well, I'm sure.

I'm just curious how city life would affect a teenager on the spectrum, and I wonder if any parents out there have had positive experiences with city life and their asperger's teenager.

I'd ask the son what he wants to do. Even though high school can be rough (and it's rough for a lot of NT kids, too), it might be what he prefers. I hated high school and would have loved to do cyber school, but it didn't exist. My daughter hated high school, but did have some friends and did like the sameness of routine, and so went even though cyber school might have been an option. I wouldn't have pulled her out without her buy-in.

I don't know your son, but my daughter has never liked "change" - she's even upset when they change around the displays in local stores! Your son might be comforted every night by the cricket that chirps outside his window or the specific creak of a tree nearby or the way the light is at a certain time of day due to the filtering of trees or hills, etc. If he's lived in the same place, the same room, house, neighborhood, there can be comfort in sameness and real distress in changing it. Especially if it's massive change.

Also, something to think about: living in the city - the ambient stimulation. The noise, the constantly changing scene - people coming and going, cars, delivery trucks, etc. If this is very different from what your son is used to, it might be an issue. There's a background generic "on" level in most cities that you don't have in less urban areas. I could not have handled it when I was young, it would have had me "on edge" and unable to truly do the switching off one needs to be able to do to get proper rest. My daughter, when I take her into Los Angeles for the rare event/shopping trip, is literally shaking after we leave, from the noise/overstimulation.

So, you know your kid. If he is easily overstimulated, look at where you're thinking of taking him. For you it might be just a nice, bustling community but for him it could be a sensory nightmare. If it would work out, be sure to get his buy in. Good luck.

We are in the very beginning stages of even thinking about this possible move, so we would ask him A LOT before we would make the move.

He is a rare Aspie that actually LIKES change. He always has. We have moved quite a few times (although we've stayed in the same location for the last eight years), and for a while, after four years or so, he would say "Hey, it's time to move again!" He is very open to change and new situations. I think this is because initially, things are good whenever he moves. He is accepted in the beginning because he doesn't look different from his peers, and he always gets very positive responses from adults. But after time passes, peers realize he is different and they begin to respond less.

I would have lots of anxiety about pulling him away from school, church, and community situations if he loves them and doesn't want to leave. I've been resistent to move possibilities for my husband's job BECAUSE I didn't want to pull my son out of positive school and church situations. But those positives are slowly turning into negatives, as his peers mature and he doesn't. They are still relatively positive though. It's something that we would have to really think seriously about before we made a move.

He is not bothered by noise, so I am not concerned about that. He has the last bits of a sensitivity to loud alarms, such as those found at basketball/volleyball games when a buzzer goes off, but even with those he has adapted. So I am not worried about city noise for his purposes, with the possible exception that they may be too much stimulation.

I'd say living in the city will benefit your son, based on what you've told us so far. First of all, you have more culture around you: live theatre, classical music, concerts, arthouse film exhibitions, museums, and ethnic parades. This is way different than the the suburbs (with exceptions, obviously), where the closest thing to a cultural institution is a 30-screen movie theater at a nearby shopping mall. In the light of that, your son has a much higher chance of finding people with similar interests, simply because there are more opportunities to do so.

Second, cities have public transportation. It's almost a given that aspies are good with maps, so after a quick memorization and/or a few practice runs, your son will be able to travel around the city on his own, without the need to ask you for a ride each time. Even dating doesn't require a car in most dense urban areas, with people just meeting at a nearby cafe or a park, and each person travels there by public transportation. (Now, try asking your date to do that in the suburbs, and watch the reaction you'll get.)

Third, your son just might have lesser odds of being bullied when living in the city. Not because city people are so nice and kind; if anything, they're more worried about their safety. But there's another side to it. People in the city are so used to seeing someone act crazy, that when they see it, they simply tune it out, as opposed to get shocked, or worse, attack that person. So, your son's aspie quirks will blend in a whole lot better in a city environment. Compared to the people are used to seeing in public, your son's Asperger-related actions will seem barely noticeable in comparison. In turn, he'll blend much more easily.

I grew up in New York, and learned to filter out the over-stimulation, since I didn't have to interact with it. But it's an adjustment. The easy access to, well, everything is wonderful. And I agree that city folk are more tolerant of peculiarities.

I'd be concerned about switching from an IRL high school to a cyber-school, unless serious problems develop. Why can't he go to a real life high school in the city?

High school sucks, but if it's a good school, and especially if they have resources for aspies, it's probably good for him to have those interactions, and he may find a group he likes.

I think living in the city might have good potential for an AS teen. I think my mother was a mild case and she always liked the time of her life spent living in a big city. My son seems to like the stimulation of the city a lot. Unlike in suburbia, you can be a bit of a loner in a big city and still be considered well within the mainstream.