NT and aspie parents on here

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Do you find it easier to raise an aspie child or an NT child or do you find it the same?

I think that it depends upon the child, NT or Aspie.

I have two [what would be considered] Aspie boys, ten years apart, and an [what would be considered] NT daughter. The FIRST aspie son was rather hard to raise, as he had some of the more difficult aspects of an aspie child COMBINED with some of the more difficult aspects of an NT child. Our NT girl was a piece of cake to raise -- easiest kid ever. Our youngest Aspie son has been easy to raise as he is just a pleasant child, but his needs are more than an NT child, and I constantly have to reassess my expectations for him. But he is an incredibly pleasant child, so dealing with his needs are not too hard -- so far.

It's not the same, but the difficulty is not tied strictly to whether or not a child is AS. There are NT children who can be very difficult to raise, and AS kids who can be relatively easy (and vice versa). There are lots of special needs besides ASD, and some of those can be far more challenging than AS. Also, at different ages, different issues are more challenging. There are things about a teenager with AS that make raising one far easier than raising an NT teenager - peer pressure to do really stupid things just isn't an issue for most AS kids! On the other hand, as a parent, one worries more about the ability of one's child to become a self-sufficient adult and to manage in college (if that's appropriate) or a job. There are issues that some NT's have that cause the same concerns, though, so "it depends" is the most accurate answer I could give.

It also depends a lot on the life style and parenting style of the family. If the family is very social, it could be more difficult to parent an AS child since the child may have difficulty "fitting in" to the life style the family wants to pursue. If the family is more of a home-body type, it's probably easier on everyone. If the parenting style is more child-centered, it will also be easier on an AS child than if the parenting style is more authoritative and there are expectations that children will just do whatever an adult says regardless of whether it makes sense to the child and whether anything is explained to the child. Also, an AS child would do better in a household with some structure, so if the family has no structure and things feel chaotic or unpredictable to an AS child, that would make things hard on an AS child.

It is really going to depend on the individuals.

My AS son was much more difficult as a baby, toddler and pre-schooler, but as a middle schooler he's pretty easy to figure out and deal with.

My NT (we think, its up for grabs at this point) was a dream baby, toddler and pre-schooler, but she has a fragile ego, a temper, and the social dynamics she faced starting in 3rd grade are ridiculous.

In elementary school, in many ways, boys are so much easier - they punch or act tough and an adult can confront them directly on it, which for us would solve it quick. But girls get subtle and play games and there is no simple way for me to step in and fix it. I'd rather deal with AS than that, so parenting an AS girl has got to be really, really tough.

I only have 1 AS little boy. He is a very loving boy and for the most part has been pretty easy. However, since I did not know what was going on with him in the beginning, it was very challenging for me to realize that my son was different than the other kids. He has lots of developmental delays, so I just worry about his future and how school is going to pan out for him. He does go through stages where he trys to tests his boundaries, but we just have to keep setting the rules and follow through. Once he gets it, he is ok. Now that I know what we are dealing with, I think it will be much easier. He does seem content to spend time alone, so sometimes I wish he had a sibling to play with, but I don't think I will be able to have anymore children because of my age. I do know that my sister has 2 NT kids, and they have more fits than my little boy ever has!! !!

Between my maybe-Aspie 3-year-old and my NT 4-year-old, I'd have to say the 3-year-old is way easier than his sister. Sis is always fretting over this relationship or that relationship at school or daycare, none of which I can fix. She hates to be alone (even doing solo activities in the same room -- she's like a human-contact junkie!), so there is a constant demand on my mental energy, which is just not there with my son as he likes to play trains all day and doesn't care if I'm there or not. My son's problems right now are things I can anticipate and remedy somewhat, or at least offer a compromise -- stuff like "I don't want this object in my room" or "I don't want to wear things that button or zip over my chest." Now, in a few years, when he realizes he's different and feels left out, he may be harder to parent, but right now I can generally predict what is going to cause a problem for him and often I can prevent meltdowns (like buying the exact same shoes in a size up and replacing the old ones overnight).