Special Help For a AS Child?

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I am seeking direction, advice or suggestions regarding a young person with AS who is in desperate need of help and time is of the essence. I have a neighbor, an 18-year old girl with AS, ADHD and learning disabilities. My girlfriend and I have both tried to help her in different ways over the last couple of years; she has trouble in school in regards to her work, being placed in special education classes. She graduates from high school in a matter of a few days.

Primary Question: She needs to move out of her apt. with her grandmother, but she is not able to live on her own just yet. Is anyone is aware of, any NJ State, federal, or Asperger's special interest advocacy program which might connect her with some kind of (private or state)educational facility that will allow her to redo all or a portion of her schooling while living there even if she's 18--- such as a specialized academy for children/young adults with learning disabilities/Autism plus. Also one that that for will provide full financial aid (tuition/room and board) since her level of immaturity, skill-sets and inexperience bars her from getting or keeping employment, though she has tried and failed. She lives in northern NJ, 10 min. from NYC. (Weehawken, NJ Hudson County) Even leaving the state or elsewhere within this state is perfectly fine, maybe even preferable since this area is “slip through cracks city”.

Due to our own limitations, we are seeking outside help. She is extremely gullible, naive, malleable and easily manipulated. This is such a critical time for her because if she is exposed to the wrong person/boyfriend or crowd of peers, she will quickly become a statistic. Time is of the essence.

There are two issues at hand:

1.) She currently lives with her grandmother who is violent, drug-addicted (painkillers) and generally overbearing and overwhelming. (Example: Just recently this girl called the police on her grandmother due to the abusive behavior, though there was nothing they could do due to her age. She is socially challenged, has never had friends, feels incredibly lonely (She’s an Asp who craves social interaction), never had a boyfriend, has slipped through the cracks via public school system and govt. aid/social program system, was born with a blind spot in one eye and was physically abused by grandmother since young age as well as beaten every time she couldn't understand how to do her homework since the age of 5. In a nutshell: no love, no affection, no praise/edification---not even a birthday party or normal childhood pleasures.

1A.) Her family/upbringing background is as follows: Born addicted to alcohol, heroine/other substances, alcohol and nicotine.(born a preemie and suffered withdrawals as infant). As a result of her mother’s substance abuse during pregnancy, she was born with a blind-spot in one eye + multiple disorders that went undiagnosed for a large portion of childhood (she just recently discovered Her AS thanks to us).

When her Mother was around, (to give you one example of what this girl experienced, her mother would feed her beer as baby instead of milk etc. Her mother ended up dying in the streets of a heroin overdose, her father went to prison for drug dealing until she finally ended up alone with her grandmother in a state of poverty. Her family (uncle and grandmother) got her on disability under using her eye disability as eligible reason and used the money for themselves. When she eventually ended up alone with grandmother, her uncle’s used her and stole her retro money and to this day, her grandmother controls her finances and takes half of the 400.00 she receives (even though her grandmother gets a substantial amount of disability/ SS payments herself and lives under section 8 in low income housing. Some of that money is used to support her grandmother’s pill popping habit.

Here's the issue at hand and reason we need outside help to help her. Now, though we have done much for her, we are also inconsistently involved in her life due to our own mental health problems. My girlfriend has done the bulk of the care taking, but then is forced to disappear from her life when my girlfriend's severe depressed and long lasting episodes kick in. I do the best I can within the time allotted to me. For this reason, due to our own limitations, we are seeking outside help. She is extremely gullible, malleable and easily manipulated. This is such a critical time for her because if she is exposed to the wrong person/boyfriend or crowd of peers, she will quickly become a statistic. Now that she is in her “prime”, she has become very physically attractive with a high libido/emotionally needy and its only a matter of time that she will fall into the hands of someone with malevolent intent such as an older boyfriend who will use/take advantage of her, which will likely result in leading her down a point of no return. The danger is that her prime AS obsession/fixation is "boy craziness" though thank God, hasn't yet brought her any form of a romantic relationship. That is why time is of the essence. This is where I need someone’s help and advice.

2) Due to her lack of a solid education (and, honestly, her general disinterest of anything academic) she has little basis for moving out on her own and making it. The girl is ill-equipped to face the work-world and independent living at this point. She is on disability but it only brings in around $400.00 monthly.

