How do you handle it?

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Well, since I realy feel being among friends, I´d like to ask parents, how do you handle fallowing (if you have that kind of problems, course...)

1.- takes him for ages to get up in the morning and get ready for school
2. - he´s unbelivebly untidy, you should realy see what kind of mess he can make in the room
3. - eating problems; constantly going in the kitchen, looking for food, eating a little, than again...
4. - doesn´t want to wash his head, he showers daily,somehow we did it, but head is a problem
5. - strange "war-noise-producing"games by himself - just walking around the room, head in the clouds...

- there are more things, belive me, but writing this down makes me tired already...

mamamoo

Good morning, mamamoo.

1. You should consider putting a routine in place to make getting ready for school more efficient. For example, having your son get all of his school supplies packed up and ready to go, the night before; laying out the clothes he will wear, the night before; etc.

4. Perhaps he doesn't want to get shampoo/soap in his eyes? Or maybe he just doesn't like the feeling of running water on his head?

I wish I had more advice for you!

To be honest, we've mostly just worked around this kind of stuff and stopped worrying about it so much. If my daughter has taught me anything, it's flexibility and to think about how important something really is before I fuss about it:) But here are a few things we've done that make life a little easier on these issues:

1. Earlier bedtime, earlier wake up time. I just had to come to terms with the fact that it takes an hour to eat a bowl of cereal in the morning. Waking up early enough to relax in the AM is well worth having less conflict in the morning

2. This is one that always amazes me...she has this compulsive need to organize anything that can be organized, yet her room was always a disaster area. We played on the need to organize and set everything up so that everything has a labeled place that it belongs. If there is a label on a shelf or a bin she can't walk away until the thing she was using is back in it's "home"...and not just shoved in there...all rows have to be straight and even. If something in the house does not have a designated place, it just stays on the floor, so I've found that making labels is easier than being frustrated all the time.

3. We set up a rule that everything must be finished at meal times before getting more food. If she only eats a few bites of dinner, then asks for a snack, we reheat the dinner she didn't eat and it has to be completely gone. Once all meals are completely eaten, she usually gets a snack between each meal. Honestly, it's really healthier to eat 6-8 small meals a day than 3 big ones so we just work around the fact that she likes to eat small portions really often.

We've also observed that many times "I'm hungry" means "I'm bored" so when she says "I'm hungry" right after eating we'll ask more questions and find out what she really wants. Sometimes she's actually thirsty, sometimes she really wants to go outside, sometimes she needs to go to the bathroom...it seems that "I'm hungry" has become a catch all phrase when she wants to express she needs something but is having trouble finding the words for that need.

4. Have you tried letting him wear goggles and earplugs during hair washing? For my daughter, it's not the hair washing, it's the fear of soap in her eyes, and the feeling of water in her outer ear. We have given her these tools to feel more comfortable..and then made it clear that washing hair is one of the "non negotiables". Also, my daughter is 6, and so I let her wash her own hair every other time, but I still wash it for her 2x a week to make sure it is being done thoroughly...so I also showed her how much easier it is to be careful on a still target than a moving one, and once she had a logical reason to believe holding still would work out in her favor, we haven't had problems.

5. I'd write this one off as a quirk:)

I think there are some really good suggestion above, so I'll just quickly add: Pick your battles, because you are only human and can't do it all in a short amount of time. For me, health, safety, and hygiene are high priorities and if I was in your shoes I would focus first on number 4, making sure he gets into a healthy hygeine/washing routine. Then I would focus on number 3 and make sure he's eating healthy food, even if in small quantities and at weird times. When I think back on it, I've changed my parenting style a lot over the years, and it seems as if my son has been teaching me how to be a better parent. Good luck

Sounds like a wee snapshot of my youth.

1) gramirez solution makes some sense to me. I have morning checklists to complete before I can walk out the door, and I can be up and out quite quickly. As an adolescent I was sluggish in the morning, but I think that had as much to do with the much greater sleep needs of adolescents than it did with AS.

2) A long battle. Similar to what eeyore710 describes, if something has a place, I need to put it there. (I fold my laundry and put it away or hang it up. My NT partner can dress himself out of a hamper of clean clothes--shudder.) The problem for me is when something doesn't have a place. I can pick it up and put it down a hundred times, but short of shovelling everything into a drawer or a box and hiding it, I can't just make up places to put things.