My girlfriend suggested posting here in regards to the idea of the possibility, if anyone is aware of, any NJ State, federal, or Asperger's special interest advocacy program which might connect her with some kind of (private or state)educational facility that will allow her to redo all or a portion of her schooling while living there even if she's 18--- such as a specialized academy for children/young adults with learning disabilities/Autism plus. Also one that that for will provide full financial aid (tuition/room and board) since her level of immaturity, skill-sets and inexperience bars her from getting or keeping employment, though she has tried and failed.

She both needs to move out of her current situation away from her Grandmother while at the same time hopefully gaining a further, complete education and/or the ability to develop skill-sets that will help her to move into adult independence. Her "family" is primarily her grandmother, the extended rest are inactive in her life and have rejected, ridiculed and caused her self-esteem to degrade to unimaginable levels. No support, only abuse. She is no longer under age so child services don't apply here. She has no one but us, which has helped tremendously, but due to our lack of finances we can't get her out of there or even have her come live with us due to the occupancy limits. If her grandmother or other family members weren't so dysfunctional, toxic and anti-proactive to her developmental advancement (past, present and future), then I would say she's fine where she is, but not only does her extended family as well as her controlling, possessive grandmother deny her various diagnosis, but have no interest in prepping her for her future. Her grandmother is old, with various illnesses, on her last leg and when she dies, this girl (who is mentally 13 yrs. old) will end up who knows where? Homeless? Her $400.00 won't even be enough to live on even with section 8. Living on her own right now will actually be a disaster even if she could afford it due to her inability to manage finances etc. I'm hoping something exists out there for someone like her who will overlook her "adult" age status and provide at the very least, a safe place she could live that will not be something of a half-way house, since our urban area, those in those places, will eat her alive.

Thank-you in advance for any information or guidance.

P.S. -- Below is not necessary to read unless you want to know further details
For those who care to know more, here is further info. about her background and current dilemma. Her grandmother has severely sheltered her, still controls her in this way though the girl is of legal age. All she hears all day is continual hostile put downs (constant yelling),incredibly filthy and degrading verbal abuse, mental control/manipulation and is used mainly as servant since her grandmother is house bound due to disorders/drug abuse and is in walker and physically immobile. So the girl does all shopping, errands etc and obsessively possessed to the point that the foul mouthed trashy grandmother drives away anyone who tries to help or befriend the girl, including adults who took pity on her. She just recently accused us of kidnapping her and provoked us into major conflict. All kinds of craziness too long to describe. We are the only ones who have shown and given her anything, both materially, parentally and taking her to Drs. etc and involving ourselves with her school to no avail. We succeeded in offering and providing her love, affection, companionship, structure, moral guidance, tutoring, exposure to normal things such as proper way of eating to culture/art/museums etc. My girlfriend who has Bipolar disorder/on disability invested 2 yrs. of a lot of parenting/educating/unofficial talk therapy and actually beat the odds and succeeded in uncovering a talent this girl didn't know she was capable of such as poetry, artistic photography and even got her to enjoy reading on her own, though she previously hated reading and even had some severe inabilities to read on her level due to her learning disabilities and lack of discipline/self-esteem since all her life she was told she was "stupid"/abnormal etc since the day she was born. She does have state insurance, my girlfriend connected her to psychiatrist for first time in order to provide meds to treat her ADHD, depression etc. However, due to her insurance, she can only go to horrific densely populated urban clinics. Her Dr. sees her for 5 min., does bare minimum and their idea of therapy is a 5 minute pep talk by an unqualified "social worker". My girlfriend took her to see general Dr., dentist (which was never done for her) and just recently she made an ophthalmologist appointment to find out if her eye disorder could be corrected via surgery which her family never even bothered to look into. Now though we have done much for her, we are also inconsistently involved in her life due to our own mental health problems. My girlfriend has done the bulk of the care taking, but then is forced to disappear from her life when my girlfriend's severe depressed and long lasting episodes kick in. I do the best I can within the time allotted to me. For this reason, due to our own limitations, we are seeking outside help. I believe, the first priority is to get her out of her highly stressful and harmful current living situation which is worsening her multiple disorders not to mention just plain old emotional/spiritual well being. Even a "normal" person would be led to suicide and we truly don't even know how this young girl has managed to endure what she endures and surprised she hasn't been led to cope with drugs etc which is prevalent in this area. Were it not for her crippling social issues as result of AS, she surely will take this route if exposed or had a boyfriend who pressured her into it. She is extremely gullible, malleable and easily manipulated. This is such a critical time for her because if she is exposed to the wrong person/boyfriend or crowd of peers, she will quickly become a statistic. That is why time is of the essence. I just found out myself that I have AS, my girlfriend and I are having relationship difficulties and may not even stay together. I am currently jobless and she lives on limited govt. income though she is college grad and had a high school teaching career before her undiagnosed bipolar disorder came to a crippling point where all she gained (externally) was lost.