3) Diet was less of a problem for me, as I grew up in a home with extraordinarily good food. That's not to say that I didn't have my issues and behaviours around food. Frankly, I would be more concerned with the quality of food than with the intake habits. Constant snacking is fine, provided that the snacks are nutritious. Junk food and simple carbs are the killers that will come back in later years to present bigger problems.

4) To this day, a shower on my head is awkward. Washing my hair in the bath is not so bad. Fortunately, for me its mostly about my face (I cannot have water running down my face. Ever.) One strategy I have used is to make use of a washcloth. I soak it in the shower, then use the cloth to wet my hair. Lather normally, then use the cloth again to rinse.

5) Is there much difference from any other adolescent in that respect? I don't like loud noise, so I cannot relate any past experience. As for walking around, "head in the clouds," if my experience is anything to go by, that one is with him forever. But clouds are a very nice place for one's head to be. As long as he's not doing it in traffic or taking candy from strangers, is there any harm?

The advice already given has been very good.

1. We have an evening and morning checklist. In the evening we start getting ready well in advance of bedtime. We choose clothes, pack backpack,take showers and do anything else we can in at night, to make the mornings as smooth and easy as possible. These checklists are posted on the wall, so that my boys can keep referring to them as they go.

2. Um, yeah. I have my own organization issues, so our house is usually somewhat messy, and I can't blame it all on my boys. We have them clean their room once a week, just to keep it to a manageable level of untidy, but then don't worry too much about it in between times. As long as we can find what we need, and it isn't unsanitary (which we make sure it isn't), I don't actually mind a little clutter. The unhygienic things they do, like making a mess in bathroom, or getting more food on the floor than in them, we are still working on...

3. One of my sons likes to "graze" on foods in between meals too. As long as his snacks are healthy, I don' worry too much. Can you stock the kitchen with cut veggies, fruit, whole grain crackers etc. (whatever is healthy that he will eat), and then let him snack when he wants as long as he is making good choices about what to eat?

4. I was also going to suggest trying a bath or washcloth instead, or unscented products. Play detective and figure out what exactly it is that bothers him about the experience, then try to modify it.

5. I totally wouldn't worry about this. On of my sons stims by bouncing a yoga ball, and bouncing his head on the yoga ball. It looks strange, but it really relaxes him. The other needs to talk, and talk, and talk and talk and talk...sometimes while he paces or kind of wiggles and jumps around. This can be challenging, because I get easily "talked out" and need quiet. We have developed a hand signal for when I have had enough (an idea I got from WP!). Or I go somewhere quiet and let him chatter to his dad or brother while I have a break. Your son probably needs the wandering and strange noises as part of his unwinding process.

Thank you for answering! you really made my day!i´m glad that i see that most of the things we already did, and that we are not alone in the universe.some of the advices are new to me, even if they are totaly logic when you hear them, it is obviously better to hear them from other, friendly person.and i´m definately going to try it!
as i said before, i love you all for taking some time to write something down!it means a world to me!! !

stay in touch and have a good day all!

mamamoo

1. Someone already mentioned the task chart. Sometimes it works for us and sometimes not, but it's fun for him to be able to check things off his list. Also, sometimes we turn it into a race -- as in, who'd going to finish getting dressed first? Again, sometimes it works an sometimes not. Finally, there's always the option of taking him to school in his pajamas with clothes in a bag. This would embarass my son so it always gets him going. I have yet to carry out my threat but I would in a heartbeat.

2. We have yet to deal with this problem, though we need to.

3. This is a battle we've decided not to fight. So his appetite is different from ours, so what? We just leave his dinner out until bedtime or until it's no longer good to eat, then let him have a (healthy) snack before bed if he wants one. We joke that he has the most effective diet of all -- no carbs and cardio throughout .

4. How old is your child? My son hates to have his hair washed, but I taught him to wash it himself and though he's not thorough, it's good enough. Also, we keep his hair cut short so it's not too obvious if his hair's dirty. I use liquid soap in his bathwater so even if he washes with just water it's still gettying some soap.

5. So far we haven't had this.

Good luck, and thanks to everyone for their great responses.