Further family background/experiences: One day, while passing out on a bus drunk and publicly forcing a can of beer into her daughters infant mouth, a stranger called cops/child services. As a result, grandmother given official custody though she was unfit herself. Her father was physically abusive both to her and her mother of which she witnessed since birth….her father in and out of jail, her mother in and out of her life during childhood/pre-adolescence even though neither one were legally allowed to be near her, but were since her grandmother permitted both parents to live with them whenever they needed to. Her mother ended up dying in the streets of a heroin overdose, her father went to prison for drug dealing until she finally ended up alone with her grandmother in a state of poverty. Her family (uncle and grandmother) got her on disability under using her eye disability as eligible reason and used the money for themselves. When she eventually ended up alone with grandmother, her uncle’s used her and stole her retro money and to this day, her grandmother controls her finances and takes half of the 400.00 she receives (even though her grandmother gets a substantial amount of disability/ SS payments herself and lives under section 8 in low income housing. Some of that money is used to support her grandmother’s pill popping habit. Her mother, as junkie was never there, is dead and her father spent most of her life in and out of jail.

My post here is more of a bump than anything, because I sincerely hope someone can connect you to the appropriate resources for your neighbor. Unfortunately, care in the young adult years seems to remain a gaping hole where isn't family willing and able to allow the AS young adult a little more time to mature, and many AS young adults desperately need that additional time. Ideally you would be looking for some sort of halfway house that allows continued education rather than requiring a job, I guess, but I don't have that information. Best of luck and it is really wonderful of you to be working so hard for this young woman's benefit.

I found these with a quick search online. I'd call all of them and tell them the story.


The New Jersey Council on Developmental Disabilities is New Jersey's planning body for developmental disabilities. Members are appointed by the governor and approved by the New Jersey Senate. Members include people with developmental disabilities and parents or guardians; non-governmental service providers; and representatives from state agencies that provide services to people with developmental disabilities and their families. The Council develops and monitors the State Plan for Services to People with Developmental Disabilities, administers the federally assisted Basic State Grant Program, and publishes People With Disabilities and Families magazines.

PO Box 700
Trenton, NJ 08625-0700
Tel: 800-216-1199 (toll free) or 609-292-3745
TDD: 609-777-3238
Fax: 609-292-7114
Website: www.njddc.org


New Jersey Protection and Advocacy, Inc. (NJP&A)

NJP&A is a nonprofit consumer-directed organization that serves as New Jersey's federally funded protection and advocacy system for persons with disabilities. The program was established to protect and advocate for the rights of citizens with disabilities in the areas of guardianship, habilitation, medical treatment, education, employment, protection from harm, transportation, and other civil rights. It provides legal services and responds to complaints from individuals and their families, as well as from community groups. It also provides training for people with disabilities and their families to help them advocate for themselves. In 1997, NJP&A assumed administration of the federally funded New Jersey Technology Assistive Resource Program (TARP), now known as the Assistive Technology Advocacy Center (ATAC), which works to make assistive devices and services more accessible to consumers.

210 South Broad Street, 3rd floor
Trenton, NJ 08608
Tel: 800-922-7233 (toll free) or 609-292-9742
TDD: 609-633-7106
Fax: 609-777-0187
Website: www.njpanda.org


Elizabeth M. Boggs Center on Developmental Disabilities

"A university center for excellence in Developmental disabilities education, research, and service."

The Elizabeth M. Boggs Center on Developmental Disabilities, UMDNJ-Robert Wood Johnson Medical School, valuing the diversity and worth of all people, promotes the full membership and contribution of children and their families in all aspects of community life. Through partnerships and collaborations, The Boggs Center fulfills this mission in a culturally competent manner by providing community training and technical assistance, interdisciplinary pre-service preparation of students and fellows, and dissemination of information, research findings, and educational materials.

335 George St. 3rd floor, PO Box 2688
New Brunswick, NJ 08903-2688
Tel: 732-235-9300
Fax: 732-235-9330
Website: http://rwjms.umdnj.edu/boggscenter


Division of Developmental Disabilities (DDD)

DDD arranges and coordinates needed services to eligible New Jersey residents who have developmental disabilities. DDD's mission is to assist people with developmental disabilities to live as independently as possible. DDD serves individuals who live at home with their families, as well as individuals who are in living arrangements funded and licensed by DDD. These arrangements are operated by either private agencies or individuals under contract with DDD. DDD also operates seven developmental centers statewide.

A developmental disability is defined as a disability that begins during the developmental years (before age 22) and creates lifelong conditions affecting an individual's ability to live without some assistance. Developmental disabilities substantially limit the individual in at least three of the following areas: self-care, learning, mobility, communication, self-direction, economic self-sufficiency, and the ability to live independently.

Among the services DDD provides are case management, guardianship, assistance to parents in becoming legal guardians of their adult children, family support, residential services, day programs, and supported employment services. Most of these services are provided through contracts with private organizations or individual contractors.

DDD Central Office
PO Box 726
Trenton, NJ 08625-0726
Tel: 800-832-9173 (toll free) or 609-987-0800
Fax: 609-987-2070
Website: www.state.nj.us/humanservices/ddd

DDD Regional Offices
Sussex, Warren, and Morris Counties
DDD Northern Region
1B Laurel Drive
Flanders, NJ 07836
Tel: 973-927-2600
Fax: 973-927-2689

Bergen, Passaic, and Hudson Counties
100 Hamilton Plaza, 7th Floor
Paterson, NJ 07505
Tel: 973-977-4004
Fax: 973-279-5069

Somerset and Union Counties
DDD Upper Central Region
59 Main Street
West Orange, NJ 07052
Tel: 973-324-2000
Fax: 973-324-2022

Essex County
153 Halsey Street, 2nd Floor, PO Box 47013
Newark, NJ 07101
Tel: 973-693-5080
Fax: 973-648-3999

Mercer, Middlesex, and Hunterdon Counties
DDD Lower Central Region
32 Hanover St.
P.O. Box 706
Trenton, NJ 08625-0700
Tel: 609-292-4500
Fax: 609-292-4219

Ocean and Monmouth Counties
Juniper Plaza, Suite 1-J, 3499 Route 9 North.
Freehold, NJ 07728
Tel: 732-863-4500
Fax: 732-863-4406

Burlington and Camden and Gloucester Counties
DDD Southern Region
221 Laurel Rd, Suite 210
Voorhees, Nj 08043
Tel: 856-770-5900

Atlantic, Cape May, Cumberland and Salem Counties
5218 Atlantic Avenue, Suite 205
Mays Landing, NJ 08330
Tel: 609-561-5070
Fax: 609-561-1895


Division of Disability Services (DDS)
Office of Information and Assistance Services

"The first place to call for disability-related information."

DDS is a single point of entry for all individuals seeking disability-related information in New Jersey. DDS promotes and facilitates the maximum independence and participation of people with disabilities in community life through information and access to services and supports. DDS also fosters coordination and cooperation among government agencies.

Following is contact information for a Certified Information Specialist.
P.O. Box 700
Trenton, NJ 08625-0700
Tel: 888-285-3036 (toll free) or 609-292-7800
Fax: 609-292-1233
Website: www.state.nj.us/humanservices/dds

only thing that comes to mind:
http://www.jobcorps.gov/Home.aspx

job corps is a national program that provides education and training for ages 16-24. its free of charge and you live on site and are even provided a living allowance. you can get a ged with them and they do training for over 100 careers. you have to come in under certain income guildlines, but im sure 400 isnt over the top.

I was thinking Jobcorps too! Here is the New Jersey page.

http://edison.jobcorps.gov/Home.aspx

She can also apply for SSI. They supply a small income and medical insurance (medicare and public assistance). She would qualify for food stamps and if she could not find anywhere else to live (a small apartment or a group home) she could live in a sober living home. I know that they usually take drug addicts but if someone explains that she could be at risk they may let her stay there. They are a bit like a group home but not as restrictive. It does take a few months to get SSI and she would need documented proof of an existing condition that would impair her ability to work and or live on her own....Psychiatrist and or other doctors. It also takes several months but they help a lot more than people are aware of. They pay for school (college) and help with job training (they dont want you to stay on SSI forever).

I also think its wonderful that you are doing so much to help this girl and I hope that she is able to find her way in life.